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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Interested observer  (Read 391 times)
JerryRG
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1832


« on: July 11, 2016, 09:08:44 PM »

Hello everyone

Heard something interesting in our AA meeting that kinda explains why I got into so much trouble with my BPDexgf.

My friend said, and this was in generalities and not specific to me.

"All the love in the world will not fix you, you must come to that place yourself, when you are miserable enough, it is only then you will seek to change.
As for the time being I can only be an interested observer in your life.
I do not nor will not ever possess the power to change another human being."

I must remember this, my exgf will only change when she's ready, I offered her all the tools I have today and she wasn't ready. Instead she wanted to keep her misery and find an enabler to keep her in this state. For this I feel no guilt, no shame, I chose to not be around someone who wants to be miserable. I had had enough.

She lied to me this morning and today with no signs of remorse. My expectation is she will continue to lie until the day she decides lying is wrong, maybe never.

Not my problem, the only person I can control is myself. The only people who depend on me are my son and myself.

I hope everyone is doing better, I hope your pain is easier tonight and tomorrow is a better day.

God bless you all and thank you.
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gotbushels
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1586



« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2016, 05:52:28 AM »

Not my problem, the only person I can control is myself.
Right on.   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

The only people who depend on me are my son and myself.
I don't know why but I like the sound of this a lot.

I hope you're feeling better. God Bless Jerry  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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Sadly
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Very Single
Posts: 886



« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2016, 06:08:37 AM »

  me to you Jerry    and me to me   x
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Never let someone be your priority whilst you remain their option
cherryblossom
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 341



« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2016, 08:04:48 AM »

Yes jerry! And I find it applies to me - only now after this particular failed relationship am i miserable enough to finally make changes to all my outdated coping and defence mechanisms - im finally facing my pain, my triggers and my self loathing, not running away from it or desperately trying to control everything around me - glod bless to you too Jerry xxx
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