1 year out

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Checked her fb after 1 year out. She seems completely stable now still going strong with replacement. Shes even able to hold a job. I... .i dont even know what to say. She looks so much more mature and happy. At this point i refuse to believe she has BPD... .im literally in shock right now. She has changed for him. I know fb is not a good indicator but for them to be that close for that long and she still idealizes him means that he is better for her. Has this ever happened on here? The ex riding off into the sunset with the replacement?

[SoMadSoSad]

Checked her fb after 1 year out. She seems completely stable now still going strong with replacement. Shes even able to hold a job. I... .i dont even know what to say. She looks so much more mature and happy. At this point i refuse to believe she has BPD... .im literally in shock right now. She has changed for him. I know fb is not a good indicator but for them to be that close for that long and she still idealizes him means that he is better for her. Has this ever happened on here? The ex riding off into the sunset with the replacement?

[mevz]

I know the frustration you feel but just remember that on Facebook we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel. Someone told me this once and it's so true. Everyone appears how they choose to appear on FB. How many people do you see who post sad pics saying how terrible their lives are?

Also, trust me if she was BPD with you, she will be the same with him unless she's getting therapy which still doesn't solve their problems. Why they appear happy is because of his tolerance level. They will be happy as long as he is willing to tolerate the same behaviors that you had to. Nothing will be different, nothing will change as far as her side is concerned. I know this for a fact. The length of the relationship will be based on the non's decision to stay in this detrimental situation.

My ex painted me black for not listening to one of his compulsions. So many time before he did the same, but I gave in each time so we stayed together. The final time he painted me black and cut off all contact I first believed that we were NC because of it. Until the FOG cleared and I realized that the reason we were NC was because I finally had enough, and refused to accept his terms and so NC stayed. Now he is with 3... .to replace 1 of me. Is that normal? Maybe for him. Do I think he is happy? I'm sure he is because unless he is happy, he doesn't let anyone else be. Do I think he is healthy, no way!

What I'm trying to say is a BPD doesn't change its spots. Let's hope her poor partner (who may be smiling in all those pics) is not crying in his behind-the-scenes reel.

  A hug for you to feel better!

[SoMadSoSad]

Thank you I needed to read that

[mevz]

anytime 

Also, I was with my BPD for 17 months. The problems started after a one month honeymoon phase, though now if I think about it, there were hints even before then.

If you look at my Facebook cover photos, we have so many happy ones travelling the world together. At the 1 year mark, we have pics of us having a blast. By that time, we had broken up and gotten together at an average of once a month. May to May marked 1 year.

I met him in May 2015 and  May 2016 we traveled to the Far East together with friends. The day we had our flight back was one year to the day we met. At the airport he bought me a make up bag from Victoria's Secret as a present because he was so elated to be with me. Literally 20 mins after that, he exploded at me in the airport lounge because when he asked me to get him a slice of cheesecake, I asked him to do it himself. It was enough to set him off and to rage and rant.

He ignored me the rest of the time till we were on board. He would always put my bags in the overhead compartments despite my saying I could do it myself. This time he sat down and let me do it myself. He would always hold my hand on take off but this time pretended I wasn't there. It was only when I told him enough was enough and apologized for not bringing him the stupid cake that he calmed down and flipped his switch back to being loving.

So at the 1 year mark, there was love, rage, rants, splitting, NC, forgiveness and love again. All in a 2 hour span. How exhausting, though I didn't think it at the time because I was so used to it. Did an outsider know what went on with us? Heck no! Our friends always felt we were perfect together, so in sync.

We were together 5 months after that too.

So showing you're happy at 1 year on Facebook means nothing at all. This post is as much for me as it is for you.

[hopealways]

BPD doesnt get better with time or with the next relationship: if anything it gets worse and NEVER look to social media to tell you how a relationship is. As they say, the strongest sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on social media.

[marti644]

Somadsosad,

Don't believe what you see. For every picture I have with my BPD-ex is a negative comment or fight before/after. Without extensive therapy someone with BPD can't change. Think about how good your ex was at fooling you; she will do it to someone else. This is a lifetime cycle and will only get more chaotic and dysfunctional over time. And don't believe FB. My BPD-ex faked birthday parties, getting presents, fake bfs, fake text messages, fake phone calls, fake social media accounts. All this equals is fake.

[SoMadSoSad]

Interesting the day i check her fb and post this she calls me... .cant be coincidence

[bus boy]

HI SoMadSoSad, I stay clear of social media, what the eyes don't see the heart doesn't feel. My Xw is getting up on 2 years with my replacement, she is doing better bc she has control of him and personality disordered people have no use for people they can't control. In the blink of an eye he was living in Her house. She has him doing things that normal r/s's don't have. Xw BF sat through our family court in December heard all the evidence proof of what she has done, all the denied access all the breaking of the court order and her BF still does things with my son that Xw denies to me so this tells me he is not heathy, that she had not changed, just found someone she can control and manuplate so therefor she is happier. Xw denied my request to pick s10 up a few hours early on Friday but she let her BF spend the time with s10 instead, this is not mentally healthy thinking, no boundaries. If he was healthy he would of said no bus boy can pick up s10. Believe me they would not be with someone whose boundaries they couldn't crush or manuplate so I feel it is not a healthy r/s you are seeing. It will be the land of milk and honey for the replacement while they are complying but be assured the replacement is being emotionally abused they just haven't caught on yet.

[SoMadSoSad]

Lol you guys were right. Tried to message her back today but couldnt as she has shut down her fb messenger. Her relationship status is now single and she has deleted the replacement off her fb... .what the heck

[SuperJew82]

Well there you have it. Most of them will not change. Change only happens when they take responsibility for their actions, have some shred of empathy in them, and work hard at therapy - and this takes years and years.

Yea, never use facebook as an indicator of how things are going, as you just found out!

[Confused108]

So listen I'm sure your ex has BPD. The way she acted with you trust me she is acting with him. When I found my ex on FB years ago she seemed very stable mature etc. . I didn't friend her bc of the $hitty way she treated me as teens in 1988. 2 years later she found me thru mutual friends on my FB page. Well I was stupid  and accepted her friends request thinking she had changed. She told me about a failed marriage of 4 years. Ex boyfriends several as we all know our exs have a string of. Well these relationships weren't the 2 months and let me split . They were 2 years here a year and a half there. I was the only only one she ever had the shortest relationship with ( 2 months). And I am the only one she has ever painted black as well. This I know thru mutual friends. Just because your ex looks like she has it together don't belive it. I thought mine did to looking at her FB page back then. Well it was far from the truth! Hang in there.

[SoMadSoSad]

Just a little update to help those in a similar situation. She is now back with the replacement and i am now validated on the idea that the replacement is getting the same treatment.

[lovenature]

Don't go by "fake book", the cycle always repeats. You know how you both treated each other and what the results were.
Focus on YOU!