If they really don't love or care about us why block us on Social Media for?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hey guys. I hope everyone is doing well. Something just poped into my head today. Now my ex disguarded me Sept 4, 2015. She projected all her mehaviur through out the whole relationship on me. Told me she never loved me and then the next month after I asked her for some of the things I gave her back she  blocked me on Facebook. I wasn't harrassing her in any way. It was a hi how are u. She responded the same. I just asked nicely if I could have her send me some of the things I had given her back to me and she claimed she threw them out . After this a few days later I was blocked. Oct 2015. I still remain blocked to this day. So my question is if they don't care and have zero feelings for us then why bother? Just my 2cents.

[Confused108]

Hey guys. I hope everyone is doing well. Something just poped into my head today. Now my ex disguarded me Sept 4, 2015. She projected all her mehaviur through out the whole relationship on me. Told me she never loved me and then the next month after I asked her for some of the things I gave her back she  blocked me on Facebook. I wasn't harrassing her in any way. It was a hi how are u. She responded the same. I just asked nicely if I could have her send me some of the things I had given her back to me and she claimed she threw them out . After this a few days later I was blocked. Oct 2015. I still remain blocked to this day. So my question is if they don't care and have zero feelings for us then why bother? Just my 2cents.

[Sparky0426]

It is a way for her to feel like she still has control. Let her keep thinking that though. Honestly, its for the best.

[marti644]

I agree with Sparky. It is about control. But it's also may be because if your ex actually looked at your social media, she might have to reflect on how she acted and what she did. For people with BPD out of sight out of mind. They have to run to escape from their actions.

[Confused108]

Could be control. I don't think my ex has any shame at all especially since she  projected everything on me. It seems to me that I was and always will be that one ex she has always painted black  and has always gotten the worst treatment from.

[Sparky0426]

It really sucks being painted black. Initially, that was the most painful part for me. Not the constant abandonment, being disresepcted, lied to, belittled, accused of being a cheater almost daily, the public humiliation, the smear campaigns on me to anyone that would listen, having to babysit him while he was on a drinking binge, or even the cheating. Oh no, the most painful thing of all was being painted black and blamed for EVERYTHING, despite having done nothing but try to build him up with love, reassurance, and unwavering devotion.

But now? I'm actually PRAYING that I AM painted black FOR GOOD this time. I want him to leave me the hell alone. I'm not concerned with his opinion of me, I know the reality of the situation and that's all that matters. Take this as a blessing in disguise and just work on healing yourself.

[Rayban]

Because in her mind she has to have you being the villain, the bad guy who she could go around telling all her friends how she just had to block you. In the mean time she's got a ton of other white knights willing to show her they're different till they also end up being blocked.  Then there Is the guys she flirts with, and some she might steal from other woman serving to validate her. She doesn't want you seeing that.

[Gear Jammer]

My ex never blocked me for almost 1.5 years on FB then I was on a FB page we were both members of seeing my profile must have triggered something bam I'm blocked, what ever. I knew it was coming I was discussing something with others that I knew she would get jealous of. It wasn't long till I was blocked .

I'm not sure if she's painted me black for good or not I was the one that broke it off with her she turned nasty on me. She said I really hurt her feelings and she couldn't handle being around me. My relationships wasn't as superficial as the one she is with now.

Its all about control with them with me she tried controlling me but it never worked I stood up to her, with her current BF he's a puppet on strings. She snaps her fingers he jumps he's never stood up to her he's such a people pleaser. He gives up everything for her what she wants is what she gets.

[Reforming]

Hi all,

Social media, FB, Instagram, twitter etc is a breeding ground for a lot dysfunction and can easily get in the way of lot of people's recovery.

It's so easy and compelling to stalk your ex on FB - most of us do it at some time or other - and all the research suggests that it's destructive and slows down recovery.

When my relationship ended I chose to go NC but initially I didn't unfriend my ex. I was fortunate in many respects. She's highly secretive and barely uses FB.

However in the early stages I still felt a compelling need to check out her profile. I knew it was unhealthy so after a few months I unfriended her and then I blocked her.

I felt sad doing it but I did this for myself. I doubt she even cared or noticed but it helped me move forward and detach. The last thing I needed was to see photos of her and my replacement smiling at me and more importantly what she's doing now is no longer any of my business.

@Confused108

It sounds like your request triggered feelings of shame and she blocked you to try and control those feelings.

When a relationship ends many of those suffering from BPD feel intense shame. This is particularly true if the other partner ended the relationship because their worst nightmare - abandonment - has become a reality.

For the pwBPD this failure is part a repeating pattern that is telling them that they are unlovable and defective. Any contact with you reminds your ex of her failure to attach and be loved / worthy of love.  Blocking you is a way of putting a barrier between her and repressing / disowning her painful feelings.

It's worth remembering that lot of people with BPD also struggle with feelings of persecution and victimhood. Many were victims of persecution when they were children and that legacy plays into their disorder. By the time their relationship ends they often view their exes as persecutors - stand ins for the parental figures who failed or hurt them in their childhood.

Their behaviour can feel very painful and confusing but it's not personal and you don't have the power to change it.

Reforming

[marti644]

Social media has always been a serious dysfunction for me and seriously impeded my recovery. Only by going full NC have I been able to start moving on. If you can't control yourself don't put yourself in that position. And in our techno-social world, this is one of the easiest ways for them to manipulate us. Don't do that to yourself.

[Hopefulgirl]

My BPD ex friend defriended me on Facebook along with most of his other friends. He said that he'd rather call people or be called or see people rather than be Facebook friends with them so he defriended a whole bunch of people like his sisters who are very sweet to him and people he grew up with that he is still friends with. Its like he was trying to test people, if they were REALLY his friend they would contact him directly.
   One day after spending a very nice day together at the end of it he told me that he was going to defriend me on Facebook and that I shouldn't take it personally. I kept pressing him asking him what's the point of doing that? But he really didn't have an answer for it. Very strange. I think he just doesn't want me to know what he's up to. I read a lot of posts on this site about people with BPD who do that kind of thing, but it still hurtful.

[Confused108]

So many crazy stories here. Well once thing I do know from a mutual childhood friend of ours ( the one who introduced me to my ex at 12 yo) is that she is friends with all her exs on FB. I am and still always seems to be the one who gets painted black. Also one last thing I forgot to mention. When my ex and myself were still friends and just friends at the time on FB I had sent her a request to like my buisness page on Facebook. She never did. When we started up again she said to me one day ih the name of your company is blah blah. I said yes and why didn't u ever like the page ? She never answered me. Now our mutual friend tells me she likes  all her FB friends pages but never liked mine. I can't understand why?