Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 02:15:17 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
84
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Verbally Abusive  (Read 1132 times)
12years
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 101


« on: April 17, 2017, 08:17:57 AM »

My husband I believe has BPD. we have been going to marriage counseling but he can't seem to understand there are tools provided to be useful for communicating. We have talked about some of our large issues but nothing seems to be getting resolved. he is much in his own world and lashes out verbally with no warning. very strongly and with harsh words. I have told him he can't talk to me this way and left the house to show this point. But again last night at Easter he was ranting about an old acquaintance, had negative thoughts regarding them, and was sharing them at Easter dinner. then as I asked him to put the leftover ham away, more ranting because he didn't know how to do it and I just said he can figure it out. He seemed confused and then after I pointed out a container, he called me a"shrew" and then tried to kiss me in front of the brother in law as a controlling action I believe. I said you cannot call me a shrew. And then he said "well if you want war, I will give you war." All in front of the brother in law. To diffuse the situation I said I don't want war and gave a perfunctory peck kiss. He had many drinks at the time and there seemed no reasoning would make sense at that time.  This is just one example of how on a daily basis things get out of control.
I would like to take some strong action today to make it clear this is not acceptable. any suggestions on this? Or overall thoughts?
Logged
TommyBahama

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 41


« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2017, 10:06:09 AM »

I think leaving the house was a good idea to show him you won't stand for it.  He reminds me of my ADHD son he does things in front of certain people because he thinks I will let him get away with it and not say anything but now I have learnt to deal with the situation and confront it no matter where we are or who is there.
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2017, 11:24:40 AM »


Welcome

I am so glad you have found us.  This is the type of situation many of us have faced and overcame.  I'm certain we can help you! 

  and left the house to show this point.

A very wise course of action.  I'm interested in more "he said / she said" type details, but in general you control your ears and he controls his mouth.

Trying to convince him to change his mouth doesn't work very well.  Taking your ears elsewhere works... .100% of the time.

I do think that a warning is appropriate.

"I'm having a hard time understanding with name calling present" (notice you don't accuse him... .you state the issue that is giving you a hard time)

Whenever you leave, I would go to another room first, before leaving the house.  The least amount of provocation needed is best.  If he follows to another room, you may need to leave the house.

Let him know that YOU need a break and YOU will be back in 10 minutes  Don't make it about him... make it about you.  Don't say because you are a xzy.

Less is more


I would like to take some strong action today to make it clear this is not acceptable. any suggestions on this? Or overall thoughts?

It is important for your boundary enforcement to be tied to the boundary violation.  As in... .do it right when the violation happens.  Doing something a day or two later to "show him" is going to be needlessly provocative.

This will be a process.  He will "listen" more to your actions than to your words.

He may seem to get worse for a time... don't worry about that.  You leave abusive talk... consistently and things will change.

How does this sound?

What questions do you have?

Again... very glad you have found us.

FF
Logged

12years
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 101


« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2017, 09:15:39 PM »

Thank you to those who wrote. I was thinking it was/is too late to point out the violation the next day, but it makes me feel weak and not like I am gaining any strength by not saying anything. But I realize he does not understand or possibly make a change if the action to say it's unacceptable to do this is not done right after the violation.

There really is not a way to talk to someone with BPD after they have been drinking. He seems to come up with larger than life accusations and perceptions that are opposite of what I am intending when drinking is involved.
Is it normal to have a person with BPD drink, say rude and abusive things, then not remember them the next day? Or accuse you of saying or implying the rude things that were said? Also, is it normal for a BPD to drink to avoid confrontation?
And saying they want to be "left alone" or become a "victim" when drinking? And clearly going into their own little world to cope? This is happening more and more and then why I started to write today, was the episode at easter yesterday of lashing out for something that seems like a normal conversation even though there was some opinionated discussion, then rage when asked to help out to clean up at the end of the dinner.
Should I bring this episode up in our marriage counseling or will he feel attacked?
And again I go back to I *maybe* had support of other family members (a large man who was my brother in law who is quite nice and normal witnessing this) why didn't I confront the attack? Is this done in such situations so I can't act out to stop the violation? A controlling behavior?

Logged
Inneedofhelp
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 66


« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2017, 10:49:31 PM »

Glad you joined. I understand the accusations and raging. It is so hard to try and accept that it is happening-because it is so irrational. Our non-BPD brains can't figure out why they are blaming, accusing and verbally abusing us. I am also a fixer by nature so for so long (17 years of marriage, 6 years separated) I tried to reason, justify, explain, etc... .all the things I ha e started recently to learn just don't help and do make it worse. I am trying to finally start to detach from the awful things my hwBPD (undiagnosed and in denial) says about me, and have decided to start the divorce. Your description of the counseling sessions sounds really familiar. And oh the control! He needs to control everything-lately it has gotten so bad that he starts almost every interaction with "why couldn't you have just said/done... ." because he is looking for a specific and supportive "embrace" and I have exhausted myself literally "walking on eggshells". The stronger I get the more angry he gets and just tonight he told me he couldn't believe how easy it is for me to walk away and kick him to the curb. Easy? How about 6 years of trying to make it work, picking him up and allowing him to use me to not work on his own coping skills.
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2017, 08:32:26 AM »


Recent events can be brought up again, but the way you do it matters.

"Hey... .remember when you were talking about xyz.  I'm concerned because I don't really understand what you were saying.  Would you like to talk more about it?"

Please understand your pwBPD will likely remember it very differently.  That's ok.  Don't argue about their reality... .or yours.  Listen.

How have you brought stuff up in MC before?  Why don't you write out a few lines of how you would bring it up... .we can tweak it a bit.

FF
Logged

12years
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 101


« Reply #6 on: April 23, 2017, 10:02:22 AM »

I would like to say in MC that I find it unacceptable to yell at me and that the recent Easter episode of name calling is unacceptable as well. Name calling in general and then doing this behavior in front of relatives and in a controlling manner where you say things like " this is war" in a manipulative way in front of other people to demean me, after Easter dinner is over and you cant get away because it's the end of the night and everyone is tired. I feel used like you see that I have cooked and cleaned for the family and guests and now you want to talk down to me if I ask you to put away the leftovers. Though not sure the leftovers putting away triggered it. A conversation before with a differeing of opinion maybe did this. As I didn't know he was adversarial to people we had met an a social outing in Germany... .
The reason we started going to MC is that he raged last Easter at his parents house just before we were going on a trip to see our new home in TX. Then after that there were several more episodes, basically ruining the transistion to the US from Germany.

But as I described there was the one time recently I put my foot down and left the house. But this name calling episode in front of relatives i feel is the third strike.
I try to say " I understand you are hurt or need a break" when these arguments start. and have been using the tools such as those but there have been extreme violations of my personal space and feelings that this is the last time I am putting up with this.

Since moving to TX there have been times were I am talked down to during the delivery of furniture, or statements made where he won't pick me and the kids up from the airport, or pacing outside in front of the neighbors clearly angry. I said it's unacceptable to say you are not picking us up and to threaten with such things, and not acceptable to embarrass me in front of my new neighbors and relatives. And then more recently the episode where I walked out, he returned from a biz trip and said " what the &$)! Are you doing tomorrow? When he had been emailed and he responded about a birthday party my daughter was attending. Just a sharp, ride, angry question said in a yelling manner, upon arriving to the house when I am giving my daughter a bath and discussing plans for the next day. I was literally spitting mad when I came back to the house and told him he has to leave or I do if he does this again. He then said " you are asking for a divorce" and then started discussing how much money it would be for him to lose.

So besides raging at his parents at Easter last year, he raged in Germany where he was screaming " I hate you" over and over and the neighbors had to shut their window. And there were two other times as we transitioned from one country to the next. One following right after the time at Easter last year after we are went to see the new house. This is when I got him to say he'd go to MC. As he was out of control waiting for some money to transfer banks and I was visiting his temporary apartment in TX.

He also yelled "what the &%? did you do to the air conditioner" as it wasn't working on the first visit of his parents to our new home in TX.

So that is a huge chuck of the recent story and I'd like to say this is the last time I will stand for this. We have been in counseling since August and go about once a month due to his biz travel schedule.

Would be interested to hear what you'd say to encompass all the times and saying thislast one is the icing on the cake in MC.
Ask me with more questions, I would be happy to answer. I appreciate your help more than you will ever know on this,FF. And anyone who wants to chime in would love to hear your thoughts.
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2017, 12:05:54 PM »


General advice.

Leave much earlier.

Perhaps we come up with one attempt to validate/warn and then leave.  So... .from time of first grump until you are gone would be under 5 minutes.  Less is even better.

As you have discovered, trying to control him is frustrating.  Work on controlling the location of your ears.  I guarantee you that you will hear less rage.

Over time, once your hubby realizes there is no audience it is likely his rages will decrease.

Although, you will be blissfully unaware... .   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Thoughts?

FF
Logged

12years
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 101


« Reply #8 on: April 25, 2017, 04:13:41 PM »

We did not go to MC today because my son was sick. But I am trying to figure out how to say "I find what happened at Easter --the name calling was not appropriate in front of my brother in law." AND, THIS is the LAST time I will accept this type of behavior. It has gone on too long. A year! (A big episode occurred last Easter of name calling/rage/tracking down from one room to the next in front of my in-laws.)

Since one year ago I have been keeping track, learning about BPD and narcassism, going to therapy myself and with him to MC. I actually started therapy a year and a half ago before I moved to the US, before the first very large rage last Easter. I have been trying to avoid conflict, and diffuse arguments, but, it seems large rages and very rude/degrading comments still come out of his mouth in front of the children and others of course directly to me as well. Threats and perceptions that "I want a divorce" though those words weren't uttered are solidified in his mind. Threats in front of MC and in front of in laws at Easter just the other day--is just the last straw.

A year ago there was a great deal of stress involved in a move from another country. But, in my view it should have been a pleasant transition, easily handled by ME, of course, finding a house proved easy, and we got to have the kids finish school in Germany. And my husband started his new job, had a temporary apartment and then transitioned to the house easily, and came back and forth between the US and Germany for weeks at a time.

So I have been avoiding conflict and trying to work with him, but, the mood swings especially on the weekend or when visitors are visiting like what happened this Easter, a few short days ago, has worn me to a frazzle.

How can I make it understood that I don't want this behavior (rage, yelling, name calling) anymore at all. This is the last time I am standing for it. Would it make him crazy to do this in front of the therapist in MC?

Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #9 on: April 25, 2017, 07:39:35 PM »


Trying to reference something in the past... .and telling them it is the "last" time is a tough and not recommended thing to do.

Essentially... .either dole out a consequence (boundary) or do nothing.  What they will hear is "that one was ok" and "I bet I'll have another chance".

Then... .one more warning and another last chance... .and another.

Much much much more productive to learn and be ready.   Next verbal abuse... .end it right then...   Walk out of room... .something like that.

Do you think you can do that?

FF
Logged

12years
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 101


« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2017, 09:52:56 PM »

I understand these techniques but what should be done when you are done?

And want to make it clear these actions are not appropriate, the last one happening just recently. I know that any incident older than that would not be remembered or remembered differently. The brother in law or in laws don't seem to want to step in, so, that is why I am thinking of saying this in front of the MC. I feel this is the very last time I am going to put up with it. It's too exhausting to keep avoiding or taking my ears elsewhere. I would have back up with the MC there. I have to make an attempt in front of someone else to appear as I am telling him that is not the way to treat me.

At the end or near the end there has to be some sort of ultimatum, right? You have made it clear you don't want to have these things done to you anymore.
I think he is getting that he is not controlling me anymore and becoming powerless, but, he waits until after Easter dinner to cause a ruckus. Or had so many drinks that he gets courage. It's so conniving, I can't imagine he doesn't think about doing it to control or gaslight me, when he's doing it. I just see pure nastiness in these actions, it's like the devil is in him.

What advice is said to confront these issues when in a therapy session together? When you are at your end? It's not getting any better and he isn't getting it. I have suggested when he has gone completely ballistic that he go to counseling himself, at least 5 times. And he did refuse to go to the MC. And then would say he'd go and then threaten to not go on the phone just before he was leaving to fly to Germany to see us. It's got to stop.






Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #11 on: April 26, 2017, 06:43:48 AM »



Big picture:  pwBPD focus much more on what you do and much less on what you say.  Especially if what you do and say seem different (to them).

When you are near the end... .your tensions are high.  Giving an ultimatum will "add fuel to the fire" instead of lower it. 

So... .if you goal is to "blow things up"... .and end it.  Go for the ultimatum.  That being said, there are much healthier ways to end it.   

What is your goal?  Heal or end?  Or get your pwBPD to see things your way?

Let me think about best way to bring something up in MC... .will try to write on that later.

FF
Logged

formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #12 on: April 26, 2017, 07:11:13 AM »



MC is a good place to discuss difficult things.  Assuming you have a good T.

Go for something like this... .

"I'm interested in your thoughts on how Easter holiday went."  (hush)  listen

if he plays stupid perhaps up the ante just a bit.

"I bring up Easter because I didn't understand what was being communicated.  There seemed to be a lot of energy and emotion involved.  (say partner name)'s means a lot to me and I would like to understand how he saw the Easter discussions."

what you want to avoid.

"He yelled at me on Easter... "

" No I didn't... .I wasn't yelling... .she keep overtalking so I had to be firm... "

"He said things that weren't true... "

"If you would have listened you would know it was true."

Now... a good T will help you avoid that and I want to help you "save" some of the Ts energy to focus on understanding.

Especially if something whacky comes out of your pwBPDs mouth.  Don't react... .listen.

FF
Logged

12years
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 101


« Reply #13 on: April 26, 2017, 09:38:12 AM »

Yes, I understand that it will "blow the whole thing up" but I think I may be ready for this. Thanks for writing this out, FF.

And thanks for the role playing conversations. You have been extremely helpful.

I have another question--I see that Gottman is quoted in the relationship portion of the website. Is he relied upon for these techniques as they apply to BPDs and other personality disorders?




Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #14 on: April 26, 2017, 12:00:23 PM »

And thanks for the role playing conversations. You have been extremely helpful.

Please keep reading those with an eye towards the "mindset" of a person that would say those things.

Compare that with the things you have actually said.

Compare the results and try to think deeply about how it came to be that you used the language you used.

Honestly this is an area where a skilled T is invaluable.  Certainly has been to me.

My language came from a good place.  Direct, unambiguous... .etc etc  For someone that is sensitive (to say it mildly)... .that language can feel like an attack. 

My language was great for military and is great for some situations in civilian life.  My "new language" usually accomplishes the same thing while putting people at ease.



I have another question--I see that Gottman is quoted in the relationship portion of the website. Is he relied upon for these techniques as they apply to BPDs and other personality disorders?

I like Gottman.  Seems very solid.  Good website.  While not a "student" of his work, I do take opportunity from time to time to read his stuff.

His favorite concept for me is the idea of a "bid" to your partner.  A bid can be positive, neutral or negative.  We make bids all day long, many times without thinking.  I use the idea of bids and my knowledge of "push/pull" to drive my r/s towards neutral.

Many would think that driving the r/s to positive is a good thing... .and it usually is.  Sadly, being positive for an extended time is triggering for my wife.  She will sabotage. 

If I can keep neutral, it generally keeps her in the mode of pushing for positive... .vice pushing for negative.

Is that manipulative... .I can see that and I do "worry" about that sometimes.  People that make success of a pwBPD r/s tend to be pragmatic.  If it works... .let it work.  If it doesn't... .stay away from it.

Stay away from the thinking of "it SHOULD work"... .way to much energy to make "should" work.  Better to find what does work... .and let it.

Especially when your partner is in denial/not doing treatment.

FF
Logged

12years
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 101


« Reply #15 on: May 26, 2017, 08:10:22 AM »

Finally I got to go to MC. And asked about Easter. He did not remember and thought I was bullying and picking on him all day. So, I have my answer. He doesn't remember, doesn't think it's wrong to name call because he has been barraged and denies it in front of others (the therapist).

The MC is so exasperated she wants to not help us anymore. Since the last time he walked in and was so angry saying I say I want a divorce in front of the kids, and asking me not to do this, which I have. I just sat there while he went on and was in my "safe place." So before the session started this time she must decided this. Trying to not take payment and wanted to know if we wanted to continue. Even offering up referrals. Has anyone ever had a therapist "quit" you as a couple? How does she not see he has BPD? My reactions are so shocked to what he says and surprised in the sessions does she not see this as genuine. Do you think she thinks I am acting? Because when incidents like the Easter are brought up the perception is so different. Opposite of what I see. And I am always blamed.


Apparently I am a shrew and belitting to ask to have the leftovers put away. Though that is the ONLY thing I asked him to do and it was after the completion and eating of a very nice meal. He could not remember any specific comments besides that I said "put the ham in a container" when he asked where to put it. Mind you he had MANY drinks at that point, so, that makes it all the worse.

Now I have been SO ANGRY I can barely interact with him since Easter. And not acting nice. We tried to talk about this after Easter saying you can't yell at me ever, not cited the incident, but, it always gets turned back around on me.
"We are going to counseling because it's my problem." He says.  And during conversations, just nasty accusations that I have a very thick skin against. But, I was looking for answers in the MC that I was shaking before going in and the night before. Even stopped by a chapel for guidance. I see though he doesn't ever see it my way. But, why can't the therapist say something to show she sees the blaming? Or he should go to see someone on his own? What kind of therapist after getting this far in wants to wash her hands of it? When is it time to call it quits with the therapist?

What can I do from trying not to be so angry? Is that a normal stage after the non realizes that their spouse has BPD?

Now this weekend my husbands brother and family are coming! I am sure more incidents will occur. Anything I can do to bolster myself up for the games that are about to ensue?
Logged
empath
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 848


« Reply #16 on: May 26, 2017, 01:46:58 PM »

As far as marriage counselor 'quitting', she may have recognized the verbal abuse which could be an ethical issue preventing her from doing counseling. I have a number of friends who are counselors that say that is a reason that would prevent a couple from doing marriage counseling - I had to ask that question myself. This would be regardless of BPD diagnosis - although they are often related.

Logged
Lucky Jim
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211


« Reply #17 on: May 26, 2017, 02:09:57 PM »

Hey 12 years, To bolster yourself, I suggest disengagement and non-reaction.  It's easy to get caught up in all the BPD drama.  A better strategy, in my view, is to let it roll off you like water off the back of a duck, to use a cliche.  Suggest you decline to engage in the games or incidents that you foresee happening.  In terms of your anger, I would say, sure, it's normal in a BPD r/s.  The bottom line is that your feelings are expressions of you and need to be acknowledged, which it seems you are doing.  MC can be challenging with a pwBPD, as you are finding out.  Of course you're always blamed, because a pwBPD will rarely take responsibility, due to their black & white thinking.  Your T may be aware that your H has BPD.  Hang in there and keep us posted, LJ
Logged

    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
12years
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 101


« Reply #18 on: May 28, 2017, 05:03:32 PM »

Wow! Well I just acted polite and regular when the adults went out to dinner, and we had a lovely time until my daughter asked to sleep downstairs and my husband said "she has to sleep in her own bed" and quite rudely and I had had enough and said don't talk to me or her that way. I got in his face and he then put out his arm and pushed me down on the ground. After all these years of abuse I snapped and ran out and called the police. I feel so alone I have to bring in the law. I have a bruise on my knee. I am smaller than my husband and we have had fights before where he has pushed me. So this was the last straw. So we both had some drinks and I wish that I had one less, but, we had been having a great time, dancing and listening to a band. Then somehow I am in a physical altercation. So the police came and I met them outside and was shaking and crying and very angry. This goes to show you can never let your guard down and hsve that one too many and you never know when an episode will occur. And least when you expect it you have to defend yourself. I am not sure if he realizes this is the last straw or maybe he does. He though said I was in his face and he shouldn't have pushed me, then in the same discussion he wasn't sorry about pushing me. And also said all the same things again, I am a belittling shrew and do not appreciate how hard he works for the family. Nasty comments while you are trying to decide your future. (And everyone thinks I am a shrew.) Now this was very erratic behavior on my part and quite a stand but not sure if it sunk in. Quite embarrassing to me to be acting that erratic and calling the cops while my brother in law and sister in law were visiting. So then instead of understanding I want him to leave and don't want to be near him again, he says I won't do that, then launches into how much the divorce will cost him. Where I and the kids will live. I continued to say I had supported him in his career and through counseling, but, obviously the MC is not working. The therapist basically was calling it quits.

So here I am. The police have come to the house. He appears to be effected to know that this was a boundary I have set. But it was my fault he pushed me and that i had gotten in his face. And guess we will be working on getting a divorce. I had to make a stand and the verbal abuse has to stop and I am not surprised it turned to physical and that I had to make such a dramatic stand. My brother in law knew nothing of the the problems we were having and us going to MC but my sis in law knew it all! So I guess it seemed like a good way to have it come out I guess. I had some people there as witnesses and on my side. So I won't have to explain to everyone I am the bad guy, they get to see the turmoil first hand. But obviously embarrassing to me and to the guests. I had some liquid courage and that helped some but now I realize now no drinking to be able to be on guard in the future, not sure what that looks like.
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #19 on: May 29, 2017, 06:03:57 AM »

 

Was he arrested?

Are you safe?

FF
Logged

12years
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 101


« Reply #20 on: May 29, 2017, 02:51:20 PM »

Hello FF:
Thank you for your concern! He did not get arrested. I wasn't hurt but now I have a bruised knee I see. I wanted to make a point, a significant one but not ruin his life. A big warning! The police did not want to take him only wanted to make sure we are safe and staying in different rooms. And my in laws were there so they were a good buffer. And if he kept it up after the cops left I think they would have interfered. Yes I am safe and I have a plan to leave if he does not follow some ground rules. I think it has set in with him. But right now we are cooling off. And will talk in a few days as he has a business trip for two nights.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!