my shattered heart

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I fell like such a fool.

hope2727,

YOU are not a fool; YOU were fooled. That is on the perpetrator, not you! What it says is an awful lot about that persons character, BPD or not.

Look at it like this, you wouldn't go out and buy a new car that you knew had mechanical/functional problems. That car wouldn't be reliable, it wouldn't be available to you when YOU needed it to be. You would forever be at the mercy of your defective car's ailments. Would you want that? I am sure that you wouldn't. I am sure that you'd begin looking for a quality car.

I understand your emotional pain, believe me. Only time, reflection, and acceptance will negate that pain. While that process is occurring, prepare yourself to find a quality significant other. You are worthy, and you should not accept anyone that doesn't appreciate you.

[apollotech]

I fell like such a fool.

hope2727,

YOU are not a fool; YOU were fooled. That is on the perpetrator, not you! What it says is an awful lot about that persons character, BPD or not.

Look at it like this, you wouldn't go out and buy a new car that you knew had mechanical/functional problems. That car wouldn't be reliable, it wouldn't be available to you when YOU needed it to be. You would forever be at the mercy of your defective car's ailments. Would you want that? I am sure that you wouldn't. I am sure that you'd begin looking for a quality car.

I understand your emotional pain, believe me. Only time, reflection, and acceptance will negate that pain. While that process is occurring, prepare yourself to find a quality significant other. You are worthy, and you should not accept anyone that doesn't appreciate you.

[hope2727]

So I went online to delete all my POF info. I hadn't had my profile visible in years but I wanted to take everything including my photos down once and for all. I immediately had a stupid moment and clicked my "favourites" tab and there is my ex. The face I love, the smile I miss, the person who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. The man I felt so blessed to share a home and a future with. Had a little sniff of a cry to say "goodbye" to my guy or at least who I though he was. Then I noticed he was last seen on POF 2 days ago. Hmmmn.

I am going to think the best of him that he was deleting all his info as he is in a new relationship with his new true love and posting kissing photos of them all over Facebook. Has been seeing her quite awhile from what my friend says.

On the other hand it makes me realize that he may also be online dating while seeing her so perhaps its just confirmation that he isn't who I thought he was after all. So funny considering he is all about how honest he is in his profile. How he is "to good to be true". Yup to good indeed.

So as much as its sad and hard at least I get the sense it wasn't me. He just is who he is. I hope he finds some peace someday.

[christin5433]

So I went online to delete all my POF info. I hadn't had my profile visible in years but I wanted to take everything including my photos down once and for all. I immediately had a stupid moment and clicked my "favourites" tab and there is my ex. The face I love, the smile I miss, the person who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. The man I felt so blessed to share a home and a future with. Had a little sniff of a cry to say "goodbye" to my guy or at least who I though he was. Then I noticed he was last seen on POF 2 days ago. Hmmmn.

I am going to think the best of him that he was deleting all his info as he is in a new relationship with his new true love and posting kissing photos of them all over Facebook. Has been seeing her quite awhile from what my friend says.

On the other hand it makes me realize that he may also be online dating while seeing her so perhaps its just confirmation that he isn't who I thought he was after all. So funny considering he is all about how honest he is in his profile. How he is "to good to be true". Yup to good indeed.

So as much as its sad and hard at least I get the sense it wasn't me. He just is who he is. I hope he finds some peace someday.

So crushing, and you still are kind. It is who they are. I feel exactly what you wrote the smile, the face , your life partner. I m glad your doing the steps of letting go. I must take down some of my photos of her and I and the kids soon. I just feel a sense of family when I look.  when I take down There isnt much I have I gave her all pictures and cute stuff. It

[hope2727]

So I went online to delete all my POF info. I hadn't had my profile visible in years but I wanted to take everything including my photos down once and for all. I immediately had a stupid moment and clicked my "favourites" tab and there is my ex. The face I love, the smile I miss, the person who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. The man I felt so blessed to share a home and a future with. Had a little sniff of a cry to say "goodbye" to my guy or at least who I though he was. Then I noticed he was last seen on POF 2 days ago. Hmmmn.

I am going to think the best of him that he was deleting all his info as he is in a new relationship with his new true love and posting kissing photos of them all over Facebook. Has been seeing her quite awhile from what my friend says.

On the other hand it makes me realize that he may also be online dating while seeing her so perhaps its just confirmation that he isn't who I thought he was after all. So funny considering he is all about how honest he is in his profile. How he is "to good to be true". Yup to good indeed.

So as much as its sad and hard at least I get the sense it wasn't me. He just is who he is. I hope he finds some peace someday.

So crushing, and you still are kind. It is who they are. I feel exactly what you wrote the smile, the face , your life partner. I m glad your doing the steps of letting go. I must take down some of my photos of her and I and the kids soon. I just feel a sense of family when I look.  when I take down There isnt much I have I gave her all pictures and cute stuff. It

Thank you. I want to be kind. I have very few regrets in life but being unkind is one of them. Sometimes I don't even realize when I was being unkind but thats how it ended up. So when ever I can be kind I want to. Thanks mom for teaching me the value in that. But somehow being kind (most of the time) feels natural. I want him to be happy and well. I wished it could have been with me but it isn't so I have to accept that. Sometimes I hope is is miserable and misses me but mostly I wish him peace. What we put out is sent back to us 3 fold. So I want peace too. No more turmoil I want the good stuff. I hope he can maybe find some too.

[christin5433]

I read something tonight about negativity feeds off negativity. I do a daily ritual where I let go and wish for my ex ALL I'd want in my life. Sometimes I don't want to but I do it anyway . It's healing to me and I may be lost in my pain , my Agony ,my loss of what I wish would have turned out to be beautiful but didn't ... .I get to recognize my own kindness ... .I was as kind as I could be w my ex during the end . She'd tell you differently but I know my truth ... .that was always are dilemma she could only see things her way ! I couldn't keep going along w her . It was bullying blackmail and just not kind. I know I have a kind heart and I can tell you do to. So hold on to that piece. From here out just keep adding more pieces of you that you find to make a whole . We are broken but thru being good kind and positive during this even if it hurts... .Keep trying .

[Deeno02]

It is what it is folks, it is what it is. I still feel ashamed and guilty, as well as an idiot for allowing it to happen. 16 months, replaced in a week. Been 6 months now and its been getting better as I work on my self worth. It's difficult, not gonna lie, but Im slowly seeing there wasnt a damn thing I could have done about what happened. I broke NC once to wish her well and glad she was happy when I saw a picture of her and the new guy. Big mistake there. Got text beat down for it. Hope, its going to be baby steps, but your doing the right things to help with your detachment. We are all going to be stronger!

[christin5433]

It is what it is folks, it is what it is. I still feel ashamed and guilty, as well as an idiot for allowing it to happen. 16 months, replaced in a week. Been 6 months now and its been getting better as I work on my self worth. It's difficult, not gonna lie, but Im slowly seeing there wasnt a damn thing I could have done about what happened. I broke NC once to wish her well and glad she was happy when I saw a picture of her and the new guy. Big mistake there. Got text beat down for it. Hope, its going to be baby steps, but your doing the right things to help with your detachment. We are all going to be stronger!

Thanks for your honesty! It's funny I had the urge to reach out and try to get some answers to what I feel baffles me. Then I paused I thought I thru she's gonna text beat me so I decided I'm just gonna live w this as it is

[Deeno02]

It is what it is folks, it is what it is. I still feel ashamed and guilty, as well as an idiot for allowing it to happen. 16 months, replaced in a week. Been 6 months now and its been getting better as I work on my self worth. It's difficult, not gonna lie, but Im slowly seeing there wasnt a damn thing I could have done about what happened. I broke NC once to wish her well and glad she was happy when I saw a picture of her and the new guy. Big mistake there. Got text beat down for it. Hope, its going to be baby steps, but your doing the right things to help with your detachment. We are all going to be stronger!

Thanks for your honesty! It's funny I had the urge to reach out and try to get some answers to what I feel baffles me. Then I paused I thought I thru she's gonna text beat me so I decided I'm just gonna live w this as it is

You got to. I thought maybe we could be adult about it. Nope. Got to remember this isn't or wasn't a normal relationship carried on by normal people. Well, now I know better. Big whoopsie, never again.

[willtimeheal]

I have been working on forgiving myself. Forgiving myself for have such low self worth that I was willing to settle for less than I deserve. I was willing to spend my life with someone who didn't respect me or love me because I didn't respect myself or feel I deserved any better... .I don't feel that way anymore. We all deserve better and we all have great worth and value. It is time we start seeing that gift in ourselves.