backwards silent treatment?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well, I'm new to this site so I figure i'll just ask for advice right away... .

i had a partner, and we'll call him K. We were basically life partners, (both committed to meeting up and living together after he graduated and left his abusive household) despite the fact that we live on opposite ends of the country and have never met in person. I knew K had BPD, and i would often calm him down when it was bad, as well as soothe his anxiety attacks and talk him away from cutting himself. We talked nonstop, texting and calling each other multiple times a day.

I suppose i never even noticed him drawing away until my birthday passed and he didn't even say a word (which felt extremely out of character to me). I was confused and hurt, but forgave him when he apologized several days later. From that point on, we've hardy talked. Ever so often he still texts me, apologizing for "being awful" and tells me he still loves me etc. When we do talk, we "get back into the swing of things" and we'll talk for a bit (him being as loving as usual) until i will text him something and he will completely ignore it (any where from about 24 hours to, most recently, a month). Every time though, he will give me an explanation for why he's been distant. He will tell me that things have been hard and he's trying to find himself, he's afraid of getting codependent again or that school is keeping him busy. All of this is consistent with K giving me the silent treatment, aside from one thing.

We've never fought. Ever. Not before, and certainly not now. I can't understand why he's doing this.

I have talked to two of our mutual friends and apparently he is doing the same to them, but not to his real life friends. Is it possible that he feels guilty for something and is punishing HIMSELF for it by not speaking to me? Is this really the silent treatment? If it is, how do i defend myself and stop getting hurt? All i do know is that i miss k, I don't know what to do, and I'm really hurt. Any advice?

[qppeach]

Well, I'm new to this site so I figure i'll just ask for advice right away... .

i had a partner, and we'll call him K. We were basically life partners, (both committed to meeting up and living together after he graduated and left his abusive household) despite the fact that we live on opposite ends of the country and have never met in person. I knew K had BPD, and i would often calm him down when it was bad, as well as soothe his anxiety attacks and talk him away from cutting himself. We talked nonstop, texting and calling each other multiple times a day.

I suppose i never even noticed him drawing away until my birthday passed and he didn't even say a word (which felt extremely out of character to me). I was confused and hurt, but forgave him when he apologized several days later. From that point on, we've hardy talked. Ever so often he still texts me, apologizing for "being awful" and tells me he still loves me etc. When we do talk, we "get back into the swing of things" and we'll talk for a bit (him being as loving as usual) until i will text him something and he will completely ignore it (any where from about 24 hours to, most recently, a month). Every time though, he will give me an explanation for why he's been distant. He will tell me that things have been hard and he's trying to find himself, he's afraid of getting codependent again or that school is keeping him busy. All of this is consistent with K giving me the silent treatment, aside from one thing.

We've never fought. Ever. Not before, and certainly not now. I can't understand why he's doing this.

I have talked to two of our mutual friends and apparently he is doing the same to them, but not to his real life friends. Is it possible that he feels guilty for something and is punishing HIMSELF for it by not speaking to me? Is this really the silent treatment? If it is, how do i defend myself and stop getting hurt? All i do know is that i miss k, I don't know what to do, and I'm really hurt. Any advice?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

If it is, how do i defend myself and stop getting hurt? All i do know is that i miss k, I don't know what to do, and I'm really hurt. Any advice?

These are big questions... good questions to ask. 

I'm glad you have found the forum... and I'm looking forward to hearing more from you. 

Please take a look at the lessons.  I don't know enough about your story yet to try to point you in the right direction in the lessons... .

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206

So... I'm trying to understand the nature of your r/s... .just to confirm.  This is an online only r/s?  You have never met in real life?

How much time do you spend on this r/s (before the ST) and with "real life" in person relationships?


Looking forward to your responses!

 

FF