How and when in the relationship were you split black?

[Depression = 72% of members]

For me, it was about 9 months in, while I was gone on a 5 week trip. It didn't happen all at once-- it kind of took hold in sputters, but then it seemed to get locked in place. What was your experience?

[kc sunshine]

For me, it was about 9 months in, while I was gone on a 5 week trip. It didn't happen all at once-- it kind of took hold in sputters, but then it seemed to get locked in place. What was your experience?

[elessar]

4 months into the relationship in college, after going yes/no for over a year, when she left because her mom asked her to. came 4 years later, and split me black 6 months later after she went to Saudi Arabia on Hajj and came back not wanting to be with a polytheist. After that kept recycling and splitting every few months till the latest one last month when she had a marriage proposal her parents wanted her to accept, realized her daddy wouldn't approve of me, so accused me of being not wealthy or educated enough and that was it (and accepted that marriage proposal).

[2014]

Around 4/5 months into the rs.

Most of his rs needed within 6/7 months.

[2014]

correction: needed = ended

[Blimblam]

At about 7 months in. With about a month or so of wierd behavior before that.

[camuse]

First time about 3 months in. Came out of nowhere. Then about 6 weeks later, then the time between each one roughly halved until it became a permanent splitting.

[MommaBear]

Within weeks of finding a replacement.

[Loveofhislife]

Wondering if my experience is out of the ordinary or maybe I'm misinterpreting silent treatment (detached protector) to mean I'm split black: it sure feels that way. Like all r/s with pwBPD, it has been tumultuous from the beginning--brief idolization to months as the abandoned child to months as the angry child/punitive parent to what I'm now told is the detached protector who I first saw with silent treatment at 9 mos when we had a major argument about his owing me a large amount of money. He said, "But if I pay you back, you won't need me anymore." To which I exclaimed, "NEED YOU? I don't need you for your money; I want you; I choose you!" Somehow Tia triggered him at that 9 month mark when I got my first taste of one week of silent treatment. The following 3 months were "adjusted" because the abandoned child who "needed" me now had a very good paying job. When he got into a financial bind (which he always does) the abandoned child would show back up. Two weeks before my current one month of silent treatment, around the one year mark, he told me that he needed to go "dark" that he needed to be Darkman. I intuited this to mean he was going to begin making unilateral decisions in his own perceived self interest--especially financially. For the next two weeks, I felt his cooling and distancing. He oddly asked for his house keys back--his son needed them? Then he embarked on finishing unfinished business: completing projects at my house, returning random property like a handheld vacuum cleaner: all very out of the ordinary. I should have seen it coming. He knew an August 1 payment deadline (a large one) was coming up. When I asked him when I would receive my payment (which he had more than enough to repay); he raged at me, and he has not called me since. I've had a few necessity texts, lots of promises to call, but silent treatment since August 1. Have I been split black?

[Popcorn71]

Within weeks of finding a replacement.

Same here.  Even after he left for the replacment, apparently he was still going around singing my praises to 'friends'.  He put all the blame on my son and I still don't know if I am painted black, a year later.

[Popcorn71]

"NEED YOU? I don't need you for your money; I want you; I choose you!"

I used to tell my xBPDh this.  He didn't seem to like it.  I was trying to explain that I was with him for who he was not what he could give me.  He seemed to want it to be the other way around, although he moaned about his ex wife who had spent all his money.

It looks like there is no pleasing them!