Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 01:32:26 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Radical Acceptance  (Read 361 times)
marti644
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 313


« on: February 19, 2017, 03:21:09 PM »

There are alot of things that I did wrong in my BPD-ex relationship which I mentioned in a previous post. My inability to create proper boundaries, my rescuer complex, and my own poor insight into my actions precipitated the end of my relationship.

Today I am really struggling with accepting what I know is true about my former mate: cheating, lying, manipulation, etc. I am trying very hard to understand the disorder to continue to develop a growing sympathy for her. My anger comes in waves and I am trying to get it under control.

 No human being deserves to be so tortured as those who have BPD. While I can confidently say that I will overcome this situation most people with BPD will live in a turmoil I can only begin to imagine. I wish I and others had known more about this disorder, to help these people get therapy as the onset of symptoms becomes apparent. Such lost souls.

Radical Acceptance of what is seems to be the only way to just accept what happened. I did what I did, she did what she did, and there is nothing I can do but accept what happened and use the new tools I have to break the pattern. The hardest part is the cheating, my pride is so wounded to know that she could do this to me. Especially because the cheating was due to her perceptions that I was going to cheat. I know I have to accept this but I have never been cheated on before (that I know of) so the damage to my self-esteem is significant. This is something I am still working on.

I just feel so psychologically dirty and want to be clean again.
Logged
earlyL
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 176

Formerly known as "Louise Wilson"


« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2017, 03:29:32 PM »

Hi Marti644,

It sounds like you and I are in really similar places with similar stories. I feel I have reached some acceptance of the situation but I also really struggle with the feeling sad for her about the disorder and processing all the manipulation. I would say that I have got through the worst of the anger, it does take time, it will happen. I totally understand though the damage done re the cheating. I keep having waves of wanting her back and yet when I remember what she has done, and because I know she is trying to make it work with my replacement I cannot understand myself for wanting her back. But it is all a process, just hard to actually get through the hours.

I think posting on here is such a great way of moving forward. Do you keep any other writing or journals? I have written my ex a letter each week over the last couple of months, and it is really useful to see how far I have come. The first letters were all about me what I should do to change, I sound so like the victim and it upsets me how I felt that way.

Sending strength.
Logged

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!