Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 11:49:19 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: For non-BPDs with a BPD partner: Real love and what's in it for you?  (Read 614 times)
WitzEndWife
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 674



« on: January 24, 2017, 11:55:33 AM »

When we decide to stay with a BPD partner, I know we agree to take on a partner who is ill, and we often have to take on more of the "adulting" when that person is not capable of doing so. There's also an awareness that this relationship is born out of dependency, and not necessarily love, and so I wonder, when people stay in these relationships, what keeps them there? I'm wrestling with this myself. My husband was lovely at first (as I guess, they all are) - fully emotionally supportive, organized, a snappy dresser, and extremely productive and helpful. Now, he walks the line between high-functioning and low-functioning. Sometimes he works a temp job and is able to get things accomplished, and is highly focused. On the other hand, he has never been able to do anything long term, and he won't get counseling. He often looks disheveled, neglecting to brush his hair or his teeth. He's extremely clingy, to the point of being somewhat controlling of my time. He gets "sad" when I'm not focusing my attention on him, or when I get angry at him. He is also hypercritical of me at times, and has full-on raged at me at least a handful of times during our 3-year relationship. While I do enjoy spending time together some of the time, our relationship has not been good for over six months. I just recently realized that he probably has BPD (my therapist, who has worked with us as a couple, is convinced). I am just giving and giving, and I wonder if it will ever go back to him providing me with any sort of real partnership, or whether I get to play "mom" forever. That doesn't sound fun.

I am just curious, for others who have chosen to stay, what do you get out of your relationship if you're always the one doing everything, and you can only expect dependent "love" in return, not real, reciprocal love?
Logged

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

livednlearned
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12731



« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2017, 12:12:23 PM »

This is a little different than what you're looking for, but maybe these stories have answers?
Logged

Breathe.
WitzEndWife
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 674



« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2017, 01:09:32 PM »

 Yeah, I'm reading through these. I need to do some work, but eventually, I guess if I'm not getting anything out of the relationship at all, then I need to think about what to do about that.

This is a little different than what you're looking for, but maybe these stories have answers?
Logged

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tattered Heart
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 1943



« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2017, 02:04:19 PM »

I've come to accept that my relationship will never be "normal." I went through a long period of grief to get to this point. I know that he may never be able to love me completely the way I need to be loved, but that just means I need to find that type of love outside of the relationship through friends, faith, etc. (I don't mean cheating).

I have multiple reasons why I stay. The main reason is my faith. My husband has never cheated or done anything biblically for me to leave. Secondly, I made a promise of for better or worse and I plan to stick to that. Third, when we are good, it's really good. We are great friends and we actually work really well together when he isn't dysregulating. I love him-- most of the time.   We enjoy a lot of the same things and have built a life together.

For me personally I tend to be a little cold. I don't show a lot of emotion very easily. I'm pretty independent in that I know I can care for myself and I keep an eye on my own emotional well being, knowing when things get out of whack for me. I've learned that when I do have needs from him that he doens't know how to provide, I ask him for it. Sometimes he tells me no, other times he gets confused, and sometimes he does provide it.
Logged

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Proverbs 13:12

Cat Familiar
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7480



« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2017, 02:34:35 PM »

Money. Financial security.

This is so ironic to admit because for several years I felt that I had the perfect storytale love. I was totally smitten with him. He was everything I dreamed of and more.

He is a genuinely nice guy when he's not dysregulating or immersed in a massive depression. He can be charming, witty, lots of fun. But, unfortunately I seldom see that side of him. He's been terribly depressed, depressed enough to even begin counseling today. We'll see... .

I really don't hold out hope for much change. I do hope that he can find some happiness. He seems very good at self-tormenting.

I cut him a lot of slack when he was working at a job he hated in a career he also hated: law. When he retired and then inherited a ton of money, I thought he'd be a lot happier. Actually, it seems that he's even more depressed. He now has nothing to blame externally, other than himself.
Logged

“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Healthy88
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 112


« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2017, 10:47:48 PM »

Great question. My H often doesn't take care of his appearance either. Is that a BPD thing? I can also completely relate to being "his" Mom, which I didn't sign up for and even though he constantly puts me in that position, he then fights me like a rebellious teenager for his independence and freedom.

Many of us have no idea for years that they have BPD or why they act the way they do. I stayed because of children, trying to keep our family together (traditional values) & financial support. I just realized he most likely has uBPD, 20 years in.

Do you have any children? You are lucky to figure out what is happening early on. No one can really tell you what to do. If you stay, you will have to accept the reality that things most likely will never change and find ways to meet some of your needs outside of your marriage or it will wear you out in the end.

Someone mentioned professions. I heard on the radio today, the top 5 professions for Sociopaths and found it entertaining. 1) Corporate CEOs (hence our President), 2) Lawyers, 3) Radio & Tv Personalities, 4) Salespeople and 5) Surgeons.  I guess if you do decide to go fishing again, you may want to stay out of those ponds.
Logged
WitzEndWife
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 674



« Reply #6 on: January 25, 2017, 10:49:14 AM »

Super interesting data on those professions. I'm sure there are unifying characteristics there that do make them more attractive to sociopaths.

We don't have kids, although my H talks about having kids a lot (although I'm thinking, "Ha, you can't even take care of yourself!". My therapist has told me NOT to get pregnant. I'm minding my birth control like a hawk, and we also aren't intimate very often anymore. It's hard for me to muster enough attraction to him when he's being clingy and needy. It's funny though, when he does act like an adult, my attraction returns.

The hygiene thing is pretty common with many mental illnesses I think. My H often has crippling depression or anxiety. When he's in depression mode, he won't shower for days. The biggest problem I have with him is that he won't consistently brush his teeth. Of course, he's also clingy most of the time, and insists that I kiss him, and it grosses me out. I mention it to him, but he doesn't often make much effort to remedy that. He also neglects to brush his hair, even when we go out somewhere. I've noticed that, especially when we go out to do something that I have planned with my friends, or to do something that I want to do, he drags his feet getting ready, and also often wears wrinkled clothing and neglects to brush his hair or his teeth. I suspect that this is some kind of passive aggressive acting out on his part. He doesn't want to do it because he doesn't have control over it, so he just slightly sabotages it. When he has plans with one of his friends, or for something that he does want to do, his hair is neatly combed, teeth brushed, and he's always neat as a pin and stylish.

Sigh. I'm really going to give LEAP an honest try, to see if, maybe, by listening to him and validating him, we will have a stronger relationship, and maybe he will get into treatment. Right now, I just fantasize about being alone and free, or about being with someone who can stand on his own two feet. That doesn't mean I'm not going to try everything I can before I throw in the towel. I made this commitment and I do love him, so it's important to at least try.
Logged

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
bananas2
Formerly OnceHadMoxie
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 204



« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2017, 11:43:12 AM »

WitzEnd:
I very much relate to feeling like a mom to H. I posted a thread about this very thing: "How to be a partner when you feel like a parent?" I just replied in that topic/thread today with info my therapist gave me this week about the parent/child/partner dynamic, if you want to check it out. Hope it can be of some help to you.
Logged

BPD is like a banana peel awaiting its victim.
Healthy88
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 112


« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2017, 11:33:57 PM »

WitzEnd,

My H isn't in top 5, but definitely has some Narsisstic & Sociopath traits. Ironically, I have extended family members in 3 of the top 5, all male. I wonder if their wives have it better or worse?

I agree that from my personal situation, kids made it even harder to handle my SO too. I was overwhelmed, always tired and having to take care of children that actually needed to be taken care of so I really did not have much patience or tolerance for his immaturity as well. Currently, we are physically separated. I would definitely figure out if you want to spend forever with your H, before having kids. Even if you split post kids, you will still have to deal with his BPD forever.

You mentioned that he is sometimes depressed. My H is also often depressed and hates taking meds. Did you see the link on Omega3s regarding depression and BPD studies? My H began taking them about a month ago & I honestly do think his depression began to slowly lift 3 weeks in. Sometimes supplements can actually help, as well as exercise and changes in diet.
Logged
WitzEndWife
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 674



« Reply #9 on: January 26, 2017, 08:41:10 AM »

I didn't see the research on Omega 3s, but that's really interesting. I know that I can get him to take certain medications and supplements, especially "natural" ones. He has recently agreed to take Benedryl at night, which does seem to help his anxiety a bit (he also has allergies), but I'm sure I could get him to take Omega 3s for another reason, and I can see if it helps at all.
Logged

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
isilme
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2714



« Reply #10 on: January 26, 2017, 11:03:43 AM »

Excerpt
He is a genuinely nice guy when he's not dysregulating or immersed in a massive depression. He can be charming, witty, lots of fun

^^Yes.  I believe H is as good a partner as he is able.  Sometimes, he's just more able than others.  Over the years he has progressed from very irresponsible and immature, and refusing to see that was his state to being much more so.  He now works, full time.  It's not easy, he gripes about it a lot, but he does it and has for about 10 years almost.  He tries to refrain from driving off friends when he gets too close.  Some people are not good friends, and H finds people who treat him a little how he has treated me in the past.  It's a weird reversal.  He bends over backwards for them, and some abuse it, which makes him angry after a good while, and then he lashes out, the friendship ends because no one likes being called a mooch, and H's self-esteem drops because he did not strive to keep a one-sided friendship.  Maybe the BPD makes him chase after people who don't want to be good friends - I'm not sure.  But he's working on being more aware of his behavoir at least in reagrds to people not me.  And sometimes me, too.  Which is a lot of improvement in his 30s versus who he was in his 20s. 

Last night, I succumbed to the cold he had all weekend, which had been sparking a lot of his cranky comments.  I came home and promptly crashed onto the couch, after calling in a half day at work I felt so bad.  If dysregulating, H will usually make some 'lazy' comment, claiming I spend all my time asleep on the couch (I know this is not true, because we'd have no clean dishes, trash would be everywhere, and there'd be no groceries and no clean towels if I did this).

While he did no cleaning, he DID cook us both dinner, and did not get mad like he usually does when he asked what I wanted to eat and I told him "I don't know."  He HATES that response, but he just said, "Ok, I'll go pick something," and did it so I could stay on the couch.  (I often really don't care what I eat - I am pretty easy to please as far as food goes, and having been neglected as a child and teen learned to not be picky as I did not know the next time I'd get something warm I did not have to scrounge for myself - H cannot understand this, he is super picky, so I often insist he choose dinner so I won't get griped at for picking 'wrong'.

I constantly go to the disability analogy, because I think it is pretty true.  We can SEE a physical disability, and understand that one spouse will take on more tasks because of it.  Because of how BPD works, by the time we see it, we are emotionally invested, but again, that's like discovering you fell in love with someone with any other sort of "silent" disease and then deciding how to live with that now that you know.

H is emotionally disabled - to me that is pretty much the meaning of having BPD.  Skills that others learned to manage themselves when interacting with other people do not exist.  He finds himself unable to manage his negative emotions.  He needs to expel them AT a person to get them out because he never learned the skills to do otherwise.  He needs external validations because he can't provide his own internally.  Whatever part of your psyche that is supposed to do those things is missing or atrophied.  I try to remember this when he goes off on something, and it sometimes helps.

BPD is there, like heart disease, diabetes, chonic depression, or other conditions that can make one partner less capable of full reciprocation in either physical help in life, or emotional support.  Yes, it is draining at times to be the more emotionally and "adultly" responsible partner.  But just like with other conditions, it's part of BPD.  I know it's not 100% accurate, but it really helps me to seperate as much as I can the BPD behavoir from the man I know can come out of that shell.  It's my coping mechanism, and with my own weird issues, seems to work okay for us.  You have to find what works for you.  Something drew you together, and if it's lasted more thana  few months/years, it's got to be something a bit more than base charisma or sexual energy.  BPD can cloud over that, and obscure it, and make it too easy to focus on the outbursts instead of the disabled person having them. 
Logged

Lockjaw
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 231


« Reply #11 on: January 26, 2017, 12:13:07 PM »

I stay with my GF because I love her, and she loves me. I connect emotionally well with her, and she is the only woman I have ever truly loved in my space for extended periods of time. This of course includes her touching me. I am able to talk to her in ways I have never felt comfortable or safe doing with other women, although I sometimes hear my confidential stuff when she is angry.

She is very high functioning, and some of the time, understands what she does to me. She also agreed to go see a counselor with me. So I am hopeful that will help. And deep down inside, she is a wonderful woman, who in a lot of ways makes my life better.

I guess the other reason is I have never known anything but some form of mental issue. I have my own, being ADD, and codependent, and also tend towards obsessive at times. If I am off ADD med's I can be like Dory in Finding Nemo.

I also have a servants heart, so... .that does tend to help things. She loves my children and is good to them. I love her son. Special needs and all.

And quite frankly, starting over at 50, after 2 failed marriages is not something I am liking. I want to make sure I do everything possible, exhaust every option, before I call it quits.

Logged
Healthy88
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 112


« Reply #12 on: January 26, 2017, 02:30:26 PM »

Hi WitzEnd,

The post on Omega3s is also in "Improving R/S", below. I included a link at the top that summarizes the results of the two studies they have done so far. One was on adolescents & one women. They are interesting.
Logged
Cat Familiar
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7480



« Reply #13 on: February 09, 2017, 11:29:50 PM »

  "He tries to refrain from driving off friends when he gets too close.  Some people are not good friends, and H finds people who treat him a little how he has treated me in the past.  It's a weird reversal.  He bends over backwards for them, and some abuse it, which makes him angry after a good while, and then he lashes out, the friendship ends because no one likes being called a mooch, and H's self-esteem drops because he did not strive to keep a one-sided friendship.  Maybe the BPD makes him chase after people who don't want to be good friends - I'm not sure."

I see this pattern in my husband. He tries to get people he thinks are "higher status" socially to like him by overextending himself, trying to be their friend.

I think it probably comes off as sort of desperate and they keep a bit of distance, but use him for their own needs.

It reminds me of a Woody Allen quote of not wanting to belong to a club that would have him as a member.
Logged

“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Sgtmack

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 8


« Reply #14 on: February 10, 2017, 12:25:05 PM »

Just reading your thread, having children and A BPD partner is hard all the time but children adds a lot more problems. My wife focuses on one child more than the other. Living though anothers eyes I guess. Did everything I could to keep it to two children when I figured it out.
Logged
sotiredofthis

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 31


« Reply #15 on: February 12, 2017, 07:43:58 AM »

I'm struggling because at this time of year (winter here) my wife is so dysregulated and it seems that our interactions are negative the majority of the time, like a ratio of 9 out of 10 are negative. It is exhausting.

Even with all the tools and trying hard to validate, empathize, I can't hold it together myself.

How do you survive when it's so negative ALL the time? (90 % of the time)

I described it to my therapist as needing a gas mask to survive the toxicity of our interactions and just wait them out. But then my wife notices that I'm just tolerating because I'm past the point of validating or doing anything but waiting for the storm to pass. She's high-functioning enough that it is not as obvious as some others with BPD. If she were a cheater or verbally or physically abusive it would be easier to say that this is not worth it. She's not.

I'm truly struggling here. any tips?
Logged

waverider
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405


If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #16 on: February 12, 2017, 02:56:38 PM »

There is no doubt many nons struggle on with these relationships because the reality of them does not surface until you are entrenched in commitments and the consequences of extracting yourself is intimidating.

It is hard to overcome your original delusions of what could have been, and then you get lost in the whole process of trying to "fix"/understand and cope with it that you loose perspective.

Love becomes "duty", thrive becomes survive. When you become stuck in survival mode you are thinking about today and tomorrow, not long term ambition. Until you can reverse this perspective you will struggle to determine whether it is love or not, often the definition is crippled due to a shortage of respect.

Respect takes a hit because respect is earned as a result of selfless effort, and this is something that is often in short supply. The non is often left with a simmering feeling of being used, even if it is only a perception, it still haunts you and makes you question that love, and so you never really know if you do, or don't. It is most unsettling.

You start parroting what you should feel rather than what you do, partly because you feel guilty for your real feelings as they have a touch of callousness to them that shames you.

Knowing what you really feel,accepting it, and not being ashamed if it is not what it should be is really the foundation to building a healthy future.

This is what the Improving board is about, not convincing people that they should love honour and "do their duty".

"Whats in it for you?" sounds callous but you need to know this as emotional integrity wont always carry the day and you need this question answered to get you through the down times.
Logged

  Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
WitzEndWife
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 674



« Reply #17 on: February 14, 2017, 03:30:47 PM »

I do love my HwBPD, but the negativity can be really hard to cope with. I have asked myself this question about what's in it for me, and sometimes it does feel like he's getting everything and I'm getting a paltry few crumbs. It's hard to decide to end a marriage, or even to remove yourself, because they are so needy and do anything to avoid abandonment. I don't think you have to decide right away. I think the more important piece of it is learning how to take care of yourself, and that often means taking time away from your spouse, and avoiding walking on eggshells. Do what you enjoy, go see an old friend. Remember that you need and deserve care and love. I've found that I'm much less stressed and can tolerate the rage better when I am taking better care of myself and set boundaries. I try not to let his mean-spirited gaslighting get under my skin. I try to realize that he says these things because he feels bad about himself, and that it isn't about me. Anyway, the more you can take care of yourself, the better.
Logged

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Cat Familiar
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7480



« Reply #18 on: February 15, 2017, 10:54:09 AM »

I try to realize that he says these things because he feels bad about himself, and that it isn't about me. Anyway, the more you can take care of yourself, the better.

Sounds like you're on a good track about dealing with him. Something else I've just recently recognized is to be very aware of not taking on their opinions of us when we don't do what they want.

I've been called aloof, controlling, selfish, uncaring, etc. So many times I didn't take the time to really examine these critiques and I felt badly about being accused of such unkind behavior. Sure I can choose to be happy instead of being drawn into their dramas, but that doesn't necessarily make me aloof, selfish and uncaring.

I'm getting more vigilant about hearing these complaints without taking them personally.
Logged

“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
WitzEndWife
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 674



« Reply #19 on: February 15, 2017, 11:09:18 AM »



Sounds like you're on a good track about dealing with him. Something else I've just recently recognized is to be very aware of not taking on their opinions of us when we don't do what they want.

I've been called aloof, controlling, selfish, uncaring, etc. So many times I didn't take the time to really examine these critiques and I felt badly about being accused of such unkind behavior. Sure I can choose to be happy instead of being drawn into their dramas, but that doesn't necessarily make me aloof, selfish and uncaring.

I'm getting more vigilant about hearing these complaints without taking them personally.
Yes! I am called "controlling," "boring," "intolerant," and all kinds of nasty names at times when I set boundaries or express my feelings. He has a way of projecting as well. It can be SO difficult not to take it personally and it's a knee-jerk reaction to get defensive when someone verbally slaps you in the face. It takes practice. At least now, if I start getting defensive, I'm able to recognize it and walk it back to keep things from escalating. I try rationalizing and validating his feelings and that usually calms things down. I'm not perfect and we still fight, but I've managed to keep our fights from turning into horrible, traumatic screaming matches (one time he dumped me off on a street corner and recklessly sped off when we were arguing in the car).  It's a start. Even if we don't stay together through this because we cannot reconcile the issues, I have more sanity.
Logged

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
sotiredofthis

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 31


« Reply #20 on: September 06, 2017, 06:46:06 AM »

Just circling back to this because the negativity has gotten bad again. I just wrote in my journal: SO is going through a rough patch. And then I wrote: "maybe that should just be assumed and I should write about the calm and easy times, because those are so rare." It's no longer noteworthy that SO is going through a rough hard time. She always is.

I can't convince her to go to therapy. The meds are not working and changing them does not seem feasible. She's been on every single kind.

I do love her. deeply. and I'm feeling spent right now. I need time to be myself without caretaking... .
Logged

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!