Post holiday blues...

[jhkbuzz]

Headed towards 5 months post breakup and 3 months NC... .

Went out of town for Christmas... .didn't want to be in the house we shared on Christmas morning - I knew it would be much too painful.  Had a wonderful time with family, felt good that I managed to get through the holiday with a reasonably minimal amount of pain. Even saw photos of her with my replacement at her annual family Christmas party - the party we went to together for 8 years - and didn't feel too badly about it... .I knew it would happen and had prepared myself for it.

But now I'm back home and I feel like I did in the first month after the breakup... .I've been crying on and off for the past two days, and I'm having a hard time envisioning any kind of future. I'm so very sad. I get out, I spend time with old friends and make new friends... .but I feel like I'm just filling time.  Like I'm waiting for something, but I have no idea what for.  I miss her terribly but have no temptation to try to re-engage... .it's like I want something that I don't want, and I spin in endless circles of confusion and sadness trying to make sense of it all and move on. I want the pain to STOP and I can't figure out how to make it go away... .

[downwhim]

I feel the same way. Doing things to keep busy but feel empty. 2 1/2 months N/C. By now he is all moved on and I still have this pit in my stomach. Nothing seems quite right. Still on anti anxiety pills to get me through the day. New Years coming. What will the New Year bring. I pray for peace inside my soul and this pain to stop.