have alot of you/us been completely cut off?

[problemsolver]

Couple days removed of realizing the dance is officially done, so alot of thoughts have been rolling around in my head. I've basically been blocked and removed off everything. In all fairness maybe I led her to do it at times. But once she did it once it became a pattern. . Does anyone feel they were responsible for getting "cut out" or do you feel it was just inevitable. My BPD ex had several blocked phone #s so perhaps it was inevitable that I would make my way there... .  thoughts?

[Tay25]

Sorry to hear about what you are going through, I know how tough it can be. Hang in there cause things will get better.

I don't feel responsible for being discarded, as much as she made me believe it was my fault. No matter what I could have done, she would have picked out something from the past that I did which upset her and we would be back to her drama induced arguments. The cycles of closeness then pushing away were very frequent and she knew I would not stick around if they continued. When I made this apparent to her she verbally assaulted me with everything in her arsenal and then left. Thank god for that as I could have been in that situation for much longer.

[UserName69]

The cycles of closeness then pushing away were very frequent and she knew I would not stick around if they continued.

Me and my exBPD had this moment every two weeks. I knew there was something wrong with her but I didn't know what.

Yes she blocked me from fb and deleted my phone number. I know she's painting me black. To be honest I don't even care about her or the relationship. She's the one who acted weird one time she wants me the other time she tells me she needs space. I can't see why I should feel responsible, her future rs will be exact the same.

I'm happy it's over and I have found a new girlfriend. One day you'll be glad that she isn't a part of your life anymore.

[Mr Hollande]

Does anyone feel they were responsible for getting "cut out" or do you feel it was just inevitable.

I was responsible for not giving up on her and us which inevitably lead to being unceremoniously dumped in the cruel and cold manner so typical of people with BPD. Yes, it was inevitable. Everything about a relationship with a BPD sufferer is inevitable.

Welcome aboard, Problemsolver. Don't be too certain of your status as a "cut out" just yet. Part of the inevitable is that you'll probably be contacted again and then it'll be up to you if you engage or not. From personal experience I'd recommend you don't and continue the long and hard road you're on now. You'll benefit in the end but it's up to you. 

Yes, welcome aboard!

[dagwoodbowser]

Your BPD will eventually drop you; staying only delays the inevitable -- The BPD will drop you, abandon you, take off, perhaps quietly or perhaps while regretfully trying to destroy you during states of dysregulation.  This unfortunately is the story over and over again with a BPD.  This is what they do.  It could be a week from now, it could be 10 years from now.  There is no amount of love, money, rationality, or bond that will prevent this.  Few things are inevitable or certain in life, but the likelihood of the BPD coldly abandoning you when you least expect it -- and at the least convenient time for you -- is remarkably high, more so than perhaps in any other relationship you might have.  Ultimately, all you will be left with is an exhausted body and mind, a broken heart, and a lot of wasted time and money.       

[Tomzxz]

Spot on dagwoodbowser.  The only way to come out ahead in these relationships is to beat them at their own "sick game".  Trust your gut and end it first when you recognize in your partner the traits that we talk about here.  My ex is still enamored by a casual lover she had before meeting me. They messed around for three weeks and he went back to his girlfriend.  She never had the chance to push/pull him and tear him apart.  She is forever stuck in the idealization phase with the man that got away.  She was writing notes to him after we were engaged (strike three babe). It was only a matter of time before she strayed.  I know leaving her really made her mad because it was so unexpected of me but separation was just another way for her to control me and nothing was ever going to change - because I ended it, I still have my dignity and now she has the emptiness she seeks.  It was a learning experience I didn't need to prolong.

Think about changing you locks and parking your car in the garage too.

[Jack2727]

I was pretty much abandoned. Relationship was thrown away and she has not returned. This was six months ago. My advice is end it on your terms because if you wait and hold out false hope that she will change you will only encounter unbearable pain and months of repair.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Does anyone feel they were responsible for getting "cut out" or do you feel it was just inevitable. My BPD ex had several blocked phone #s so perhaps it was inevitable that I would make my way there... . thoughts?

If you were responsible then be seriously proud of yourself.  Maybe this was your highest self looking out for you!  Maybe you gave yourself what you needed/wanted but were unwilling to consciously execute.  

I was pretty much abandoned. Relationship was thrown away and she has not returned. This was six months ago. My advice is end it on your terms because if you wait and hold out false hope that she will change you will only encounter unbearable pain and months of repair.

Could be but but even if you end it, don't expect that it will go well.  Seems the nature of the disorder that it ends badly.  I ended it which seemed to inspire him to harass me, threaten me and make my whole family miserable for months.  :)on't know which way is better.  When it comes to BPD, seems all options suck:  staying, ending it yourself or getting left.

The good news about the b/s is that the r/s ends and we get our lives back.  While the road to reclaiming our lives may be miserable for a while, that is short term. Even if it takes a long time, any length of recovery time is short compared to a lifetime of chaos, rage and pain.

Hang in there!

[neverloveagain]

Yes pretty much so. I hated it at the start but it's the best way the silence gives us the best chance to move on. I'm not happy about it but at 14 months out and full nc, I've found a place where I'm happy she's gone. She will always be a so that I loved and maybe at the back of mind still do to a degree, we both had an unhealthy dynamic her BPD and my codependency. So being torn away can be a blessing in disguise. Use the silent time wisely to look at yourself and better you and move on and learn

[going places]

Couple days removed of realizing the dance is officially done, so alot of thoughts have been rolling around in my head. I've basically been blocked and removed off everything. In all fairness maybe I led her to do it at times. But once she did it once it became a pattern. . Does anyone feel they were responsible for getting "cut out" or do you feel it was just inevitable. My BPD ex had several blocked phone #s so perhaps it was inevitable that I would make my way there... . thoughts?

Responsible? No. This was all his choice.

He's the monster.

My ex was an "out of sight out of mind" kind of person.

He easily 'forgets' people who his is not with daily. Like his mom... .his dad... .his brother... .NOW his kids,

Deep in my soul, I knew he would do me the same way his grandfather, and father, did their wives of 25 or more years of marriage; dump and run.

1 year ago, it broke my heart to think after 25 years he could just 'forget me'.

Today?

I am so THANKFUL he has forgotten me. Does it hurt? Yep... .

But it's better than the alternative (him calling, coming by, etc)

[gettingoverit]

My exBPDgf did the cut and run as well. This was after we had recycled 4 times in almost 7 years. The final break up was due to actually having a replacement lined up before she left. Once she completely moved out, I heard nothing from her. NOTHING. It was painful, but the best thing that could have happened to me. I was able to go through withdrawal and heal without that psycho coming in and out of my life, which would have made it 1000000000x worse. It is not uncommon for BPDs to cut and run, especially if they have another source to feed off of. In the long run you will see that it truly is a blessing in disguise. Right now it feels horrible, like you can't live without her, but you can and you will.

[JRT]

Sorry that this happened to you... .I can relate.

I was nothing but respectful and loving to my uBPDfiance and her son for 2 years, we never had any disagreements or fights at all and I was extremely happy. Mine cut me off and blocked me while I was out of town... .buy the time she had sent me a text message informing me 'our relationship is over... .,.i have moved out... .don't try to contact me' , not only was she already gone, but she had blocked me via phone, text, email, social media, etc. She even got her family and friends to unfriend and block me! Months afterwards, I had attempted to contact her on Xmas eve... .that was met with a call from the cops! That was 8 months ago and I have not heard a word from her at all.

It is so wild and extreme an incident, that sometimes I have take inventory of it and ask myself if there was something that I left out or wasn't considering. I always come up with nothing... .I don't think that I could have done anything to have effected a different outcome. Matter of fact, I think that it is testament to how well that I treated her that it lasted 2 years: her marriage only lasted 8 months and that was double any other r/s of hers.

[Reecer1588]

Now going on 120 days. Nothing. Not a peep. Not a phone call, not a text. Nothing. When you're their cancer and they want to cut you off that is exactly what will be done.

I am not blocked on facebook and that's all I know.

[SummerStorm]

Yes, I have been cut off for a week.  Mine was my best friend who, after having an affair with me for weeks, promised me that we would be together after I bought a house because, if she left her boyfriend before then, she wouldn't have anywhere to live.  Eventually, she decided to stay with him.  A week later, she tried to commit suicide.  I was the supportive friend, visiting her at the hospital, and she acted like she couldn't have cared less.  In fact, during my hour with her, she basically told me that we would never be together and admitted to a massive lie that she told me. 

Less than two weeks later, after not seeing her and having very little contact with her and having her get mad at me no matter what I texted her, she sent me a string of angry messages, told me I was a poison, told me she no longer wanted me in her life, stopped replying to my texts, unfollowed me on Twitter, and didn't reply to a text sent from my mom's phone.  I had been in contact with her boyfriend since the suicide attempt (I've never actually met him in person).  He knew nothing about her cutting me out, and he was shocked and disgusted by her actions.  She still has several things that belong to me, and I was working with him to get them back.  Well, wouldn't you know, as soon as he said something to her about sending back my stuff and had to let her know I was still talking to him and sent me a message that she would send back my stuff, he completely stopped replying to me as well.  So, now, if I send him anything, I'll probably look like some crazy person, harassing him.  I can't even imagine what she has told him.     

[lm911]

Firstly she blocked me from fb, deleted all our mutual friends, then skype, recently I understood that my number is blocked too. That is how they operate- like you are the worst person, although most of us here did not cheat, or beat our exes, so what was this bad thing that we did, to deserve such treatment... .

[jammo1989]

Would like to throw some basic insight regarding this subject, BPDs just like all cluster Bs use and adapts control in order to avoid abandonment, they also have an extremely low self worth,which im sure you guys already know by now, but one of the reasons why they cut us out completely is because, they feel as if they arent good enough, and because they don't feel good enough they will do everything possible to keep us attached, so the more they are able to control us the better and more safe they feel.  When they feel as if they lose that control they take it as rejection " I know im not good enough and he/she has just proved it." So the reason why I was cut out of my exes life completely as well as you is because they have now lost control over us, this then creates an extremely unsafe and painful place in their head so, as soon as he/she has sensed abandonment thy no longer trust us or feel safe, so the only thing to do is move on to a place where she/he feels safe in the form of a new attachment.  To add to this they are pretty much saying "if I dont have and sustain control, others can hurt me.        

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Once she completely moved out, I heard nothing from her. NOTHING. It was painful, but the best thing that could have happened to me. I was able to go through withdrawal and heal without that psycho coming in and out of my life, which would have made it 1000000000x worse. 

gettingoverit, I know we can't compare b/u experiences b/c everyone's emotional truth is their own.  I do not know how bad it feels, and am not minimizing, how bad it feels to be completely cut off, abandoned, painted black.  I can't imagine. 

But your point is worth considering.  I left my UxBPDbf 7+ months ago and he has not stopped harassing me and f*cking with me yet.  He may go 30-40 days without contact but continues to reappear.  I do not respond.  His "nice" messages feel bad and throw me off the healing course.  "Mean" messages feel bad and throw me off course.  There is no satisfaction for me either way. 

Just today, my sister said it is like he died but gets to keep coming back from the grave to tell his side of the story and mess with me.  I think she is right.

The emotional abuse within the r/s was bad enough.  Post-b/u, it just keeps coming. 

I try to "appreciate" the gift of not being completely abandoned like many on this board have suffered.  That said, for those who've been cut off, it might be worth considering the other side as well:   how bad life can be when the ex won't let go.  I hate it.  I have never felt so f*cked with in all my life.  Like a bug in a petri dish at times.  Him just toying with me for the heck of it.  And... .I am doing a kick-a$s job of ignoring him.  And... .it is still so freaking hard.  The physical and emotional toll is huge. 

Ultimately, it pretty much boils down to this:  b/u's with pwBPD suck.  Either way.  No matter what.  It seems that "nice, normal" b/u is impossible.  Whether they have cut you off or won't let go, the disorder is running the show.  Which totally sucks.   

[cj488]

Yes, it's hard, but also a blessing. My exBPDgf suddenly disappeared after I confronted her about her bizarre (BPD) behavior, calling me on the way to work with news that she was gone, moved out. However, she still wanted to "date", and be courted, but I "couldn't kiss" her? On our first date, she decided everything about me she once adored and love-bombed me about, was wrong and that I was now the worst person on the face of the earth. I could only sit and gawk at this nightmare unfolding. The next day, it was over, "forever," but we would still "be friends." She came a couple weeks later to get her things from my house, adding with an unforgetably wicked grin that she is now "in love" again, and that her new man is everything I could never be. Once she got me to pay one final bill for her, I got a "thanks," and she never contacted me again, ever. So much for being "friends" with a Borderline.

[rotiroti]

Yes, it's hard, but also a blessing. My exBPDgf suddenly disappeared after I confronted her about her bizarre (BPD) behavior, calling me on the way to work with news that she was gone, moved out. However, she still wanted to "date", and be courted, but I "couldn't kiss" her? On our first date, she decided everything about me she once adored and love-bombed me about, was wrong and that I was now the worst person on the face of the earth. I could only sit and gawk at this nightmare unfolding. The next day, it was over, "forever," but we would still "be friends." She came a couple weeks later to get her things from my house, adding with an unforgetably wicked grin that she is now "in love" again, and that her new man is everything I could never be. Once she got me to pay one final bill for her, I got a "thanks," and she never contacted me again, ever. So much for being "friends" with a Borderline.

Yeesh. Everything about your post says, GOOD RIDDANCE x 1000000

seriously, mine wanted to remain friends. Yeah. ok.

I took the initiative and blocked her on everything. I remember getting panic attacks when my phone would ring. It's so easy to look past the "bad" things with a BPDex, even if they are a mountain of them.