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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: First post - almost a year away from ex - would like to know if it was BPD  (Read 495 times)
syma65

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« on: May 03, 2015, 12:23:27 PM »

Hi,

I ended an almost two year relationship with a mid-40's girlfriend.  By the end of May last year, I think I snapped after the last nasty interaction.  I want to tell my story as briefly as I can, and I'd like to know what you think, was it BPD, etc.  I've been reading your posts for months, but I still want some personal closure to know what the hell happened to me.  Here ya go:

Met 1st of August 2012 - first "date" was a simple lunch meeting with her on Saturday.  She's a local girl and we had friends in common but we'd never met but once a couple of years earlier.  She was very friendly.  We talked daily after that and within a week we took off for a long weekend together at the beach.  So, yes we slept together 6 days after our first meeting.  It was intoxicating, and it happened very fast.  She made me feel so special, so smart, so talented, etc. and I could do no wrong.

She also stressed "I have to tell you, I cannot tolerate anyone who lies... ."  This comes into play later.

Now, she has two teen kids, and she was without them every other weekend.  I noticed that when she had them she wanted me, but when she was without them - from the moment ":)ad" picked them up on Friday, she wanted me stuck to her side until they returned.  I would spend the night at her house which is very close to mine.  The next morning, I would leave to take my dog out and feed him, and she wanted to come with me.  I said I'd be back in 15 minutes but she wanted to be by my side.

First real red flag:  About three weeks into the relationship, we were having our "married weekend" as she called it, meaning she didn't have the kids and I was going to basically live with her until they returned.  I remember this clearly.  We cooked out Friday night, went to bed, spent all of Saturday together, planned for dinner that night and to stay in and watch a movie.  Here's the thing - not sure if it was the Mexican lunch I had that day or what, but after dinner that night... .let's just say I had some very bad intestinal rumbling.  I told her I thought it best that I go home and that I felt bad.

Her actual, instant response was (in a very sour voice)... ."Great, now what am I going to do on a saturday night... .".  No concern for me, no "can I bring you something", nothing.  She made it about her.  She never called to check on me, and made me feel like my illness ruined her night.  I said something about it to her the next day, and her response was "I didn't say that" and "you need to get over things and quit dwelling on it". 

Not sure how she did it, but for a few weeks it was mostly normal.  The next event I consider to be a rage event.  We went off for Thanksgiving, and one night we were going to dinner and I had had three beers and asked her to drive to the restaurant a mile away.  Her face turned red and she yelled at me and said "you're the man, you're supposed to drive me to dinner !".  I paid for the trip, paid for all meals, did all the driving to and from the mountain destination, and on this one occasion I asked her to do something for me and she got very, very pissed off. 

It actually was scary to see her reaction.  Made me distance myself emotionally for some time.

Now, by this time, about three months in, she was already talking marriage.  She said I should call her Dad and ask his blessing.  I said we're not engaged yet, but she insisted and said that if I would ask him it would show her I was serious about being long-term with her.  She was very pushy, and as embarrassed as I am to admit it, I found myself on the phone with him basically to shut her up and make her happy.  Yes, it was stupid and premature, and I can't explain now why I actually did that.  I liked him, and he said he thought I would make a fine son-in-law.  Nice guy.

Then it was talking about marriage all the time.  We even looked at rings and houses.  Actually, she rode me around locally looking at houses within about 6 to 8 weeks of meeting her.

I told her if we were to marry we needed to discuss some practical issues of marriage, etc.  She said "I'm not wasting my time talking about all that until I have a ring".  I said that sounded backwards.  She got angry again and said "I'm not going to discuss any of that because if you never propose I would have wasted my time... ."  I could never understand that reasoning.

So, we kept dating, and before long there was another "married weekend", but I worked that Saturday and traveled all day and was exhausted.  I told her I wanted to just go home and be with my dog that night and go to bed early.  HUGE RAGE reaction.  She yelled, raged, said if I was a real boyfriend I would want to be with her.  I said no, didn't feel like doing anything, and told her it was nothing personal.  About an hour later, while she was at home alone, my phone rang.  Saw it was her,so I answered.  No one spoke on the other end, all I heard was very loud rap music cranked up and the sounds of her crying and wailing, sobbing, really freaking out.  I heard things being dropped, and she was talking in the background away from the phone but I could not understand what she was mumbling.  I listened on speakerphone for about 5 minutes, and it just kept going on.  I assume she accidentally dialed me without knowing it.  I have no way of proving whether it was accidental or not.  the next day, I brought up that my phone rang and she said in a whisper... ."what did you hear?".  I said it sounded to me like she was crying and she said I was mistaken.  She did not want to talk about it further.

We made it through Christmas, and as long as I took her out, spent all my time with her (when she didn't have the kids), things were pretty normal for the most part.  I found myself doing a lot for her, painting things, tons of yardwork, etc., but I noticed there was no reciprocity on her part.  I'm a giver, and I love helping friends, especially a girlfriend, but with this girl she seemed appreciative but she never offered to do anything for me, ever.

The sex?  The first few weeks it was frequent but within 4 months it was down to once or twice a month, but only if I initiated it.  And it was not the mind-blowing experience many of you have written about.  I was very mechanical, the only way I know to describe it.

Once, she did me a nice "favor" - you guys know what I mean.  Afterwards, I said "Wow, that was great."  Her response... ."I'm sure it was great for you, it didn't do anything for me... ."  My heart sunk, her comment pretty much ruining the event, so to speak.

Early Spring 2013, went to a party at a large venue.  At the end, she asked if I was ready to leave and I said I was.  She said she was going to the restroom and she'd be right back.  She was gone an hour and a half, and I spent most of the time searching for her.  On the ride home, I brought up that I thought it was rude she said she would be right back but stayed gone almost two hours and I had to search for her.  She exploded, and when we got to her house she raged and said she did nothing wrong.  She said she was calling a cab to take me home.  It took a while, but eventually she agreed to let me sleep on her couch since it was so late. 

The next few months are a blur - let's just say that the rages became more frequent, and each time I put up more of a wall with her.  Sometimes she would make plans with girl friends for a night out and she had no problem with me staying at home.  This was always the case - if she had something else to do, I had permission to not spend the night with her.  However, if she did not have plans I was required to be with her whether I wanted to or not.

Remember in the beginning she said she could not tolerate a liar.  A few months after we met, I was talking to her Dad and he brought up her deceased mother.  In the very beginning, I asked her about her family and what her parents did.  She said her Dad worked but her mother never worked.  She was always hinting about wishing she could be like she was before she had "divorce papers shoved in her face"... .that it, a non-working stay at home Mom.  Now, the Dad revealed that her mother was actually a beautician that operated a beauty shop out of a room in their small town, small brick home.  The point is that at the same time she said she would not tolerate a man who lies, she lied to me and said her mom never worked.

Over the next few months, to use words I learned here, it was all very push-pull, a rollercoaster ride.  Her response to any conflict, even minor conflict, was to break-up.  I stayed with her for some reason, but things never got better.  When marriage was brought up, once I asked her... ."Would you consider me responsible for your teenagers, you know $$$ and such, and she responded of course, they'd be your step-kids.  I then asked, would I have any authority over them, and she responded (with a straight face) of course not, they're not your kids.  Hmmm... .

All her thinking was very much a one way street.  She had rules for me, but she came out several times and said she could do what she wants.  She would ask personal questions and I said I would answer as long as she would keep the information private.  Her response - "I tell my friends what I want to - you can't tell me what to say or not say... ."

Ok, almost done here.  By Spring of 2014, there were two events that led me to dump her.  One "married weekend" - I took her out Thursday night, cooked out and spent the night with her Friday night, and spent all Saturday with her.  Also, I had reservations at a great restaurant for brunch for Sunday morning.  But, I made the mistake of telling her around 6pm on Saturday that I was tired and just wanted to stay home.  She was at my house when I announced that.  HUGE RAGE - She screamed at me, demanded her house key back, said we were done.  She peeled out of the driveway and went home.  Came screaming back up the driveway 5 minutes later to get something she'd left here.  She yelled at me, called me a loser, an ass, and other choice name calling words.  Then peeled out and left again.

The next morning, she knocked on my door at 9am and I answered the door with disbelief that she was there.  She acted like nothing happened the night before, and wondered why I wasn't dressed since we were going to (large city over an hour away) for brunch at a fancy French place.  I told her she had to be kidding. 

We didn't speak for a couple of weeks, but then she called and we gave it another try.  The last event was in May 2014.  She didn't have the kids, it was a Saturday afternoon, and she called me around 3pm after her last kid left for the weekend.  I told her I was helping a guy friend on a project, and she pouted like a small child and said she was "sitting alone on her deck - not what I want to be doing on a Saturday afternoon."  She then made some other sour comments, and I told her I was thinking about taking her to dinner later.  I got of the phone, got back on the project, and she called around 5:30 and said "you were never going to take me out.  You're a liar."  I told her I didn't have to listen to that and hung up on her.  She called at 8pm, crying... ."why do you date me" boo-hoo-hoo, sobbing.  I told her I was going to take her out but now I was not going to because of the way she treated me earlier in the day.  Then, she went into rage mode again.

We didn't talk for days, I had had enough.  I think I finally snapped.  She went silent, but called me 6 weeks later talking love and wanting to reconcile.  I'm embarrassed, but I went along with her in conversation, but never reached out to her again.  But it felt so good to hear her voice and hear her say she loved me, etc.  Then, a month of silence, and finally a text to me stating "I don't want to go backwards with you.  I'm moving on with my life."  Got a birthday wish from her in late August, and never heard from her again.

No contact until I texted her that I needed my Christmas tree stand.  She dropped it in my carport while I was not at home.  I texted her a thank you.  So, I have not seen her in almost a year, just the few phone and text contacts I had.  The last being in November 2014.

That's my story.

Recently, a friend told me she was engaged to a guy about 15 years her senior.  (I'm three years old than she is).  I was told that from their first date to engagement ring was two months.  From first date to wedding date is 18 to 20 weeks.  Why am I not surprised?

Long post I know.  But this is the first time I've gotten all this out, and I would love to hear any comments, advice, etc.  I think she is BPD, but I'm not qualified to diagnose her.  I will say that I started counseling and an anti-depressant last May when I basically ended the relationship.  The past 11 months has been at time very hard and depressing.  It's better now, but I still suffer at times.  But as I remember her, the last year I was with her, it was like when I smoked.  When I was smoking, I wish I wasn't.  When I wasn't smoking, I wish I was.  Same with her.  The last year with her was like that... .when I was with her, my stomach hurt, and when I was away from her, at times I craved her.

Although we've been apart basically a year, the news of her quick engagement did sting a bit.  Friends have told me she was horrible in her marriage, and that her ex had a girlfriend on the side the last three years of their marriage before he "shoved divorce papers in her face".  Then, for about 8 years, she dated but could never land a husband.  Then there was me for about two years, and somehow I escaped, in spite of my self.  I wonder what awaits this new fellow.  I hear he is a nice guy, and he does have a nice big house.  Any ideas what awaits him?

Thanks guys, and gals, I'm hoping this is therapeutic for me.  Best wishes.
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enlighten me
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« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2015, 12:39:01 PM »

I had to read this twice as I thought I had posted it Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). Split with my exgf 41 at the end of may last year. She had two kids before we had one together. She is now dating someone 15 years older. The mechanical sex and lack of compassion also ring true.

If you want to know whats in store for her and the new guy look to the past. One day he will probably be here and she will be ruining someone elses life. Sad but true.
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FannyB
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« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2015, 12:56:42 PM »

Well I'm absolutely convinced my ex has BPD, and I thought for a while when reading your post we were talking about the same woman! At the very least she would appear to have one of the 'cluster B' family of disorders. You dodged a bullet - well done! 
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syma65

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« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2015, 02:27:16 PM »

Thanks for the responses so far:)

A couple of other behaviors, etc. I can add:

1.  On a few occasions, when we would go 4 or so days without seeing each other due to my getting in later after a long day on the road - she would say "when I don't see you for 4 days I have a hard time remembering what you look like... .it's like you're not there"

2.  On a couple of occasions, she would utter things in front of me like I wasn't even there:

Once, while sitting on the deck on a normal day - not during a fight - I was doing some yard work (for her, of course) and she just said out of the blue "Maybe I should just find someone that can take care of me."  Again, I was within earshot, and we had been together over a year and she was telling me she wanted us to be married.

Once, while in the car together, she mentioned that she just paid $5000 in bills for the month.  She then said, while sitttng next to me, "I just need to find me a husband".  Again, as if I weren't there.

Just some extra info. for ya'll to process and comment on.

I'm so glad this board is here - except for my therapist I've been keeping all this in for about the past year.  Feels so liberating to be getting this out especially amongst people like you who understand.
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« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2015, 03:40:59 PM »

Sounds like she display s lot of traits. Have you read the dsm? If so how many of the criteria do you think she ticks. Remember its about the intensity of the criteria. If it was a one off or a regular thing.
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syma65

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« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2015, 03:45:01 PM »

I have read the DSM, IV and 5 - She never threatened suicide but she did overeat regularly.

And no, it was not a "one off" - it was regular, just not so much early one.  Over time the behaviors meeting the criteria happened more and more, and the intervals in between episodes grew shorter and shorter.
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enlighten me
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« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2015, 04:22:02 PM »

Im not a psycologist so cant give a proffessional diagnosis but im a big fan of it it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck its probably a duck.
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ShadowIntheNight
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« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2015, 04:46:42 PM »

Who knows if she is BPD or not. Regardless she is extremely emotionally volitale/immature and isnt long term material at all. There's no telling how her teens will turn out, but consider yourself lucky you only had to serve two years and didn't get life like the poor sap who's engaged to her now!
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syma65

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« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2015, 08:11:00 PM »

Nice response, likening it to a sentence:)  The last year it felt like one. 

Hoping someone reading can really read the details of what I wrote and give me an idea of if this was BPD or not.

Thanks:)
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« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2015, 12:59:56 AM »

syma65,

I'm a late 40's single dad and was with a uBPD/NPD gf in her mid 40's with three young kids.  I can relate to many of the things you wrote about and struggled for 3 years to make sense of behavior that didn't make sense.  I've been out of the r/s for almost 18 months and am now in a healthy r/s with a fantastic non.  I actually dated a woman about six months after the b/u with my ex gf who showed strong BPD traits.  That time, it took me only a couple months to cut the cord clean and move on.  Bottom-line, I found peace in not needing a diagnosis of either my ex or the short fling by focusing on my values and knowing that neither r/s fit the bill.  My current r/s is really good and lacks the push/pull, roller coaster of emotions, emotional/verbal/physical abuse and just straight up BS that I experienced with my ex gf.  Plain and simple, it wasn't healthy and it wasn't right for me.  I'm so happy that I finally found the strength to walk away and take care of myself first.  I hope the same for you!
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syma65

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« Reply #10 on: May 04, 2015, 09:44:59 AM »

syma65,

I'm a late 40's single dad and was with a uBPD/NPD gf in her mid 40's with three young kids.  I can relate to many of the things you wrote about and struggled for 3 years to make sense of behavior that didn't make sense.  I've been out of the r/s for almost 18 months and am now in a healthy r/s with a fantastic non.  I actually dated a woman about six months after the b/u with my ex gf who showed strong BPD traits.  That time, it took me only a couple months to cut the cord clean and move on.  Bottom-line, I found peace in not needing a diagnosis of either my ex or the short fling by focusing on my values and knowing that neither r/s fit the bill.  My current r/s is really good and lacks the push/pull, roller coaster of emotions, emotional/verbal/physical abuse and just straight up BS that I experienced with my ex gf.  Plain and simple, it wasn't healthy and it wasn't right for me.  I'm so happy that I finally found the strength to walk away and take care of myself first.  I hope the same for you!

Thank you for that post - very inspirational to me.  Funny, I too met a girl that within 3 meetings showed very strong signs of being unstable.  Too bad - she was really pretty:)  But, I let that one go and it was so easy to do.  No doubt because we had no real bond after only three dates.  And, my radar is really up after the uBPDex.

I will continue to follow any responses because I waited a year to go public (anonymously) with my two-year crazy ride.  I know I still have healing to do.  Like I said earlier, it is a lot easier now but I still have thoughts of her and I wish I didn't.  You bpdfamily supporters are so helpful.
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syma65

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« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2015, 08:30:58 PM »

Just saw as I was leaving the neighborhood today that she had a moving truck in the yard.  So, she's moving in with the replacement after a 16 week courtship, even though the wedding date is not till the end of May.

Since it's been a year, like I said it stings but not that much anymore.  But, seriously - go from first date to engagement in 2 months then move in (with two teenage daughters, 17 and 15) two months later just a month before the "marriage".

Mind boggling to me.

All this after two years of pleading with me to marry her.  Due to your support, I realize I am lucky to have somehow fended off those invites.  But, wow, the quickness of it all with my replacement.  I can't wrap my head around it. 
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syma65

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« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2015, 09:22:44 PM »

I'm sorry to impose on all of you, but for some reason this recent event has been a major trigger for me.  I cannot understand it.  I dumped her a year ago, and for very good reasons.  But for some reason seeing first hand her moving in with the replacement whom she had dated for just 16 weeks has triggered me emotionally.  I seems so surreal.  It makes sense, intellectually, because had I been willing I would have moved in with her two years ago within 4 months.

It's amazing what a mind-F#$% these people cause to those of us that related to them.  I'm from a small town, Leave it to Beaver, kind of family.  I guess that's part of the reason we are selected by them.  Too good-hearted, too kind, too even-tempered. 

Any comments/advise, very much appreciated.
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syma65

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« Reply #13 on: May 05, 2015, 08:56:00 PM »

No one has commented.  I feel so lost is a way.  If anyone out there is listening I would love to hear your comments.  Many thanks.
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« Reply #14 on: May 06, 2015, 01:39:59 AM »

It is strange that even though we dont want them. We know theyre not healthy for us. We still have this attachment. I have wondered how much of this is down to my dented ego. I realise this has a part to play. I also realise that the lost dreams have a huge part to play. We believe we have found what we have always been seeking. I also think we hate the injustice and it hurts to see them get away with it.

All I know is that sometimes you need to see them moving on. Every time you see it happen it becomes less of a shock. You go from gut wrenching turmoil to indifference.

Remember what you went through with her your replacement will be suffering.
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syma65

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« Reply #15 on: May 06, 2015, 07:21:22 PM »

Thanks for that reply.  It helps.  Anyone else who wants to add something, please do.  I really, really want to get over all this and have a normal, calm, sweet and loving relationship:)
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enlighten me
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« Reply #16 on: May 07, 2015, 02:12:56 AM »

It does get better. The more you move on the less you think of them. You will bounce between thinking of them all the time then less and less until something triggers you. Eventually these triggers wont be as strong as they get replaced by other memories.

Distraction was my weapon of choice. The more you do for yourself the better you feel.
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« Reply #17 on: May 07, 2015, 05:39:52 AM »

   Hi Syma... .

After reading your posts, I think that you really, really dodged a GIANT bullet here. Bravo to your inner self by backing off because you were being treated with such selfishness, coldness and disregard. The whole relationship was about how you were performing for her big self-centered plan.  Ick. That lie about her mother not working was HUGE. Ick.

You deserve a very connected partner who loves and respects you.

She sounds like she had huge abandonment fears perhaps, but part of me thinks she was going into a rage because she just wasn't "getting her way". Just outright selfishness and control, perhaps.

I know that as humans loss is loss and you did have time invested. We have to grieve the loss... .which I think you are.

Just know that she is putting on the manipulative "dog and pony show" right now to get this new person to do what she wants for HER. That's not "love" in my world... .but it is in hers. Yes, it hurts emotionally right now, but just think it through and you have to be happy that you are not actually in that  new person's shoes.  You took care of you and that is a beautiful thing.  

Hold onto THAT!
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syma65

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« Reply #18 on: May 07, 2015, 10:14:48 PM »

The responses I've received have been so very helpful.  Processing pain that I can't understand has been hard, but you folks have helped, and continue to help.  I hope that one day I can be in a great place and return the favor and be of support to someone else suffering like I am. 
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syma65

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« Reply #19 on: May 08, 2015, 09:56:57 PM »

You people on this board, please keep commenting.  I am feeling better with each response.  So glad that this resource is here:)
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syma65

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« Reply #20 on: May 14, 2015, 08:26:33 PM »

Had a great session with my therapist today, told her about the online message board with you guys.  She was all for it.  Told her I was feeling a good bit better but still don't feel complete yet.  I don't want the uBPDex back, but as I've said her suddenly going from first date to marriage in just a few weeks really affected me - being a year out I was really surprised I had such a reaction.

I know she's sick, I know I'm better off, but I have a feeling that until I meet a healthy female match this uBPD girl will continue to affect me, regardless of how it works out with my replacement.

I appreciate all of you in this community.  It helps to hear from you.  My best wishes:)
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