Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 02:52:24 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Beware of Junk Psychology... Just because it's on the Internet doesn't mean it's true. Not all blogs and online "life coaches" are reliable, accurate, or healthy for you. Remember, there is no oversight, no competency testing, no registration, and no accountability for many sites - it is up to you to qualify the resource. Learn how to navigate this complicated arena...
115
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: what do they do after u break up with them ?  (Read 356 times)
ImGoingCrazy

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 22


« on: February 23, 2015, 01:30:55 PM »

what do they do after u break up with them ? how do they feel? for how long ?
Logged
JRT
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1809


« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2015, 01:51:04 PM »

I have heard of all sort of things... .some seem to never miss a beat and treat it as unceremoniously as throwing a wrapper into the trash... .others blow up the others phone, text, email, FB or even stalk them... .some recycle quickly, or somewhere in the future and some never at all... .most seem to try to find a replacement if there was not one secured already (I have heard of very few that do not if at all)... .

I spoke to my ex's dad at one point who reported that she 'seemed to be doing ok' almost in a way that indicated that she didn't give it much thought at all. But I have reason to believe that she floats in and out of being emotional.
Logged
fromheeltoheal
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2015, 02:15:42 PM »

Impossible to say, everyone's different, although you can pretty much be assured that he'll do what he's always done, like we all do to one extent or another.  You mention that he exhibits traits of the disorder and you recognize him in what you've read, I'm sorry you're going through that, but standard borderline is he'll use projection to blame you for everything, whether it was your fault or not, use cognitive distortion to change the facts of the past to fit his feelings, look for other attachments if they don't exist already, and maybe try and restart something with you, or at least test to see if an attachment is still in place.

A more important question is what do you do after you've broken up with him.  We are conflicted once these relationships end: our heart hurts and misses a borderline, but our head knows staying away is the right thing to do.  What are you doing for yourself right now, to take care of yourself very well, so you make sure you listen to your head and not your heart for the time being?
Logged
Madison66
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 398


« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2015, 03:58:16 PM »

I'm 15 months out of a 3+ year r/s with uBPD/NPD ex gf.  We lived on the same block, which complicated the b/u and n/c period.  We recycled a few times and then I finally walked away for good.  Here are things that happened following the b/u:

1. I went strict 100% n/c

2. Within a couple days she faked an physical issue and I simply wished her well

3. She had a couple books and other gifts for her kids sent to my house - I left a couple of them at her door and then just trashed a few other things that arrived at my house.  She would have kept doing it if I continued to deliver them to her house.

4. We ran into each other at a local coffee shop and she played it off that she was really happy

5. There was a long stream of guys that came over to her home (and stayed overnight) within one week of the b/u.  At first, it bothered me and then I woke up to the fact that this is who I was with and who I left.

6. She would walk her dog past my home almost daily when she could easily have walked the other direction.  Even neighbors noticed this.

7. She would text and email out of the blue

8. She would attempt to break n/c and approach me as I was walking up the street for just goofy reasons

9. She showed up uninvited to parties and other functions to obviously make her presence known

10. She had her friends contact me stating that I should really maintain a r/s with her kids or meet with her kids to help them with closure or other life issues.  I always said no.  Her friends didn't know the real story behind her issues and the b/u, so I don't blame them.

11. She moved out of the direct area about 9 months ago and that was a great day!

12. Continued emails and texts out of the blue even a year + out and I don't respond

My point here is that my ex gf continued the wacky behavior after the b/u and never seems to completely go away (even though I'm fully detached).  I've read it here and I know it to be true that history almost always repeats itself with BPD, NPD and other PD's.  The great thing is that it is not and will not repeat itself in my lifetime. 

Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!