It Still Gets to Me

[ThatConfusedGuy]

I was married and it ended in divorce after 10 years. I have 3 kids that I hold dear to my heart. The my ex-wife was not very good to me. Though I wanted a divoce for a long time I did not go for it until I met a girl that treated me better. I met her through work and fell deeply in love with her. She was funny, sweet (most of the time), and beautiful (yes, she was an exotic model). I went through with the divoce and this forign model of mine (I was living in Turkey at the time) dated and were even engaged. She became so nasty to me throughout the realtionship even hitting me in a fit of rage at one point. She threatened to hurt herself and then acted as if she never said it. She was extremely controlling and jealous. She wanted to have sexual encounters with other girls but refused to let me even see and if I was bi she would have ditched me. She did not want me to have my kids live with me and complained I was too poor due to child support to give her everything she wanted. She often reminded me I was lucky to be with a model like her that all men want. She was so cruel refusing to even walk next to me becuase my socks were too long and emberrassing to her (they were a 1/2 or so above my shoe). She broke up with me monthly and when she decided we could be together again and told me if I needed time to think of it she blamed it all on me and claimed I caused the breakup. Even when we got engaged it was not a happy moment. I planned it all out but some of it failed due to language barriers... .still I tried to be very romantic. She was upset there was not a hotair balloon with my proposal written on it. I paid for that for 3 weeks! If a girl liked my photo on Facebook they were watched closely or erased. She put modeling pics on her with comments from guys. If I complained she ditched me again. I say all this to ask this... .we have been broken up for about 3-4 months. Why do I still hurt and miss her some? Does it ever get better and go away?

[downnout98]

This sounds like this was my situation years ago when I first met my exBPD. I read your post and it brought back so many memories of the the things I actually did accept and put up with. I actually bought into her garbage and fought through all these similar issues in hopes that we could have a normal relationship. Things never really got better. The difference was that I changed and conformed to her wishes and I didn't realize that it was happening. I did it because if I did not, she would have left. I can tell you that after 3 years she left for another man anyway. Despite all the promises of commitment and unconditional love. I was the one for her and we were going to get married. It has only been 2 months now since the official break up. I truly loved her and that is why I still miss her and why it hurts so much. She is perfectly fine with moving on and that should tell you something. I think with time it will go away. You deserve better and you have to believe it. Having support from this group is extremely helpful.

[ThatConfusedGuy]

This sounds like this was my situation years ago when I first met my exBPD. I read your post and it brought back so many memories of the the things I actually did accept and put up with. I actually bought into her garbage and fought through all these similar issues in hopes that we could have a normal relationship. Things never really got better. The difference was that I changed and conformed to her wishes and I didn't realize that it was happening. I did it because if I did not, she would have left. I can tell you that after 3 years she left for another man anyway. Despite all the promises of commitment and unconditional love. I was the one for her and we were going to get married. It has only been 2 months now since the official break up. I truly loved her and that is why I still miss her and why it hurts so much. She is perfectly fine with moving on and that should tell you something. I think with time it will go away. You deserve better and you have to believe it. Having support from this group is extremely helpful.

I hear you. I changed for her so much it is unbelievable. I conformed to whatever she wanted to keep her. I hear she cries a lot and even took time off work becuase she was so crushed, but she was the one that ditched me! She usually comes back. I think she is done coming back and I hope so as I don't want this no more. Yet, it still hurts. I try to think of it this way, it is my kids or her. My kids have NEVER ditched me and love me greatly. She ditches me monthly or more. In the end, I could never give up my kids. They are to dear to me and are my world. I hoped she would accept this. She refused. Truth is, I know I am better of. It starts getting better, I am happy I moved on, and then one day out of no where it hits me again. It can be a song, smell, location (like a mall as she is addicted to shopping), or anything. Then I have to start fighting the pain again. I just wish it would stop.

As for you, I am sorry to hear about your loss. It is best for you, we both know that, but the pain is still there. I wish you the best. Feel free to message me too. I am not able to check this all the time, but I am here if you need someone to talk to.