Scapegoat & Golden Child switched?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi everyone,

Since the idea that my mother might/probably is borderline has only recently occurred to me (I thought it was all in my head), I have been doing a lot of researching.

In a book I read and countless other places on the internet, there seems to be the mention of an all-good/golden child and a no-good/scapegoat child.  I feel like this is confusing me because until I was 16 my mother acted terribly to me.  It was truly a witch-mother situation most of the time, and I was utterly depressed, etc.  When I had completely given up on resisting her efforts and trudged through every day counting the hours until I could sleep, I suddenly became her favorite child. 

Before I was 16 and was miserable from many things including being dumped by my first boyfriend, I was absolutely hated and my younger sister was the golden child.  After that happened, I was the favorite child in every way possible, even after moving out of state for college and then graduating college years later.

So when I read the descriptions of the golden child and how the golden child grew up, etc., none of it makes sense.  I have tried finding information on if the good and bad child could possibly switch places, but I have really found nothing at all and I'm extremely confused.

Is it even possible for siblings to switch places after such long periods of time?  It was never by week or month, it was only after I was 16.
 
My mother is nowhere near as cruel to my sister now as she was to me then, but it is clear my mother picks fights with her for no reason. 

I'm concerned that this could all mean she isn't even borderline and I'm just being sensitive.  Does anyone have an idea or know if it is possible for the siblings to switch places for seemingly no reason?  All the thanks in the world in advance.

[dogwasher]

Hi everyone,

Since the idea that my mother might/probably is borderline has only recently occurred to me (I thought it was all in my head), I have been doing a lot of researching.

In a book I read and countless other places on the internet, there seems to be the mention of an all-good/golden child and a no-good/scapegoat child.  I feel like this is confusing me because until I was 16 my mother acted terribly to me.  It was truly a witch-mother situation most of the time, and I was utterly depressed, etc.  When I had completely given up on resisting her efforts and trudged through every day counting the hours until I could sleep, I suddenly became her favorite child. 

Before I was 16 and was miserable from many things including being dumped by my first boyfriend, I was absolutely hated and my younger sister was the golden child.  After that happened, I was the favorite child in every way possible, even after moving out of state for college and then graduating college years later.

So when I read the descriptions of the golden child and how the golden child grew up, etc., none of it makes sense.  I have tried finding information on if the good and bad child could possibly switch places, but I have really found nothing at all and I'm extremely confused.

Is it even possible for siblings to switch places after such long periods of time?  It was never by week or month, it was only after I was 16.
 
My mother is nowhere near as cruel to my sister now as she was to me then, but it is clear my mother picks fights with her for no reason. 

I'm concerned that this could all mean she isn't even borderline and I'm just being sensitive.  Does anyone have an idea or know if it is possible for the siblings to switch places for seemingly no reason?  All the thanks in the world in advance.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Dogwasher   

The link below should be helpful

BPD Behaviors Splitting:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62033.0

There seems to be some variations in regard to splitting. It's interesting that you and your sister traded situations. You say you believe the switch occurred for no good reason. You and your sister might think about some possible logic. Perhaps something  your sister did made your mom angry.  It could have been something relatively minor that your mom blew out of proportion. It could even be over something that wasn't done. 

I think you are still dealing with a BPD trait. Read the article and let us know what you think.

[dogwasher]

Hey Dogwasher   

The link below should be helpful

BPD Behaviors Splitting:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62033.0

There seems to be some variations in regard to splitting. It's interesting that you and your sister traded situations. You say you believe the switch occurred for no good reason. You and your sister might think about some possible logic. Perhaps something  your sister did made your mom angry.  It could have been something relatively minor that your mom blew out of proportion. It could even be over something that wasn't done. 

I think you are still dealing with a BPD trait. Read the article and let us know what you think.

Thank you for your replies! I'll look that over. You're very helpful!

[Turkish]

Perhaps it's because you grew up and boundaries were naturally established.  It sounds like a similar dynamic is playing out with your sis due to proximity and accessibility.  BPD or not (clinically) the behaviors still hurt.

Looking back,  how do you see that she was a witch-mother?