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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Does BPD get worse when untreated ?  (Read 1813 times)
Forestaken
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« Reply #30 on: June 10, 2014, 07:37:08 AM »

Learn their triggers.  My uBPD+dOCDxw hated single mothers.
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Fanie
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« Reply #31 on: June 10, 2014, 07:41:47 AM »



Please elaborate

are you saying that most  or important triggers must be removed

Give me more examples in your experience please
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OutOfEgypt
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« Reply #32 on: June 10, 2014, 10:48:53 AM »

I think one thing we need to consider is not "is it POSSIBLE that things could get better if things are left untreated" but "is it likely within the next few years?"  I mean really... . if your spouse treats you like crap, cheats on you, engages in abusive and destructive behavior, yes it is possible that when she is 75 years old she will calm down because her attention-seeking/manipulation devices won't work any more (i.e. she'll be OLD and not as attractive).  But can you, and do you want to, really wait through that?

That's the other question not being addressed, I believe.  These are not lab rats who may or may not recover from their "sickness" if left to the status quo or if we add or withhold certain stimuli.  They are people who, depending on the severity and nature of their issues, can do serious damage to those close to them.  So, can you really handle that?  Can you find a way to overcome the emotional strangehold and codependency when its right in your face 24/7?  I couldn't totally -not with my ex.  Can you find a way to "cope" with and handle all of that and handle your children and what they are going through while it is happening right in your own home, in front of your faces?  I couldn't, and I didn't want to.

With the level of enmeshment and abuse and waif-ing and blaming and lying and cheating, there was no way realistically that I could get well in that situation.  I was seeing my therapist, working through things, and then being subjected to a force that works in the OPPOSITE direction that was twice as strong, working against me, when I got home.  And my kids would have suffered more because of it.  This is a serious force to be reckoned with, and you just really have to take a serious and honest look at the way things are.  Only you can answer how deep the enmeshment is, how pervasive the lying and manipulation is, and how truly entrenched they are.  I mean... . there is a difference between a person who just is moody or does some childish things and a person who seeks to dominate and control you and the household through emotional abuse.  Only you can answer where on the spectrum that is.

I thought *I* was the trigger for a while.  I thought if I was removed from the situation, and the ways that I handled things, it would all change.  I did change... . a TON over 13 years... . but it didn't change the situation.  And now I see her basically reinacting the same pattern.  Now she has a new boyfriend that she is totally enthralled with, and my eldest daughter says he "steals mommy away".  More like the other way around!  But mommy won't really take responsibility for it.  She'll feel badly for a day or two and try to make changes if she hears her daughter complaining about her, but for reasons unknown to her she will still find herself back in the same addiction and situation.  If you know the person well enough, you kinda get a sense of how deep things are.
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« Reply #33 on: June 10, 2014, 12:20:04 PM »

So my next question is: HOW DO YOU PREVENT IT TO GET WORSE ?

First: Your partner will either get better, get worse, or stay the same. You don't have control over that. Never did, never will. You have some influence though. Your partner chooses his/her behavior, but their level of self-control varies.

So work on what you can control--your own behavior, beliefs, and understanding.

I'd recommend you spend some time looking at the Lessons for members who are staying in their relationships for much more detail on what you can do that will help yourself, your relationship, and your partner.

My short list, in the approximate order I'd tackle it:


  • Learn about this disorder--understanding the patterns helps you.


  • You are probably doing things that make your partner behave worse, by invalidating your partner. Learn what this is, and stop doing it.


  • Learn to enforce boundaries that protect you from abuse by your partner.


  • Learn about other beliefs and behaviors you can change to improve things


  • Learn to validate your partner's feelings.


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AimingforMastery
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« Reply #34 on: June 10, 2014, 03:31:50 PM »

How to prevent it getting worse?

Kittie makes all good points.

The only thing I will say is that saying "get therapy or I leave" can work. It did for me.

But having said that 6 months into that I have just expressed really solid concerns I have about communication and honesty.

I see change, positive change but it is slow and it will take your health if you are not very, very careful.
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OutOfEgypt
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« Reply #35 on: June 11, 2014, 10:47:36 AM »

A very useful message that really nails the reasons I was "stuck" in the relationship for so long... .

Lesson 2: Understanding Your Situation

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« Reply #36 on: June 11, 2014, 12:08:27 PM »

Please elaborate

are you saying that most  or important triggers must be removed

Give me more examples in your experience please

With kids comes activities and other children.  Often, those kids have single mothers.  I was not allowed to talk to those single mothers.  My Xw thought every single mother was out to steal me (or other married men) away.  It was her number one source of arguement ammo.

If a single mother was pleasant with me.  (I was / is a catch    ) I had to be cold and business like.  

I was a soccer coarch, I made sure I that I only communicated with them at practice.  If Johnny couldn't make practice, I requested that parents not call, since I wouldn't be able to get the information in time anyways.  In short, cutting communication.  Announcements went to the kids (via paper); Being a soccer ensure that I was with the kids not the parents (single moms).

In addition, I would never talk about Johnny or Johnny's mom to her.  If Xw asked about the team (fishing for a fight starter). it was "Johnny's mom" never "Sue".  If Johnny's mom called about Johnny (ignoring the nc rule) I would complain about Johnny.  Complaining about Johnny's mom was too obvious.  Once my Xw talked to Johnny's mom, I left - when asked why I left I answered.  "I'm the coach, not a soccer mom."  or  "I heard the same story from bobby's dad last season (making sure to pick a name of a kid I never coached)
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AimingforMastery
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« Reply #37 on: June 13, 2014, 01:12:11 AM »



I left her.

I wrote a letter deliberately intended not to invalidate but expressing a few very simple needs.

She ignored it and acted out again in exactly the same way 24 hours later.

She then threw us under a bus for the umpteenth time, expecting me to do the normal thing and woo her and carry on.

Instead I said Goodbye.

... . and so far, it feels really good.

#gotmylifeback
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OutOfEgypt
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« Reply #38 on: June 13, 2014, 01:18:42 AM »

Wow, AimingforMastery.  All I have to say is I'm sorry... . I'm sorry it came to that, but also that I know exactly how liberating it feels to finally say, 'No more' and, as you put it, take your life back.  Bittersweet, I'm sure.  Sorry, bro... . and congratulations.  Welcome to the long road out of Egypt, out of the house of bondage Smiling (click to insert in post)

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AimingforMastery
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« Reply #39 on: June 13, 2014, 02:32:02 AM »

thanks man, well at this stage I am not sorry at all.

Who knows, I may be, I may even get back with her  Smiling (click to insert in post) - but right now that seems nearly impossibly unlikely. Perhaos because there has been too much dishonesty?

You see this board helped me understand so much. And then with each passing month I learned new bad things, more lies, etc etc.

But one thing shifted it above all, and that was not too long ago I wrote her a letter and it allowed me to get really clear about why I was feeling ill, unhealthy and so upset with her.

Of course I then rewrote the letter so as not to invalidate and not say "YOU lied", but "I came to learn that I was (so) misled... . " - that in itself took a long time to rewrite to avoid any you blaming statements and put it all in the third person, but the effect on my psyche was still the same... .

As in what bad behaviour have I put up with? I mean WOW... . !

So I have a thought to share and that is I am not so sure it is a good idea not to invalidate. As in one sense it conditions us to take it? Of course not invalidating lets them off, but the flip side of the coin is you don't call a spade a spade and they keep getting away with it.

So the letter left me in a place of being very CLEAR about how much BS was going on and how much nonsense I was putting up with. It helped me, in other words, get my proper perspective back.

And so when shortly thereafter she went semi-ballistic again, 100% opposite to my requests in the letter and recycling us again, I was no longer coming just from a place of reacting to calm her down, but from a place of being very CLEAR that this was nonsense, pure and simple.

Yes I loved her, I cared enormously - but not to the extent of destroying myself and living with things that do not make sense. Chaos.

Hasta la vista baby

Now, I know I was destroying myself, but in a sense only because I would not call it out, or invalidate her - but always understand her - and that helped me stay conditioned not to call it the way it was. But as over time the behavior became more transparent it left me little choice. Mainly the lies.

The therapy may still work and perhaps we could get back together then - BUT ONLY when she is WELL... .

And now I have written that letter I know very clearly indeed what my criteria and boundaries would be for "WELL".

And now I have so much MORE TIME... .

I am no longer investing hours and hours just to keep an equilibrium or to mop up the chaos and drama. What the heck?

So I suggest a modification to not invalidating - if you are living with and you have to make it work, then of course, but if you are not living with your partner and you don't have to stay, then one could argue invalidate ( as long as it is based on the truth) all you like and see what happens. Can they take responsibility?   The 64 million dollar question. Say - you lied, or you manipulated... . - and see what happens.

It should become pretty clear then what you will likely be dealing with for the next 40 years  my baggage

Hmmn.

I still massively applaud her for doing the therapy and we may get back but only if and ONLY if she is healed enough to be able to consistently give me the critical things that I know I need to be in a healthy relationship - very shortly, not 3 years down the road.

And she did so many upsetting and hurtful things that it is probably much easier for me to walk away, that it would have been otherwise.

Which raises another point, often the advice is when they lie - just accept it as you'll never find out what the truth is. Again I call that one into real scrutiny; as the more you find out the more you will know and hence be able feel the right choice for you. Being misled as I was is a terrible thing t go through. #ruinous

Hope that helps some folks... .

It helps me and this is my 100th post!  Graduation time!   Thank you to you all... .
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« Reply #40 on: June 13, 2014, 09:08:39 AM »

Yup.  That was how it was for me.  I reached my breaking point.  I was tired of taking ALL the blame and then finding out she STILL cheats on me behind my back and lies.  I mean holy hell... . bad enough with the guy she has been cheating on me with, off and on, over the past number of years, but then to hear that she was fooling around with our son's 18 year old friend, too?  That was it.  At that point, I was still partly in a haze and feeling like I was a failure, too, but I reached the point where I felt like, "I don't care how allegedly 'bad' I am... . I am sick of living like this and being tortured.  It isn't worth it."

That was 6 months ago... . divorced a year and a half ago followed by a brief attempt at reconciliation that failed miserably... . and I have no regrets about it.  My problems with hanging onto her are more about resentment at this point.

Excerpt
As in what bad behaviour have I put up with? I mean WOW... . !

Yes... . yes, that.  Same here.  Sometimes, out of nowhere, a new memory will hit me, and I'll be dumbfounded all over again... . like holy Bullet: comment directed to __ (click to insert in post)#$... . I have put up things that nobody could even make up.

Yes, the amount of deception was truly destructive.  I didn't know what to believe.  My gut said one thing, she said another, and then I was picked on for how my obvious anger welled up no matter how badly I tried to restrain it.  I felt crazy.

Godspeed.  Whether this prompts some change or not, I applaud you taking important steps for your own sanity.  Nobody's gonna do it for us. 

You know her better than any of us, but my one warning for you given my experience with my ex is... . if she is suddenly promising therapy and everything under the sun, then great... . but don't let her drive the relationship ever again.  After my divorce, my ex saw that I started dating someone and it knocked her for a loop.  Suddenly, she starts going to therapy and talking to me about reconciliation.  Well, it was just another recycle.  Within a few months she didn't even believe she needed therapy and didn't know why she was going.  Yet, she would tell me that the T would say to her that he didn't know if I would ever "get better" (ie.  "see... . the problem is YOU, not me... . the T even agrees".  But she did the same thing... . swept me off my feet, tons of "closeness" and sex, and despite my better sense to lay down some serious parameters and ground-rules overseeing our possible reconciliation, I let her move back in very quickly... . and then it all fell apart once she knew I was "sold" back to her.  But I let her take over, sadly, because the thought of having her again became too important, and in my gut I knew that laying down parameters and keeping her separate until she worked through things would not really work.  I knew she would not be able to commit to that.  No sex?  Really?  Impossible for her.  Commitment to something long-term?  Good luck with that one.  Again, impossible, and I knew it.  So, I sold myself out for the chance.  I regret it in some ways, but in other ways it helped give me a clear picture of her.  It confirmed so much.  I actually *felt* the switch in phase in her.  I felt it.  I pointed it out, and she denied it, but I definitely felt it.

Anyway, good for you in taking your life back.  Keep it up, man.
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AimingforMastery
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« Reply #41 on: June 13, 2014, 02:39:45 PM »

Yes, I feel for you man. Jeez.

Mine is so much simpler, never lived together more than a few weeks, no marriage, no kids... . and I am pretty sure she has been faithful, but the other incredibly stressful issues are all there - and that is enough: lies, not taking responsibility, meanness/low grade abuse/blaming and breaking up every few weeks (or sometimes days) over things that literally never happened... . , that's the real kicker, the extreme reactions to things that you either never intended, never meant, never said or never did.

... . and the impulsivity - I want to marry you, 24 hours later then next few months of her life is planned without me.

#crazymaking

Now if she gets well, fine - I'd look at it, but as you said it would have to be with clear parameters and boundaries.

And what chance of her getting well? She is doing the therapy, so you never know... .

Meantime, do my best to get back on with my life and women who I can trust... .
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AimingforMastery
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« Reply #42 on: June 19, 2014, 12:30:32 AM »

Well gang, I got suckered one more time... .

I wished her well and she kept calling and calling. And calling.

So we talked and she said all her ex's are out of her life now. In any event there was no infidelity.

But for me the killer was never taking responsibility and changing things around so much, the instability. But maybe, just maybe the intensive psychotherapy is working... .

As we had this huge row and... . she didn't get off the phone or hang up or anything! She argued sure, but basically she accepted responsibility. (well, some a lot more than ever before) It was astonishing. By BPD standards this is huge.

But then she dropped a big one... . because she is in very difficult situation (no place to go) she was moving back in to an ex's apartment as a house sit for a short period while he is away. But given the lies about all of this sort of thing before, I stood my ground.

Risky, huh... ? But from my posts before you can see I've had enough of stuffing it.

So I said I will not control what you do, but I cant be in R/s with any ex's in the picture. So tonight she either moves back in there or finds somewhere else. I gave her lots of other options too. I an receiving no contact from her  Smiling (click to insert in post) so hopefully a night off... .

I feel calm. I honoured myself - I expressed very clearly how I feel and how often do we do that with a BPD?

If she is truly getting well I believe she will find a way to honour my feelings, if not then well we know what to do... .

Either way is a win (easy to say, harder to feel) as I only want a R/s with someone healthy or who is getting healthy and sufficiently healthy that they can honour my feelings in big decisions, particularly around trust.

So it makes me wonder again if our desire to not invalidate is always so good. For here I have said clearly how I feel and firstly she came back around to get me back, and now may even be honouring my feelings in a very difficult situation for her.

As always I welcome your advice and thoughts.

I think the break through we all look to make in our selves is when we realize we'd rather be alone than deal with the BS any more. Then you do have control, or at least much more than before.
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« Reply #43 on: June 19, 2014, 11:05:21 PM »

it sounds like she is needing a life jacket as her boat is sinking and all other guys have left. You are the only one that still hangs around.

This reminds me of my xBPDgf who had had many bfs before me. Guess what , she never terminated her contacts with them. I think she liked to keep them hanging around so as to make her feel powerful over all these Nons. As the prevailing r.s. was going south, she reverted to the xs to fill that VOID. (DOes this sound like the fear of abandonment?).

Our attachment is the source of many our sufferings, my friend. I once visited a client who hoarded stuffs and I cannot even walk through her basement to take a look at the electrical box as the basement was filled with boxes. These boxes contained vhs, 8 tracks, old newspapers from her deceased uncles, ants, cousins. It is a serious fire hazard. I knew that the xBPDgf was bad for me and my children but the attachment kept me around for another 4 months. I had to fight my attachment hard but once I overcame the attachment I became a much stronger person.

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AimingforMastery
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« Reply #44 on: June 19, 2014, 11:22:39 PM »

it sounds like she is needing a life jacket as her boat is sinking and all other guys have left. You are the only one that still hangs around.

This reminds me of my xBPDgf who had had many bfs before me. Guess what , she never terminated her contacts with them. I think she liked to keep them hanging around so as to make her feel powerful over all these Nons. As the prevailing r.s. was going south, she reverted to the xs to fill that VOID. (DOes this sound like the fear of abandonment?).

Our attachment is the source of many our sufferings, my friend. I once visited a client who hoarded stuffs and I cannot even walk through her basement to take a look at the electrical box as the basement was filled with boxes. These boxes contained vhs, 8 tracks, old newspapers from her deceased uncles, ants, cousins. It is a serious fire hazard. I knew that the xBPDgf was bad for me and my children but the attachment kept me around for another 4 months. I had to fight my attachment hard but once I overcame the attachment I became a much stronger person.

Well said. She moved back in there and now she is mad at me that I will not talk to her... .

Detaching...
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« Reply #45 on: June 20, 2014, 12:42:46 AM »

Well said. She moved back in there and now she is mad at me that I will not talk to her... .

Detaching...

 Sorry to hear it turned out this way.

Good to hear you sound like you know your limits.
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« Reply #46 on: June 20, 2014, 01:28:48 AM »

Well said. She moved back in there and now she is mad at me that I will not talk to her... .

Detaching...

 Sorry to hear it turned out this way.

Good to hear you sound like you know your limits.

Thanks Kitty. the guy is away so its not soo bad, but when I hear her ranting messages it makes it more clear to me that she has BPD as she gets mad at me for wanting some space.
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« Reply #47 on: June 20, 2014, 05:29:14 AM »

I know hoe you feel by being hit by trucks from time to time

Have 10 years of truck damage done to me

However, I fell quite ok (psychologically)

and don't ask me why?

I am 56 now, my wife is much younger, we have 2 toddlers

I started gym at home, bought some weights, and pumping muscle now  I bought the stuff to start a tattoo sideline  , I am going

to pick up where I stopped in my hypnosis training  Smiling (click to insert in post), I am going to church and have to

do more there for my fellow Christian brothers and sisters, I am enjoying my kiddoos, cant wait for the boy to start primary next year.

I have no idea what shes thinking, in fact, I don't care, but she is "amazed" in a way

cant and don't ask whats up with me ... .

Take your life back brother

Believe

Do good

God will provide

I am very very heartsore - BUT, im not going to show my feelings to her

It works for me  (so far)

She is improving ... .

im am doing
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« Reply #48 on: June 20, 2014, 05:30:04 AM »

Soory !

Always be kind - Trust me
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« Reply #49 on: June 25, 2014, 07:55:39 PM »



Well, she keeps not giving up... .

I have set clear boundaries in a letter and am living it with her. and now she is willing to change significant choices, but how much of it comes from what I have said that from what others around her say.

It's like she hears it now, but only because other say it.

The central issue I think for any of us is this:-

Can our current/ ex BPD partner actually hear and respect our feelings and place those feelings front and center in her or his decision making as a normal couple would... . ?

Would you all not agree that is the most fundamental thing to determining whether you should stay or leave?

If they can't get to the place of "I could just never do that because it would hurt... . so and so... . " - then no way.

Empathy or leave them?

Honesty or leave them?

True or False litmus test?

Is there anything more fundamental than these two in that order?

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« Reply #50 on: June 26, 2014, 12:24:00 AM »

For me, I was considering I might have to leave... . in my case, it went like this:

I will always love my wife, no matter what. I want to make things work with us.

If I feel that staying together will result in me losing myself, I'm not willing to do that.

That was my absolute limit that would send me away. Perhaps the threshold to stay could be higher.

I will say that the nature of the beast is that a pwBPD has very little empathy for you. I'd recommend you look elsewhere for that in the short term, at least.
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« Reply #51 on: June 26, 2014, 01:38:40 AM »



Wise words Kitty... .

As you are married, I can understand the "not losing yourself" threshold.

For me, yes - you are right - not much empathy, at least while they still have BPD. But that seems to me to be the central thing one must have in order to have a healthy normal relationship... .

Would you all not agree?

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« Reply #52 on: June 26, 2014, 02:05:37 AM »

not much empathy, at least while they still have BPD. But that seems to me to be the central thing one must have in order to have a healthy normal relationship... .


Maybe the problem is too many partners are aiming for a "normal" relationship, rather than a happy relationship. It need not be "normal". Addressing the destructive element of BPD and its affect on us, rather than aiming for the too high a benchmark of eliminating it altogether is a better goal. Trying for a perfect ending can add too much stress and in fact fuel the conflict.

If the empathy is superficial, as long as you know it, you can learn to not seek it. As GK says if you need it find it elsewhere.Having low empathy is a disability not the definition of evil.

If your partner appears to live in a parallel universe, thats ok as long as you have learnt to prevent a hostile invasion of yours.

It is a disorder, elimination of all traces of the disorder is not essential to have a fruitful RS. It is how it affects you and your ability to interact that counts.

You have to learn these things while in the RS, trying to come to terms with them afterwards is near impossible. So the resentment is hard to get past, as afterwards all you have is untested theories, what ifs, and a desire to blame someone.

This is one of the reasons the shock waves of a failed RS, or family situation, is hard to cope with for years afterwards if you didn't get a handle on it from within.
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« Reply #53 on: June 28, 2014, 02:43:51 PM »

not much empathy, at least while they still have BPD. But that seems to me to be the central thing one must have in order to have a healthy normal relationship... .


Maybe the problem is too many partners are aiming for a "normal" relationship, rather than a happy relationship. It need not be "normal". Addressing the destructive element of BPD and its affect on us, rather than aiming for the too high a benchmark of eliminating it altogether is a better goal. Trying for a perfect ending can add too much stress and in fact fuel the conflict.

If the empathy is superficial, as long as you know it, you can learn to not seek it. As GK says if you need it find it elsewhere.Having low empathy is a disability not the definition of evil.

If your partner appears to live in a parallel universe, thats ok as long as you have learnt to prevent a hostile invasion of yours.

It is a disorder, elimination of all traces of the disorder is not essential to have a fruitful RS. It is how it affects you and your ability to interact that counts.

You have to learn these things while in the RS, trying to come to terms with them afterwards is near impossible. So the resentment is hard to get past, as afterwards all you have is untested theories, what ifs, and a desire to blame someone.

This is one of the reasons the shock waves of a failed RS, or family situation, is hard to cope with for years afterwards if you didn't get a handle on it from within.

That may be true; but absence of empathy or consideration for your feelings is toxic. Period.

I have gone non contact.
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AimingforMastery
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 139


« Reply #54 on: June 28, 2014, 03:51:10 PM »

There is one more thing, when you see the pattern of behavior escalating I believe YOU MUST LEAVE.

Chances are the whole escalation has nothing to do with you anyway, it's unconscious wounds being regurgitated.

Of course, it will be directed at you as the whole thing is that it comes out at the people she or he is closest to. It is re-enacting. Plain and simple. I personally think it is re-enacting the anger from the original (often sexual) abuse that is so common place as the underlying cause(s).

But even though it is directed at you it has nothing to do with you... .

However it is impossible to feel that if you are sleeping with them or living with them - as you are deeply attached and with that always comes normal expectations of what love means - empathy, consideration, respect and basically put - caring... .

but of course if someone is living from, and coming from a place of deep, deep hostility (to original shadows and wounds) the blame, torturing, attacks and abuse will be (unconsciously) directed at you. Even if they have nothing to do with you.

Sometimes you just have to say enough is enough and LEAVE THEM

And worst of all, it may carry on for years without them realizing it. That is because borderlines rarely get better... .

It isn't your crap after all anyway... .
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AimingforMastery
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Posts: 139


« Reply #55 on: July 03, 2014, 04:00:09 PM »



So just to update you all... .

No more recycling, no more anything.

I wrote her and told her no contact. I told her I will not reply to correspondence.

I AM FINALLY FREE... .

#LIFEBACK
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burntout

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 13


« Reply #56 on: June 27, 2017, 01:16:19 PM »

I know this is an old topic, but I feel that I need to put my two cents in.

My ex-wife was diagnosed with BPD in 2011. She always had anger issues with bouts of great verbal cruelty, but into her 30s it worsened until her eventual diagnosis, which, although explained everything for me, was too late to save our marriage. Without detailing the blood-chilling laundry list of reprehensible treatment of myself and her family, I will say a few things:

She embraced her diagnosis initially, until she saw it as "unsexy", and even shameful. She now denies it completely, refuses treatment and attacks anyone who implies it.

No one in her family speaks to her. She ruined two marriages by the time she was 35. She lost custody of 2 of her 3 children (two are mine). She can't hold a job or be any less than an hour late for anything. Our daughter, who she drives to school, has had over 50 "tardies" this school year.

She diagnoses everyone, fails to look at herself objectively, picks her face apart, and I once even walked in on her with a tweezers in her vagina and blood on her fingers.

She has had multiple sexual affairs, but in her advancing age, self-abuse and chronic smoking, now is not the cute young thing she once was, and curtails any love interest.

At this point our communication is minimal, only regarding our daughter, whom she uses as leverage against me with constant threats. She operates totally out of spite now, moving forward like a shark who will die if it stops.

While these things used to break my heart, I am completely indifferent to her now, burnt out, as my user name implies. Though my not caring is freeing, I worry by the minute about how this will affect my childrens' mental well-being in the future.

If the question is, does untreated BPD get better? From my viewpoint of 18 years, it gets worse.

My heart goes out to the people afflicted, but more so to the folks who care about them.
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