Hoping he'll stop charming- any advice?

[gsm42]

Hi Friends,

Has anyone had any success with just laying low, hoping the exBPD will locate another victim and just go away?  Or do I need to break up a second time and go through the talk because the last one didn't take?  Or is it all futile?  He once said jokingly told me that no one leaves him... .that he leaves them (in reference to his former vehicle that broke down on the side of the road) but I really think he believes this about human relationships.  Hoping that if I wait it out, stay dull and boring, that he will leave on his own. 

We were together for six months, and looking back there were a few red flags.  At the end (or what I thought was the end) I realized that there was a reason that nothing added up.  I do realize that all this seems mild compared to some of the harrowing stories that I've read here, and I've got to say that truly admire everyone's strength.  Despite my strong bond to him, I want to get out while I can because it has already been so difficult.  Learning all that I can about BPD has been helping I think, but I still need to drink to calm myself down.  My appointment with my therapist is not for a few weeks.

Thanks for sharing and reading,

gsm42

[ZeusRLX]

Hey... .

If you leave them nothing to grab on to, yes, eventually, they will leave.

However, they usually will try quite a few things before they go away, it's usually not immediate, they will look for ways to pull you in.

If you are serious about leaving, NC is the only way to go IMO. If he sees you on the street, don't talk to him. If he calls, don't answer. If he writes, don't answer and don't even open it.

Block him everywhere.

If I were you, I'd try to not count on him locating another victim but instead on my resolve to not allow to be pulled back in no matter what.

And if you can arrange NC, that should be manageable... .

They will start looking for a new victim usually after they are sure that the old victim can't be recycled (unless they have split you, which it doesn't sound like he has). Show him you mean it (if you do) and you won't be recycled no matter what and he will have no choice but to go away... .

[once removed]

hey gsm42,

im confused about the status of your relationship:

"hoping the exBPD will locate another victim and just go away?"

"Hoping that if I wait it out"

":)espite my strong bond to him, I want to get out while I can"

"Hoping... .that he will leave on his own."

can you elaborate on why there is still contact between the two of you? are you responding to contact from him? would you prefer lc (limited contact) or nc (no contact) (there is no right or wrong answer)?

i think your intentions, ie "i want to get out" are clear, but your path is not, and a lot of it seems to be based on his actions and not yours. youre the only one you can control here.

[gsm42]

Thanks so much for the clarifying questions @ZeusRLX and @once removed!  They actually are a big help to me and signal that my thoughts and actions have been murky at best.

I started off with NC after a fight which I assumed would be our breakup but then got sucked into contact.  The contact has been limited (I don't initiate any of it).  Excellent point that he's in the drivers seat, and I need to make a decision about taking control.  Thank you @onceremoved!

Thanks @ZeusRLX for the reality check! You're right... .if I'm indeed serious about leaving, then I need to act like it.