Got me wondering

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I had a session with my T yesterday. Mostly I discussed how I vacillated to being deeply hurt, or deeply angry at my uBPDexgf. In the last 48 hours I have found some peace in my head where the endless chatter isn't keeping my mind preoccupied with her. Since our out of the blue ending in August, where she dumped me in a birthday card she mailed me (together 9.5 yrs no idea she might have not been emotionally well, too much more to even say here) I have been emotionally stuck; I would say I even have suffered some PTSD from her actions. However, I have managed to accomplish a few things. Friday I closed on the refinancing of my home and have also paid off 90% of my credit card debt (of which 75% I could equate to helping the ex). I also have been thinking of making a trip to Hawaii in the first half of next year.

This month my ex gf and I would have been together 10 yrs. I have no idea if she even remembers this is when we met because we didn't really celebrate the anniversary. We decided back then if we made it 10 yrs we would go to Hawaii to celebrate. I've decided I'm going regardless because I'm not getting younger, plus after what she put me thru this year I deserve it.

This is the first time in my sessions with my T that I have given her an inkling that I am slowly turning the ship away from the iceberg and moving on, even if inside I don't feel this way. At all. I mean, just 3 days ago I was despondent. My T knows that I have received 11 restricted hangups since August. We are both pretty sure it is her (even if she is 46!). I haven't received one in 1.5 weeks and told my T this and just out of the blue my T asked me if I would take her back. I thought about it and deep in my gut I know that I would. My T then asked what would I do if she just wanted to be friends. We talked about that and she gave me some solid advice.

Since my T has never brought this up in 4 months of counseling, I'm wondering if she thinks that my ex may be inching toward full  contact. I mean, technically, she has with the hangup calls, but for my T to give me a strategy makes me wonder if she thinks it's closer than I think. It's like the comment just popped out of her head, we weren't even talking about contact and she just kind of blurted it out. My T is a pretty intuitive person and usually when she gets a feeling about something she's right. I, on the other hand, believe the uBPDexgf is gone, gone, gone never to show her shameless face again.

thoughts? I know this is mostly rhetorical, but anyone else have a similar experience of very limited contact, no knowledge of either partner's life and the BPDex just showed up out of the blue? Thanks

[ShadowIntheNight]

I had a session with my T yesterday. Mostly I discussed how I vacillated to being deeply hurt, or deeply angry at my uBPDexgf. In the last 48 hours I have found some peace in my head where the endless chatter isn't keeping my mind preoccupied with her. Since our out of the blue ending in August, where she dumped me in a birthday card she mailed me (together 9.5 yrs no idea she might have not been emotionally well, too much more to even say here) I have been emotionally stuck; I would say I even have suffered some PTSD from her actions. However, I have managed to accomplish a few things. Friday I closed on the refinancing of my home and have also paid off 90% of my credit card debt (of which 75% I could equate to helping the ex). I also have been thinking of making a trip to Hawaii in the first half of next year.

This month my ex gf and I would have been together 10 yrs. I have no idea if she even remembers this is when we met because we didn't really celebrate the anniversary. We decided back then if we made it 10 yrs we would go to Hawaii to celebrate. I've decided I'm going regardless because I'm not getting younger, plus after what she put me thru this year I deserve it.

This is the first time in my sessions with my T that I have given her an inkling that I am slowly turning the ship away from the iceberg and moving on, even if inside I don't feel this way. At all. I mean, just 3 days ago I was despondent. My T knows that I have received 11 restricted hangups since August. We are both pretty sure it is her (even if she is 46!). I haven't received one in 1.5 weeks and told my T this and just out of the blue my T asked me if I would take her back. I thought about it and deep in my gut I know that I would. My T then asked what would I do if she just wanted to be friends. We talked about that and she gave me some solid advice.

Since my T has never brought this up in 4 months of counseling, I'm wondering if she thinks that my ex may be inching toward full  contact. I mean, technically, she has with the hangup calls, but for my T to give me a strategy makes me wonder if she thinks it's closer than I think. It's like the comment just popped out of her head, we weren't even talking about contact and she just kind of blurted it out. My T is a pretty intuitive person and usually when she gets a feeling about something she's right. I, on the other hand, believe the uBPDexgf is gone, gone, gone never to show her shameless face again.

thoughts? I know this is mostly rhetorical, but anyone else have a similar experience of very limited contact, no knowledge of either partner's life and the BPDex just showed up out of the blue? Thanks

[guy4caligirl]

I wish    I know it's not time to joke but yes I wish to make one last shot at it !

[peiper]

She'll be back.

[myself]

I also received 'unknown' calls. Looked the numbers up online, a few were from political-based places, one from a credit card offer, and the others I never did find out (could've been my ex, but ?). Not every pwBPD acts exactly the same way (and many of the people spoken of here do not have BPD, it's more traits or just the spin we put on it). Some come back time after time and some disappear never to be heard from again. I thought my ex would feel so much shame, and had turned against me so much, that she wouldn't return. But she has. Friends told me she would, and my T did too.

The thing that was most important was my response to it, or lack of response as it were. When I was done, I was done. Not to say the door was completely shut to her, because if she sincerely stepped up and wanted to communicate honestly with me, the chance was there. She hasn't chosen to follow through with that, though. The messages she sent further proved she thinks and acts in disordered ways, still scapegoating me, with all the silence in between also showing me I'm better off without her.

Being prepared for any possible eventual attempts means being sure of who you are and what you will or will not tolerate. No matter who it is.

[ShadowIntheNight]

Honestly, until my T brought it up I had made no real "plan" in case it happened primarily because i am convinced she won't. I know how much pride my exgf has and unless the apocalypse is about to happen, in my mind she's not gonna get in touch with me and say she made a mistake. Knowing her, and I believe I do, she'll do her best to make it be like I somehow convinced her back. The issue about if she called seeking friendship was a different matter, and that was something my T helped me to get clarity about.

As for the restricted calls, these 11 all say PRIVATE NUMBER. They have no associated phone number and are all listed as Out of Area. Most of them I have been hung up on when I said hello several times. I get very few calls on my landline, and in the 10 years we've known each other, I never received a single hang up. They started the first of this past September, one month after she wished me Happy birthday and to be broken up in the same letter. I haven't spoken to her since the day I got the card, which I'm pretty sure shocks the stuff out of her.

[peiper]

Mine has always resurfaced. A week or so ago I got a blocked call at 3:45 am. I didn't hear it, no message. I talked to my T the next day. He said it was more then likely her and to check her Facebook page because he would bet she was single again. I did and bingo he was right!