Very sad right now - terribly regretting ending it

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm writing cause I need support. I'm hurting and have no other support.

I'm missing her, wishing I had NOT ended. Re-thinking that I could've ... .I just dont know... .

I'm feeling terribly responsible for this breakup... .

I'm wondering also that maybe I'm OWNING her projections... .she always blamed me.

As soon as she started blaming me for not answering her text immediately I saw RED... .

Ugh... and I had to speak up... I had to say Enough!

Why? Was she looking for a fight?

Was she provoking me to reach such a point that I would end it?

I have to go to work, and work all by myself in a convience store throughout the night... .and I'm wondering if I can

[JohnnyShoes]

I'm writing cause I need support. I'm hurting and have no other support.

I'm missing her, wishing I had NOT ended. Re-thinking that I could've ... .I just dont know... .

I'm feeling terribly responsible for this breakup... .

I'm wondering also that maybe I'm OWNING her projections... .she always blamed me.

As soon as she started blaming me for not answering her text immediately I saw RED... .

Ugh... and I had to speak up... I had to say Enough!

Why? Was she looking for a fight?

Was she provoking me to reach such a point that I would end it?

I have to go to work, and work all by myself in a convience store throughout the night... .and I'm wondering if I can

[workinprogress]

Be strong man!  They touch our soul somehow, I guess through mirroring.  They give us an image that we want to see.  It is better to escape while you can.  The more vested you become in these relationships, the more you will lose.

[Schermarhorn]

Its better to have short term regret than to have this conflict continue for who knows how long.

If you didn't break up, she had the potential to ruin your life.

[Duder]

Hang in there man. It will get better,visit these boards.they help immensely. Be around friends,family if you can. Write,cry,but live.

[Learning_curve74]

Sorry to hear that you're hurting so much JohnnyShoes. It's okay to have a hard time over breaking up. Hugs to you 

It seems like part of you was willing to stand up to being treated in a less than loving and caring manner. Would you have been willing to accept her same behavior for the next year? How about living with it the next five years? Or the next ten or twenty years? If it were you best friend in your shoes instead, what advice would you have given him?

[JQ]

Johnny,

Hey brother you going to be fine ... .REALLY!  Things get better with each passing day ... .I've been taught that 30 days makes a habit or makes things easier. Loosing weight after you've been following a plan becomes a habit. Not drinking nightly after 30 days becomes a habit. Not being in contact with your exBPDgf becomes a habit and easier to deal with.

My exBPDgf told me 14 days ago that she wanted to start over, begin again as friends. Kinda hard to do this while you're still with bf#2 I'm thinking right? So she took a vacation with her kids for 7 days and for the last 3 days she's been with bf#2 at his place. Tomorrow she will leave his house to go to work and then will be back at her new house. Will she call or text me tomorrow? Or the next day or the next? I don't know ... .but you know the first 3-4-5 days was nuts for me! I was, I'm not lying ... .but with each passing day things got a little easier and I didn't miss her so much. I'm not saying I didn't take a step or two backwards because that's just normal dude. But I caught myself off balance, and moved forward again. As I said, it's been about 10 days since I've received a call or a text from her and you I'm doing ok. You will too!

You have to stay busy ... .at least you have work to keep you busy for at least eight hours a day ... .you might want to think about asking for some over time ... .just 2-4 hours or whatever. Call up a buddy and ask them over to watch MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!  Or a Sunday game ... .go out and get that burger and beer. BLOCK HER PHONE NUMBER SO YOU DON'T GET TEXT OR CALLS FROM HER!  This will help with taking the step backwards ... .if you feel like texting her ... .call someone else ... .get on this forum and talk to us ... .you can send private messages if you want to so something like a chat room ... .it's the summer ... .go fishing, go camping, go to the gun range, go mudding, go to a movie, go for a walk, a bike ride, do something ... .get out of the house. Get some sleep ... .get some rest ... .I'm having issues sleeping too and found out years ago when i had to fly strange hours that some Melatonin help a lot. You can find that at any grocery store near the vitamins. I take 5 X 10mgs to help me fall asleep. It's NOT a drug ... .the Navy would not let me take it if it was ... .it's a natural supplement that your body produces that helps you get sleepier and easier to fall asleep.

Think about it ... .ask yourself ... .did you want this type of lifestyle 10 days from now much less 10 years from now? Is she the mother that you want for you kids? Could you enjoy your one and only life to the fullest? These and other questions I ask myself each and everyday about my exBPDgf ... .it helps with the decision making process.

Stay strong ... .be strong ... .LEARN IT, KNOW IT, LIVE IT!

Come back here everyday and seek out what you need ... .vent, friends, someone who understands what you're going through ... .and as the song says ... ."on't worry ... .be happy"  

JQ

[whitebackatcha]

Have you read this one? I'm in shock at how much it applies to so many of us. https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

[JohnnyShoes]

Johnny,

Hey brother you going to be fine ... .REALLY~!  Things get better with each passing day ... .I've been taught that 30 days makes a habit or makes things easier. Loosing weight after you've been following a plan becomes a habit. Not drinking nightly after 30 days becomes a habit. Not being in contact with your exBPDgf becomes a habit and easier to deal with.

My exBPDgf told me 14 days ago that she wanted to start over, begin again as friends. Kinda hard to do this while you're still with bf#2 I'm thinking right? So she took a vacation with her kids for 7 days and for the last 3 days she's been with bf#2 at his place. Tomorrow she will leave his house to go to work and then will be back at her new house. Will she call or text me tomorrow? Or the next day or the next? I don't know ... .but you know the first 3-4-5 days was nuts for me~! I was, I'm not lying ... .but with each passing day things got a little easier and I didn't miss her so much. I'm not saying I didn't take a step or two backwards because that's just normal dude. But I caught myself off balance, and moved forward again. As I said, it's been about 10 days since I've received a call or a text from her and you I'm doing ok. You will too~!

You have to stay busy ... .at least you have work to keep you busy for at least eight hours a day ... .you might want to think about asking for some over time ... .just 2-4 hours or whatever. Call up a buddy and ask them over to watch MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL~!  Or a Sunday game ... .go out and get that burger and beer. BLOCK HER PHONE NUMBER SO YOU DON'T GET TEXT OR CALLS FROM HER~!  This will help with taking the step backwards ... .if you feel like texting her ... .call someone else ... .get on this forum and talk to us ... .you can send private messages if you want to so something like a chat room ... .it's the summer ... .go fishing, go camping, go to the gun range, go mudding, go to a movie, go for a walk, a bike ride, do something ... .get out of the house. Get some sleep ... .get some rest ... .I'm having issues sleeping too and found out years ago when i had to fly strange hours that some Melatonin help a lot. You can find that at any grocery store near the vitamins. I take 5 X 10mgs to help me fall asleep. It's NOT a drug ... .the Navy would not let me take it if it was ... .it's a natural supplement that your body produces that helps you get sleepier and easier to fall asleep.

Think about it ... .ask yourself ... .did you want this type of lifestyle 10 days from now much less 10 years from now? Is she the mother that you want for you kids? Could you enjoy your one and only life to the fullest? These and other questions I ask myself each and everyday about my exBPDgf ... .it helps with the decision making process.

Stay strong ... .be strong ... .LEARN IT, KNOW IT, LIVE IT~!

Come back here everyday and seek out what you need ... .vent, friends, someone who understands what you're going through ... .and as the song says ... .":)on't worry ... .be happy"  

JQ

JQ... .

Thanks Bud. !

[Loosestrife]

I know this feeling, JQ is spot on, come on let's get through today and keep posting. We are here for you 

[JohnnyShoes]

Have you read this one? I'm in shock at how much it applies to so many of us. https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

Whitebackatcha,

I'm reading this now... .and WOW !

Thats it Exactly - scarey - make me shudder to think What I Stepped Into! - I'm returning now to finish reading it. Thanks for the link.