Managing the inner critic in terms of achievement.

[valet]

Hey all, lately I've noticed that I'm being a bit hard on myself regarding what I don't do.

To provide some context, I work 4 days a week at a local coffee shop, am in the middle of earning a master's degree (which I suppose requires a significant amount of effort), and teach youth workshops at a local media arts center as well as a local writing center. I only have one day off, which is devoted to watching football and hanging with friends. In other words, I do a lot.

But I still feel a little hamstrung by my ambitions with other projects. I have to finish a book length manuscript for my thesis by May... .the project has been well underway for a while now but I haven't touched it much in the last several months. I also make music, and tend to be a bit disappointed in myself (at some level) when I don't get into the studio—to make matters worse, my space is in my attic, and the proximity doesn't make me feel like I have any excuse. It's really just a matter of time that I can't finish these 'other' things, but it stresses me out. I want to do all of it, but it's just not possible considering the circumstances. And still, sometimes I think, if I can stretch myself a little bit more I can do it.

So this is a high stress period. Any suggestions or personal experiences with being busy but wanting more out of yourselves? I'd love to here what y'all have to say!

[Lucky Jim]

Hey valet, Perhaps you are holding yourself to an unrealistically high standard?  I used to be a perfectionist, but now I just try to do a good job, which is sufficient in virtually all cases.  Maybe you could cut yourself some slack?  You're busy.  There are only so many hours in a day.  Don't beat yourself up!  Instead, suggest you practice loving and accepting yourself, just the way you are.

LuckyJim

[Reforming]

Hi Valet,

First of all it sounds like you're doing a lot of good things which is admirable.

I think the myth of prolific renaissance man or woman who can juggle multiple goals while excelling in everything is very seductive but it's just that - a myth.

Perhaps you need to narrow your focus, be more realistic by prioritising on one or two primary goals. Doing something well means saying no to other activities

Right now it sounds like your thesis sounds is your priority. I think you're feel anxious because you're procrastinating about writing it and rationalising this by finding other important things to do. I'm not judging here - just observing.

We all procrastinate but deep down we know that we're doing it and it leaves us feeling anxious, unfulfilled and angry at ourselves. Watch out for the last one - our inner critic only makes us procrastinate more.

You might need some distractions and other activities in order reboot, chill and pay the bills but but if you're not addressing your primary goal you're going to feel stressed and anxious.

A lot of writers procrastinate especially when we have tackle a big project. If it feels overwhelming and huge begin with small steps. Break your writing time down in small achievable goals and schedule a little time every day to write.  I've found an app called Focus Time very helpful. it's based on the Pomodora system

Good luck

Reforming

[half-life]

I'm similarly tend to overwhelm myself with long list of work, chores, and hobby projects. I have some idea to share, though I'm also struggling myself.

1. Create a structure for activities. For me the most effective is when I have sign up and for some classes and paid for. This is the most effective motivator for me. If I miss a classes, I am wasting my money. The other thing I want to do is to sleep and wake up at the regular hour. Not very successful on this so far. For your manuscript, let says you schedule yourself one hour in the morning four days a week. If you stick to the schedule, it will be very productive compare to just what on it when you feel like.

2. I use software to keep track of the necessary chores and work items (toodledo). If something important need to be done, I schedule an item there. Everyday I prioritize by the list.

3. Keep a journal. Revisit your achievement periodically. While the daily chore is overwhelming, you'll be amaze how much you have done in a year.

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm like you valet, ambitious and driven, and when I was younger I'd do things like substitute caffeine for sleep and just go, go, go, and I was happy doing it, happiness is created by progress, but as I've gotten older balance has become more important.  So now I practice biofeedback, simple as seeing how I feel when I wake up in the morning, and if I get the big 3 in line, diet, sleep, exercise, everything goes better.

And then the drive.  A handy question to ask is What will it cost me if I don't accomplish this?  Some things no biggie, maybe let them go, other things, no way, I'm not willing to settle for not having that a part of my life, so find a way, there's always a way if we're committed.

And then, to-do lists are drudgery, just a list of demands on ourselves really, and not prioritized necessarily.  Better to create a system of areas of our lives, with individual accomplishments in each of those areas, and the why we want to accomplish whatever, which is the emotional juice, and coming from that place we can decide what to do now, what to do later, what to delegate, what to let go of.

And remembering, many times it's not the goal we're pursuing, it's who we're becoming in pursuit of the goal.  So who are you becoming, and how will such and such help you with that?

[valet]

@Jim: That's the thing, it doesn't feel to me like I'm holding myself to unrealistic standards. I think I cut myself a lot of slack at times when I just don't have the energy to do stuff, and try to practice appreciating the things that I do get to more than being hard on myself for the things that I don't. So it could be my perception of what the standard is, which would be a more complex and rigorous exercise. I'll think more about this. Thanks for your words.

@Reforming: Some very good points. I do pretty well with the renaissance man idea, but yes, it isn't really possible nor coherent this day in age, especially with just how specialized people have become with their skills... .A lot of the issue is that my interest in school is just flat out waning. I want to do other things. I feel that this program isn't benefiting me in a way that validates the financial investment. Quite the opposite, it's holding me back!

Don't get me wrong, it is valuable, but I'm torn between it's capital V value and economic value. The catch being that I've already paid for most of it, and abandoning it now seems unwise simply because the credential will give me greater access to employment opportunities in the future. It's funny. I started writing this project about a year before I even entered the program. In hindsight I'm wondering if it might have been a wiser and more fulfilling decision to keep chugging away on my own. But that's out of my control at this point.

@half-life: This is where I struggle. That 'on-paper' sense of organization. I have a good memory and am generally on top of things. I guess this is just my way. I'm good at chipping away at things. I think that I really need to think about how I spend my time more... .Maybe I can drop a day at work. But that will strain me a little financially. Either way... .something to think about. Thanks for your input.

@fhth: I like that barebones bio-economic ( ) approach. I should think about the cost of things a little bit more in this way. It sounds like a good strategy for managing stress. And yes, I do fail to see the big picture well at times. I think that this is a bi-product of multiple stressful things happening kind of all at once, but I have to play the hand. Optimization seems a little bit more realistic than perfection. I'll make a mental note to work on this: schedule big and don't sweat the small stuff. There's a lot of time in life to do it all. Thank you.

[Reforming]

A lot of the issue is that my interest in school is just flat out waning. I want to do other things. I feel that this program isn't benefiting me in a way that validates the financial investment. Quite the opposite, it's holding me back!

Don't get me wrong, it is valuable, but I'm torn between it's capital V value and economic value. The catch being that I've already paid for most of it, and abandoning it now seems unwise simply because the credential will give me greater access to employment opportunities in the future. It's funny. I started writing this project about a year before I even entered the program. In hindsight I'm wondering if it might have been a wiser and more fulfilling decision to keep chugging away on my own. But that's out of my control at this point.

It sounds like your ambiguous feelings about your thesis is at the heart of your dilemma. Perhaps you're at a point in your life were doing is more interesting than studying. Perhaps the course hasn't lived up to your expectations - not uncommon - and you feel disappointed and frustrated with your decision.  I can understand your concern about the wasted investment of time and money if you decide to step away but at the moment it sounds like you feel blocked and a little unsure of the way forward. When we have conflicting feelings about something we can get stuck and it can make moving forward - and writing in particular - overwhelming.

What would happen if you withdrew from the course? What would the consequences be for you? What opportunities would it create?

What would be required to finish your thesis? What are the potential advantages? You mentioned greater employment opportunities. Are there any others?

Would completing your thesis clear your path and allow you to focus on more rewarding work?

If you're interested in monitoring your time it's worth checking Eternity, an app that allows you to track all of your daily activities. It can be quite a revelation. If used correctly the  pomodora system is a great tool. Time spent frequently does not equal productivity.

www.chriswinfield.com/40-pomodoro-workweek/

Good luck

Reforming

[valet]

I definitely need to finish. It's not so far off, just losing the stamina for it. It is that time in the semester after all... .

I've been giving myself a little bit more leeway with the coursework. If I can't read everything I don't. I'd prefer to focus on a few things that I think are interesting than plowing through hundreds of pages of readings and not really getting any of it. That has helped. I feel a lot less stressed the past week. And I don't think its affecting how much I'm actually getting out of the material—class discussions fill in the blanks. 

I generally don't catastrophize too much. This is just another set of experiences for me to learn from. I'm more just thinking about how I'm going to spend my time over winter break. Hopefully I can get a jumpstart on compiling the pages and pages I have in my notebooks so I can get a better look at what I'm up against in the spring.