Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 10:37:46 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Haunted again  (Read 350 times)
TheBPDSurvivor

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 43


« on: July 28, 2014, 05:37:36 AM »

Its been almost a year since my exuBPDgf broke up with me. Our relationship started in this very day last year(July 28th 2013) which lasted until August 19th(her birthday) After a lot of chasing by me and silent treatment from her, our relationship came to an end on Sep 10th 2013. I maintained NC till today but she called me on May 19th this year but I told her that I don't know her and hunged up the call. Her mom really liked me and invited me for lunch and treated me great during the relationship but she too kept silent after the breakup but she didn't know about our relationship but thought we were just friends. Today, her mom met my mom in shopping market and enquired about me. Also, she wanted to talk a lot to my mom but my mom came home because she has to prepare lunch for my dad. My mom said all this to me just now. Her mom also told that the exupdgf is in her home in our town(She studies in a collage located 15hrs from our town). I've this strange sadistic feeling inside my heart/mind/guts for the last 4 nights and I can't able to concentrate on my work. I think its her thinking about me on those days or using something like remote seduction. It really scares the hell out of me to think that she'll come to my home any soon and wants me back. I already started feeling depressed after my mom said that she's in home. I dont want to see her again in my life. She's a lifesucker.

Any thoughts on how to feel good and get rid of her haunted thoughts?
Logged
antjs
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 485



« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2014, 05:53:04 AM »

All your feelings are important. You should sort out, acknowledge and address your feelings. We have been addicted to suppress our feelings and run away to get a "mood enhancer". Its instant. It supplies relief but its all temporary. If you feel scared of the contact. Hold the feeling without judgment. Hold it but do not embrace it. It will pass by. Feelings pass by. They do not define us. After that feeling is processed have the curiosity why did i feel so ? Get a pen and a paper and write down the reasons why in million years you would not get back to her ?. Also try to understand why this specific ex still gives you this feeling ? What if other ex of yours try to conatct you ? Would u have the same feeling ? Probably not why? Because there is trauma bond that is still there. Try to inspect the remnants of this bond and break it down.
Logged
christoff522
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 397


« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2014, 09:29:54 AM »

Its been almost a year since my exuBPDgf broke up with me. Our relationship started in this very day last year(July 28th 2013) which lasted until August 19th(her birthday) After a lot of chasing by me and silent treatment from her, our relationship came to an end on Sep 10th 2013. I maintained NC till today but she called me on May 19th this year but I told her that I don't know her and hunged up the call. Her mom really liked me and invited me for lunch and treated me great during the relationship but she too kept silent after the breakup but she didn't know about our relationship but thought we were just friends. Today, her mom met my mom in shopping market and enquired about me. Also, she wanted to talk a lot to my mom but my mom came home because she has to prepare lunch for my dad. My mom said all this to me just now. Her mom also told that the exupdgf is in her home in our town(She studies in a collage located 15hrs from our town). I've this strange sadistic feeling inside my heart/mind/guts for the last 4 nights and I can't able to concentrate on my work. I think its her thinking about me on those days or using something like remote seduction. It really scares the hell out of me to think that she'll come to my home any soon and wants me back. I already started feeling depressed after my mom said that she's in home. I dont want to see her again in my life. She's a lifesucker.

Any thoughts on how to feel good and get rid of her haunted thoughts?

What you are basically dealing with is internal conflict. Its not her that you're concerned about but yourself. Internally you don't want her back, but you're afraid you will take her back if she comes around. You're not taking responsibility for yourself and your actions - and sir I completely understand. They pick lonely, depressed people who want to do good, and who try their best to be positive. They also tend to go for those with low self-esteem.

You've spent a good while away, and now all of its come back. You've had a long time to ruminate and fantasise and increase and decrease what happened in your mind. All of this has set you up, your thinking has set you up for irrationality. Remember that its HER MOTHER than spoke to YOUR MOTHER. This was a chance meeting. Now yeah it's probable that her mother mentioned you to her. But you've not spoken for months. Chances are she's moved on, and is with someone else. With BPDs if they finish it - it's over. There may be limited contact for nothing more than to resolve their feelings of guilt... but once it's over - if YOU stay away from THEM, you'll be fine and they won't contact you unless they're immensely desperate.

May, June, July... 3 months for you is more like 9 months for them. She will have had lots of contact with other guys. Many YOUs, in that time. Plus you may as well not even concern yourself with May 19. She probably can't even remember it.

Just putting some perspective here, you're expecting contact due to your own ego. When I broke NC I expected something very different than what I got. Trust me when I say, she's not coming after you. If you had of finished her things may be different but when she dumps you... its over mate. She'll have done her grieving, done her mourning BEFORE you two finished. What do you think the Silent Treatment was? It was her emotionally divorcing herself from you.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!