Do you feel more comfortable in how you are handling the same sort of dysregulations in 2017?
Yep... There was far less fear involved this time. There was far more understanding of the work/effort I was going to have to expend to get through this. So, while my level of fear was low...the "groan" that I felt throughout my body, mind and soul was very real.
I've made no efforts to push those thoughts and feelings away.
I did make very specific efforts to be extra kind to myself. I made a very specific effort to spend some time with my parents and then some extra time with just my Dad. Didn't breathe a word to them about my current difficulty...my focus was on enjoying time with them.
Honestly, I tend to get busy and don't spend "enough" (whatever that is) time with them. I have great parents...had an idyllic childhood I would repeat in a heartbeat.
So there was some sort of thinking going on, that I likely should talk through further with my P, that went something like this...
The relationship with my wife sucks right now...for reasons I can't control...and I didn't cause...
I will be deliberate about spending an healthy amount of time and effort on my r/s with my wife (me stating my truth about things "i will go to the mat over" and protecting my kids)
I will spend no more energy or time on that r/s and I will focus on me and relationships that are healthy...with the caveat that I won't burden those other relationships by discussing my dysfunctional r/s. (unless absolutely necessary)
I guess that's about it for thought process.
Update on "facts on the ground".
She was weird coming home from work. Sent me a snippy passive aggressive reply to an email I had sent to clarify things.
The infamous Wed. night suppers are back on at the church (remembering my choice to not giver her $$ that one night...) and she was "uber" happy during the dinner. We both went to our separate classes...kids went to theirs. We get home a bit after 8pm and she too "uber" happy to a next level. She locked door to bedroom and was very amorous.
I was measured and reserved in my response. Ended up having a nice time.
I saw no good reason to bring up the mornings events...she didn't mention them.
Ultimately...she is going to do..what she is going to do...