Boundaries: 'being a caring, supportive partner' Vs 'being used' ~

[daz_bpd]

A constant theme with my ex gf was the threshold conflict / boundary between a independent core value of mine which is "being a caring, loving, supportive" partner but then not having her take advantage of this and playing victim so that I am always rescuing her.

Each of the situations were independently rationalised and 'reasonable' but when you string them together it looks as if her life is a constant drama and mess, where she is 'surviving' day-to-day and I am simply supplying her with money, attention, energy to keep things afloat.

whenever i didnt do as she asks she reminded me that i didnt love her enough and that other men (her ex in particular) did a better job than me

[valet]

I think that experience ultimately dictates how we react in situations where we truly care and want to help. When you're really raw in relationships, you tend not to know how to treat another person. This is obviously where communication should come in, but it often doesn't, especially in the case of a BPD partner.

I think that now you've had this experience, you'll have those critical lightbulb moments in future relationships that will allow you to better establish your own boundaries. Now that you've had the opportunity to see what too much is, you're probably already much better equipped than most.

This is kind of the gift that cluster-b partners give us. When the fog has lifted, we truly can see through them in a lot of ways. This allows us to put up big boundaries with them, even as friends, while also giving us a better idea of who a healthy partner might be.