Getting any strange calls? FYI

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been plagued by robo calls for a long time, But in the last several weeks I had been receiving an unusual of them. Even under normal circumstances once I answer, there is sometimes no one on the other line... .or at least not saying anything. Most of the calls that I was getting fell into this category and when I called them back, learned that they were spoofed numbers - that they didn't actually exist.

Well, guess what? There is an app for that and it readily available and free. I tested it from my cell to my land line: the app allows you to enter any phone number you choose as the originating phone number and that phone will appear on the caller ID of the person that you dialed. Not saying that this is my ex, but it is entirely possible and consistent with BPD behavior (I already caught her stalking me on FB even though she blocked me).

Just an FYI for all of you that might be getting similar calls.

[JRT]

I have been plagued by robo calls for a long time, But in the last several weeks I had been receiving an unusual of them. Even under normal circumstances once I answer, there is sometimes no one on the other line... .or at least not saying anything. Most of the calls that I was getting fell into this category and when I called them back, learned that they were spoofed numbers - that they didn't actually exist.

Well, guess what? There is an app for that and it readily available and free. I tested it from my cell to my land line: the app allows you to enter any phone number you choose as the originating phone number and that phone will appear on the caller ID of the person that you dialed. Not saying that this is my ex, but it is entirely possible and consistent with BPD behavior (I already caught her stalking me on FB even though she blocked me).

Just an FYI for all of you that might be getting similar calls.

[Restored2]

Hi JRT.  Thank you for the heads up on this. 

Interestingly... .I recently answered the phone to a phone number that I did not recognize on the caller ID.  By the time I said "hello" it had disconnected.  Since the fallout from the breakup I have been on suspicious alert.  So I immediately tried phoning the exact same phone number back a couple of times, but was greeted with a voice recording stating that the phone number was not in service.  I couldn't any make sense of how a phone number that just called could be out of service so quickly.  Your explanation could be the solving answer to the mystery.

What is the purpose of a robo call?

[JRT]

a robo call is an automated call with usually a recorded message that may prompt a sales offer (sometimes its political or a survey). I usually get at least 4 per day.

[Restored2]

Thanks for clarifying, JRT.  I see.  It's good to know.  Your minimum of 4 per day is a lot of robo calls to filter. 

[foxangel82]

a robo call is an automated call with usually a recorded message that may prompt a sales offer (sometimes its political or a survey). I usually get at least 4 per day.

You may be more technical than me but to me it sounds like a call from a computer not quite a robot. Couldn't she use googlevoice or skype to call your number?  Then if you  call her back it would be out of service if she logged off. Just a thought... .

[JRT]

computer/robot, one in the same... .but that is not the point... .I get robo calls all the time trying to sell me something... .the point is that these are NOT robo calls (or so I do not suspect)... .I suspect that it might be her using athe app that I described to disguise her phone number in order to make contact... .nothing really technical about this... .not sure what you mean about skype or google voice... .

[sun seeker]

 Not me. Changed my phone number to initiate n/c.  One of the best thing Ive done.  if I didnt I would get weeks of hangups, rages via text and calls. It would go quiet for a little bit sometimes days  other times weeks. And then  she's back at it. To keep me stuck. Not anymore though ahhh peace finally!

[ShadowIntheNight]

JRT I think you are aware of my experience with PRIVATE NUMBER hangups the last 6 months, I get about two or three a month and never had one 1 in the 10 yrs we were together. Early on last Fall I received two calls, possibly three, that had strange numbers and when I tried to call them back they were not in service. That's when I learned about these phone apps as well. My ex does not use her landline for long distance calls, only local so she would have to use her cell to make any long distance call from home or at work. My point is that that these apps are only downloadable to a smartphone or a computer. It could not be from a landline.

Have you always gotten that many telemarketing calls in one day in the past? It seems like quite a few to me. I have only received one this week thus far and it wasn't listed as PRIVATE NUMBER and it had an actual caller ID to it. I had only two hangup calls in all of February, and they were the week of Valentine's. Haven't had a single one since. I expect one or two in the coming weeks, but I could be wrong. She may be done by now.

Every blocked hang up call I have received except for the few that had the loopy phone numbers said OUT OF AREA on the caller ID. Just recently a friend helped to remind me that that was always how she showed up on my caller ID. That's when I realized it was definitely her.

Initially when I got the loopy numbers and read about an app that can do what you described I thought she's not that bright to know how to do that because she just isn't a technology whiz. But she works with and is around college-aged kids who could show her how to do it if she were so inclined. She is a therapist and was always looking for ways to not let patients get at her number to keep them from calling her all hours of the day. She was quite paranoid about that.

My gut says it's her and I suspect you may be right about it being yours. If you really think about it, you will know for sure. I suspect that my ex has just programmed the *67 onto my phone number in her contact list. I never get hangups on my cell. Only on my landline.

[JRT]

I recall reading about those calls but forgot for how long you have been out. Sounds to me like its your ex.

The app that I downloaded asks for two things:

-the number that you want to call

-the number that you want to appear on THEIR caller ID

You can input ANY number including their own.

Yes, I get that many robo calls as I run a business out of my house. But the number of them that called where no one spok turn a dramatic spike over the course of the past couple of weeks. It seems to have dropped this week. Might be nothing at all but it coincides with what I believe are hard times her way.

[ShadowIntheNight]

I recall reading about those calls but forgot for how long you have been out. Sounds to me like its your ex.

The app that I downloaded asks for two things:

-the number that you want to call

-the number that you want to appear on THEIR caller ID

You can input ANY number including their own.

Yes, I get that many robo calls as I run a business out of my house. But the number of them that called where no one spok turn a dramatic spike over the course of the past couple of weeks. It seems to have dropped this week. Might be nothing at all but it coincides with what I believe are hard times her way.

It's been 6.5 months and I've been getting the hangups for 6. I don't think I believe in coincidences anymore. To not have something at all, then have a spurt of them, then to not have them seems like a pattern to me. Keep a log and see if you notice a pattern when they come in. I did, and the times always coincided to times just before a client might be coming in on the hour to see her. The instances they didn't were times she would call me on her way home for work. Coincidences? I'm sure not.

[JRT]

But WHY do they do it?

[Infared]

I have been plagued by robo calls for a long time, But in the last several weeks I had been receiving an unusual of them. Even under normal circumstances once I answer, there is sometimes no one on the other line... .or at least not saying anything. Most of the calls that I was getting fell into this category and when I called them back, learned that they were spoofed numbers - that they didn't actually exist.

Well, guess what? There is an app for that and it readily available and free. I tested it from my cell to my land line: the app allows you to enter any phone number you choose as the originating phone number and that phone will appear on the caller ID of the person that you dialed. Not saying that this is my ex, but it is entirely possible and consistent with BPD behavior (I already caught her stalking me on FB even though she blocked me).

Just an FYI for all of you that might be getting similar calls.

(Let me preface my comment with the disclaimer that I am not a person who over-reacts about phone calls and I do not have to know the source of all calls etc. I have run into many people like this... .but I am not that guy/gal.  

JRT... .I think I may have encountered this phenomenon you are talking about this week... I rarely get robo calls... .when I do, (or suspect that I do), I usually will do a reverse phone search online and generally find that there is "high spam activity" from that number. (I have a dumb phone, no web and I do not get a lot of odd calls... .it's rare... so I do my checking at home on my Mac). I have one robo caller from the D.C. area that calls everyday... .but... .I just ignore it.

I might add that my bills are paid and my credit solid, etc... .so I am not encountering any bill collectors, etc.  

After what we have all been through... I think we are all entitled to a little paranoia... .regarding the phone.    So... I occasionally get hang-up calls from numbers here and there... .but they do not repeat. If I do a reverse search... I am never interested enough to pay for the name... .but I am interested in the city the call is from just for reference and if it repeats.  None usually repeat... .except the one I mentioned above that is the spam caller. So I just assume thT they are wrong numbers etc. we have all dialed the wrong number at times, etc. part of life.

OK ... .that all being said... .I got a call 2-days ago... .I picked up and got a garbled person speaking, could not make out what they said... and then they were gone. When I got home, I did reverse phone search, and I got findings basically stating that "this is not a working phone number", etc.  HUH? There it was right on my phone. it as also a number with an area code from my state (which is why I picked it up)... .

I have never gotten that response on reverse phone look-ups. I always wonder if it's my BPD ex. Or my replacement (he could be calling to see if I am the guy that she is currently cheating on him with  .  It's been years, but she has tried to walk up to me in public... Etc... but I refuse to engage with her. I have maintained absolute NC for years... I am not on Fakebook etc... so she has no way of cyberstalking me...  I am a local artist, though and my phone number is out there on prints in public places for anyone to acquire. So... .I always wonder.

Thanks for making me aware of this app... because that would be a good explanation for this number "not existing" LOL! I will have to see if it repeats. I never will put anything past a BPD.

I had multiple drive-byes, etc... .Anything is possible. Anything.  

[BorisAcusio]

But WHY do they do it?

The call is placed, tension released.

Perpetuating the stalking image of our exes may not contribute toward detachment. I got a bunch of those restricted calls after not answering her on christmas, it could very well be coincidence, automated calls, although I never got those before.

[JRT]

Makes sense... .but is there that much angst that is building within them? Even if they are with someone new?The confusing thing is that mine broke up with me and blocked me from contact. She called the cops when I tried to contact her months later. Then I catch her stalking me on FB and then hihgly suspect her of making these crazy calls... .I don't get it even within the crazy context of BPD.

[Infared]

But WHY do they do it?

I have a possibility for your conjecture:

I have a mentor (sponsor) in a self-help group that I participate in.

He would say: "she is getting the 'action'".  

We are dealing with mentally sick people in most cases here. They can possibly be getting a "buzz" off of these activities. It's a high, exactly similar to a drug addict or a gambler. If you do not have those tendencies, it may be hard to understand.  They crave the action. Doesn't matter if it is positive or negative... .but it all about any kind of action, usually where they are the center of attention. They get a reward in their nerve centers when they engage in this kind of conduct. It's extremely self-centered as the effect on the other person is not considered other than their need to control them.

Mine did drive-byes.  She was living with my replacement.  It makes no sense. There is no "figuring it out"?     These calls are a milder form of that... .but in my book, it extremely similar behavior. ... .and it is definitely "action".

[GrowThroughIt]

How do you know someone is stalking your Facebook?

[JRT]

I think that theory might very well apply to mine Infrared. She absolutely thrived on chaos in her life and comes from that sort of familial background. It might just be something that she does when life gets too placid on her end to stoke herself. She also moved to a neighboring community (as I have learned) where she could have benefited from moving even farther by being in closer proximity to her work - the move where she is now at is almost silly.

It makes me wonder if she is also doing drive by's like yours. It also makes my mind wander and consider if she has some sort of plan to all this or if she really wants to communicate but cannot. She cut me off so thoroughly and burned so many bridges, I don't think that she thought through how permanent the effects would be and how much it would be impossible to circle back. I also suspect that despite the significant obstacles that she built to prevent contact (blocking from every way than one can contact someone and enforced by the cops), that she really had anticipated that I would circumvent those obstacles and come and rescue her.

[JRT]

How do you know someone is stalking your Facebook?

I created a ruse: I posted a pic of an old trunk full of family heirlooms that she left and told my friends that they were welcome to it if they would like as it is a cool looking trunk, otherwise I was going to drag it to the curb. After 4 months of not hearing boo from her, her GF IM'd me asking if she could come and pick up the trunk.

It was a crazy exchange, the GF (who also unfriended me so she was unable herself to see the post on her feed AND didn't know my ex's belongings enough to know that this was her property)/ All throughout, she denied that my ex even wanted the trunk or that she was stalking me on FB (I was set to 'public' weeks earlier specifically for this caper) - it was childish to the extent that I thought that it was in actuality my ex using her friends account.

The one thing that stuck out in that exchange was that her gf had accused me of 'not caring' about my ex (which was about as wrong as wrong can be) but it gave me a glimpse into how she was painting me black on her end.

[Infared]

I think that theory might very well apply to mine Infrared. She absolutely thrived on chaos in her life and comes from that sort of familial background. It might just be something that she does when life gets too placid on her end to stoke herself. She also moved to a neighboring community (as I have learned) where she could have benefited from moving even farther by being in closer proximity to her work - the move where she is now at is almost silly.

It makes me wonder if she is also doing drive by's like yours. It also makes my mind wander and consider if she has some sort of plan to all this or if she really wants to communicate but cannot. She cut me off so thoroughly and burned so many bridges, I don't think that she thought through how permanent the effects would be and how much it would be impossible to circle back. I also suspect that despite the significant obstacles that she built to prevent contact (blocking from every way than one can contact someone and enforced by the cops), that she really had anticipated that I would circumvent those obstacles and come and rescue her.

I am posting so much here because your ex behaves/behaved very similarly to mine and it interests me a great deal.

I want to ad to the end of your post: "And if you had circumvented those obstacles (that she continued to set-up to absudity) and come to her rescue, then you would have PROVED that you loved her enough (its a trap, these individuals God bless them, are damaged at a young age and no amount of love or proof of love will fulfill them), for her to then love you back.  

PoppyCock.

I am far enough away from this. You are in the thick of it.

Mine deceived me, betrayed me & our 5-year live-in relationship and ran off to new replacement (abandonment) two weeks before Christmas. She denied any clandestine relationship and was lying to him, lying to me, her parents, her therapist... etc... etc... .etc... .ad infinitum... .

I did not pursue her initially, as I did not know that she was lying and cheating on me. She told me that she needed space (she didn't tell me that she was cheating on me and that things had just gotten so hot in her pants that she could not contain herself any longer and had to run off abruptly to be with him  ).  I believe that I loved her in a healthy way... .so if you love someone and as painful as it may be for you, if they ask you for space... .what do you do?  You give them space.   I did.   It damn near killed me ... .but I gave her room... I did not bother or pester her. ( I had no idea that a National Geographic Mating Special was going on nearby)... . Eventually, (I did have some suspicions... .but I am not a jealous guy and I had no real evidence... she is REALLY good at lying and cheating... .from lengthy experience, no doubt).

Anyway... .eventually the bell goes off-ding! - and I realize what is going down and then I really got to find out what emotional pain was all about, as I deeply cared for this person.  Her denying all of it.  :)oing drive-byes. Contacting me. etc., etc., etc.

Fast forward... .I had only a very few conversations with this person again... .as she steadfastly denied her cheating, but at one point she said to me "Well, maybe if you had tried harder when I first moved out, things could have gone differently."

Oh... .I see... .if I had figured out that she was cheating on me, and I guess if I got enraged and came banging on her door in a major dramarama fest,  whilst she is with new younger, muscled lover (who it was my fault she was with because I did not love her enough), and fought him in a dual to win her back she may have considered me. It I had loved her enough to find out about AND overcome all the obstacles she was piling up... .I think that was the message (although she was STILL denying the cheating! pathetic).

Throw in there all the BPD isms... .Daddy abandoned her at 5 years old, she has the emotional makeup of a 9 year-old... etc., etc., etc.  and it all makes sense.

I was an adult. I gave a adult love. I gave her her space. What she had asked for. ... .and she saw that as though I had no passion for her or love for her.

When I was in the middle of all of that I went and got therapy, self-help... .you name it... .It was a very painful road for me emotionally... and during the first year... .I lost my job, had to move, my Mom got sick and slowly died. (I am not trying to play victim in anyway... .this is just my story and what I had to overcome in the first year... .I got through it... .but damn... I would not wish that on anyone! ).

Here is my point.  It is years later.  She will see me in a supermarket and try to accidentally run into me. She plans it! LOL! She is married to my replacement (I think)... .I have absolutely had no contact with her for years. She never "came clean" to me. What the heck? She thinks that I will stand in a store and chit chat with her?

It's just action. She gets off on it.  Me. I just move away as quickly as possible. No drama. No face. Nothing. I just move to safety.   I fight no windmills any longer.  (she would not love me even if I did!  ).

Life is bizarre.

I also have to say... .from what I have been through, I believe she was severely emotionally damaged, (as was her Mom) when her Dad ran off (with the family dog), to be with the evil stepmother.  I think that something shifted inside of her and she can never really grow up or have a healthy adult relationship.  I am sure she cheats on this guy, because nothing can ever fulfill that void inside of her... .and she is getting absolutely no help... .why would she... .everything that "happens to her" (LOL) is someone else's fault. Not hers.  

She has all of these great qualities... .but man... .when she jumps... .does she become a cruel, mean,  dishonest, and vindictive person. She cannot turn that on another person until she is securely attached to a new source of power, because she of course has none.   I now see that pattern. Every guy she was with ... .it was always replace and cut & run.  She knew, as she tried to hide the particulars about her past, or colored it a different way.

I do not blame myself for falling for her.  She was beautiful and very convincing.  One of my biggest hurdles healing was forgiving myself for not seeing the writing on the wall from day one.  It was all right there in front of me... .but oh... .a pretty face and... .ugh.  

[JRT]

I think that theory might very well apply to mine Infrared. She absolutely thrived on chaos in her life and comes from that sort of familial background. It might just be something that she does when life gets too placid on her end to stoke herself. She also moved to a neighboring community (as I have learned) where she could have benefited from moving even farther by being in closer proximity to her work - the move where she is now at is almost silly.

It makes me wonder if she is also doing drive by's like yours. It also makes my mind wander and consider if she has some sort of plan to all this or if she really wants to communicate but cannot. She cut me off so thoroughly and burned so many bridges, I don't think that she thought through how permanent the effects would be and how much it would be impossible to circle back. I also suspect that despite the significant obstacles that she built to prevent contact (blocking from every way than one can contact someone and enforced by the cops), that she really had anticipated that I would circumvent those obstacles and come and rescue her.

I am posting so much here because your ex behaves/behaved very similarly to mine and it interests me a great deal.

I want to ad to the end of your post: "And if you had circumvented those obstacles (that she continued to set-up to absudity) and come to her rescue, then you would have PROVED that you loved her enough (its a trap, these individuals God bless them, are damaged at a young age and no amount of love or proof of love will fulfill them), for her to then love you back.   

PoppyCock.

I am far enough away from this. You are in the thick of it.

Mine deceived me, betrayed me & our 5-year live-in relationship and ran off to new replacement (abandonment) two weeks before Christmas. She denied any clandestine relationship and was lying to him, lying to me, her parents, her therapist... etc... etc... .etc... .ad infinitum... .

I did not pursue her initially, as I did not know that she was lying and cheating on me. She told me that she needed space (she didn't tell me that she was cheating on me and that things had just gotten so hot in her pants that she could not contain herself any longer and had to run off abruptly to be with him  ).  I believe that I loved her in a healthy way... .so if you love someone and as painful as it may be for you, if they ask you for space... .what do you do?  You give them space.   I did.   It damn near killed me ... .but I gave her room... I did not bother or pester her. ( I had no idea that a National Geographic Mating Special was going on nearby)... .  Eventually, (I did have some suspicions... .but I am not a jealous guy and I had no real evidence... she is REALLY good at lying and cheating... .from lengthy experience, no doubt).

Anyway... .eventually the bell goes off-ding! - and I realize what is going down and then I really got to find out what emotional pain was all about, as I deeply cared for this person.  Her denying all of it.  Doing drive-byes. Contacting me. etc., etc., etc.

Fast forward... .I had only a very few conversations with this person again... .as she steadfastly denied her cheating, but at one point she said to me "Well, maybe if you had tried harder when I first moved out, things could have gone differently."

Oh... .I see... .if I had figured out that she was cheating on me, and I guess got enraged and came banging on her door in a major dramarama fest,  whilst she is with new younger, muscled lover and fought him in a dual to win her back she may have considered me. It I had loved her enough to find out about AND overcome all the obstacles she was piling up... .I think that was the message (although she was STILL denying the cheating! pathetic).

Throw in there all the BPD isms... .Daddy abandoned her at 5 years old, she has the emotional makeup of a 9 year-old... etc., etc., etc.  and it all makes sense.

I was an adult. I gave a adult love. I gave her her space. What she had asked for. ... .and she saw that as though I had no passion for her or love for her.

When I was in the middle of all of that I went and got therapy, self-help... .you name it... .It was a very painful road for me emotionally... and during the first year... .I lost my job, had to move, my Mom got sick and slowly died. (I am not trying to play victim in anyway... .this is just my story and what I had to overcome in the first year... .I got through it... .but damn... I would not wish that on anyone! ).

Here is my point.  It is years later.  She will see me in a supermarket and try to accidentally run into me. She plans it! LOL! She is married to my replacement (I think)... .I have absolutely had no contact with her for years. She never "came clean" to me. What the heck? She thinks that I will stand in a store and chit chat with her?

It's just action. She gets off on it.  Me. I just move away as quickly as possible. No drama. No face. Nothing. I just move to safety.   I fight no windmills any longer.  (she would not love me even if I did!  ).

Life is bizarre.

Life sure is bizarre especially if a BPD is in it. Like you, I am convinced that mine put all of those obstacles in the way for me to climb over to get back with her. Some subtle things that she had told me during our r/s and that crazy IM statement from her GF about me not caring (this might explain why she did not, apparently, remove photos of me from her FB wall... .why she took sappy greeting cards off of the fridge that SHE gave to me... .why she left a bunch of stuff (and now will not accept their return)... .and why she kept the engagement ring that I gave her (it was a cheapo silver band that I bought while the permanent ring was to be built). I wonder if she built the 'breakup' so well that her plan had backfired?

[ShadowIntheNight]

I think that my ex played along similar lines. She did something a tad different as leaving like this time, but a lot the same 4 yrs ago. At that time I chased her down and did quite a bit to get her back. I asked her what did you think when I didn't call those four days. She said "I figured you just didn't really care for me." First thing out. Not that I'm mad, not that I'm trying to cool off. But that I just didn't care. That after being together 6 yrs. It's still illogical.

I believe now that her last email when she told me she was dating men was a way to bait me and get a reaction.  Instead I didn't email back and haven't communicated with her except via her monthly "digital drivebys". I am pretty sure she must really believe I don't care for her by now.

I told her 4 years ago if she did what she did ever again that was it for me. I guess she has accepted that, and I have come to the conclusion that the one who didn't really care for the other was her caring for me. It's quite painful to have to believe that after all we went thru together.

[JRT]

The more and more that I have been thinking about this, the more I am beginning to believe that she wanted me to chase despite a significant amount of legal risk to me. She called the cops on Xmas eve when I tried to call her. She had already had a lawyer threaten a PPO against me. If she was serious and REALLY felt threatened, why not just have the lawyer file the PPO. Hell, she went to the police; she could have filed one right there at the station when she reported that I was 'stalking' her. It wasn't as if she was under any immediate threat anyway even if I WERE violent: I had called her from an area code 1500 miles away!

Yep... I am thinking that this was a combination of power, chaos and a demand that I chase her. It was just like other recycles except too well constructed for it to work properly. I think that these crazy calls are partially a manifestation of her frustration.

[rickdeckard]

I starting getting some of those "spoofed" number calls at one point. I know that some were just telemarketers, but the amount of them suddenly increased, and several were from my area code. I never answer unknown numbers, but will run a google search for them after they come in. I know which ones were telemarketer because there are websites witth complaints about the same number. The odd ones from my area code? No search results, and searching showed that they were cell phone numbers not landline (telemarketer that uses cell phone? not likely). I even called one back and it went to some woman's voicemail. There was one local number, though, that DID return results. It called 3 times about 5 minutes apart on a Friday evening, no VM was left. Google search revealed... .the county health department! Specifically, the part of it that deals with STD reporting  . I called that number back, and they were closed for the weekend (how did they call when they were closed?). So, obviously I called them fiirst thing Monday, but was already suspicious. Predictably, they had not called me or ever heard of me. Hmmm... .(please note that the last person I was "with" was my ex - self inflicted insults? LOL).

Until this point I had been going about my life, moving on without bugging the ex. But I thought that was a bit much so I posted a nasty message on twitter about her (not naming names, but she would know I was talking about her) basically saying I am glad the lying cheating POS was out of my life. The odd phone calls stopped, now I just get the occasional telemarketer again. I never told her I had a twitter account but suspected she had been creeeping around looking at it (and FB, some likes on VERY SPECIFIC pictures from people that I had never heard of whose profiles I could not locate). Childish of me? Yes. Results? Yes. I can live with my silly behaviour on this one... . 

[Restored2]

The more and more that I have been thinking about this, the more I am beginning to believe that she wanted me to chase despite a significant amount of legal risk to me. She called the cops on Xmas eve when I tried to call her. She had already had a lawyer threaten a PPO against me. If she was serious and REALLY felt threatened, why not just have the lawyer file the PPO. Hell, she went to the police; she could have filed one right there at the station when she reported that I was 'stalking' her. It wasn't as if she was under any immediate threat anyway even if I WERE violent: I had called her from an area code 1500 miles away!

Yep... I am thinking that this was a combination of power, chaos and a demand that I chase her. It was just like other recycles except too well constructed for it to work properly. I think that these crazy calls are partially a manifestation of her frustration.

Hi JRT.  As you may recall, I too was threatened with an harassment charge from the police by mine.  Power and control definitely comes to the forefront to me of what she was wanting to flex in my face.  To chase after could be an extremely deadly snare in which to be captured. 

[JRT]

The more and more that I have been thinking about this, the more I am beginning to believe that she wanted me to chase despite a significant amount of legal risk to me. She called the cops on Xmas eve when I tried to call her. She had already had a lawyer threaten a PPO against me. If she was serious and REALLY felt threatened, why not just have the lawyer file the PPO. Hell, she went to the police; she could have filed one right there at the station when she reported that I was 'stalking' her. It wasn't as if she was under any immediate threat anyway even if I WERE violent: I had called her from an area code 1500 miles away!

Yep... I am thinking that this was a combination of power, chaos and a demand that I chase her. It was just like other recycles except too well constructed for it to work properly. I think that these crazy calls are partially a manifestation of her frustration.

Yeah... .I am pretty well convinced that she wanted me to chase her. But I don't think that she really thought out her plan as she should have. She built the wall to tall when she brought the cops into the picture which is a line that I simply will not cross.

Long story: I had an IM convo with her GF... .during the exchange, she had asserted that I just didn't care... .nothing could have been further from the truth. I think that was an indication that she felt abandoned since I was not chasing.

Hi JRT.  As you may recall, I too was threatened with an harassment charge from the police by mine.  Power and control definitely comes to the forefront to me of what she was wanting to flex in my face.  To chase after could be an extremely deadly snare in which to be captured. 

[Restored2]

JRT:  Yeah... .bringing the police into the picture is a very tall wall that should be walked around.  I still can't believe that mine would do such an abusive treatment against me.    

[JRT]

JRT:  Yeah... .bringing the police into the picture is a very tall wall that should be walked around.  I still can't believe that mine would do such an abusive treatment against me.    

I have been highly offended by this or that in my life... .but nothing compared to this.

[Restored2]

JRT:  Yeah... .bringing the police into the picture is a very tall wall that should be walked around.  I still can't believe that mine would do such an abusive treatment against me.    

I have been highly offended by this or that in my life... .but nothing compared to this.

I hear ya, JRT.  Involving the police is the lowest forms of betrayals against us that is abusive to the core.  How someone who professed their love to you could even conceive of stooping soo low is unbelievable.  It is only as of recent, that I have begun to get mad at the mistreatment and abuse.

[JRT]

JRT:  Yeah... .bringing the police into the picture is a very tall wall that should be walked around.  I still can't believe that mine would do such an abusive treatment against me.    

I have been highly offended by this or that in my life... .but nothing compared to this.

I hear ya, JRT.  Involving the police is the lowest forms of betrayals against us that is abusive to the core.  How someone who professed their love to you could even conceive of stooping soo low is unbelievable.  It is only as of recent, that I have begun to get mad at the mistreatment and abuse.

Glad that you are seeing it that way. I turned the corner on all of this when this incident had happened, I was enraged by it. I'm not sure that 'betrayal' is quite the right word in severity to describe the act.

[Restored2]

JRT:  Yeah... .bringing the police into the picture is a very tall wall that should be walked around.  I still can't believe that mine would do such an abusive treatment against me.    

I have been highly offended by this or that in my life... .but nothing compared to this.

I hear ya, JRT.  Involving the police is the lowest forms of betrayals against us that is abusive to the core.  How someone who professed their love to you could even conceive of stooping soo low is unbelievable.  It is only as of recent, that I have begun to get mad at the mistreatment and abuse.

Glad that you are seeing it that way. I turned the corner on all of this when this incident had happened, I was enraged by it. I'm not sure that 'betrayal' is quite the right word in severity to describe the act.

It has taken this police incident to occur after 6 months post breakup for me to actually feel anger for the very first time after everything that she has put me through. 

I think the word "betrayal" does apply to this.  One definition of betrayal states; "to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling:to betray a trust."; "to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to:to betray one's friends."  Mine did not guard/protect me here and she most definitely disappointed my hopes and expectations of her.  I feel a total disloyalty and betrayal from her in going to the police with allegations of harassment against me. 

[JRT]

JRT:  Yeah... .bringing the police into the picture is a very tall wall that should be walked around.  I still can't believe that mine would do such an abusive treatment against me.    

I have been highly offended by this or that in my life... .but nothing compared to this.

I hear ya, JRT.  Involving the police is the lowest forms of betrayals against us that is abusive to the core.  How someone who professed their love to you could even conceive of stooping soo low is unbelievable.  It is only as of recent, that I have begun to get mad at the mistreatment and abuse.

Glad that you are seeing it that way. I turned the corner on all of this when this incident had happened, I was enraged by it. I'm not sure that 'betrayal' is quite the right word in severity to describe the act.

It has taken this police incident to occur after 6 months post breakup for me to actually feel anger for the very first time after everything that she has put me through. 

I think the word "betrayal" does apply to this.  One definition of betrayal states; "to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling:to betray a trust."; "to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to:to betray one's friends."  Mine did not guard/protect me here and she most definitely disappointed my hopes and expectations of her.  I feel a total disloyalty and betrayal from her in going to the police with allegations of harassment against me. 

no, no: I AGREE with the term... .what I meant is that it is more severe in a sense... .I totally agree with you.

[Restored2]

JRT:  Yeah... .bringing the police into the picture is a very tall wall that should be walked around.  I still can't believe that mine would do such an abusive treatment against me.    

Gotcha.  I misunderstood where you were coming from.  It is more severe in many ways.  It is a complete sabotage against us and our relationships. 

I have been highly offended by this or that in my life... .but nothing compared to this.

I hear ya, JRT.  Involving the police is the lowest forms of betrayals against us that is abusive to the core.  How someone who professed their love to you could even conceive of stooping soo low is unbelievable.  It is only as of recent, that I have begun to get mad at the mistreatment and abuse.

Glad that you are seeing it that way. I turned the corner on all of this when this incident had happened, I was enraged by it. I'm not sure that 'betrayal' is quite the right word in severity to describe the act.

It has taken this police incident to occur after 6 months post breakup for me to actually feel anger for the very first time after everything that she has put me through. 

I think the word "betrayal" does apply to this.  One definition of betrayal states; "to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling:to betray a trust."; "to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to:to betray one's friends."  Mine did not guard/protect me here and she most definitely disappointed my hopes and expectations of her.  I feel a total disloyalty and betrayal from her in going to the police with allegations of harassment against me. 

no, no: I AGREE with the term... .what I meant is that it is more severe in a sense... .I totally agree with you.

[Restored2]

JRT:  Gotcha.  I misunderstood where you were coming from.  This betrayal is more severe in many ways.  It is a complete sabotage of us and our relationships. 

[JRT]

Yeah... .I don't believe in coincidences any longer either. So the calls pretty much tapered off this week to zero. Guess what? She is on vacation... .

[JRT]

JRT:  Gotcha.  I misunderstood where you were coming from.  This betrayal is more severe in many ways.  It is a complete sabotage of us and our relationships. 

! Its one terrible thing to be betrayed... .but to be betrayed by the one that you have provided the most unconditional love and trust to in your life! Add to that the cutting off and silent treatment and smear campaign that just adds insult to the injury.

I tell you: I was proud of how much I gave to my ex with a loving and mature heart. I felt that I had finally come to a point in my life that I was able to practice love within a healthy context of my own shortcomings. The conventional wisdom is that you get back what you give. This is so ingrained that the resulting nuclear bomb ends up reverberating and upsetting very deep recesses of our minds and souls.

This is why I say it is more than just a simple betrayal... .it is a damaging blow to ones very being. If I added up all the things that offended and hurt me in my life by others (and there have been a LOT), those things put together are far less than the offense exacted by this individual upon me. This is among the reasons why I am having such a hard time with it.

[Restored2]

Yeah... .I don't believe in coincidences any longer either. So the calls pretty much tapered off this week to zero. Guess what? She is on vacation... .

I don't really believe in coincidences either.  Everything lines up.

[Restored2]

JRT:  Gotcha.  I misunderstood where you were coming from.  This betrayal is more severe in many ways.  It is a complete sabotage of us and our relationships. 

! Its one terrible thing to be betrayed... .but to be betrayed by the one that you have provided the most unconditional love and trust to in your life! Add to that the cutting off and silent treatment and smear campaign that just adds insult to the injury.

I tell you: I was proud of how much I gave to my ex with a loving and mature heart. I felt that I had finally come to a point in my life that I was able to practice love within a healthy context of my own shortcomings. The conventional wisdom is that you get back what you give. This is so ingrained that the resulting nuclear bomb ends up reverberating and upsetting very deep recesses of our minds and souls.

This is why I say it is more than just a simple betrayal... .it is a damaging blow to ones very being. If I added up all the things that offended and hurt me in my life by others (and there have been a LOT), those things put together are far less than the offense exacted by this individual upon me. This is among the reasons why I am having such a hard time with it.

I totally hear you and agree with you, JRT.  There is a true breach of trust here that reverberates to the very core of our beings and souls.  I too have had numerous offenses and hurts from others towards me in my lifetime.  None can really compare to the damaging extent and toll than this relationship has done to me.  I can also relate to the reasons you are having such a hard time with it all.  You and I seem to share the same camp on so many levels.

[JRT]

No doubt about it.

To my family and firends, I am the strong one. The one that doesn't let things bother him. But MAN! I cannot believe the lasting impact that this relationship has had on me. I still cannot believe that she did what she did. Brother, we did not have the stormy r/s that seems to typify most BPD r/s's that I read about here; there was no yelling or lying or other forms of acrimony. Just a week before this happened, I was telling how I was never more happy in all of my life and how grateful to God that I was for the blessing (and I rarely say things like that unless I REALLY mean them). It was a milestone in my 48 year old life.

A week later she is going without warning and then engages in scorched earth... .incredible. I tell people about this and their reaction is always the same; either I am making it up or embellishing a bit or it is a look of disbelief/horror. No one really has ever seen or heard of such a thing.

[lipstick]

Hi JRT,

I haven't been on the boards in a while. Finally letting things go, I think. However - I thought you might find this interesting. Your original thread post talks about getting weird phone calls. I used to get those - but they've stopped. Here's the latest - I have four old video clips on Facebook. Back from December. Just silly stuff. Chasing our cats with remote control toys received at Xmas - that sort of thing.

The view counters on the videos stopped back in December (naturally). Now starting a week ago Thursday - the views have jumped up dramatically. Most especially on the one where I am "narrating" and laughing. This one has been viewed over 25 times since last week. The views come during the late night / early morning hours. Gee - I wonder who is obsessively watching those silly videos? Give ya' one guess !   

They find all sorts of ways to stay "connected", I guess.

Hope you are doing well! 

[JRT]

That's wild lipstick... .why do they obsess like that? Mine was caught stalking me on FB... .and remember that stuff of hers that I took to the storage facility? Its STILL there! Now the phone calls! I got one today that is coming from a persistent number... .no one was on the other line as usual... .I ask myself: what kind of a telemarketer would be failing this frequently? Today I said. 'Ex - you have to cut this out' and the line cut off. Was that her hanging up or did the call just naturally terminate? I do not know. 

This kind of stuff has been pulling me back in... .

[lipstick]

That's wild lipstick... .why do they obsess like that? Mine was caught stalking me on FB... .and remember that stuff of hers that I took to the storage facility? Its STILL there! Now the phone calls! I got one today that is coming from a persistent number... .no one was on the other line as usual... .I ask myself: what kind of a telemarketer would be failing this frequently? Today I said. 'Ex - you have to cut this out' and the line cut off. Was that her hanging up or did the call just naturally terminate? I do not know. 

This kind of stuff has been pulling me back in... .

JRT,

She's STILL not interested in picking up her things? Wow. 

The phone calls - is she using a "spoofing" app or do you know?

[JRT]

Yeah... .I finally sent an email to her sister to ask for her to communicate it to her... .thing is, I used a NON blocked way of sending the email AND I sent her a snail mail to her work. It appears that she doesn't care about her stuff or that she zapped the mail without reading it. SMH: how childish! just a simple 'screw you' would suffice, .

The phone calls? Yeah, that's what I suspect... .see above.

[ShadowIntheNight]

That's wild lipstick... .why do they obsess like that? Mine was caught stalking me on FB... .and remember that stuff of hers that I took to the storage facility? Its STILL there! Now the phone calls! I got one today that is coming from a persistent number... .no one was on the other line as usual... .I ask myself: what kind of a telemarketer would be failing this frequently? Today I said. 'Ex - you have to cut this out' and the line cut off. Was that her hanging up or did the call just naturally terminate? I do not know. 

This kind of stuff has been pulling me back in... .

She's STILL not interested in picking up her things? Wow. 

The phone calls - is she using a "spoofing" app or do you know?

JRT are you paying for her items to be in storage? If so, why? Back in Nov I kept getting calls from a company that I had no reason, in my mind, to be getting them from. Finally I answered because they had been so persistent. I discovered the calls were about an extended warranty for a TV set for my ex's kids 3 years ago that was set to expire. Our thought at the time was that if they tore it up it could be replaced for free. I didn't renew it, what was the point? And I didn't tell her either. I figure if it breaks she can pay for it or whoever is in her life can do it. Or they can throw it out.

[lipstick]

Yeah... .I finally sent an email to her sister to ask for her to communicate it to her... .thing is, I used a NON blocked way of sending the email AND I sent her a snail mail to her work. It appears that she doesn't care about her stuff or that she zapped the mail without reading it. SMH: how childish! just a simple 'screw you' would suffice, .

The phone calls? Yeah, that's what I suspect... .see above.

I'm sorry. What a frustrating situation! I don't think I would continue to pay for the storage unit. Put the items on Craigslist, eBay, whatever. You've been more than kind / generous to her. And she certainly has done nothing to deserve it. If she wants to continue acting like a brat - that's her problem.

Hey! Make a video of yourself pimping the items to your friends on Facebook! Bet that will get a reaction ! (kidding!)

[JRT]

Yeah... .I finally sent an email to her sister to ask for her to communicate it to her... .thing is, I used a NON blocked way of sending the email AND I sent her a snail mail to her work. It appears that she doesn't care about her stuff or that she zapped the mail without reading it. SMH: how childish! just a simple 'screw you' would suffice, .

The phone calls? Yeah, that's what I suspect... .see above.

I'm sorry. What a frustrating situation! I don't think I would continue to pay for the storage unit. Put the items on Craigslist, eBay, whatever. You've been more than kind / generous to her. And she certainly has done nothing to deserve it. If she wants to continue acting like a brat - that's her problem.

Hey! Make a video of yourself pimping the items to your friends on Facebook! Bet that will get a reaction ! (kidding!)

I didn't get a response... .its how my brain works... .I would have a guilty conscience... .if she acknowledged that she had received the message and then didn't pick the stuff up, I would have no problem with trashing it.

You will recall that I DID put her things on FB... .it got her attention... .

[Restored2]

No doubt about it.

To my family and firends, I am the strong one. The one that doesn't let things bother him. But MAN! I cannot believe the lasting impact that this relationship has had on me. I still cannot believe that she did what she did. Brother, we did not have the stormy r/s that seems to typify most BPD r/s's that I read about here; there was no yelling or lying or other forms of acrimony. Just a week before this happened, I was telling how I was never more happy in all of my life and how grateful to God that I was for the blessing (and I rarely say things like that unless I REALLY mean them). It was a milestone in my 48 year old life.

A week later she is going without warning and then engages in scorched earth... .incredible. I tell people about this and their reaction is always the same; either I am making it up or embellishing a bit or it is a look of disbelief/horror. No one really has ever seen or heard of such a thing.

It is amazing how lasting of an impact these relationships can have on us.  I too cannot believe what mine did to me either.  My relationship was not "stormy" at all with being drama free as well.  It was an overall happy and loving relationship... .or so I was lead to believe.  Which is why none of this makes any sense to me.  The storms of drama only began at the breakup and fallout afterwards.  These devastating relationship experiences are a recipe to shake ones confidence and self esteem, leaving one to question their own accuracy in judgments.  

My family and friends are in total amazement on the horror reaction end of what she has put me through from the point of breakup onwards.    

[JRT]

We must have been engaged to the same woman!

My family cannot believe it either... .

[ShadowIntheNight]

No doubt about it.

To my family and firends, I am the strong one. The one that doesn't let things bother him. But MAN! I cannot believe the lasting impact that this relationship has had on me. I still cannot believe that she did what she did. Brother, we did not have the stormy r/s that seems to typify most BPD r/s's that I read about here; there was no yelling or lying or other forms of acrimony. Just a week before this happened, I was telling how I was never more happy in all of my life and how grateful to God that I was for the blessing (and I rarely say things like that unless I REALLY mean them). It was a milestone in my 48 year old life.

A week later she is going without warning and then engages in scorched earth... .incredible. I tell people about this and their reaction is always the same; either I am making it up or embellishing a bit or it is a look of disbelief/horror. No one really has ever seen or heard of such a thing.

It is amazing how lasting of an impact these relationships can have on us.  I too cannot believe what mine did to me either.  My relationship was not "stormy" at all with being drama free as well.  It was an overall happy and loving relationship... .or so I was lead to believe.  Which is why none of this makes any sense to me.  The storms of drama only began at the breakup and fallout afterwards.  These devastating relationship experiences are a recipe to shake ones confidence and self esteem, leaving one to question their own accuracy in judgments.  

My family and friends are in total amazement on the horror reaction end of what she has put me through from the point of breakup onwards.    

I'd vote your response up if I could. She and I were relatively drama free. Her conflict was with her exH for the 10 years we were together. I have a better understanding of what may have caused her to "snap" but am still not certain. I am sure if she were to say it would be things about my behavior or something along those lines that I had never heard cross her lips before. In other words, she'd have to make it up... .

[Restored2]

We must have been engaged to the same woman!

My family cannot believe it either... .

Thankfully, her and I were not engaged, as that would have made it even harder to deal with.  We were talking marriage though.  She initiated the marriage conversation with me after only dating about a couple of months.  She then brought her 5 children in on the marriage loop to prepare them for what could be coming down the road... .

[JRT]

No doubt about it.

To my family and firends, I am the strong one. The one that doesn't let things bother him. But MAN! I cannot believe the lasting impact that this relationship has had on me. I still cannot believe that she did what she did. Brother, we did not have the stormy r/s that seems to typify most BPD r/s's that I read about here; there was no yelling or lying or other forms of acrimony. Just a week before this happened, I was telling how I was never more happy in all of my life and how grateful to God that I was for the blessing (and I rarely say things like that unless I REALLY mean them). It was a milestone in my 48 year old life.

A week later she is going without warning and then engages in scorched earth... .incredible. I tell people about this and their reaction is always the same; either I am making it up or embellishing a bit or it is a look of disbelief/horror. No one really has ever seen or heard of such a thing.

It is amazing how lasting of an impact these relationships can have on us.  I too cannot believe what mine did to me either.  My relationship was not "stormy" at all with being drama free as well.  It was an overall happy and loving relationship... .or so I was lead to believe.  Which is why none of this makes any sense to me.  The storms of drama only began at the breakup and fallout afterwards.  These devastating relationship experiences are a recipe to shake ones confidence and self esteem, leaving one to question their own accuracy in judgments.  

My family and friends are in total amazement on the horror reaction end of what she has put me through from the point of breakup onwards.    

I'd vote your response up if I could. She and I were relatively drama free. Her conflict was with her exH for the 10 years we were together. I have a better understanding of what may have caused her to "snap" but am still not certain. I am sure if she were to say it would be things about my behavior or something along those lines that I had never heard cross her lips before. In other words, she'd have to make it up... .

Mine raged against her son, never against me. The son is a bright kid but a functional disaster: he will live in mom's basement for the remainder of his life... .he is more of a tragedy than this relationship... .

We also had a happy relationship... .I didn't hear "this bothers me' or 'can we fix this or that' even once! Nothing! In fact the opposite... .compliments especially at the end. I don't see it coming... .

... .then the anger. She behaves now as if I am someone that would murder her upon hearing the sound of my voice or seeing me in person... .I don't get it... .I have heard of but one or 2 instances where they do not make contact again... .its been 6 months for mine

[Infared]

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever. 

[Restored2]

No doubt about it.

To my family and firends, I am the strong one. The one that doesn't let things bother him. But MAN! I cannot believe the lasting impact that this relationship has had on me. I still cannot believe that she did what she did. Brother, we did not have the stormy r/s that seems to typify most BPD r/s's that I read about here; there was no yelling or lying or other forms of acrimony. Just a week before this happened, I was telling how I was never more happy in all of my life and how grateful to God that I was for the blessing (and I rarely say things like that unless I REALLY mean them). It was a milestone in my 48 year old life.

A week later she is going without warning and then engages in scorched earth... .incredible. I tell people about this and their reaction is always the same; either I am making it up or embellishing a bit or it is a look of disbelief/horror. No one really has ever seen or heard of such a thing.

It is amazing how lasting of an impact these relationships can have on us.  I too cannot believe what mine did to me either.  My relationship was not "stormy" at all with being drama free as well.  It was an overall happy and loving relationship... .or so I was lead to believe.  Which is why none of this makes any sense to me.  The storms of drama only began at the breakup and fallout afterwards.  These devastating relationship experiences are a recipe to shake ones confidence and self esteem, leaving one to question their own accuracy in judgments.  

My family and friends are in total amazement on the horror reaction end of what she has put me through from the point of breakup onwards.    

I'd vote your response up if I could. She and I were relatively drama free. Her conflict was with her exH for the 10 years we were together. I have a better understanding of what may have caused her to "snap" but am still not certain. I am sure if she were to say it would be things about my behavior or something along those lines that I had never heard cross her lips before. In other words, she'd have to make it up... .

Mine raged against her son, never against me. The son is a bright kid but a functional disaster: he will live in mom's basement for the remainder of his life... .he is more of a tragedy than this relationship... .

We also had a happy relationship... .I didn't hear "this bothers me' or 'can we fix this or that' even once! Nothing! In fact the opposite... .compliments especially at the end. I don't see it coming... .

... .then the anger. She behaves now as if I am someone that would murder her upon hearing the sound of my voice or seeing me in person... .I don't get it... .I have heard of but one or 2 instances where they do not make contact again... .its been 6 months for mine

That is very sad about the son.  I never heard any real issues of concern until the breakup when she claimed that I was controlling her and our relationship and that she would not tolerate it any further.  I would have constructively addressed her concerns, if she had of let me in on them.  She never gave me much of a chance to correct anything.  As for them contacting, ya just never know... .

[Restored2]

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever. 

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

[Infared]

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.

[Restored2]

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.

Thank you for sharing, Infared.  It is totally understandable how it would still hurt you.  For you to have conflictual feelings for her may seem weird to you, but considering the circumstances is quite normal.  I am curious why these encounters are painful for you?     

[Infared]

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.

Thank you for sharing, Infared.  It is totally understandable how it would still hurt you.  For you to have conflictual feelings for her may seem weird to you, but considering the circumstances is quite normal.  I am curious why these encounters are painful for you?    

I just really, really loved her and her family. To have it all turn into what it did and to have to basically protect myself (set hardcore boundaries), well it's just not anything that I ever imagined that my relationship with her would turn into. It like a bad movie.

[Restored2]

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.

Thank you for sharing, Infared.  It is totally understandable how it would still hurt you.  For you to have conflictual feelings for her may seem weird to you, but considering the circumstances is quite normal.  I am curious why these encounters are painful for you?    

I just really, really loved her and her family. To have it all turn into what it did and to have to basically protect myself (set hardcore boundaries), well it's just not anything that I ever imagined that my relationship with her would turn into. It like a bad movie.

I can totally relate to where you are coming from, Infared.  It feels like I am living out a tragic movie with mine that I would never have conceived would ever happen.  She told me towards the beginning of our relationship that she wanted to compliment my life, not complicate it.  It's sad how it all got inverted by her in the end to become soo pathetically complicated.

[Restored2]

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.

Thank you for sharing, Infared.  It is totally understandable how it would still hurt you.  For you to have conflictual feelings for her may seem weird to you, but considering the circumstances is quite normal.  I am curious why these encounters are painful for you?    

I just really, really loved her and her family. To have it all turn into what it did and to have to basically protect myself (set hardcore boundaries), well it's just not anything that I ever imagined that my relationship with her would turn into. It like a bad movie.

I can totally relate to where you are coming from, Infared.  It feels like I am living out a tragic movie with mine that I would never have conceived would ever happen.  She told me towards the beginning of our relationship that she wanted to compliment my life, not complicate it.  It's sad how it all got inverted by her in the end to become soo pathetically complicated.

Does her contacting you in some way stir up these emotions of yours?

[Infared]

JRT ... .I had a similar experience as you... .I didn't get the abuse until she got new supply and ran off.  God was it awful.  They are married now... .me absolute NC for years... .and she tries to chase me around parking lots, now! LOL! I will have NONE of that.  Mind your business and give it time.   They are mentally ill, and have absolutely no accountability about anything. Ever.  

Hi Infared.  Sounds like you have had an extremely rough go too.  I am curious, how long was it for your ex to come around to contacting you and chasing you in parking lots?

Well... .it's complicated... .she stared doing drive-byes about a year out of our relationship. I had bee total NC for at least 6-8 months. At about the year and 4 months point she did a quadruple drive by one day when I was out putting my MTB on my car and I knew that I had incoming... but before she could even get out of her car I asked if she was still with my replacement, when she said yes. I told her GOOD bye!... .and she shamefully got back in her car and drove away. I was in T and was getting stronger. Whenever I have these encounters it is really painful for me... .but I will not let her play her psycho triangulation games on me. It's mental illness, nothing more... .but it still is not easy to deal with in a split second. She has no intention of leaving my replacement... .It still hurts me... .but at this point, it's weird... I miss her, but at the same time, I have nothing to say to her. There was just too much emotional abuse... .way too much.

Thank you for sharing, Infared.  It is totally understandable how it would still hurt you.  For you to have conflictual feelings for her may seem weird to you, but considering the circumstances is quite normal.  I am curious why these encounters are painful for you?    

I just really, really loved her and her family. To have it all turn into what it did and to have to basically protect myself (set hardcore boundaries), well it's just not anything that I ever imagined that my relationship with her would turn into. It like a bad movie.

I can totally relate to where you are coming from, Infared.  It feels like I am living out a tragic movie with mine that I would never have conceived would ever happen.  She told me towards the beginning of our relationship that she wanted to compliment my life, not complicate it.  It's sad how it all got inverted by her in the end to become soo pathetically complicated.

Does her contacting you in some way stir up these emotions of yours?

It's just so twisted. I loved this woman. Made a home with her. I was deeply (unhealthily) connected to her and her family. I am also a very visual person. An artist. I have cut off all means of contact, but she lives in my town ( I think she may have recently moved, Thank God.). Now , if she sees me somewhere she may just decide to act immaturely if she is with new supply, like they see me and have to hug and kiss, like 7th graders? (They are 45 years old)?

If she is alone she may jockey all around, trying to accidentally "run into" me. It's totally psycho. Why does she think I would entertain talking to her after the way I have been treated? (Oh, maybe because she is the most self-centered person on the planet, and her immediate need is to want to talk to me. No respectful boundaries at all. No consideration of my feelings or that of the person she lives with?).Nothing good can come of me talking to her... .it's just insanity... .but actually seeing her just always makes me profoundly sad.  I guess my heart just can't sort it out... .but my mind has!

[Turkish]

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