5 Months Since I Initiated NO CONTACT (UPDATE)

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi all... .I haven't been on the site much in last few months but I decided to come back and update everyone on how things are going. It has been 5 months since I made the choice to cut contact with her. I have been on dates but no one really suited me well. I still think about my ex everyday, is this love or infatuation? I think it has to be infatuation because I am pretty sure that when I find someone I really like, my ex will leave my mind... .

For those of you going through this process, it is not easy, but it is extremely healthy... .I am lying in bed right now reminiscing on all the good times I had with my ex and I keep ignoring how awful somethings were... .

I became a stronger man because of her and I am extremely grateful that at the age of 22 I was able to experience this sort of relationship with a BPD.

I still miss her, I still think of her, I might even still love her, but I think I'm a little bit clouded on what love is until I experience it again.

Good luck with your healing process guys!

Much love,

-Josh

[Jmanster]

Hi all... .I haven't been on the site much in last few months but I decided to come back and update everyone on how things are going. It has been 5 months since I made the choice to cut contact with her. I have been on dates but no one really suited me well. I still think about my ex everyday, is this love or infatuation? I think it has to be infatuation because I am pretty sure that when I find someone I really like, my ex will leave my mind... .

For those of you going through this process, it is not easy, but it is extremely healthy... .I am lying in bed right now reminiscing on all the good times I had with my ex and I keep ignoring how awful somethings were... .

I became a stronger man because of her and I am extremely grateful that at the age of 22 I was able to experience this sort of relationship with a BPD.

I still miss her, I still think of her, I might even still love her, but I think I'm a little bit clouded on what love is until I experience it again.

Good luck with your healing process guys!

Much love,

-Josh

[Trog]

It's ok to still love your ex. I think a lot of our pain comes from struggling with the fact we still love them, even if they hurt or betrayed us, a lot of our anger is internal 'how can I still love this person!'

I still care about my ex and I'm cloudy also on what that love is right now, we spent 7 years together and although her actions cut me to the quick, yes, I care about her. I finally accept that  and like you, I also know, when I fall for someone else those feelings will fall further into the distance. I believe the key is this; I may still love her but I choose NOT to participate in the way she loves, she's not healthy for me, she's incredibly selfish and her actions hurt me and I don't want her in my life. For me, it's that simple. And coming to that realisation and stopping the internal fight against my feelings and accepting it has led me to peace.

It's far more empowering to accept the present of your internal reality and then make a CHOICE about what you do with that reality that's the most healthy choice for you/us.

Good luck, seems like you're on the right path.

[Jmanster]

Trog, you have been giving me tips ever since I have joined the forum in December of last year. I am so glad you are still on here! It's great to see a veteran Thank you for your kind advice that you have given me over the last 6 months