Codependendent recently left by BPD Partner

[Dogsbestfriend]

I am a raging codependent also suffering from PTSD.  After finally leaving my NPD husband (and father of two kids) after 19 yrs, I managed to walk right into a 4 yr relationship with a BPD partner.  Only a real codependent mess could pull that one off 

[joeramabeme]

Hi Dogsbestfriend

Welcome to BPD Family.

When you state you are a "real codependent mess"; does that mean you are taking the blame for all that went wrong?

[Dogsbestfriend]

Hi... .   No no... .  just taking responsibility for the fact that I allowed myself to become so wrapped up, and then tolerated the toxicity for so long... .convincing myself that, in spite of my partner's disorder, he would be able to maintain.  My codependency was the source of a massive dose of denial on my part.  My partner was much younger than I... .so I did see him grow a tremendous amount and learn to manage himself so much better over time.  That made it easier for me to believe what I wanted to believe. 

[LostInMemories]

Hey Dogsbestfriend,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you fill find confirmation and support here just as I did when I first cam here 2 years ago. I'm very sorry you are going through this.
I am codependent myself, so I understand how it must feel. All we can hope for is that one day we will find the right person that makes us happy in a 'healthy' way.
Stay strong and don't be afraid to ask for support!

[lovenature]

Go easy on yourself, there are a number of others who have had multiple disordered partners. Many of us have had lots of recycle attempts before we finally called it quits.

It is tough being co-dependent, I know the feelings of low self esteem and confidence very well. We must remember that no one or anything can ever change the way we really feel about ourselves.