Lie, hallucination, bait?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Me and my xBPDbf broke up 8 days ago and have been NC the whole time. I even deleted my facebook just to resist temptation to check up on him. We both moved in with our mothers and out of our shared apartment. Well last night, his drunken uBPD mother called my mom's house and proceeded to tell me (thinking it was my mom) that my new boyfriend is texting and calling my ex's new phone starting trouble. Only problem is that I do not have a new boyfriend and I don't even have his new number. What was that? Can I expect them to keep doing this? I asked her not to call anymore and hung up on her. 

[SeaShellz]

Me and my xBPDbf broke up 8 days ago and have been NC the whole time. I even deleted my facebook just to resist temptation to check up on him. We both moved in with our mothers and out of our shared apartment. Well last night, his drunken uBPD mother called my mom's house and proceeded to tell me (thinking it was my mom) that my new boyfriend is texting and calling my ex's new phone starting trouble. Only problem is that I do not have a new boyfriend and I don't even have his new number. What was that? Can I expect them to keep doing this? I asked her not to call anymore and hung up on her. 

[Pou]

it is tough... but most PDs are stuck in a immature age.  So they would do things like that… but like a dog... the more attention you pay to their immature actions, positive or negative, you are rewarding their behaviors.  I think the best way is to act as you don't care and spoke to their actions lightly and add, no one would every believe you … they are just too ridiculous and do not stick on to an argument.  Make your statement lightly and move on.  That is what I think is the most effective way to handle it… some may even wonder if making any statement to address their lunatic actions is a good idea… it is your call.  But I won't let them get to you… I mean you really don't have a choice and just have to wait and see … but set a clear boundary and start to fade from them … everyday… good luck!

[SeaShellz]

Thanks Pou. All I said to her was, "I don't have another boyfriend and I don't know his number. Don't call here starting trouble." And I hung up. But I do think you are right in saying that it may be good not to reply at all. In the future if this happens again I am not going to say one word. I would like that she NOT deliberately hurt him by telling him I already have a new boyfriend (which she was saying that same day we broke up even though I have not so much as talked to another man) but I guess as long as he is gone it doesnt matter what he's thinking. I'm sure he would conjure up his own negative BS anyway. This is what I don't miss.

[Mutt]

What was that?

Hi SeaShellz,



It could be a smear campaign. You can't control someone else's acts and they may call again. Find a way to have the number blocked or let it go to voicemail. Keep a record of such calls in case it becomes an issue later and you want proof if it becomes harassing.

Don't justify or defend your position about your personal life if you have a bf or not. It may get distorted either way. I suggest that you maintain radio silence. This will eventually fizzle out and they'll move on.

Keep records, write down dates and times and record your voicemails. I'm not sure if this is a landline or not. I cut my landline so that all calls go to my cell. I have voicemail to text. It transcribes the voicemail into an email and also attaches an audio file so the message is an audio recording. I upload the audio file to the cloud to keep as a permanent record off site.

A person that has a personality disorder will exaggerate and distort facts. Keep the facts straight by keeping records to be on the safe side.

[SeaShellz]

Thanks Mutt. Yeah he lied constantly throughout the whole relationship.It is a landline. I worry about him. His mother is so bad for him. Before he met me he was in jail every few months. Just hope he will be okay without me. He is VERY LOW functioning.

[Mutt]

Many people in jails are mentally ill. Why are you worried about him?

[SeaShellz]

I don't want him to hurt and I don't want him to be in jail. I don't want to continue putting my own life on the backburner either.

[Mutt]

I don't want him to hurt and I don't want him to be in jail. I don't want to continue putting my own life on the backburner either.

He is a person with mental illness. BPD is a serious disorder. At the center of this disorder is the core wound of abandonment. It causes much pain for the pwBPD. If he's getting into this much trouble with the law and acting out his trauma on loved ones. He's not facing his trauma. He's running away from it. That said, he is mentally ill and he is an adult responsible for his actions. It is not your fault.

Love will not cure the disorder. We're not above the disorder. He needs to make a commitment with getting help and doing the work in therapy. No one else can do this for him. He may need to hit his rock bottom, jail could be a catalyst for change.

I know you care very much for him and it causes much pain seeing a loved one in pain and feeling hopeless when we cannot help. I'm only a man and some things are beyond my means. I had to turn to a higher power. I asked god to look over my wife and help her. I let go. Let god. I realized I had a different path and I chose to continue on without her. I had to detach.

She has her path. I have my path.

[Aussie0zborn]

Yes, you can expect them to be doing this... .for a while. The trick is to not feed it and it will soon fizzle out. Give them no attention at all and don't let them bait you.

[SeaShellz]

Thanks guys. As much as I want to at times I am not giving them any attention. I am starting therapy next week and will be asking God to watch over him as well and trying to let go of this burden. I can't express how hard it is for me to walk away especially since it was all in the heat of an argument. I hope he finds some comfort in knowing that I did love him but I doubt he will as its all about the present circumstances with him. I'm going to work on my own pain and mental health and just pray he is okay.

[Mutt]

I can't express how hard it is for me to walk away especially since it was all in the heat of an argument.

I'm sorry SeaShellz. This the disorder. A lack of impulse control and feelings are quicksilver to a pwBPD.

[Pou]

Thanks Pou. All I said to her was, "I don't have another boyfriend and I don't know his number. Don't call here starting trouble." And I hung up. But I do think you are right in saying that it may be good not to reply at all. In the future if this happens again I am not going to say one word. I would like that she NOT deliberately hurt him by telling him I already have a new boyfriend (which she was saying that same day we broke up even though I have not so much as talked to another man) but I guess as long as he is gone it doesnt matter what he's thinking. I'm sure he would conjure up his own negative BS anyway. This is what I don't miss.

Seashellz… yeah.  very tough dealing with PDs… I have a uNPDw and an in-law who has tendencies of both B and N PDs… very hard to deal with.  Projection, gas lighting, adamant to acknowledge their wrong doings and frequent rages over little things…  impossible to deal with.  it is really stressful having to live with one and now another one (my in-law is close by)… very hard to have three kids at the same time.  my fear is my kids will repeat mom's footsteps… try to make it clear when mom goes on full rage mode and start to gas lighting and projecting … i had to clearly insert the notion normal versus abnormal … otherwise, I worry that my kids will be confused and that will lead to them developing PDs later on.  Be glad that you don't live with them and occasionally having to deal with their episodes… in time, they will find a substitute and they will leave you alone… I think by not reacting… you have better chance of them leaving you alone sooner… but do document everything, just in case they go rage mode and get police involved…. you never know with these PDs.