need advice

[Not2L8]

Hello everyone. I just wanted to get some input on a 2 year relationship that just ended because of what I believe to be NPD or BPD.  His mother died when he was about 12 years old and he is not very affectionate or outwardly loving.  He has never told me in the 2 years we were together that he loves me, there are times when he disappears for longer periods of time than he says he will be out, but offers no explanation, I have caught him on online dating sites and he claims that it is just for entertainment purposes, although I know he is asking for phone numbers and dates.  He dismisses my feelings when I ask about these things and says I am a drama queen or calls me negative.  I just want to hear what some of you who are dealing with this, think about my situation. Thank you in advance for listening.

[Ragnar1982]

Regardless of if he is NPD or BPD, this behavior is not appropriate (the online dating thing). After two years he is with you, but is not affectionate or tells you he loves you? Not to be harsh, but maybe he is also using you for entertainment purposes. This doesn't sound good to me from the few things you shared. Please be careful with continuing to give away your feelings if they aren't reciprocated. What makes you stay?

[infjEpic]

As said by Ragnar, Whether disordered or not, his actions sound v.selfish and it sounds like it's hurting you.

He may not have enough traits for a clinical definition, but that's beside the point - Not everyone with a PD is abusive, not every abusive person has a PD.

It's the abusive behaviour that matters.

Are you still in contact with him?

[Not2L8]

In response to Ragnar and Epic--I am actually not with him anymore. We broke up on Valentines Day because I was upset that he said he was coming over and he showed up 3 hours later after not answering my texts.  Said he was at the gym and was mad at me because "I act like I don't like it because he works out"... .I told him he was rude, selfish and unappreciative.  He works 12 hour days, does personal training and massage therapy so I should just be aware there is no time for me right?  If he cared he'd make time.  He just tries to make it out to be my fault all the time when I get upset.

[Ragnar1982]

I agree. If he truly cared he would want to make time to see you. It wouldn't even be a conversation you have to have. It would just happen. I've been neglected and blown off may too many times by my ex to consider ever going back. That was only part of the relationship, but you can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't make time for you. Don't be an option.

[Not2L8]

I agree totally.  I just wanted some unbiased input from strangers even though my friends and family have told me the same things.  I appreciate your response.  I figure he will make contact after a couple weeks which is what he has done before. I won't be a fool and fall into it again.  I was just double checking to make sure I wasn't the crazy drama queen he wants to think I am, .  I must be done because honestly I am not even really saddened by the whole thing.