Most mind boggling things they ever said to you

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I just remembered a few things my ex said to me that were so bizarre, that I started to think she's delusional.


- First thing in the morning, claimed that while I was sleeping,  I said I don't want her anymore.

Now, since I was sleeping, I couldn't verify, but I truly doubted the fact I was talking out loud to the point anyone can understand. What?

- Woke up another morning and said out of nowhere, I know you like teenager girls.

What? I immediately said, I don't know what you dreamed of at night, but I want you to take that back right now.  If it's a joke, it's not funny. She went silent.

- She called her 9 year old niece a b**tch.

She went over to her niece's house, took a piece of pizza. Her niece being 9 years old, said why are you always coming over to my house and eat my food?  She stormed out and called her a b**tch.  I thought that was just way over the top. She's 9 for god's sake.

Any of these happened to you guys?

[LeonVa]

I just remembered a few things my ex said to me that were so bizarre, that I started to think she's delusional.


- First thing in the morning, claimed that while I was sleeping,  I said I don't want her anymore.

Now, since I was sleeping, I couldn't verify, but I truly doubted the fact I was talking out loud to the point anyone can understand. What?

- Woke up another morning and said out of nowhere, I know you like teenager girls.

What? I immediately said, I don't know what you dreamed of at night, but I want you to take that back right now.  If it's a joke, it's not funny. She went silent.

- She called her 9 year old niece a b**tch.

She went over to her niece's house, took a piece of pizza. Her niece being 9 years old, said why are you always coming over to my house and eat my food?  She stormed out and called her a b**tch.  I thought that was just way over the top. She's 9 for god's sake.

Any of these happened to you guys?

[Dr56]

A recent one that's fresh in my mind: My wife and I took a taxi one evening, and the driver pulled up about a yard beyond the doorstep to our apartment building. Wife started shouting and said that if I really cared about her and was capable of offering her any meaningful attention, I would have kept the driver from pulling up beyond the steps to our building. This led to an all-out shouting fest that lasted well into the night.

I never had any of the particular quotes you mention, LeonVa (or claims that I talked in my sleep), but general expressions of fear that I wouldn't want her, or that was attracted to other people were very common. "You'll probably leave me for a Jewish girl," was a frequent one. (I'm Jewish by birthright, but am about the least religious person you'll ever meet, and would never select a partner on that basis.)

When she announced that she wanted to separate, she cited almost everything that everyone around us had said as signs people close to us were sending to her that our relationship wouldn't work; this definitely bordered on the delusional. For example, one time, several years before my wife broke off our relationship, my stepmother was speaking of a long-past broken-off engagement she'd had, and she said something along the lines of, "Yeah, I just wasn't ready at that age to have kids or family at that stage, so I broke it off. You have to be really sure about those things." My wife several years later cited this as a message my stepmom was sending that we weren't going to work. I mentioned this to my family later, they were just like, "That is the craziest thing ever."

[runningup]

After the split, my XBPD spread all sorts of things at where I used to work (which is where she worked and cheated on me with co-worker). She obviously said these things to divert the attention from her cheating on me and costing my job.

Said:

1. I left him because he used to beat me (never happened, never laid a hand on her)

2. Told anyone that would listen about our sex life

Once during the relationship even told me she loved her X more than me, mabe I should have seen the warning signs back then!

[JRT]

Apparently, I am psycho... .sigh.

[Olivia_D]

That I was looking to trap a man in order to have him take care of me.     I am a trial attorney and earn twice as much as him.  I have no interest in re-marrying  , no more children  , have my own house  , my own business  , and blah blah.  Conversely, he doesn't have a house and lives in a run down apartment, he has loads of debt, he has to pay tons of support payments, he's been married several times, he has several children, et cetera.  The funny thing is is that I wasn't even looking to date anyone and I met him through a business dealing--I wasn't exactly out looking for a man nor did I need to be rescued.  He just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that someone may just "want" to be with you and not "need" to be with you.  Anyway, yet one more thing that doesn't add up.

[nonbpdis-m]

Some of my ex (BPD) gf's quotes:

1. 'I think you're gay... .are you gay? You would tell me wouldn't you?' (not a joke a dead serious out of the blue statement)

2. 'I think you are on drugs would you agree to take a drugs test, you have been acting strange lately' (ME acting strange!)

3. 'You were really horrible last night you should have seen you, you were drunk and really aggressive!' (I had a drink yes but aggressive - no.  Unbeknown to her, I had written down everything I said as a pre-emptive measure, in a book and placed in the cupboard)

[LonelyChild]

Some of my ex (BPD) gf's quotes:

1. 'I think you're gay... .are you gay? You would tell me wouldn't you?' (not a joke a dead serious out of the blue statement)

My ex did the same. I think this was due to her not being able to control or manipulate me with sex anymore. What do you think?

[LeonVa]

Wow, I'm glad to hear from all of you, there is just no way we can change how their brains work unless they help themselves.  

I think I'm more mad / disappointed at myself these days for having involved in the first place.  I need to start to hang out with some normal people to get some senses back.

[BlueSunshine]

Mine was a habitual cheater, and it sadly took me a long time to catch on. I heard a lot of awful things about myself from his ex-flings and old coworkers. I was mostly psychotic according to him. He would say things like I cheated on him, our kids weren't really his, I would beat him, I would force him to sleep on the couch and do everything in the house while I never lifted a finger. A lot of major poppycock.

Often he would tell other strange lies, that I was his sister, and he was helping me care for my (OUR) children. Another time my daughter and I (she was 5 at the time) were his male roommates. Then he'd embellish and say things about him that were really about me (where I'm from, where I've been, etc.).


He would do a lot of little tricks, where he'd try and convince me I said or did something I didn't (Gaslighting). That happened so often about the most idiotic things.

It's like it simply would destroy him to be honest.

He'd also blame me for moving things that he'd misplaced. I eventually realized he didn't live in reality and had a very twisted version of everything people said and did, and it was never in a positive light, people were always using him, supposedly, and other negativity. For a while I felt genuine pity but then he pushed me too far. Now whenever he tries to blame me for something I didn't say or do I ignore it entirely instead of in the past when I would be shocked and try to defend myself or I simply knock him down just as cruelly (if he keeps attacking). I don't get angry or raise my voice at all but I will say little nasty things like "No, psycho, never happened, quit making things up" and walk away like I just stated the weather.

I know it isn't nice and I certainly wouldn't speak like that to someone else but 17 years of abuse makes you do odd things.

[LeonVa]

@BlueSunShine.  Yes! What is up with these people always feel like other people are using them?

and yeah, my ex-wife always say I took her things or my family members took her stuff to give to other people as gifts... .I was so sick of it, I bought a safe for her and asked her to put all her valuable stuff inside, so there won't be any confusions.

As calm as I was and only 4 years of marriage, sometimes you hold back for so many times, at some point, I just had to fight back like you did.  It's just very difficult to hold it at times.

[Targeted]

1- your a habitual liar!

2- your a pervert!

3- you worship the devil!

4- you are into little girls

5- all of your friends are bottom of the barrel lowlifes

6- your family is dysfunctional

7- I know you wear harley shirts to get attention

8- I know because you have only been with 1 woman before our relationship your dick gets hard when the wind blows!

9- you wear cologne when you are hunting for other women!

10-when you pull up your pants that means you are adjusting because you are getting excited over another woman

11-you coughed and that's what you do when you get excited over another woman

12- you are abusive

13- when you scratch your head I know it is because you are getting excited over another woman

14-you are into whores

15- you are a sexual deviant

16- you are a scumbag biker alcoholic

17-you are a loser

18- you are a cheater

I could keep going with this but yeah it's not good

19-

[clydegriffith]

Well pretty much turning all the things she herself had done and telling people that i was the one that did something along those lines.

[sbr1050]

Oh, I probably have so many I could blow up this thread... .

When his daughters were young, if there was a problem with one of the kids (that needed to be addressed or handled) and I said something to him, he would tear me apart for wanting to be so mean to his kids.  He got to the point that even when I did not say much about it, he would tell me that he knew that I was THINKING bad things about them or his parenting style.  

One of the biggest things that he said was in the midst of a idealization/devaluation episode.  It was when I had tried to split up with him and he was showing up at my place in the middle of the night or the wee hours of the morning.  I did let him into the house, as he was so distraught.  It started out with him shaking, crying and just devastated. Inside my heart was totally breaking for him. I loved this man in front of me and I did not want to hurt him like this.  He kept asking me why I couldn't love him more.  Why I couldn't commit. (this was the common theme -  And then, like a switch, he went from the depths of despair to rage.  Suddenly he started telling me no one would ever love me because I was so difficult.  That I was a b%^&h.  He started screaming at me to tell him why I was this way.  Was I abused?  Then, suddenly, he screams at me that I MUST have been abused.  I kept trying to reason with him but there was no reasoning with him. I finally got him out of here and had a really bad feeling.  I called my parents (who live 20 minutes away) and sure enough, he had shown up there.  They did not answer the door and hid out in the back room. He was there for over 30 minutes, screaming and pounding on the door. I have no idea what would have happened if they HAD let him in. This was all created in his own head.

Rehashing this story makes me very sad.  I really still love him.  I really believed he loved me too.  I dealt with all of this craziness because I love him.  But when I think that he had my replacement already lined up a year before he left, I feel sick.  I feel like the 18 years together were a sham.  All of the stuff he put me thru and he now acts like I never existed.  It is truly devastating... .I still miss the good parts of the r/s.

[nonbpdis-m]

Some of my ex (BPD) gf's quotes:

1. 'I think you're gay... .are you gay? You would tell me wouldn't you?' (not a joke a dead serious out of the blue statement)

My ex did the same. I think this was due to her not being able to control or manipulate me with sex anymore. What do you think?

Yes definitely along the right lines there.  Another one 'well guess what?... .she's not even your baby!'... .big wake up call this one was.

[going places]

Most bizarre?

He would 'take responsibility'; "It's true, I did have an affair, it was all my fault, it was a bad decision, and I regret doing it"... .

Once he has the 'hearer' looped into his "remorseful skit" then he gently eases into:

But she could never get past it. I tried and tried, I went to counseling with her, I did _____, but she just couldn't get past it.

Then he moves on carefully to the part where "he" blames me for everything; but it's so well packaged, so subtly spoken, you don't realize you have just been manipulated into believing his lies... .

Now, when he's talking to his family, it's more "she's crazy, you guys were right, she's bad news, look even my own kids won't talk to me because of her" because they are a collection of circus clowns themselves!

AT FIRST I wanted no one to know what he was doing to me.

I was silent, to the point, I was barrel in the mouth ready to end it.

THEN after a year of total silence, I finally told my doc.

Then my gf, then another gf... .

I wanted everyone to know WHAT he did to me, and what he had been doing to me FOR YEARS.

(anger, justice)

THEN I saw an abuse advocate.

And it all started making sense.

Now?

When someone asks why I am divorced?

My answer "He is a bad person, and he made some really, bad choices"

THE END.

That's it.

No more.

THE LESS I talk about him, think about him, verbalize him?

The less power he has over me... .and the more power/energy I have for life.

It is, what it is. It was, what it was.

Turn the page, moving on... .

[McGahee21]

pathetic excuse for a man

stalker but than blows my phone up

liar

rapist

stole her car ( i bought it, its in my name, i make the payments )

i beat her up


and spread a bunch of bs to all my friends and our general social circle

[search4peace]

Some of the crazy things I remember my exGF said... .

"I hope I don't push you away" (on our 2nd date)

"I've often fantasized about being a prostitute - except now,with you, I would only have one client" (in bed after sex during our first month into the r/s)

"Can you please keep track of my menstrual cycles?"

"This spray-foam insulation is giving me cancer, and is poisoning my son! I need to move out now." (ungrounded panic with no factual information)

"You are the most wonderful lover"  (said this many, many times)

"My Therapist likes you and thinks you are really good for me"

"I am angry with my therapist... .[why?]... .because she encouraged me to keep dating you"

"little f**ker!" (a post-hoc remark about her emotionally dysregulated 6yo son after he was acting out one morning and started getting a little physical with her.)

"If you're going to disappear, please don't do it all at once - I don't want you to break my son's heart" (Upon discussing her unexpected pregnancy)

"I dont want to discuss this pregnancy until you've spoken with your therapist first... .[why?] because I'm afraid you're going to say things I don't want to hear"

[Recooperating]

Tons and tons of BS!

- i was obviously gay since I have female friends

- i slept with all my friends (male and female)

- yes he cheated and moved in with the OW but only cause he wanted to help me, cause I paid his rent. (Such a gentleman!)

- i probably s*cked off half of europe... .

- i was a liar, cheater blah blah blah

- the stories about his ex wife were even better... .Total psycho, abused him, son isnt his, she kept him on a leash, attacked him with a baseball bat, knives, tried to run him over... .All bs.

- his T supposably came on to him and told him intimate details about her sex life and sexual preferences. She also said I was a lesbian. She had diagnosed him BPD in my presence, but he later stated she never diagnosed him and it was me who said he was BPD. T told him it was me with BPD and he doesnt need T at all! Spoke to the T and it was all lies... .She then refused working with him. His mission accomplished... .(Gaslighting and triangulating much?)

- best act was his fake suicide. He said he had taken aspirine, which he's highly allergic to. I was totally freaked out and called the police to check on him. Police checked... .Nothing wrong... .He opened the door with a smile and later raged and raged at me for calling them and making him look like a fool. This would look bad in his custody battle and it was all my fault. Clearly I didnt give a shhh about him... .   I was literally in shock... .Shouldve left that very instant... .Took me another year of crap to finally grow a pair and leave... .

[free-n-clear]

Where to start?

I loaned my acoustic guitar to her, and within 24 hours heard from a third party that I was "trying to steal her guitar".

She told mutual friends of ours that I had "broken into her room" at the pub where she was living, despite the fact that the corridors at the pub are monitored by CCTV cameras, and despite the fact that there was no evidence of any break in, and despite the fact that had I actually broken in, or even attempted to do so, I'd have at the very least been barred from the pub and probably charged with a criminal offense - it obviously didn't occur to her that our friends would notice that I hadn't been.

She would introduce me to other guys as her "cousin", presumably to maintain her availability. To other women, I was introduced as her boyfriend or her man, presumably to ensure my unavailability.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

[Madison66]

There were so many bizarre things done and said by my uBPD/NPD ex gf over our 3+ years together.  I've posted this before, but it definitely fits in this thread.  The last year we were together, my teen D had some health issues and even spent 9 days in the hospital.  About a couple weeks after my D got out of the hospital, my ex gf and I were together on a "non kid" weekend.  Moments after we were physically intimate, she said to me "I feel like sex is the only thing you share with me that you don't share with your D".  I remember looking and her and saying "What the heck?"  Who says that or much less thinks it?  Yuck!

[rollercoaster24]

Heh Heh Heh, fantastic subject matter, love it.

Apparently I was shagging every male that I spoke to, (all my bosses, the guy that worked at the small supermarket down the road).



I liked to pick up young male hitchhikers so I could have sex with them, (pffft chance would be a fine thing, )

I only wanted him for his money, I am a gold-digger, (rolled around on the floor many times laughing about this one since he never had any money and avoided getting a job, it was all mine  )

I was texting my affair partners if I was driving slow, (huh, yea whatever, more likely the other way around, since he regularly drove irritatingly slow or way too fast).

I was a lesbian, (oh yea that's why I am with you then right?)

Called me a feminist, (um since when does sticking up for your own rights as a human being classify you as a feminist)

Told everyone I was 'abusing him', (um, no, he was abusing me actually and occasionally I would tire of it and stick up for myself.

Told everyone he was paying for everything yet still being kicked out on the street and forced into homelessness by me, (truth being he had been partially homeless way before he met me, when he wasn't living at his elderly parents).

Told everyone he was the support behind my business and he couldn't find work because he was busy helping me out all the time, and I treated him like crap anyway, (utter hogwash he was trying to sabotage everything I ever did).

Told his family and friends that I had cheated on him and that I was Menopausal and Crazy, (classic victim story).

Told everyone that members of my family assaulted him several times, (utter outright lies).

Summing him up, about 80% of what came out of his mouth were lies, and you spent your time wondering just how much of the other 20% was true either.

[Loveofhislife]

Rollercoaster--I just read your post about money and manipulation as well as the crazy things our exBPD's have said. I swear our guys are clones. All day/every day I was accused of sleeping with my ex husband and male business partner. "Why on earth do you think this?" I would ask, and among his litany of reasons, he would say, "Because you're so sexy."

ANYONE texting me was another member of my harem.

He told his mother (and the few others that would listen) that I was an alcoholic who verbally abused him.

He told total strangers at ATT, restaurants, colleagues that I was cheating on him, and he solicited their help to spy on me. Guess what? They did!

He told credit card companies (from whom he stole money) that I made him do it.

He told my lawyer that it was I who had taken property from him when he was threatened with small claims court.

The list goes on an on, but here is my favorite:

"If I pay you back, you won't need me anymore."

[Low C]

I identify with so many of these, especially that I would supposedly talk in my sleep to reveal various secrets and lies, that I talk about my son "like a lover", and then many, many accusations. 

Most bizarre however:  We went together to see an art exhibit and a few days later, she called me to get angry at me for suggesting we go see the art, because the artist had chosen all of the imagery in his paintings based on things he had gleaned" about her from the internet.  No reason at all for her to believe this, but she claimed it was so, and that it also proved I was in on some secretive plot somehow against her.

[JayReader27]

My ExBPD told people that knew and know me that (Saw things first hand)... .

1. That I was some ghetto girl and was being a b___. (Yeah, Live in Orange County 15mins away from Newport. and went to private schools all of my life).

2. That I was spoiled, and selfish.(I gave him everything unselfishly, even a car, living in the saftey of my parents home to be a squatter with him, money from my job. But I am selfish).  

3. He also said that I wanted to sleep with his brother, Oh and that his brother wanted to sleep with me. (we sat him down and told him about his behavior, intervention style. Guess who distorted that truth! )

4. I was keeping him from being a better person. (I was breaking up with him because of his abuse)

5. He calls my mother after hitting me saying that I needed to leave because "I am not going to deal with anyone putting their hands on me" ? (self defense while pregnant)

6. Tells everyone his mother and sister jumped him over drinking a glass of milk. (He is well over 250lbs)

7. Told everyone that my car was his.

8. Told me that he was still living out of state. (Found out from the child support office that he lives less than 30miles away.)

I could go on but, we would be here all day talking about his foolishness.

[klacey3]

What were the most mind boggling/most shocking thing they ever said to you?

I think mine have to be

"Stop talking about your Dad (who has cancer) I dont want to hear it unless you want to be with me. My ex didnt act like you are acting. I dont believe you are heartless enough to not see me tomorrow"

Me - you told me you wanted to "f*** me up mentally" and "show me what you are capable of" I will never forgive you for that! You dont think there is anything wrong with that?

Him - yeah i do, but you are wording it like rape. you can be mad but dont make out like i am a murderer or rapist

Me - I didnt! I quoted to you what you actually said to me.

^ how scary to quote to him his own words and he says it sounds like a murder rape threat... ^

Him- whats the name of the guy you are with

Me - there is no1! For the last time.

Him - im gonna find him

Me - how are you find an imaginary person?

Him - aha so you finally admit there is someone. Im good

Me - it makes me so depressed to think of you being so unhappy and thinking i play a part in it. Im going to give you space because i dont want you to feel worse.

Him - your depressed? F*** off you selfish idiot. You only think about yourself.

Him - its over. Im single. Im going to join a dating site.

Me - ok well im gonna join one aswell then as we are both single.

Him - ok thats fair.

Next day... - him - i have changed my mind i dont have a dating account. But you have one! You sick lying cheat.

Him - if you dont see me tonight I am meeting my ex tomorrow and sending you the picture.

Next day... him - i didnt meet her.

Me - well its your Choice. Nothing to do with me anymore.

him - I send a nice text and you send a horrible one... nothing changes.

Me - "its over, im single. Block me" is what you said

Him - even now ego first! I should have put a stop to this horribleness months ago. Time for me to be with someone who actually cares about me

Me - you said it was over and you wanted to find someone else.

him - you are being a right little headf*** you should be ashamed of yourself. You wont be acting like this when you are my age.

[lawman79]

Klacy,

Some of that was really rough messed up stuff, a few were kinda humorous too.  I hope you are at a point where you can laugh at the funny crazy stuff.

So mine:

Her:  I am going to kidnap your dog, feed her a mixture of broken glass and rat poison and put her dead body in a garbage bag

Me (next morning):  I can't believe you threatened me like that. You are sick.

Her;   I didn't threaten you.  You took that the wrong way.

Her: When I say nasty things to you, I need you to be the bigger and more mature person and not say anything nasty back.

Her: It's ok that I say nasty things to you, because I don't mean them.  When you say nasty things, you do mean them.

Her: You don't know what crazy is, I am going to show you what crazy is.

Her: Because you helped your friend move, I no longer consider it a favor that you took a day off of work last week to go to doctor with me.

Her: We won't speak in the morning because I won't be alive anymore.

Her: Maybe I will see you in heaven

Me: No you won't, becuase only good people go to heaven and you are awful person. 

[zundertowz]

The two things that come to mind off the top of my head which left my jaw on the floor where... .If you come near me I will call the police and tell them you beat me and that will stick with you forever ( we lived together ) and I'm going to bring someone home and F them in front of you.  She was real classy.

[klacey3]

Klacy,

Some of that was really rough messed up stuff, a few were kinda humorous too.  I hope you are at a point where you can laugh at the funny crazy stuff.

So mine:

Her:  I am going to kidnap your dog, feed her a mixture of broken glass and rat poison and put her dead body in a garbage bag

Me (next morning):  I can't believe you threatened me like that. You are sick.

Her;   I didn't threaten you.  You took that the wrong way.

Her: When I say nasty things to you, I need you to be the bigger and more mature person and not say anything nasty back.

Her: It's ok that I say nasty things to you, because I don't mean them.  When you say nasty things, you do mean them.

Her: You don't know what crazy is, I am going to show you what crazy is.

Her: Because you helped your friend move, I no longer consider it a favor that you took a day off of work last week to go to doctor with me.

Her: We won't speak in the morning because I won't be alive anymore.

Her: Maybe I will see you in heaven

Me: No you won't, becuase only good people go to heaven and you are awful person. 

Some of the things I can laugh at... like the thing about apparently admitted I was cheated by asking him how he is going to find an imaginary person.

the thing about rape/murder was pretty scary... I quoted to him what he said to me and he interpretted the words he had said as rape/murder but says I AM the one who is accusing him of it... i dont understand?

Some of your stories were so crazy it was humorous. "When im nasty you need to not say anything nasty back" ... .

"I didnt threaten you, you took it the wrong way" ... that is extremely bizarre!

[valet]

One time she told me, to paraphrase, that I was the reason sexism existed.

I find it pretty funny now, in hindsight.

This is not coming from a place of resentment. I see it is a good demonstration of black and white thinking, and not much more. As long as we don't take it too far... .

[scgator]

Plenty now that I think back on it. Here's a few paraphrased:

Her: You know you I don't mean the things I say to you when I'm mad.

Her: I mean every single thing I say to you.

One day - Her: I can't wait for you to be out of my life for good, it's a hazmat spill I have to clean up.

Another day - Her: Get your sh!t and get out of my house! (Throwing stuff, getting physical, took my house key off my key chain)

After I left - Her: I don't understand why you moved out, you left our home. You showed me you don't love me.

The funniest, a literal laugh out loud moment. Some back story - she accused me of cheating, with a co-worker then when she contacted the co-worker and was told she was crazy she moved to it must be one of her friends. Never that it wasn't really happening, always that my explanations just don't add up to her investigative mind. Anyway, after moving out we still tried to work on things. We had dinner plans that she cancelled because all the signs she was reading showed her I never loved her. Two nights later she's posting on FB about a "Notebook night" (referring to the romantic movie) and it wasn't with me.

Me: You have fun with whomever you had your notebook night with, I'm done.

Her: Not that I should have to explain but that was with a gay friend. If you can look at me in that way it really makes me rethink things.

Me, inside: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That's rich right there. An an indication that maybe my ex really has no idea what reality is sometimes.

[Pretty Woman]

"You are not to be trusted. "

This after she cheated on me three times. 

[zundertowz]

Plenty now that I think back on it. Here's a few paraphrased:

Her: You know you I don't mean the things I say to you when I'm mad.

Her: I mean every single thing I say to you.

One day - Her: I can't wait for you to be out of my life for good, it's a hazmat spill I have to clean up.

Another day - Her: Get your sh!t and get out of my house! (Throwing stuff, getting physical, took my house key off my key chain)

After I left - Her: I don't understand why you moved out, you left our home. You showed me you don't love me.

The funniest, a literal laugh out loud moment. Some back story - she accused me of cheating, with a co-worker then when she contacted the co-worker and was told she was crazy she moved to it must be one of her friends. Never that it wasn't really happening, always that my explanations just don't add up to her investigative mind. Anyway, after moving out we still tried to work on things. We had dinner plans that she cancelled because all the signs she was reading showed her I never loved her. Two nights later she's posting on FB about a "Notebook night" (referring to the romantic movie) and it wasn't with me.

Me: You have fun with whomever you had your notebook night with, I'm done.

Her: Not that I should have to explain but that was with a gay friend. If you can look at me in that way it really makes me rethink things.

Me, inside: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That's rich right there. An an indication that maybe my ex really has no idea what reality is sometimes.

My ex would kick me out of the house threatening to call the police on me, then say I can't believe you abandoned me.

[JadeIshka]

Oh man, so weird and good to read that I'm not alone in Crazytown!

A few years back I was working at a high school as an administrative assistant. I don't much care for admin work so I started looking around and ended up landing a job as an ART DIRECTOR at a little community newspaper start up. I stayed with them until the paper closed operations a couple of years after that.

My BPDh supposedly knows all of this, since he was, um, my husband then too (and also helped out at that paper with their website, and the high school with their technology) but somehow just this past spring he got it into his mind that my job transitions were due to ME sabotaging myself.

He apparently revised history and thought I got FIRED from both the high school AND the paper! I was so stunned I ... .am STILL speechless. I mean, I know all of this was pre-2010, but sheesh. When I brought it up and explained the stuff I thought he already knew, he just blew it off like oh, yeah, whatever. 

[English Sid]

I knew my ex had lost the plot, when I arrived home from work and she told me she had just seen me walking with another woman ( my supposed girlfriend ) whilst waiting for me on our balcony.

[adventurer]

Not the worst but the most mind boggling to me was in the midst of the nth time I was discussing with her that she needed to get a job, that I needed financial help to pay all of our bills.

She told me she was sick of 'entitled' people.  Somehow I was entitled expecting her to contribute to our finances.  It took everything in my power to validate her feeling and not explode at her, saying she's the entitled one expecting me to pay for everything for the past 10 years.

Still trying to let this one go.

[skyla]

I knew my ex had lost the plot, when I arrived home from work and she told me she had just seen me walking with another woman ( my supposed girlfriend ) whilst waiting for me on our balcony.

My ex used to do this all the time. One morning a few weeks after we broke up he called me up crying about how I was so abusive and never cared about him. I tried to comfort him but he wasn't having it and hung up. I got up to get a shower. When I got out the shower I saw my phone was ringing with several missed calls. I answer and he starts raging in tears " WHAT WERE YOU JUST DOING? I'M AT YOUR HOUSE AND JUST SAW A MAN LEAVING YOUR BACKYARD! WHO'S CAR IS THAT?"

smh

He'd also text me saying things like "I was just at your house. Those black kids (my neighbors) said they see a different dude coming over all the time"

He'd make up lies and false accusations like this all the time throughout our relationship and I'd actually spend hours trying to defend myself over that bs. Ugh. What was I thinking. 

[Lostone1314]

your not worth the financial convienience  ( my replacement is modestly wealthy at least twice my income)

your hobby is embarrassing (bought it for me for xmas)

your going to grow to be a short fat old man ( now in RS with tall obese older man )

you will never find a woman as beautiful as me to love you  ( prob correct here )

dont you want to look beautiful for your girl ( insisting i go to gym btw i was only 5kg/10lbs above ideal)

your fault i didnt orgasm your not doin it right ( never showed me what right was)

you really dont understand women ( id just not her)

you lie very well ( never lied)

[cj488]

Highlights:

1) I can't wait to shower you with affection.

2) You're less important to me than my dog.

3) I want you, I love you, I want to be your muse, your inspiration,  your wife!

4) You're more enthusiastic about your relationship than I am.

5) I love you forever, I'm totally smitten.

6) I just realized I shouldn't be in any relationship at all right now.

7) You always make me so hot. You're a wonderful lover.

8) I now have total say over sexuality. You're not getting what you want, just because you want it.

9) I'll live you with anywhere; I'll follow you anywhere.

10) I always end up having to take care of (control) my lovers, it's just my nature.

11) This is the most wonderful relationship of my life!

12) I'm involved with someone else. Don't ever contact me again.

Among many others... .what a nightmare!

[klacey3]

I knew my ex had lost the plot, when I arrived home from work and she told me she had just seen me walking with another woman ( my supposed girlfriend ) whilst waiting for me on our balcony.

My ex used to do this all the time. One morning a few weeks after we broke up he called me up crying about how I was so abusive and never cared about him. I tried to comfort him but he wasn't having it and hung up. I got up to get a shower. When I got out the shower I saw my phone was ringing with several missed calls. I answer and he starts raging in tears " WHAT WERE YOU JUST DOING? I'M AT YOUR HOUSE AND JUST SAW A MAN LEAVING YOUR BACKYARD! WHO'S CAR IS THAT?"

smh

He'd also text me saying things like "I was just at your house. Those black kids (my neighbors) said they see a different dude coming over all the time"

He'd make up lies and false accusations like this all the time throughout our relationship and I'd actually spend hours trying to defend myself over that bs. Ugh. What was I thinking. 

Same with mine!

After the breakup I blocked him on facebook. He messaged my Mum and told her how upset he was to hear from his friend (who does have me on facebook) that I have put up lots of pictures of my new boyfriend... .I had put up about 10 group pictures of guys and girls of my friends birthday bbq which had no pictures of me even in it!

[Gonzalo]

Mine would say that she was doing most of the work in the relationship and that, martyr-like, she didn't mind doing so but wished I would acknowledge it. When I finally stopped being a pushover and pressed her to explain just what it was that she did that I didn't do, she was never able to answer. Since I was paying most of the bills, doing most of the chores, bearing most of the emotional weight, and doing the most to try to communicate better, I really have no idea what she thought was going on.

Also, though it's small compared to most of this, there was one Sunday morning where I made breakfast for both of us. She was sorting stuff in the closet, and decided that she didn't want to come down. I made sure she heard, waited a couple of minutes, then ate my breakfast. When she came down she was absolutely furious at my daring to eat food without her, and proceeded to tell me that it showed I didn't care about her or the relationship or anything.

[cloudten]

- that I was having sex with my boss (who is older than my father- just no)

- that I was having sex with my boss' father (who is even older- almost dead - no)

- that I slept with my boss to get my job. (no)

- that i am banging every 23 year old in the town we live in (no- and I am 33- so heck no)

- that i wasn't attracted to him (that's not his choice, but even in our final breakup i still found him stunning)

- that he wasn't enough sexually ( huh- maybe his is a projection. maybe i am the one who isn't enough sexually.  :'( He was wrong- and that wasn't for him to be the judge of. he was simply amazing... .always.)

There are so many many more- but these were the most puzzling to this day. I remember hearing the proverbial record scratch when he said these things out of the blue... .I would always think or say 'where the eff did you come up with that?'

[Yolanda123]

Posted by: cloudten 

-that I was having sex with my boss (who is older than my father- just no)

- that I was having sex with my boss' father (who is even older- almost dead - no)

- that I slept with my boss to get my job. (no)

- that i am banging every 23 year old in the town we live in (no- and I am 33- so heck no)

- that i wasn't attracted to him (that's not his choice, but even in our final breakup i still found him stunning)

- that he wasn't enough sexually ( Idea Idea Idea huh- maybe his is a projection. maybe i am the one who isn't enough sexually.  cry He was wrong- and that wasn't for him to be the judge of. he was simply amazing... .always.)

cloudten, that is amazing how my exBPD said the almost exact same things to me, with a few variations:

- that I was having sex (or wanting to) with basically ANY man - the guy in the car next to us, a co-worker, the pool guy... .just any of them! He was even jealous of one of my friend's son (who is 22 - I am 45) and of the teenage kids that were playing hockey in the street (just one out of many other examples)

- that I was not satisfied sexually (untrue but no matter how many times I told him that he would never believe me) and that I sure was thinking of cheating on him as a consequence.

I am convinced now that all of this was indeed projection.

[problemsolver]

How I had sex with some girl from a year ago because I used to occasionally walk around with her (this was before I was even dating my BPDex and no I never did anything with the other girl) ... How I asked for a girls number on a night out when it never happened ... Basically a whole bunch of random things that never happened and they would get so blown out of proporition... .too many funny crazy making things to remember... ooh the good old days 

[skyla]

Posted by: cloudten 

-that I was having sex with my boss (who is older than my father- just no)

- that I was having sex with my boss' father (who is even older- almost dead - no)

- that I slept with my boss to get my job. (no)

- that i am banging every 23 year old in the town we live in (no- and I am 33- so heck no)

- that i wasn't attracted to him (that's not his choice, but even in our final breakup i still found him stunning)

- that he wasn't enough sexually ( Idea Idea Idea huh- maybe his is a projection. maybe i am the one who isn't enough sexually.  cry He was wrong- and that wasn't for him to be the judge of. he was simply amazing... .always.)

cloudten, that is amazing how my exBPD said the almost exact same things to me, with a few variations:

- that I was having sex (or wanting to) with basically ANY man - the guy in the car next to us, a co-worker, the pool guy... .just any of them! He was even jealous of one of my friend's son (who is 22 - I am 45) and of the teenage kids that were playing hockey in the street (just one out of many other examples)

- that I was not satisfied sexually (untrue but no matter how many times I told him that he would never believe me) and that I sure was thinking of cheating on him as a consequence.

I am convinced now that all of this was indeed projection.

Mine was convinced that I'd eventually have sex with my roommate's boyfriend (who looked like Ryan Gosling). He would fight with me about it all the time and he was always trying to get me to force my roommate to leave. It's funny because when I first started talking to him as friends he confessed that he had sex with the roommate of the girl he was dating before me and he expressed a lot of grief and guilt over this after he realized what he had done... .remembering that, I knew he was projecting.

As far as sex goes, it was quite the opposite. He always seemed to assume that he was this amazing god in bed because he was large downstairs, but this simply wasn't the case... .I was often quite frustrated with the sex. I even remember thinking at times "life is too short for sex this lame... ."

[coletown11]

This ones a bit different.

This was near the end where basically everything I did was bad, and the gaslighting was on full force. I was pulling into a supermarket parking lot, looked for parking, first spot I saw open was near the entrance, so I park in it.

she says, "why do you always do that?"

me, "do what?"

her, "you always try to find the spot right in front of the entrance"

me, "uhh, I don't really think about it, I just saw a spot and parked in it"

her,"i think you do think about it, its like you want everyone to notice you so you always park in front, its kind of unattractive"

me, at the stage where I am questioning everything I think and do, "do I? I guess I never really thought about that, ill be more aware of that, sorry"

of course I spent the rest of the day full of anxiety and contemplating in my head whether or not she may have a point.

[zundertowz]

This ones a bit different.

This was near the end where basically everything I did was bad, and the gaslighting was on full force. I was pulling into a supermarket parking lot, looked for parking, first spot I saw open was near the entrance, so I park in it.

she says, "why do you always do that?"

me, "do what?"

her, "you always try to find the spot right in front of the entrance"

me, "uhh, I don't really think about it, I just saw a spot and parked in it"

her,"i think you do think about it, its like you want everyone to notice you so you always park in front, its kind of unattractive"

me, at the stage where I am questioning everything I think and do, "do I? I guess I never really thought about that, ill be more aware of that, sorry"

of course I spent the rest of the day full of anxiety and contemplating in my head whether or not she may have a point.

Apologizing for parking in a certain parking spot... ... thanks for this post I was feeling pretty down tonight but you brought back memories of me apologizing for nonsense like this to keep the peace.  It's funny how the mind can forget the 90 percent bad and long for the 10 percent good. thanks again.

[Darsha500]

This ones a bit different.

This was near the end where basically everything I did was bad, and the gaslighting was on full force. I was pulling into a supermarket parking lot, looked for parking, first spot I saw open was near the entrance, so I park in it.

she says, "why do you always do that?"

me, "do what?"

her, "you always try to find the spot right in front of the entrance"

me, "uhh, I don't really think about it, I just saw a spot and parked in it"

her,"i think you do think about it, its like you want everyone to notice you so you always park in front, its kind of unattractive"

me, at the stage where I am questioning everything I think and do, "do I? I guess I never really thought about that, ill be more aware of that, sorry"

LOL! that is so awesome and classic. One time I told my Ex that I wished her a happy day and she flipped out on me. She told me, "I wish you could just tell me, "I pray that God will be with you through all your trials today"" something to that effect. So i copied and pasted what she wanted me to say back to her in response. So humorous, the whole gas lighting phenomenon.


I got one though.


After having sex for the first time she painted me jet black (physical intimacy was a huge trigger for her during the beginnings of our relationship). While painting me black, oddly enough she convicted me of being gay. But then she would switch and think, "He just wants to have sex with me." Apparently, it was the huge discrepancy between these two countervailing thoughts that made her realize how distorted her thinking was.

[greenmonkey]

One of the first red flags - which I just laughed off - just after we started chatting after meeting online

"You only go to work to pull women don't you ?"

[balletomane]

"I love you deeply and completely, and everything you say is perfect."

"I was silly to think I had anything good and safe and loving before."

"You're crazy and that's the only thing that stops you from being completely evil."

"You're the worst abuser I've ever known."

"The only reason you want me around is for me to tell you how good you are."

"You hurt me countless times, and you never apologised once, and certainly not dozens of times like I did." (He's never apologised to me in his life, and I was forever saying sorry.)

"Good luck getting me to forgive you yet another time." (When I finally told him that he needed to stop lashing out at me.)

"You idolise me. You don't love me, you love some image of me in your head. Point out one thing you don't like about me. There isn't anything." (Then there was a bizarre game where I tried to point out things I didn't like and he insisted I was making them up.)

"You ruined me."

"You've been manipulating me all these years. You target people you want to abuse."

Then there was the time he accused me of cheating on him because I mentioned on IM that I had to go and meet my French teacher. Even when he accepted that I wasn't literally cheating on him, apparently I was still "emotionally cheating". Then there was the time when he insisted I was in love with a female friend and he kept pushing and pushing me to admit I was bisexual. He used this as evidence of my dishonesty: the angry cry of, "You won't even admit you're bisexual!"

[Suspicious1]

"You'd have had me dragged away and locked up tonight". After he attempted suicide and I negotiated with the police to get him to A&E and sat with him all night in the hospital, working hard to get him the support from psych services he needed, then drove him home after assuring the team I would see him safely into his house where his brother would care for him.

"You want me to be cuckold. My future with you would be to host men as you had sex with them. I'd be seen as lower than the bulls. It's you, you can't help yourself. You need other people". After I told him I'd had the offer of a date from someone so had declined, but he spent two days trying to convince me to go on this date even though I kept telling him I wasn't interested, on the basis that I deserved to go off and have some fun and ought to take the opportunity.

[Gonzalo]

me, at the stage where I am questioning everything I think and do, "do I? I guess I never really thought about that, ill be more aware of that, sorry"

Yeah, no one tries to force me to apologize for BS now, it's so nice. I think my favorite situation like yours was that she was broke, about to start a new job, and wanted to go thrift store shopping for some new work clothes. I asked her how much money she wanted for that, gave it to her, and got "You're such an ass" in response.

[Mutt]

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