NPD vs BPD question

[cheaptrick]

My ex was diagnosed NPD after her. After her first marriage broke apart.  He divorced her over the same issues I had with her. Excessive self absorbed personality and mentally abusive. She even after 8 years after the divorce, called him up one day out of the blue, and changed her name and said she was giving his name back. He was like... uh... .ok?  She then changed her name and dropped her main den name too. His other issue is that she would not engage in sex and drove him away. I thought people with NPD had lots of sexual partners etc and she was opposite. She often wore her Christianity on her

sleave and would turn around and be so mean and judgmental that it seemed contradictory to those  beliefs. So here is my question and why I ask. After she made a scene at my best friends memorial, I told her off. I went NC for 5 weeks and finally wrote her a text that stated that I expected an apology at minimum for her behaviour at this event and expected better of her. I expected a response but never got one outside a snipe on facebook.  So I am wondering if I should wait and stew about her slight as we were supposed to be friends at a minimum and have mutual friends, or am I dealing with NPD and BPD disorder and need to drop any future relationship with her? I hear about HPD NPD and BPD traits, but need advice as I don't want to wait or keeping stewing about her slight and disregard for me personally. Strange feeling as to why I should care but I seem to be absorbed with WTH she is doing and the wierd NC on her part.

[Invictus01]

My ex was diagnosed NPD after her. After her first marriage broke apart.  He divorced her over the same issues I had with her. Excessive self absorbed personality and mentally abusive. She even after 8 years after the divorce, called him up one day out of the blue, and changed her name and said she was giving his name back. He was like... uh... .ok?  She then changed her name and dropped her main den name too. His other issue is that she would not engage in sex and drove him away. I thought people with NPD had lots of sexual partners etc and she was opposite. She often wore her Christianity on her

sleave and would turn around and be so mean and judgmental that it seemed contradictory to those  beliefs. So here is my question and why I ask. After she made a scene at my best friends memorial, I told her off. I went NC for 5 weeks and finally wrote her a text that stated that I expected an apology at minimum for her behaviour at this event and expected better of her. I expected a response but never got one outside a snipe on facebook.  So I am wondering if I should wait and stew about her slight as we were supposed to be friends at a minimum and have mutual friends, or am I dealing with NPD and BPD disorder and need to drop any future relationship with her? I hear about HPD NPD and BPD traits, but need advice as I don't want to wait or keeping stewing about her slight and disregard for me personally. Strange feeling as to why I should care but I seem to be absorbed with WTH she is doing and the wierd NC on her part.

If she is diagnosed NPD, you need to run, very fast and very far. No good will come out of being "friends" with her.

[Schermarhorn]

My ex was diagnosed NPD after her. After her first marriage broke apart.  He divorced her over the same issues I had with her. Excessive self absorbed personality and mentally abusive. She even after 8 years after the divorce, called him up one day out of the blue, and changed her name and said she was giving his name back. He was like... uh... .ok?  She then changed her name and dropped her main den name too. His other issue is that she would not engage in sex and drove him away. I thought people with NPD had lots of sexual partners etc and she was opposite. She often wore her Christianity on her

sleave and would turn around and be so mean and judgmental that it seemed contradictory to those  beliefs. So here is my question and why I ask. After she made a scene at my best friends memorial, I told her off. I went NC for 5 weeks and finally wrote her a text that stated that I expected an apology at minimum for her behaviour at this event and expected better of her. I expected a response but never got one outside a snipe on facebook.  So I am wondering if I should wait and stew about her slight as we were supposed to be friends at a minimum and have mutual friends, or am I dealing with NPD and BPD disorder and need to drop any future relationship with her? I hear about HPD NPD and BPD traits, but need advice as I don't want to wait or keeping stewing about her slight and disregard for me personally. Strange feeling as to why I should care but I seem to be absorbed with WTH she is doing and the wierd NC on her part.

If she is diagnosed NPD, you need to run, very fast and very far. No good will come out of being "friends" with her.

It doesn't matter what she's diagnosed with. If she acts inappropriate to you, get out.

[Invictus01]

My ex was diagnosed NPD after her. After her first marriage broke apart.  He divorced her over the same issues I had with her. Excessive self absorbed personality and mentally abusive. She even after 8 years after the divorce, called him up one day out of the blue, and changed her name and said she was giving his name back. He was like... uh... .ok?  She then changed her name and dropped her main den name too. His other issue is that she would not engage in sex and drove him away. I thought people with NPD had lots of sexual partners etc and she was opposite. She often wore her Christianity on her

sleave and would turn around and be so mean and judgmental that it seemed contradictory to those  beliefs. So here is my question and why I ask. After she made a scene at my best friends memorial, I told her off. I went NC for 5 weeks and finally wrote her a text that stated that I expected an apology at minimum for her behaviour at this event and expected better of her. I expected a response but never got one outside a snipe on facebook.  So I am wondering if I should wait and stew about her slight as we were supposed to be friends at a minimum and have mutual friends, or am I dealing with NPD and BPD disorder and need to drop any future relationship with her? I hear about HPD NPD and BPD traits, but need advice as I don't want to wait or keeping stewing about her slight and disregard for me personally. Strange feeling as to why I should care but I seem to be absorbed with WTH she is doing and the wierd NC on her part.

If she is diagnosed NPD, you need to run, very fast and very far. No good will come out of being "friends" with her.

It doesn't matter what she's diagnosed with. If she acts inappropriate to you, get out.

That is true too. In the grand scheme of things, doesn't really matter. Going forward, I'll be running the other way even when I sense a hint of a PD, no matter which flavor it might be.

[gameover]

When it comes to NPD, there's Somatic Narcs (whose supply is often physically based = lots of partners) and then there's Cerebral/Covert Narcs (whose supply is primarily mental or emotional). 

Not to mention that PD's can coexist with any number of principles and personal beliefs.  I'm sure there are highly religious pwBPD with very conservative partner counts, etc.

But really in your case these are mere distinctions--she treated you in a way that was unacceptable to you, PD or no. 

IF you want to be friends with her for YOUR benefit (whatever that may be), then you'll have to drop any expectations of an apology.  Understand HER limitations as a friend and figure out your own.

[Zon]

My ex was diagnosed NPD after her. After her first marriage broke apart.  He divorced her over the same issues I had with her. Excessive self absorbed personality and mentally abusive. She even after 8 years after the divorce, called him up one day out of the blue, and changed her name and said she was giving his name back. He was like... uh... .ok?  She then changed her name and dropped her main den name too. His other issue is that she would not engage in sex and drove him away. I thought people with NPD had lots of sexual partners etc and she was opposite. She often wore her Christianity on her

sleave and would turn around and be so mean and judgmental that it seemed contradictory to those  beliefs. So here is my question and why I ask. After she made a scene at my best friends memorial, I told her off. I went NC for 5 weeks and finally wrote her a text that stated that I expected an apology at minimum for her behaviour at this event and expected better of her. I expected a response but never got one outside a snipe on facebook.  So I am wondering if I should wait and stew about her slight as we were supposed to be friends at a minimum and have mutual friends, or am I dealing with NPD and BPD disorder and need to drop any future relationship with her? I hear about HPD NPD and BPD traits, but need advice as I don't want to wait or keeping stewing about her slight and disregard for me personally. Strange feeling as to why I should care but I seem to be absorbed with WTH she is doing and the wierd NC on her part.

I recently pushed my wife and I's MC, in an individual session, that I believed my uBPD/NPDw had significant NPD and BPD traits but more on NPD.  He gave no indication that he believed she did or did not have any personality disorders.  No poker playing with him! 

She had a lot more sex with me the seven years prior to marriage.  After that, a LOT less.  More recently, she told me that she had to force herself to have sex with me due to how she saw me.  From what I have read, sex is used quite often as a means to control for the Covert Narc.  Unfortunately for her, that comment removed my desire for any sex with her, so she has an even harder time pushing me around.

NPD are more cool and collected than BPD in the sense that they use more logic in their attacks.  Well, for my wife, it is true.  I have been unwinding my head with my T's help over the last year and a half.

Ignore the Christianity part of her.  It is just a tool/weapon for her to use.  If you were an atheist, I doubt she would use it on you much at all.  She would find something else to use.

I agree with others.  I cannot speak much on the BPD as my only run-in with someone that may have had it forced me to break up with her.  I can handle BPD much easier.  However, NPD is very dangerous for me.  I hear that and feel a deep need to warn you to leave her fast.  Do not run; calmly and coldly distance yourself.  Showing emotion says their method(s) are working, and they may try harder.

I am curious for more details about her behavior regarding personality and mental abuse, if that is not asking too much.  I want to compare them against how my wife behaves.  Thank you.