Pretty sure she's lying about being pregnant

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

To start off I have been with this woman for a year now(I'm 27, shes 24) and in that time she has been "pregnant" now for the third time.  I used protection anytime we had sex up until recently(I know I know).  About 6-8 weeks into the pregnancy she miscarried so she said, I didn't suspect a thing and to be honest was pretty torn up about it.  The second time around I started to become a bit suspicious when her routine and the effects from the "pregnancy" were IDENTICAL to a T to the first time around.  I asked her to take a test here at my house and she blew up on me and was absolutely offended at the fact that I didn't believe her and take her word for it.  I harped to her about getting in to see a doctor seeing as she had miscarried the first time and she kept putting it off until again about 2 months in she miscarries again.  Eventually her and I split up for about a month and like an idiot I took her back because I truly do care about the woman.  So here I am the third time around and she again has not taken a test in front of me, but had multiple to show me when she told me.  I know this time around there is a good possibility she could be pregnant.  She has supposedly been to the doctor and had her pregnancy confirmed via labs, and has an appointment scheduled for April 4th for an ultrasound.  The part I found incredibly odd was that she has NOT had an ultrasound done just the lab work, but they supposedly told her Thursday that she is 8 weeks and that her due date is October 21.  Maybe I'm wrong(if so someone please correct me)but don't you have to have an ultrasound to determine a due date.  Second why would they make her wait until she is almost 12 weeks to do one especially considering shes miscarried twice?  At this point I have really given up on her just because of the way things have been between her and I even before this.  Oh yeah and this evening I called the clinic she has this appointment at and asked to verify it.  Of course because of privacy they couldn't disclose much, but she did offer to give a yes/no if I gave her details of said appointment to which she replied "no."

This is just a short version of things really but I'd be sitting here for days typing everything out.  I'm at a loss and really don't know what to think and need a neutral perspective.  Any thoughts or questions positive, negative, or indifferent are welcome.


P.S.   Apologies for my poor editing skills I've never been much good at writing.

[mjg2688]

To start off I have been with this woman for a year now(I'm 27, shes 24) and in that time she has been "pregnant" now for the third time.  I used protection anytime we had sex up until recently(I know I know).  About 6-8 weeks into the pregnancy she miscarried so she said, I didn't suspect a thing and to be honest was pretty torn up about it.  The second time around I started to become a bit suspicious when her routine and the effects from the "pregnancy" were IDENTICAL to a T to the first time around.  I asked her to take a test here at my house and she blew up on me and was absolutely offended at the fact that I didn't believe her and take her word for it.  I harped to her about getting in to see a doctor seeing as she had miscarried the first time and she kept putting it off until again about 2 months in she miscarries again.  Eventually her and I split up for about a month and like an idiot I took her back because I truly do care about the woman.  So here I am the third time around and she again has not taken a test in front of me, but had multiple to show me when she told me.  I know this time around there is a good possibility she could be pregnant.  She has supposedly been to the doctor and had her pregnancy confirmed via labs, and has an appointment scheduled for April 4th for an ultrasound.  The part I found incredibly odd was that she has NOT had an ultrasound done just the lab work, but they supposedly told her Thursday that she is 8 weeks and that her due date is October 21.  Maybe I'm wrong(if so someone please correct me)but don't you have to have an ultrasound to determine a due date.  Second why would they make her wait until she is almost 12 weeks to do one especially considering shes miscarried twice?  At this point I have really given up on her just because of the way things have been between her and I even before this.  Oh yeah and this evening I called the clinic she has this appointment at and asked to verify it.  Of course because of privacy they couldn't disclose much, but she did offer to give a yes/no if I gave her details of said appointment to which she replied "no."

This is just a short version of things really but I'd be sitting here for days typing everything out.  I'm at a loss and really don't know what to think and need a neutral perspective.  Any thoughts or questions positive, negative, or indifferent are welcome.


P.S.   Apologies for my poor editing skills I've never been much good at writing.

[Cazz787]

I don't know if your dealing with a person with BP but the one from my life who has it not only got pregnant to another man but she told the man she was with, the baby was his as she proudly announced the abortion with a smile on her face.

You do need an ultrasound for a due date. Labs don't tell the due date.

I am one of those people that want to give all human beings a chance. Mental illness or not. But after being ate alive by a BP, I wouldn't believe any thing she said without your standing beside her at the ultrasound and hearing the words from a medical professional for yourself.

[doorknobs11]

I'm going through something similar as well. Nerves are shot 24/7 because of it. Least we're suffering together eh? 

[WoundedBibi]

Actually you don't need an ultrasound for a due date; due dates existed before ultrasounds did    Labs don't give due dates, docters do. Based on date of her last period, date when you had sex and then do a calculation.

[mjg2688]

Actually you don't need an ultrasound for a due date; due dates existed before ultrasounds did    Labs don't give due dates, docters do. Based on date of her last period, date when you had sex and then do a calculation.

I could see a rough estimate of the due date based off that information but to have an EXACT date seems odd to me.  And again the fact that she's miscarried twice wouldn't that put her in the "high risk pregnancy" category?  And if so wouldn't they be doing regular checkups and not putting off the ultrasound until 10-12 weeks.  Just doesn't make sense to me.  Then mysteriously yesterday I got the infamous "I'm bleeding again" message, which if that's any indication from the past she'll miscarry within the week. 

[WoundedBibi]

If she said she is bleeding you're probably right.

Just for info (maybe it helps in setting your mind at rest):

Before ultrasound Naegele's rule (the one I mentioned earlier) was used to calculate the due date. It was not a range, still a date. True, ultrasounds are much more accurate. But both are still guestimates; only 10% of women actually gives birth on their due date. When the birth is not induced or in case of a c-section of course.

Ultrasounds before 10-12 weeks are not very common as the foetus is too low in the pelvis to do an abdominal scan. The scan then needs to be done the internal way. Which some believe actual might lead to miscarriages so a lot of women try to avoid those.

A woman is not considered as in the high-risk pregnancy group until she's had 3 miscarriages in a row.

If she is bleeding now if makes more sense she would have a scan (if she's pregnant of course) depending how far along she is, if she is ok with the internal scan if under 10-12 weeks and if her doctor thinks she should have one.

Any more questions on pregnancies  ?

[mjg2688]

Thanks that helps clear up a couple of my questions, guess only time will show if shes telling the truth or not.  She's supposedly going into the doctor at 6 this evening, and says she's been up puking since 4am and still bleeding as far as I know.

[adventurer]

My wife had this routine she would do every couple of years or so.

She would claim to be pregnant.  She would take no test.  She 'knew her body' and 'understood all the signs'.  Who was I to have an opinion because I'm male and of course I believed and trusted her.

She would then proceed to take a large amount of abortifacient drugs.  Cohosh and lord knows what else.  It would make her extremely ill and bedridden for a couple of weeks.

When I told one of my therapists my wife wasn't really a self-harming type, she brought up this behavior of hers as an example of how she actually was.  Once I got out of the FOG I started thinking, wouldn't it make sense to get a $10 pregnancy test from the pharmacy before enduring such an ordeal?

Anyway, that long personal diatribe is just me advising you to not believe anything she says without a positive test she takes in front of you, or information from an actual doctor.

The last time my wife pulled the fake pregnancy, herbs and sickness routine was 1 day after 3 days alternating between arguing and silent treatment - all around the fact that I was asking her to get a job and contribute to our bills and paying off debt.  Suddenly, boom, she's pregnant, sick and cannot look for a job like she promised.

Maybe there is some similar emotional or tactical reason for her to be 'pregnant'.  Some sort of push/pull it plays into.  Some sort of mediation of an abandonment fear.  Hard to say, but just stay alert, aware, detatched and be as supportive to her as is reasonable.

[mjg2688]

My wife had this routine she would do every couple of years or so.

She would claim to be pregnant.  She would take no test.  She 'knew her body' and 'understood all the signs'.  Who was I to have an opinion because I'm male and of course I believed and trusted her.

She would then proceed to take a large amount of abortifacient drugs.  Cohosh and lord knows what else.  It would make her extremely ill and bedridden for a couple of weeks.

When I told one of my therapists my wife wasn't really a self-harming type, she brought up this behavior of hers as an example of how she actually was.  Once I got out of the FOG I started thinking, wouldn't it make sense to get a $10 pregnancy test from the pharmacy before enduring such an ordeal?

Anyway, that long personal diatribe is just me advising you to not believe anything she says without a positive test she takes in front of you, or information from an actual doctor.

The last time my wife pulled the fake pregnancy, herbs and sickness routine was 1 day after 3 days alternating between arguing and silent treatment - all around the fact that I was asking her to get a job and contribute to our bills and paying off debt.  Suddenly, boom, she's pregnant, sick and cannot look for a job like she promised.

Maybe there is some similar emotional or tactical reason for her to be 'pregnant'.  Some sort of push/pull it plays into.  Some sort of mediation of an abandonment fear.  Hard to say, but just stay alert, aware, detatched and be as supportive to her as is reasonable.

Well at this point I am defiantly keeping my distance and have ended the relationship with her.  She says she went into the doctors(urgent care)early because she couldn't stop throwing up.  Told me she is "severely dehydrated from throwing up so much and that the bleeding is non concerning because it's vaginal bleeding not internal and the baby is fine."  And the funniest part of her "pregnancy symptoms" is they NEVER start until after she tells me shes pregnant, and then it's like someone literally flipped a switch to on.


I honestly want to confront her about it but I don't know if that is the best thing to do.  I'd ask her to take a pregnancy test but I am pretty much positive she wont do it, and waiting until the 4th for this appointment is going to drive me bat $hit crazy!

[Sunfl0wer]

Told me she is "severely dehydrated from throwing up so much and that the bleeding is non concerning because it's vaginal bleeding not internal and the baby is fine."

I honestly want to confront her about it but I don't know if that is the best thing to do.  I'd ask her to take a pregnancy test but I am pretty much positive she wont do it, and waiting until the 4th for this appointment is going to drive me bat $hit crazy!

If a doc is not concerned about vaginal 'bleeding,' (not spotting) then she is likely not pregnant. Vaginal bleeding IS a concern to the fetus, unless she wounded herself, and the blood is not from uterus?  A baby cannot survive if the uterine lining is sloughing off out the vaginal canal.