Parent with a child with BPD

[Paloma01]

Hello. I haven't used an online forum before. As a mother of a teenage daughter with BPD I'm looking to connect with others. I'm starting to feel isolated and struggling to cope with her. She is the love of my life but her behaviours are difficult to deal with on a daily basis. Help

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi Paloma01,

Welcome and hello 

I'm sorry for what brings you here, and also glad you found the site. How old is your daughter? What are some of the behaviors that are proving most difficult? How is your family responding to the diagnosis?

There are skills we can apply to prevent things from getting worse. And lots of people here who know what you're going through, who have walked in your shoes. You are not alone 

LnL

[Paloma01]

Thank you for responding. My daughter is 17. Her diagnosis is recent though she has been treated over the last two years by a youth mental health organisation. They are discussing a planned hospital admission with possible mood stabilisers and DBT. In general she is self harming, depressed, isolating herself from friends,anxious and constantly threating suicide including an attempt. She now wants to drop out of school. Nights are the worst with crying and raging. It seems the more tired I get the more she ramps up her tantrums. I am a single parent and have been on my own with her since she was three. Her father is in her life but she often refuses to stay with him. I'm trying so hard to react 'appropriately' to her tantrums, but I really need some respite. I feel guilty and angry and hopeless. My work is my only respite but I think I'm starting to loose my own mind

[livednlearned]

I've been a single parent, too. It's really hard to do this alone  

Do you have any support for you? It is common to feel what my therapist calls "compassion fatigue," which is apparently what happens when we start to experience mental health issues from trying to support mentally ill loved ones.

What do you think about the hospital admission for your daughter?

You may feel too tired to read it right now, but a book I found helpful was BPD in Adolescence by Blaire Aguirre. Loving Someone With BPD by Shari Manning is also helpful, especially for communication skills.

My SO's daughter (19) stayed with us this someone, and she is uBPD (dx'd bipolar and psychotic depression). I was able to fill my cup of compassion by reading Buddha and the Borderline -- I still struggled to stay strong for D19 but I found that having compassion took the edge off everything.

We're here for you. I know it's hard. I hope, too, that your D17 responds well to DBT and the mood stabilizers.

 

LnL

[Paloma01]

Thank you so much  LnL  I will certainly look at the books. I reside in Australia, and today I have reached out to see if I can access some funding for D17. After two solid years of what I can only describe as extremely unpleasant (I'm being polite here  ) for D17 and myself I am also going to fight harder with the experts. Respectfully of course, but I refuse to see this as a life sentence for D17 and now I want a treatment plan, options and plan of attack in the right direction!