For better or worse?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Did anyone's BPD actually support them through tragedy or illness?

[Beach_Babe]

Did anyone's BPD actually support them through tragedy or illness?

[Bassoutcast]

Not really.

I've been with my ex for "only" 4 months, during that time I've had my parents split up which was very emotionally difficult, even traumatic for me. She didn't show much empathy, sure she let me stay at her place when I was down but that was about it. She was kind of a "vesicle" for me to pour out my sadness, someone that'd listen, but looking back I didn't see any real "empathy" from her.

Plus when she had fights with her parents (over NOTHING) she'd make it sound like her situation is worse than mine ("you have a family, it's just split up. I have NO family" - yet she was living with her parents and sister. So much for "no family"

When she was sick for a weekend I spent so much time taking care of her I brought myself to a point where I could barely stand up for the next few days and was actually bedridden by exhaustion, feeling bad myself. I barely got a "feel good" from her, she was back at her job and was busy working - not ever a "how are you doing?" text - it was all initiated by ME because I MISSED HER. Actually had to comfort HER about her long shift.

[Beach_Babe]

Ugh, thats awful. Never real appreciation or a "thank you"?

she'd make it sound like her situation is worse than mine ("you have a family, it's just split up. I have NO family" - yet she was living with her parents and sister. So much for "no family"

You too? Yeah its like it was always some sort of p****g contest. What were the fights with her parents about?

[valet]

Yeah, mine did.

My father died about midway through our relationship and she flew across an ocean to support me.

Obviously, there are two sides to every story, and not even 3 months later when I was visiting her and still feeling occasionally sad about it should would tell me to 'maybe go out and meet some new people, or find new places or interests'.

She wasn't trying to hurt me, but the invalidation that that made me feel definitely really was not pleasant. The abuse would ramp up over the 8 months slowly until she was showing me almost no affection, while still consuming almost all of my free time.

So yeah, and no, is my official answer. She helped me out of the obligation of the moment, but couldn't sustain her compassion.

[Bassoutcast]

Random BS, mostly.

The one I remember most is when her mom made a comment on the fact that the kitchen isn't clean and that she (my ex) could have cleaned it b/c she was at home that day.

My ex texted me she was crying, called her and she said she wanted to run away from home (again. she ran away for about a week a month earlier and stayed at my place to cool off). She sounded suicidal (I know b/c she tried to kill herself a month earlier and luckly I found her with her arm cut open and helped her).

I panicked so much I actually went to see her. She lives about an hour away.

[apollotech]

In short, no. I thankfully never had a major tragedy or illness during the time I was with my BPDexgf, but she showed no empathy or concern towards me during the few times that I had minor illnesses while we were together.

One time in particular that I recall was when I had a double root canal. She knew that I had had it done the day that she called me. It was very obvious while we were on the phone that I wasn't speaking normally as half of my face was numb due to the procedure. She never asked how I was doing, was I okay, how the procedure went, nothing. It was very disheartening.

So no, in general, if the focus wasn't on her, her issues, then, to her, it wasn't important. She is emotionally a child.

[dobie]

Yes at first she was wonderful but over time it was just another irritation to her 

[DyingLove]

None that I can think of.  I have gone thru HELL with her and her family though.

This thread makes me think of the fact that she told me to take the bus instead of driving me somewhere.  Could she have thought she was doing me a favor?  LOL