Sponsor is pushing me to accept my obsession

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Spoke to my AA sponsor tonight, he's trying to break through my denial as a loved family member tries to help the addict see the reality of their lives. I've been sober for years, no desire to drink. My new addiction is/was my toxic relationship with my exBPDgf.

We read step 1 together and I put my exBPD name in place of alcohol in each reference.

He's right, I let this relationship become my God, my life, my obsession.

Now I move on into recovery one more time, as in the case of any substance abuse I may suffer set backs, all I can do it work to save my life. And this is life or death, misery at the least.

Step One: "We admitted we were powerless over (her/him)- that our lives had become unmanageable."

Stay away from my addictions, I may lose my son but if I don't stay away I will certainly lose my life.

[JerryRG]

Spoke to my AA sponsor tonight, he's trying to break through my denial as a loved family member tries to help the addict see the reality of their lives. I've been sober for years, no desire to drink. My new addiction is/was my toxic relationship with my exBPDgf.

We read step 1 together and I put my exBPD name in place of alcohol in each reference.

He's right, I let this relationship become my God, my life, my obsession.

Now I move on into recovery one more time, as in the case of any substance abuse I may suffer set backs, all I can do it work to save my life. And this is life or death, misery at the least.

Step One: "We admitted we were powerless over (her/him)- that our lives had become unmanageable."

Stay away from my addictions, I may lose my son but if I don't stay away I will certainly lose my life.

[Sunfl0wer]

 . This sounds like a painful realization. 

I am glad that you were able to share with your sponser and hear what he was conveying even though so painful.

While I realize that in AA, abstinence is the path for recovery, however, in OA (overeaters anonymous), one cannot abstain from their addiction.  They instead learn planning and moderation I believe, or to abstain from specific behaviors or foods?

Maybe consider that your relationship as a partner with your ex is the addiction that requires abstinence, yet maybe there is a way to think of OA in terms of coparenting/parallel parenting.

Maybe discuss with sponser his thoughts regarding fathering your son?

[JerryRG]

Thank you Sunfl0wer

She accused me of raping her, the night she overdosed and I called 911 to save her life then I wept over her while she lay in recovery, I watched over her all night and watched come to the next day. And she says I raped her. How sick can anyone be?

Yes I wanted what she promised me in the honeymoon phase, yes she said she'd never leave me and it was forever, this is what I held on to, this became my addiction. For that I take responsibility but for her making me out to be a cold hearted ass who used her unconscious body, is something dreamed up from hell itself.

I pray I can forgive her, I pray she gets well, maybe she knows deep down inside how much I gave from my heart. Perhaps she knows she has not the love inside her to give to me.

I do not care anymore, she has dealt the final blow. She cannot take anymore from me.

And I know she will in the next step take my son from me as well and forever punish me for not being God.