Is she actually happy now?

[Algae]

I'm just super stressed at the moment and I need to vent or something.

Basically, I was dumped from a 4 yr relationship so that my exBPDgf could hop into a relationship with someone shes only known for 9 days.  NINE DAYS.  We're in our early 20's

Now it's been a month since that happened so theyre still together... .and for a month I have remained N/C only because she immediatly blocked me from everything one morning without even breaking up with me.  

All I see on her instagram and Facebook wall now are pictures of him and her and her smiling like hell, and what the HECK?  Is she really happy?  HOW could she possibly be happy when she has NOTHING in common with this guy and she has to mirror him in everyway just so he likes her.

He seems to be super clingy to her as well so I don't see him getting tired of her anytime soon either.  WHAT THE HECK.  Please though, I would prefer is nobody responded with, "Be glad your replacement got her away from you!  Go live your life!"  Because that answer isn't going to make me feel any better right now :l.  #stress.

I just wanna know whats going on in her messed up little head -.-.  If this is some sort of a joke, rebound, or if this is serious... because no sane human on earth can go from being so obsessed to where they cry when they see me to waking up and just saying they hate me.

[myself]

If you have pictures from the early days of the idealization you shared with her, you may see your faces looking exactly the same. Yours would be real, opening like a flower. Hers would be a mask, covering her actual self. She'd be mirroring you, as you say she appears to be with him. That's a happiness that isn't very deep, doesn't last long, and comes about from grasping at something more than occurring naturally. Some pressure relieved, for now.

[fred6]

I just posted this in another thread. It sums up how I feel about what you are dealing with:

I do take solace in the fact that she will devalue and split from the new guy in time. The odds can't be good for rebound relationships that develop out of cheating on someone. Add in a cup of BPD and a pinch of depression and anxiety. Now you have a recipe for a train wreck... .

So, yes she is happy for the time being. At least as happy as a person like this can be. But that happiness comes with a high price. It's the price of being a mentally tortured black hole of emotions, someone who will never know or feel true love. Someone who will never have any stability in her life or relationships and will bounce from guy to guy for the rest of her natural life. I would hate to know that I had to live like that.

[Algae]

I just posted this in another thread. It sums up how I feel about what you are dealing with:

I do take solace in the fact that she will devalue and split from the new guy in time. The odds can't be good for rebound relationships that develop out of cheating on someone. Add in a cup of BPD and a pinch of depression and anxiety. Now you have a recipe for a train wreck... .

So, yes she is happy for the time being. At least as happy as a person like this can be. But that happiness comes with a high price. It's the price of being a mentally tortured black hole of emotions, someone who will never know or feel true love. Someone who will never have any stability in her life or relationships and will bounce from guy to guy for the rest of her natural life. I would hate to know that I had to live like that.

Hmmm ok i suppose.  But, you mention the odds cant be good for a rebound relationship.

But i don't really see this as a rebound relationship.  Wouldnt a rebound relationship involve her leaving me, and hiding the pain by getting with someone else?  That's the complete opposite of what she did.

She basically cheated on me (for the 6th time), and hooked up with someone else while still being with me, and dumping me to the curb just to be with a random guy she met.

[drummerboy]

Mine went underground after we split up, even put a post on FB that she is "signing off for a while" 6 months later, a mutual friend told me that she put a post on FB saying that she has gotten over the heartbreak (of our relationship) and how she is loving life, loving her work, loving EVERYTHING, "Watch out world happy $%^& is back" Is she really happy now? I think in her mind she is. I'm expecting her to start posting about a new love very soon (I don't look at her page but it will get relayed back to me via mutual friends)

Interestingly, I talked to a neighbour who is a shrink yesterday. She said that my ex may be bi-polar with a few BPD traits. If so, the "up" cycle will last for approx 6 months and then she'll hit the depressive part of the cycle. It seems like her ups and downs last about 6 months each. If she is bi-polar they are indeed happy in their manic stage, ridiculously happy but the depressive stage always arrives eventually.

[Ivaros]

She will be happy for a very short period of time.

She'll probably think he's the greatest of them all. But that will last around 2-3 months ( on average ).

After that. He will be painted black and he's evil, bad, and treated her bad.

[Algae]

She will be happy for a very short period of time.

She'll probably think he's the greatest of them all. But that will last around 2-3 months ( on average ).

After that. He will be painted black and he's evil, bad, and treated her bad.

I'm not trying to be a pessimist... and in fact I'm usually quite the opposite of one.  But I honestly don't see what this guy could do to her to make her mad.  He's innocent but in a creepy way.  All Jesus loving nd Church obsessed and talks about nothing but Disney.

I see no way of him being painted black.

[tim_tom]

I'm not trying to be a pessimist... and in fact I'm usually quite the opposite of one.  But I honestly don't see what this guy could do to her to make her mad.  He's innocent but in a creepy way.  All Jesus loving nd Church obsessed and talks about nothing but Disney.

I see no way of him being painted black.

he'll be too boring , or not man enough or he won't make enough money or not meet her needs in bed or her attention needs...

she'll find something, cause she's searching for perfection

[drummerboy]

I agree with this BUT, the guy before me was pretty boring. A real "needs to be needed" kind of guy with chronic low self esteem issues. My ex was convinced he would never leave her. She left him in a heartbeat for me and he is still hanging around. You are correct, no one could ever measure up to their ideal of the perfect person because they create that perfect person in their head, that person does not exist. But a people pleaser can take care of their basic needs until they need a bit more excitement in their lives.

I'm not trying to be a pessimist... and in fact I'm usually quite the opposite of one.  But I honestly don't see what this guy could do to her to make her mad.  He's innocent but in a creepy way.  All Jesus loving nd Church obsessed and talks about nothing but Disney.

I see no way of him being painted black.

he'll be too boring , or not man enough or he won't make enough money or not meet her needs in bed or her attention needs...

she'll find something, cause she's searching for perfection

[fred6]

I just posted this in another thread. It sums up how I feel about what you are dealing with:

I do take solace in the fact that she will devalue and split from the new guy in time. The odds can't be good for rebound relationships that develop out of cheating on someone. Add in a cup of BPD and a pinch of depression and anxiety. Now you have a recipe for a train wreck... .

So, yes she is happy for the time being. At least as happy as a person like this can be. But that happiness comes with a high price. It's the price of being a mentally tortured black hole of emotions, someone who will never know or feel true love. Someone who will never have any stability in her life or relationships and will bounce from guy to guy for the rest of her natural life. I would hate to know that I had to live like that.

Hmmm ok i suppose.  But, you mention the odds cant be good for a rebound relationship.

But i don't really see this as a rebound relationship.  Wouldnt a rebound relationship involve her leaving me, and hiding the pain by getting with someone else?  That's the complete opposite of what she did.

She basically cheated on me (for the 6th time), and hooked up with someone else while still being with me, and dumping me to the curb just to be with a random guy she met.

Actually, mine did about the same to me. She cheated on me, lied to me about it for a month, broke up with me, told me to find a new home, and "flipped the switch" acting like I didn't exist, was worthless, and a mistake for 2 months while I found a place to live.

I know that she gave up on the relationship before we broke up. Therefore, I do see it as a rebound relationship. In a BPDs mind, they know that they are going to split before we do. They have already left the relationship. Some come back to recycle and some don't. Either way, the person that they are currently with is on borrowed time. To the BPD, all they know is that, "everyone always leaves me" or "my relationships always end". It's always someone else's fault, they don't see the hurt and pain that they cause to others.

It bothers me greatly that my exgf is probably about to let new supply climb on top of her for the night. If she is happy with him, good for her. Most of her prior victims don't know about what's wrong with her. But I know the same thing that my exBPD knows, that sooner or later, her current relationship is going to end badly. And knowing her history, probably sooner rather than later.

[fred6]

I'm not trying to be a pessimist... and in fact I'm usually quite the opposite of one.  But I honestly don't see what this guy could do to her to make her mad.  He's innocent but in a creepy way.  All Jesus loving nd Church obsessed and talks about nothing but Disney.

I see no way of him being painted black.

When you were in the idealization phase, could you have ever seen yourself being painted black? You have to remember, if she is actually a BPD, this is a cycle that they go through. They are happy for a while and then they discard people like garbage and replace them with future garbage.

But a people pleaser can take care of their basic needs until they need a bit more excitement in their lives.

I was the people pleaser that took care of her needs. After 3 years together, I wasn't exciting enough for her. During a break up talk I told her,  "I'm the same person that you fell in love with, I haven't changed". She replied to me, "You're right you haven't changed, I've changed". In life most people don't really change. BPDs change drastically though depending on who they're dealing with. That's why they are referred to as chameleons.

[blissful_camper]

Remember that what they create is fantasy-based.  While in fantasy, it's a happy-high.  It's impossible to sustain that, as we know.  Once there's a trigger, the cycle begins.  It gets "real" and the fantasy is shattered for good. Trauma bonding begins. Push, pull, breakup, makeup, drama, blah, blah, and more blah. Till it explodes.  

They can't sustain healthy happy relationships. Each one is a ticking time bomb.

[drummerboy]

Bliss, your post should be in the dictionary next to the word BPD, what you wrote is EXACTLY how it is!

Remember that what they create is fantasy-based.  While in fantasy, it's a happy-high.  It's impossible to sustain that, as we know.  Once there's a trigger, the cycle begins.  It gets "real" and the fantasy is shattered for good. Trauma bonding begins. Push, pull, breakup, makeup, drama, blah, blah, and more blah. Till it explodes.  

They can't sustain healthy happy relationships. Each one is a ticking time bomb.

[Algae]

Remember that what they create is fantasy-based.  While in fantasy, it's a happy-high.  It's impossible to sustain that, as we know.  Once there's a trigger, the cycle begins.  It gets "real" and the fantasy is shattered for good. Trauma bonding begins. Push, pull, breakup, makeup, drama, blah, blah, and more blah. Till it explodes.  

They can't sustain healthy happy relationships. Each one is a ticking time bomb.

Well what makes them say 'oh ___ this is real"

[BlackandBlue]

Ever since I found out that my exBPDgf had a new boyfriend I wonder the same thing all the time. I didnt even want to know if she has a new boyfriend but I found out by accident from someone I work with ( I work with my ex unfortunately ). As far as I know my ex doesn't use any social media and I havent searched for her. I know that would cause me more pain if I saw my replacement. But it drives me nuts because I wonder if she is happy, and honestly I dont want her to be. I want her to be miserable for what she did to me. I know that may sound messed up but I cant help it right now. Another girl I work with who is friends with my ex told me she had plans to go to an amusement park with her today but had to back out because she didnt have the money to go. She thinks my ex is mad cause she wont text her back. I guess she has been painted black by her... .seems childish if you ask me.

[hurting300]

Buddy listen closely::: she didn't tell you she was breaking up with you so she could leave a door open to come back. No she don't like him better, trust me on that ok. She is playing both of you ok trust me on that too. If and when she texts you, you call her and you tell her what you think of her and don't sugar coat it. Now you dry those tears up and laugh at the poor lonely ass that took your place for now.

[blissful_camper]

Remember that what they create is fantasy-based.  While in fantasy, it's a happy-high.  It's impossible to sustain that, as we know.  Once there's a trigger, the cycle begins.  It gets "real" and the fantasy is shattered for good. Trauma bonding begins. Push, pull, breakup, makeup, drama, blah, blah, and more blah. Till it explodes.  

They can't sustain healthy happy relationships. Each one is a ticking time bomb.

Well what makes them say 'oh ___ this is real"

I think that depends on the person, and what triggers them most. For some maybe it's cumulative. For others, maybe it's an event.

My ex's worst trigger:

Emotional intimacy = uh-oh, this is real

[Algae]

Buddy listen closely::: she didn't tell you she was breaking up with you so she could leave a door open to come back. No she don't like him better, trust me on that ok. She is playing both of you ok trust me on that too. If and when she texts you, you call her and you tell her what you think of her and don't sugar coat it. Now you dry those tears up and laugh at the poor lonely ass that took your place for now.

Wow well this honestly made me feel good .

And yes, deep down I DO want to chew her out.  I want to say that if she wants to apologize... to meet me in person.  From there I'd love to spit in her face and say every fked up thing she's ever done and watch her cry and cry... and cry.  I know I can't spit in her face (respect for girls).  But I'm just venting right now.

I am scared however that If I do tell her off... she'll paint me black, and think I'm the bad guy and that she did nothing wrong. 

[hurting300]

Ok first off bad guy? Lmao! Dude are joking? She dumped you with silent treatment then hooked up with a random guy, she is bad not you! Screw her man. The only way you fight hate is with more hate! She purposely did this to you. She will never ever make you happy. Do you want to be an Alfa male? You tell her what you think man. At the end of the day she'll have nothing but respect.

[hurting300]

And you respect a WOMAN. Not a little girl with no respect for others.

[Algae]

Ok first off bad guy? Lmao! Dude are joking? She dumped you with silent treatment then hooked up with a random guy, she is bad not you! Screw her man. The only way you fight hate is with more hate! She purposely did this to you. She will never ever make you happy. Do you want to be an Alfa male? You tell her what you think man. At the end of the day she'll have nothing but respect.

Yeah totally, I do wanna be the alfa male and Right now I do see myself as it.  She's done the silent treatment dump about 4 times now.  It's horrible.  I know she's the bad guy... i just wish she could see that SHE is the bad guy and not see ME as the bad guy just because she paints me black.  I know she's the bad guy tho... .or girl .

But check this out... This is how selfish this girl is. Yeah i'm still in 'stalker' phase, but I'm getting off of it slowly.  She just commented on an instagram picture of her new BF.  The picture said, "I gotta work til 12... wish someone could bring me a soda or food!"  And she responded, " I was going... I was at target but I was too tired so I went home... sorry babe "

LOL RLY?  So selfish lmao.

[hurting300]

Tell me something... how long has she gone without talking to you?

[Algae]

Tell me something... how long has she gone without talking to you?

Out of every breakup... the longest has been 4 months.  Everytime she mirrors someone.  Whether its other people just to make friends (She even used to buy wigs to make certain types of friends).  She pretends to like things she really hates... like football and disney.

And the shortest was probably 2 months.

She's done it EVERY august and EVERY January for the past 4 years.

[hurting300]

You know... .My ex took our baby, five months ago She just simply disappeared from my life... without a word... I cried like a baby every day... but I realized I could do better... a hotter more sane woman hit on me... I was shocked... I told myself, screw her. I'll have my day face to face with that low life p.o.s and so will you. Next time she comes back you level her dude and don't let up. Please don't let her do this to you.

[Algae]

You know... .My ex took our baby, five months ago She just simply disappeared from my life... without a word... I cried like a baby every day... but I realized I could do better... a hotter more sane woman hit on me... I was shocked... I told myself, screw her. I'll have my day face to face with that low life p.o.s and so will you. Next time she comes back you level her dude and don't let up. Please don't let her do this to you.

That's gotta be beyond difficult to manage; being forced to wake up and accept reality in your first sentence.

But yeah, I know it's not the most mature thing to do, but I REALLY REALLY... want to make her feel like horse ___.  Dirt.  Trash.  After what she did to my heart.

[Bak86]

A pwBPD will bever be happy. Fact.

[Nomad1027]

All I see on her instagram and Facebook wall now are pictures of him and her and her smiling like hell, and what the HECK?  Is she really happy?  HOW could she possibly be happy when she has NOTHING in common with this guy and she has to mirror him in everyway just so he likes her.

Algae, your thoughts echo the ones I've had for the last month.

My UxBPDgf left me suddenly and without warning. We kept in touch on and off for 6 weeks.  Then 6 weeks after that I heard she was in a relationship with my replacement and was "in love."  What hurt me was that we were together 2 years and it took her over a year to say she was "in love" with me.

I too was blown away by the fact that this guy has nothing in common with her.  She is a highly functioning BPD.  She has a Master's degree, a career, she is highly intelligent, she has travelled the world, speaks three languages, and has published a book. In many ways, she is a formidable woman.  He, on the other hand has little if any formal education, is not very sophisticated, has no career, and has had 17 arrests over the last 20 years.  They are night and day.

It wasn't until I reframed this that I really came to understand how disordered she really is.  She chose to be with a man she has little in common with, one who has a significant history of run-ins with the law. While this sounds arrogant, I see him as a downgrade. But perhaps that is exactly the fix she needs.  He cannot believe he has hit the jackpot with a woman like her and so, he fives her even more attention and dedication than I did or could have, fearing he will let her get away.  This feeds her unconscious needs for attention and overwhelming dedication.

Her choosing a downgrade as a replacement was confounding and stung deeply, but it makes sense now. It has also helped me finally accept that her BPD is real and there is noting I can do about it. It has also helped me understand that her leaving me was not my doing. I could not have stopped it. It was completely do to her disorder.

My anger, for the most part, is gone. She is ill and I mostly feel detached compassion for her. Sometimes, late at night, I'll revisit memories and revenge fantasies, but those are growing less and less strong.

[fred6]

It has also helped me understand that her leaving me was not my doing. I could not have stopped it. It was completely do to her disorder.

Toward the end, mine told me. "This relationship was never going to work". If that's the case, why did she keep me around for 3 years? Apparently she knew that this would happen, like it has happened with all of her prior relationships. I hope the replacement is enjoying himself, it will come with a cost down the road... .

[BlackandBlue]

It has also helped me understand that her leaving me was not my doing. I could not have stopped it. It was completely do to her disorder.

Toward the end, mine told me. "This relationship was never going to work". If that's the case, why did she keep me around for 3 years? Apparently she knew that this would happen, like it has happened with all of her prior relationships. I hope the replacement is enjoying himself, it will come with a cost down the road... .

My exhpdgf said the same thing. I asked why she stayed with me so long then and she said she was dependent of me. I said "so you were just using me?" she flipped on my with that question. I feel like such a fool for be duped by her

[fred6]

It has also helped me understand that her leaving me was not my doing. I could not have stopped it. It was completely do to her disorder.

Toward the end, mine told me. "This relationship was never going to work". If that's the case, why did she keep me around for 3 years? Apparently she knew that this would happen, like it has happened with all of her prior relationships. I hope the replacement is enjoying himself, it will come with a cost down the road... .

My exhpdgf said the same thing. I asked why she stayed with me so long then and she said she was dependent of me. I said "so you were just using me?" she flipped on my with that question. I feel like such a fool for be duped by her

Feeling like a fool is an understatement, .

[hurting300]

Mine quits jobs faster than she can get them. Sleeps all day long and is never happy about anything. And is a big know it all. Quit college. I'm shocked she left because she has no future.

[BlackandBlue]

Mine quits jobs faster than she can get them. Sleeps all day long and is never happy about anything. And is a big know it all. Quit college. I'm shocked she left because she has no future.

Sounds somewhat familiar, my ex changed her major 3 times in college and switched to a different school each time. I wonder if she will even graduate. On days off she layed in bed all day and pretty much did nothing but watch some stupid TV shows. Then after she broke it off with me she said I never wanted to do anything... .what a bunch of BS! I could never get her out of bed to do anything. Why do they distort everything so much?

[hurting300]

Not that I'm complaining but towards the end all mine wanted to do is sex me up.

[Algae]

Not that I'm complaining but towards the end all mine wanted to do is sex me up.

Mine just wants to do that in the idolization phase.  Almost on a creepy level.  Then after thats over I swear shes borderline asexual

[hurting300]

My ex actually wanted to nurse me... as in me sucking her for milk. I was like wow .

[drummerboy]

Spooky, mine did that too. It got her off like nothing else. Wonder what Freud would make of THAT! She used to go into this whole "bubba is very hungry today isn't he, good bubba, drink all of mummy's milk"

My ex actually wanted to nurse me... as in me sucking her for milk. I was like wow .

[hurting300]

She actually held me like a baby. Does it make me crazy because I enjoyed it lmao

[rockinne]

But it drives me nuts because I wonder if she is happy, and honestly I dont want her to be. I want her to be miserable for what she did to me. I know that may sound messed up but I cant help it right now.

My ex is with a respectable man who makes good money, and does charity work for others rather frequently.  Apparently, he is a very good fella and treats her quite well.  I have felt resentment much like you described.  Wonder if I deep down wish she is miserable for the impact of her actions on our relationship and me specifically. 

Its ironic that for 20 years I felt I was the only one who could make her happy. The one who could rescue her from her misery.  I really hoped and prayed that she would be happy.  I have decided that if that day has come and it is because of the man she is with, then my 20 year dream has been finally come true.  But, I was never in the position where I could make her happy.  I was her codependent, her enabler.  There was no way either of us could have ever been happy as long as we shared a relationship,  Perhaps I was able to get her to the point where she can be happy with this man though.  I like to think I played a role in helping her become the kind of person who can be happy,  That was all I wanted to see for her. If she is, I celebrate that. That would mean this nice guy will not have to endure what I had to with her.  Maybe she is happy with him  Good for her

[hurting300]

But it drives me nuts because I wonder if she is happy, and honestly I dont want her to be. I want her to be miserable for what she did to me. I know that may sound messed up but I cant help it right now.

My ex is with a respectable man who makes good money, and does charity work for others rather frequently.  Apparently, he is a very good fella and treats her quite well.  I have felt resentment much like you described.  Wonder if I deep down wish she is miserable for the impact of her actions on our relationship and me specifically. 

Its ironic that for 20 years I felt I was the only one who could make her happy. The one who could rescue her from her misery.  I really hoped and prayed that she would be happy.  I have decided that if that day has come and it is because of the man she is with, then my 20 year dream has been finally come true.  But, I was never in the position where I could make her happy.  I was her codependent, her enabler.  There was no way either of us could have ever been happy as long as we shared a relationship,  Perhaps I was able to get her to the point where she can be happy with this man though.  I like to think I played a role in helping her become the kind of person who can be happy,  That was all I wanted to see for her. If she is, I celebrate that. That would mean this nice guy will not have to endure what I had to with her.  Maybe she is happy with him  Good for her she's happy for now.

yeah she's happy... .For now. If she is BPD then that guy is about to get it.

[ScotisGone74]

In the event she may be happy, that is today at this very second.    No telling what tomorrow will be like for them or an hour from now.    It may depend on which way the wind is blowing.    True happiness and strength come from within, so you know the chances of them finding it jumping from replacement to replacement

[lm911]

No they can't be happy in a long term. They can be happy on a dailiy basis, but nothing more. Even if they got a spouse, job and etc it will be not enough for them, because they are empty bottomless vessels.

[Algae]

No they can't be happy in a long term. They can be happy on a dailiy basis, but nothing more. Even if they got a spouse, job and etc it will be not enough for them, because they are empty bottomless vessels.

I suppose.  I mean right now she's doing nothing but Liking ALL of his photos and writing, "I MISS YOUUUU! c:! So Much!"  

On them, on instagram.

And I'm like ugh -.- This b*tch is actually happy?  She has no remorse?  :)oesnt even CARE she lied to me and cheated again?  REALLY?  SHE'S ACTUALLY HAPPY?  wow.

And it's tearing me apart.

[Blimblam]

No they can't be happy in a long term. They can be happy on a dailiy basis, but nothing more. Even if they got a spouse, job and etc it will be not enough for them, because they are empty bottomless vessels.

I suppose.  I mean right now she's doing nothing but Liking ALL of his photos and writing, "I MISS YOUUUU! c:! So Much!"  

On them, on instagram.

And I'm like ugh -.- This b*tch is actually happy?  She has no remorse?  :)oesnt even CARE she lied to me and cheated again?  REALLY?  SHE'S ACTUALLY HAPPY?  wow.

And it's tearing me apart.

Dude

I've been there. You know the truth though. Her happiness is fleeting and a thin veil on an ocean of pain.  It hurts. It hurts bad.  The fog is hard to let go of. It's like wanting her to be happy but not be happy but be happy with you.  It's you wanting to be happy with you.

I havnt gone on social media in months now it is just pure torture and besides it's fake.

You can't fill a bottomless pit.

[Algae]

No they can't be happy in a long term. They can be happy on a dailiy basis, but nothing more. Even if they got a spouse, job and etc it will be not enough for them, because they are empty bottomless vessels.

I suppose.  I mean right now she's doing nothing but Liking ALL of his photos and writing, "I MISS YOUUUU! c:! So Much!"  

On them, on instagram.

And I'm like ugh -.- This b*tch is actually happy?  She has no remorse?  :)oesnt even CARE she lied to me and cheated again?  REALLY?  SHE'S ACTUALLY HAPPY?  wow.

And it's tearing me apart.

Dude

I've been there. You know the truth though. Her happiness is fleeting and a thin veil on an ocean of pain.  It hurts. It hurts bad.  The fog is hard to let go of. It's like wanting her to be happy but not be happy but be happy with you.  It's you wanting to be happy with you.

I havnt gone on social media in months now it is just pure torture and besides it's fake.

You can't fill a bottomless pit.

Honestly.  To be totally frank with you... I'm a total wreck right now seeing her just as happy as can be.  Posting pictures of her being out and about smiling with this random guy she barely even knows.  And she's not doing it to get under my skin either because she blocked me from literally everything.  She legitimately thinks she is happy and its making me a totaly wreck, thinking hot someone could have zero empathy of what they did.

Now all her profiles say, ":)ISNEY LOVER!  RELIGIOUS!  LUTHERAN!"  

Which also hurts... not because I oppose religious... in fact I'm Christian myself but it's just the fact that when I was with her... she DESPISED God and always told me how much she HATED Disney and HATED God and was Agnostic.  So I'm here wondering, what the hell?

I feel as if I should be out taking happy pictures of my own but I can't find the strength.  I just need a good rant but I don't know where to start.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't want her to message me, but it would just be for the gratification of knowing that she actually missed out on something and is sorry.  To actually not feel like I'm crazy to think that all of this ISN'T normal for her to be acting like this.

It's been since August 18th that she's been gone and I don't see it letting up anytime soon.  She's continuing to be fake and Yes it bothers me.  And I know many people will say, "Youre lucky!  Go Live!  Pity the replacement!"  I just can't I'm sorry.  I can't find the strength right now.  I can't get over the thought of how she could just think she did nothing wrong... and is all good and religious now, when she did what she did to me.