FHTH,
Is is really possible to hurt them? I just don't think so with my ex. This might sting him just a tiny bit - but he skates through life with no consequences for the damage he's done. Acts like life is just awesome.
Grrrrr... .
Exactly, it's an act. If he really does have this disorder, the unstable sense of self, inability to regulate emotions well and constant fear of abandonment makes his life a living hell; you couldn't hurt him any more than he's already hurting and he expects it anyway. So the defense mechanisms, including the 'act', get very well developed and refined, mental gymnastics to not feel, and if that doesn't work, there's always impulsive behavior. Like watching videos.
My ex wasn't into drinking, drugs or cutting, she did use ice cream as a soother, along with blowing random strangers, but I'd find her in unguarded moments sometimes, balled up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth and moaning; that was her natural state when she was alone and the tools weren't working. We don't have to hurt these people, they're already in more pain than we can imagine, once you scrape off the 'act'.