Hope for those going through the turmoil...

[CC85]

Hey people, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the whole getting back on track and moving on etc, which feels damn right impossible at the time if you're the one who has been left by you BPD girlfriend/fiance... .

My BPD fiance left me a couple of months ago, and it honestly felt like the end of the world due to the intensity of the good times. Even through the split, I still have our son more nights per week than she does. Due to an altercation with my ex BPDf's brother and father, an ongoing legal case (assault allegations against me) has forced me to be nc, which has actually served as a blessing. I still see my son 4 nights a week using family members as the mediators, but by not having any contact with my ex, nor looking at old pictures or having mutual friends with her I have managed to focus, focus and focus more on everything that was wrong with our relationship, to be at the point that I am ready to move on and find "normality".

Having met with a new girl on a couple of occasions since, I now realise what a strain a relationship with a BPD sufferer had on me. The constant worry of being accused sitting in a restaurant because there happens to be a waitress the BPD sufferer feels is attractive, or the constant concern of what others in the place are doing or thinking about you as a couple. The ability to be able to talk about the past or other people, even female friends or work colleagues, without being accused unfairly.

Having had chance to mourn the loss, analyse what happened, read up on BPD and finally look to get through and move on, I can honestly say that even though those good moments are hard to let go off, I realise I was effectively in a relationship with a stroppy teenager who saw life in a completely different context to a non BPD girl of a similar age.

I hope this can act as encouragement to those of you out there going through the initial pain and disbelief, recovery is a long journey, much like trying to cure an addiction for a drug which gives you a buzz but is ultimately poisonous to you. Thanks to NC, I am much further down that road than i thought I would ever get, there's still a fair way to go and a legal case to fight but I have had a taste of normality and know that a healthy relationship is out there for everyone.

I honestly hope my comments can help anyone going through the initial turmoil... .Stay strong, keep NC and it'll see you on the road to recovery.

[BlackandBlue]

I know all to we'll about the accusing thing... .it happened constantly!  I honestly think it was the biggest problem in my past relationship with my exBPDgf... .it literally broke me down. I was checking out the girl who walked past me, I was looking at porn, thought the girl on TV was hot, was talking to my ex girlfriends... .it was never ending! The constant defending myself eventually made me start yelling but I could help it... .she never let up. She said the yelling was one of the reasons she left me, but I think I handled better and put with more than most other guys would have.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

My exBPDgf quite often accused me of being active on the dating site that we first met on.   I was not active at all.  One day she grabbed her phone and I noticed she had the web page of another dating site open.  So I checked the site out a few weeks later - and yes her profile was there and active.  It was heart breaking.  Thanks for posting. It has been about three months since my ex revealed she had found another and we were over - and it does get better.