Will blocking make it better or worse

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I wonder if by not blocking him I am hoping he will contact me... . and he will not. I truly believe the discard is final this time... . even if he does its going to be a while. He started a new job now life is good. I dont want to wait 6 months to a year (or more) to hear from or see him again. Thats not fair to me. Should I block him everywhere as he has blocked me?  It seems so childish

should i block mutual friend? its not really his fault he has tried to invite me places to get where otherwise id sit home alone but hes a trigger because he still talks to him

[Beach_Babe]

I wonder if by not blocking him I am hoping he will contact me... . and he will not. I truly believe the discard is final this time... . even if he does its going to be a while. He started a new job now life is good. I dont want to wait 6 months to a year (or more) to hear from or see him again. Thats not fair to me. Should I block him everywhere as he has blocked me?  It seems so childish

should i block mutual friend? its not really his fault he has tried to invite me places to get where otherwise id sit home alone but hes a trigger because he still talks to him

[LimboFL]

Beach babe, no I don't think you should block him, not only because as you say it is childish but because you would only be showing him that you are even thinking about him. I deleted my ex's from my phone but it was purely for me. She will never know. But I did it straight after the last recycle.

It was for me and only me, having her as a contact meant that she was still in my life. If he has blocked you then you are not in his life and the prevailing feeling should be that you don't care, by blocking him now, you are only showing that you do care. (I know that you do, despite everything I miss my exBPDgf and still deeply love her but she can never be in my life again).

If, however, that open door eats at your or gives you hope and that shutting that door might offer you some closure, then yes, do it, as a symbolic measure, otherwise why do it. As a cig smoker, I am always told by people that when you quit you should always have that one cigarette sitting in a drawer somewhere as kind of a sign of your strength, that you can persevere, even though you have that temptation sitting right there. It's not the best analogy but hopefully you see where I am going with it.

I have blocked nothing. If my ex wanted to reach out to me she could by, phone, text, email, facebook, whatever. She never will, which is good, but while I do care deeply blocking her from everything only serves to prove that she continues to effect me. She does but she doesn't need to know that.

[fromheeltoheal]

Whatever you do, do it for your own mental health.  You've been blaming yourself and waiting for his acceptance of an apology that isn't coming, and saying he's smearing you; the best way to remove all of that from your life so you can get your feet on the ground, process emotions and move forward with your life is to stop any communication and the chance of it entirely.  We get emotionally caught up in relationships, these relationships especially because of the way borderline attachment works, and it's important to shift the focus entirely to you and your needs right now so you can detach; that's not childish it's mature self preservation.  Take care of you!

[Beach_Babe]

maybe thats how he sees it too. mature self preservation. Maybe I am a toxin. Maybe he didn't want to go but I tried to have the closure conversation so many times maybe he finally agreed.

[LimboFL]

If you haven't read this thread Beach Babe, maybe you should. It helped me process:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=275093.0

[zundertowz]

Personally don't care what my ex thinks... . she's on block along with a bunch of other people associated with her because I don't want to know or care what drama is going on in here life. The first few weeks I was checking my texts and emails almost hoping one of them was from her. Everything on block now... . that feeling of is she or will she contact me is gone... . she will not and cannot.  Its about whats best for you not what your insane ex thinks.

[fromheeltoheal]

maybe thats how he sees it too. mature self preservation.

Yes, borderlines are all about self-preservation, they have to be, but is he really mature?

Maybe I am a toxin.

If you were going to describe yourself in a more empowering way, what would it be?

[Dunder]

Beach babe, no I don't think you should block him, not only because as you say it is childish but because you would only be showing him that you are even thinking about him. I deleted my ex's from my phone but it was purely for me. She will never know. But I did it straight after the last recycle.

It was for me and only me, having her as a contact meant that she was still in my life. If he has blocked you then you are not in his life and the prevailing feeling should be that you don't care, by blocking him now, you are only showing that you do care. (I know that you do, despite everything I miss my exBPDgf and still deeply love her but she can never be in my life again).

If, however, that open door eats at your or gives you hope and that shutting that door might offer you some closure, then yes, do it, as a symbolic measure, otherwise why do it. As a cig smoker, I am always told by people that when you quit you should always have that one cigarette sitting in a drawer somewhere as kind of a sign of your strength, that you can persevere, even though you have that temptation sitting right there. It's not the best analogy but hopefully you see where I am going with it.

I have blocked nothing. If my ex wanted to reach out to me she could by, phone, text, email, facebook, whatever. She never will, which is good, but while I do care deeply blocking her from everything only serves to prove that she continues to effect me. She does but she doesn't need to know that.

I've been struggling with the same question, but actually it's whether to unfriend my exBPD from FB or not to unfriend. I'm only 2 weeks post b/u so the pain is still pretty raw, so I've decided not to take any action for the time being because action of any sort will only serve as a trigger and slow the healing process (I think). I like what LimboFL says about letting that last cigarette symbolize your strength to abstain from contact. I've also toyed with the idea of setting my email filter to erase any incoming messages from her so I wouldn't know she was even trying to contact me, but somehow I'm not ready to take that step either.  Hmmmm... .

[Beach_Babe]

he has already blocked me everywhere anyway. I keep telling myself he hates me and would be mean if I made contact

[Beach_Babe]

Limbo: I read that thread, and im so happy he was able to get closure. Thank you for sharing that.

fromheeltoheel: am I acting just like the borderline by running away though? I can't handle something so I block it out. What does that say about ME and issues I have then? Because in the end it is about ME not him and why I chose to stay with such a disordered person  :)unno what would be a more empowering term? Codependent?

Dunder: Waiting until you are of clearer mind is a wise idea. Do you and your ex still talk?

zundertowz: If i'm honest with myself I do hope he will contact me. I want to believe this is all a mistake or perhaps a bad dream. But its not. How long did it take you to accept that realization?

[fromheeltoheal]

fromheeltoheel: am I acting just like the borderline by running away though? I can't handle something so I block it out. What does that say about ME and issues I have then? Because in the end it is about ME not him and why I chose to stay with such a disordered person  :)unno what would be a more empowering term? Codependent?

I think I've been following your story BB, and as far as I know he left you, yes?  or maybe not officially, he just left?  After treating you like sht?  And you felt a need to apologize, which you did, yes?

So that leaves you with a couple of choices: do you want to be in a relationship with him?  If so, does he want to be in one with you?  If you don't want to be with him and/or he doesn't want to be with you, best to remove him from your life entirely so you can heal and move on.  And if you both want to be together, then get together.  It's no more complicated than that.

Others have said that it's better to not block anything, which is what I did, because fck her I was taking my power back and she doesn't get to screw with my life anymore.  That worked for me because she only tried to contact me by email, rare for her, she preferred texting and the phone, but she screwed up badly, which is why I left, and I figure she was feeling too ashamed to contact me the ways she preferred.  Whatever, I didn't care, I just deleted the emails and got on with my life.  Now had she showed up on Facebook or started bombarding me with texts and calls I might have done something different, but that didn't happen so I don't know.

For you it's similar: he is not contacting you but you're leaving the channels open, yes?  How does that make you feel?  Are you sitting around hoping he'll contact you, and the possibility is screwing with your life?  If that's the case, and you're committed to your own healing, blocking might be a good idea.  It's important to make it ALL about you and how you feel right now, since you are clearly not getting your needs met by him.

My two cents.  Take care of you!

[LimboFL]

Beach babe, my hope is that you understood my reasons for sharing that thread with you. While the scene might have been different and the roles reversed (in terms of the sexes), the take away was intended to maybe offer you some solace and insight into what your exBPDbf might have going through his mind, that his blocking you and staying out of contact might be because you are a trigger. My intention was to hopefully offer you some relief, as it did I.

One of the very toughest things to deal with is our reaction to being discarded and the cold callousness way in which it is done. I have read you question whether he loved(s) you or not, a question we all ask.

Again, it would be absolutely irresponsible of me to in any way suggest either for myself or you that the confessions of 4years exBPD should be the template used to determine what all of our exBPD's feel. Instead my take away was that there her confession can offer some hope that their love is/was real and in fact that the more distance they need from you has more to do with how much they care for and love you, how deeply you effected them. That is the mind screw in all of this, that our being rejected and ignored could be because you made such a huge and emotional impact on their lives that they can't speak or deal with you. How messed up is that?

In other words, while like so many who have commented on your threads, the very last thing I would suggest is to reunite with him (it sounds like you would though) so my link to that thread was more to maybe help you feel differently about his blocking and ignoring you. Our minds send us down the path that they are having so much fun and are so happy with a replacement that you don't even cross their mind. 4 years thread offers a sliver of hope that maybe we haven't been so easily forgotten.

Stay strong!

[ReclaimingMyLife]

As a cig smoker, I am always told by people that when you quit you should always have that one cigarette sitting in a drawer somewhere as kind of a sign of your strength, that you can persevere, even though you have that temptation sitting right there. It's not the best analogy but hopefully you see where I am going with it.

I took an awesome stop smoking class twenty years ago.   Similar to what Limbo mentions,  we were instructed to keep a pack of cigarettes.  The pack we will never smoke.   A reminder that we are not deprived.   We are at choice and can smoke anytime we want.   We are just choosing not to.  

But we bound shut that pack of cigarettes with clear scotch tape.  Taped the hell  out of it.   With a little note included to remind us of why we chose to quit.   Technically we could open that pack,  but we made sure it wouldn't be easy.   That one bad impulse wasn't going to derail us.   I think there is some real wisdom here:  a reminder we can do what we want but without making  it easy to do so.  

It will be 20 years this July.   I still have my taped up,  never-opened pack of Marlboro reds.  Never had another one.

Not sure what that means for you,  beach_babe but thought the "taped up" metaphor a good one.   How do we tape things up to keep us safe and healthy from our bad impulses?  

[Beach_Babe]

fromheeltoheel: I think I accept he has moved on romantically. I just wish things could at least still be cordial. Dunno I am usually a peacemaker,  not the type of person to make enemies. Several of my exes I even keep in touch with or we are friends on facebook (or at least the end was respectful and closure peaceful). I have NEVER had any kind of relationship end with this type of animosity.

LimboFL: yes I understood. That was a comforting post for me as well =)

But doesn't all that BPD "introspection" come later? I was under the impression they grieve in reverse, and out of sight is out of mind?

Reclaiming: Congrats on passing 20 years ! How did you do it? That is amazing!

[valet]

I blocked my ex on Facebook and Twitter and I don't regret it. All other lines of communication remain open, and if there is contact she is always the one that initiates it, although she hasn't been so forthcoming since I asked her not to talk to me.

I'll probably add/unblock her eventually, but not until I've healed to the point where those social media presences don't hurt me so much. You have to do it for you. It's not about them. If they truly want and/or are capable of a friendship with you any blocking is just small stuff that thy can get over. It's kind of like a litmus test to see how truly ill they might be.

[Beach_Babe]

It's kind of like a litmus test to see how truly ill they might be.

What do you mean?

[valet]

It's kind of like a litmus test to see how truly ill they might be.

What do you mean?

I think it might be a method of separating the low functioning from the high functioning. Not sure how true of a statement that that is, however.

[Beach_Babe]

Why would a low functioning be more likely to block do you think? Don't they all compartmentalize?

[valet]

Why would a low functioning be more likely to block do you think? Don't they all compartmentalize?

I tend to think that the low functioning are more susceptible to extreme behavior, whereas the high can sometimes avoid it. Or, it's my own personal experience in the matter. My ex hasn't cut me off and still seems like she wants a friendship at a later time.

Full disclosure though: I think my own fears of abondonment and loss were triggered a couple of hours ago when I got some hints that my ex might not be in the same place as me next year. Either way, it is for the best that I remain NC, but this is new for me.

I may just be grasping at straws.

[Beach_Babe]

what hints did you get specifically? Did your ex get engaged or something?

[valet]

Breadcrumbs from a mutual friend. I made a thread about it. I don't really feel panicked, just strange. Just made a more detailed post. She's definitely not getting engaged, but I am fairly confident that I've been replaced by a mutual friend.

[jhkbuzz]

fromheeltoheel: am I acting just like the borderline by running away though? I can't handle something so I block it out. What does that say about ME and issues I have then? Because in the end it is about ME not him and why I chose to stay with such a disordered person  :)unno what would be a more empowering term? Codependent?

What fromheeltoheal said earlier is the best advice of all:  do what you need to do for your own mental health.

I did not receive closure from my ex: after we broke up we were in a texting conversation and she simply stopped responding.  When she refused to respond to a later pragmatic text (about my stepdaughter's car payment which we were both paying), I decided to send her a "goodbye" message via Facebook (part of my OWN process of closure), and then I unfriended her on Facebook.  Both the message and the unfriend were for MY mental health - for no other reason. I didn't care what she thought about it nor was I terribly angry when I did it; I was protecting my peace of mind.

A while after I unfriended her I posted a link on my stepdaughter's FB page - and my ex commented (not to me, to my SD).  It was so triggering for me that I blocked her on FB - so I could post to my SD without worrying about what my ex might do.

I also decided to block her on my phone and email accounts - again, for my OWN peace of mind.  About 3 months after the breakup I unblocked her because I knew I wouldn't be horribly triggered if she tried to get in touch.  Again, it was all about what I could handle. I may eventually "unblock" her on FB as well.  Time will tell.

This is a terribly painful time for you, but it can also be a time of healing and wonderful introspection. Everyone else's opinions be damned - including your ex's.  Take care of YOURSELF.  If you don't, who will?

[DyingLove]

For you it's similar: he is not contacting you but you're leaving the channels open, yes?  How does that make you feel?  Are you sitting around hoping he'll contact you, and the possibility is screwing with your life?  If that's the case, and you're committed to your own healing, blocking might be a good idea.  It's important to make it ALL about you and how you feel right now, since you are clearly not getting your needs met by him.

My two cents.  Take care of you![/quote]
I'm sure this is a quote fromhealtoheel... . not sure I did it right... . but you can't get a better answer I think.  I'm in the same boat... . I don't wanna block, I don't have the strenght and I don't know that she will contact me or what direction it will come from!  That's is partially why I started that thread loss is loss is loss, because if she were dead, I think it would be easier.  BUT NOO... . idiot me has to sit around wondering if there is a chance I can get back with the person that nearly killed me.  Gee I can't wait to be abused some more!  I wrote that because as stupid as it looks, it's what I'm really doing.  To see how dumb it sounds (and hear) helps me see what I'm really doing.  I'm still on hold- FOR HER!  I doubt her life is on hold for me.  What does she have anyway?  A 8-5 job, a 9 year old kid, a car that is a POS, the same freaking bills she had when I was there, the same LOUSY family (except for her dad)... . all the same crap.  AND I WANT THAT?  No thank you.  I'm making it a priority to keep FB to a minimum today.  I'm going to bury myself in the work that I've been neglecting.  But I will check the bpdfamily, because you are all my savioiurs in one way or another.  Wishing everyone a great day!

[apollotech]

"... . I blocked her on FB - so I could post to my SD without worrying about what my ex might do.

I also decided to block her on my phone and email accounts - again, for my OWN peace of mind.  About 3 months after the breakup I unblocked her because I knew I wouldn't be horribly triggered if she tried to get in touch.  Again, it was all about what I could handle. I may eventually "unblock" her on FB as well.  Time will tell."

BB,

We have to decide for ourselves what is best for us at the time. The example given above by jhk exemplifies that process. jhk blocked and unblocked in accordance with her needs/wants and what she was able to handle at the time. You seem to be more distressed over him not contacting you. Is the to block or not to block question more about triggering him to iniate contact? For example, if he sees that he has been blocked, he will be triggered into contacting you? Do you want the contact to begin again?

[Dunder]

Dunder: Waiting until you are of clearer mind is a wise idea. Do you and your ex still talk?

No, we definitely do not talk. I ended the relationship 16 days ago, the first and hopefully last time. I had lost a lot of weight, was getting fainting spells and sleeping 2-3 hours max. per night. But the biggest reason I ended it first was that it was becoming really obvious that she was lining up my replacement or that he was probably already in place.


My therapist suspected BPD for quite a while though he only confirmed that to me after I ended it. I guess he didn't want to diagnose her from a distance.  I can respect that.

I've never experienced anything like this, I'm really at a loss as to what happened here. 

[JRT]

 I dont want to wait 6 months to a year (or more) to hear from or see him again. Thats not fair to me. Should I block him everywhere as he has blocked me?  It seems so childish [/quote]
I might be that long or longer: I have not heard from mine and its almost been 7 months... .to be fair; I know that she was stalking my FB page at one point and I have been getting some odd phone calls at regular intervals (interestingly, I went on vacation last week and received none... .but had a couple this week).

You are right: it is NOT fair... .nothing seems fair about what they do to the people that they love the most.

[Beach_Babe]

If they truly want and/or are capable of a friendship with you any blocking is just small stuff that thy can get over. It's kind of like a litmus test to see how truly ill they might be.

Can you elaborate? Ex kept me blocked everywhere even before he discarded me. I had to ask permission to call. It upset me being blocked. I could not get over it.

She's definitely not getting engaged, but I am fairly confident that I've been replaced by a mutual friend.

ugh thats terrible.

JRT:how do you kniw she is stalking your page?

[Beach_Babe]

Mutual friend's presence on facebook is so triggering and he keeps sending me friend requests after I unfriended him.  Mutual friend introduced me to other friends of his (not friends with ex) who wonder what gives. Mutual friend still talks to ex. Its so triggering ive considered blocking him. what do u think? Either that or stay off facebook. The friends of the mutual friend have treated me well and included me... .it matters because to be honest I am somewhat socially isolated right now. I dont know if i can move on tho without cutting this tie. This mutual friend didnt cause ex to leave but his drama sure exaberated the situation.

[valet]

Mutual friend's presence on facebook is so triggering and he keeps sending me friend requests. Mutual friend introduced me to other friends of his (not friends with ex) who wonder what gives. Mutual friend still talks to ex. Its so triggering ive considered blocking him. what do u think ?

I have my ex blocked, but haven't blocked any mutual friends. I have unfollowed a few though, so that they don't appear in my feed, as well as disabled chat for them so I don't have to see them on the chat bar thingy. That works for me, personally.

If you don't block mutual friend, but do all of the stuff I mentioned, will you still check his/her page? If you know you can't resist, just block them. They'll get over it if they're a good person. It's just Facebook. If not, they're probably not worth having in your life. Just my opinion, though.

[Beach_Babe]

 the friends of the mutual friend... .no problem keeping them. Its the mutual friend himself, that guy that acted as a go between and sometimes outright lied about things (or did stuff to p*ss ex off and attributed it to me, showed facebook conversations to him ect ) he insists he still wants to be friends regardless of what ex thinks. They still talk however. Ex will always think im satan if hes around (and mutual friend kinda serves as that reminder). dunno. should i refriend mutual friend then just ignore him? no clue anymore

[jhkbuzz]

the friends of the mutual friend... .no problem keeping them. Its the mutual friend himself, that guy that acted as a go between and sometimes outright lied about things (or did stuff to p*ss ex off and attributed it to me, showed facebook conversations to him ect ) he insists he still wants to be friends regardless of what ex thinks. They still talk however. Ex will always think im satan if hes around (and mutual friend kinda serves as that reminder). dunno. should i refriend mutual friend then just ignore him? no clue anymore

Again, it is all about what YOU need for your own peace of mind.  If this mutual "friend" lied and created drama, then the lies and drama will continue. Consider whether or not you want to keep a "friend" with such clear character flaws, and who triggers you badly, and act accordingly.  Block if it's what YOU need.

[jhkbuzz]

By the way, BB, it's heartbreaking for me to read your posts because they remind me so much of my own mental state after the breakup.  My ex left me as well - and went no contact without warning.  I only sent a few texts after that point but received no reply. I was constantly triggered, I didn't have a clear thought, I was COMPLETELY focused on my ex (to the point that I couldn't even IDENTIFY what I needed), and was in constant pain.

I am 8 months post b/u (8 year relationship) - and when I look back at that time I can't believe what a mess I was - how I let someone with clear mental health issues drive the r/s; how I became completely disconnected from my own needs; and how the chaos lead to anxiety like I have never experienced before in my LIFE.

The answer, although you won't want to hear it, is to go no contact and begin to  do two things:  make peace with the fact that you fell in love with someone who has BPD or (at the very least mental health issues) and that the "good" and "bad" parts are truly who he is - he is ALL of it - and the "bad" will always be present without therapeutic intervention. The second thing is to begin to look inward to discover why you so desperately want to remain with a partner who not only fails to meet your needs, but is actually abusive.  Discovering why you are clinging to a r/s that produces great anxiety and chaos within you is your next task.  Many of us have discovered that this pattern within US repeats something from childhood - and it's a pattern that can be broken if we do the work on ourselves.

I am doing that work with a therapist - it is tremendously helpful.

[JRT]

JRT:how do you kniw she is stalking your page? [/quote]
She is THE type to do this just by nature of her personality, our relationship, BPD and how she ended the r/s. Regardless; I created a ruse to see if she would respond a couple of months ago. Sure as shooting she did but through a friend of hers (so that she could save face, there has been no communication to me by her at all otherwise).

[dagwoodbowser]

Hey beachbabe. Hope overall you're having a great weekend. Mine is just another boring weekend on my own but I'm on day 37 N/C and while a little bummed I can honestly say I am at least able to better manage my emotions now, that wasn't case 20 days ago. As I spend more time here learning, observing and reading various insights and opinions you start to learn each characters anonymous nickname's story, you can tell if they're having a good day or not so good as well who the rookies are and the experienced sages.

Anyway, I've read several of your posts and I really do understand what you're going through. If you're familiar with my posts, I'm doing this again after multiple recycles and while I cant predict the future I pray daily that I wont have to. One thing that I really feel will make the difference for me this time around is this place. BPD Family. I always thought my situation was unique, that no one would ever believe what I've been through or my xBPD's actions and behaviors. To my amazement, so many of the stories are eerily similar as well as the behaviors. So in a way it's a comfort, but it also saddens me because even though I've been through all I have I still love and miss my X but as the reality of all the facts and mounting evidence keeps growing I know that I will not survive another R/s, my x will not get better, I am a trigger to her and none of her behaviors will ever change especially since she is getting Zero help and refuses it or makes excuses. So, based on advice I've seen here I have chosen to completely Block my XBPD in all areas. I cant allow her back in. It's not a game, there's no end plan other than N/C for my own well being. You can definatley go back and give it another try or put yourself in his orbit to make something happen if you feel that conflicted too.

[Beach_Babe]

I created a ruse to see if she would respond a couple of months ago. Sure as shooting she did but through a friend of hers (so that she could save face, there has been no communication to me by her at all otherwise).

Do you believe the mutual friend? See this is the problem with mine. I dont know what to believe.

Dunder: How are you doing?

dagwood: Im doing ok, thanks for asking. I am on day 13 no contact and am still sad, but at least the nightmares have lessened. How are you?

[ReclaimingMyLife]

I am on day 13 no contact and am still sad, but at least the nightmares have lessened.  [/quote]
Beach_Babe, congrats on day 13 and glad the nightmares have lessened.  Directionally correct, indeed!

[JRT]

It gets easier I promise you guys... .just make sure you work to keep yourself distracted as much as you possibly can.

[dagwoodbowser]

dagwood: Im doing ok, thanks for asking. I am on day 13 no contact and am still sad, but at least the nightmares have lessened. How are you?

Doing well actually. Weekend was kinda lame, but I didnt wallow. Tuesday will be day 40 for me and I'm noticing far better control of the heavy emotions. Everyday that passes is one day more that I didnt take that hit from the toxic drug of crazed, mixed emotions of lust, passions, anger and rage. Hello everyone, my name is dagwood and I  am addicted to a dysfunctional person that has BPD. I can not trust myself or my emotions around her because she knows how to manipulate me and trigger me and in a very twisted, masochistic way I enjoy it so I can not talk to her, communicate with her let alone see her.

[Beach_Babe]

Hello dagwood, my name is BeachBabe. I am codependent and addicted to drama and pain. That is why I chose to stay in a relationship someone mentally unstable called BPD.

[DyingLove]

Some of us do NOT have strength right now to stay n/c or to refrain from acting on our feelings.  If we don't have strength, we have to do something.  If a bolt is too tight and we can't loosen it, we may need leverage or some liquid wrench, and blocking, in your case, is that leverage.  You have to KNOW in your mind that it IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.  If you had to use an extension to your wrench or liquid wrench, would you be upset?  No... .you'd be happy in the long run that you were able to remove the bolt!  :-)

I know, it's easier said than done... .I know I should block everyone that had anything to do with her... .I still check emails, texts, fb to see if someone wrote anything that might resemble HER reaching out... .or maybe a friending from her.  Damn!  I don't know what I would do if she tried friending me!  Probably will never happen... .see there I go again... .wondering- WHAT IF!   I hate this.

[Dunder]

I created a ruse to see if she would respond a couple of months ago. Sure as shooting she did but through a friend of hers (so that she could save face, there has been no communication to me by her at all otherwise).

Do you believe the mutual friend? See this is the problem with mine. I dont know what to believe.

Dunder: How are you doing?

dagwood: Im doing ok, thanks for asking. I am on day 13 no contact and am still sad, but at least the nightmares have lessened. How are you?

Beach Babe, I'm up to Day 20 of NC as of today. I'm doing better. The key for me has been no looking at FB, Instagram, old email, photos, nothin'.  I keep hiding things I find that remind me of her. I think I'm lucky because my relationship was mostly long distance, relatively short-lived (8 months), and never got sexual, but even still, the emotional grip that I fell under was overwhelming, I never thought anyone could affect me like that, like a BPD magic spell, incredibly hard to break but it's lifting ever so slowly. I have immense respect for the courage that you and others on this board have shown in dealing with much longer and more significant relationships than mine, and still my little infatuation has been really hard to recover from. But we all will!

[Beach_Babe]

DyingLove: I can understand where you are coming from. In your situation there were also children involved, so that must be  hard. How are you doing today?

Dunder: Your relationship may have been short lived but that does not make it any less significant. I can tell she was very important to you. How exactly did things end?