8 yrs of marriage, husband failed to mention he has BPD

[hopeless_in_tx]

I truly don't know where to start and I have no idea how to abbreviate the last 8.5 years in a way so that you all can even begin to understand the complexity of our lives. I will give it my best shot, I apologize in advance for how lengthy it is.
I divorced my first husband in 2006, we have 3 boys together, now ages 15, 17 and 21. I met & married my current husband in March of 2009, he has one daughter whom he had living with him.
I have worked in law enforcement for over 10 years, my husband has had 4 different jobs, as well as tried to run a business, during the time we've been married and we are both college educated.
I have always been extremely independent, blunt, goal oriented, driven, organized, clean and orderly and love to stay busy. From the very beginning I knew my husband was very codependent, clingy, unorganized, messy, horrible with time management, scattered and emotional. I knew we were polar opposites, but I always felt like we complimented each other rather well and, for the most part, it's always worked for us.
As life has moved on, many of his characteristics I have grown to hate because many of them have had such a negativr impact on our lives, and those people around us, even to the point that our house was days away from being sold in a foreclosure auctio . It's also the fact that he will forget to brush his teeth, because at 31.5 yrs old that man has never managed to develop a routine of any kind, and so he literally FORGETS! or that he is always running late, leaves his clothes laying everywhere, is horrible with finances & bills, not dependable and if I say anything that comes across even slightly critical he blows up. Don't get me wrong, we've definitely had our fair share of arguments over his behavior and the fact that he makes me feel more like I am raising another child, rather than feeling like I have an adult teammate/partner in this marriage, but somehow it's still worked for all these years.
That is until he started being physically abusive to me. sure, we had gotten into mutual physical altercationso after a few too many drinks in the beginning of our relationship, neither of us drink much though thank God, but this was different. We went a a mutual friendsaid for NYC 2015/2016, it was a male friend, it was just us 3 hanging out,  my friends wife was with her family that night. My husband has always been very jealous of this friend and we have gotten into multiple fights where he has accused me of wanting to have sex with him etc., each time I am able to reason with him eventually and he apologized for being needlessly jealous. This time, his jealousy again reared its ugly head as we headed home, as usual I kept begging him to stop the nonsense and tried to ignore his ranting, as he was driving and yelling at me, out of the corner of my eye I see his hand come at me and he slapped the crap out of me, right in the face, as he was driving. I was in total shock and disbelief but I attributed it to the FEW drinks he had earlier that night. However, it hasn't stopped there. He has hit me about 6 times since, no alcohol involved. He has cornered me while I was in the bathtub and thrown stuff at my fave, left me with a swollen eye. He threw his laptop at me, his my stomach and left a black bruise the size of a large grapefruit on me. Right this very moment I have a bruise on my left forearm from where he hit me with his cellphone SO hard the tissue in my arms was damaged to the point it is now numb and tingly where the bruise is, that was 12 days ago and the bruise is still present. These instances started out as a regular conversation and escalated to that. When I bring it up here either denies that any of it even happened, or he blames it on me. Our marriage hasn't always been like this, in the past 1.5 years his aggression, possessiveness, rage etc. Has escalated to the point that I don't even recognize him as the same man I married anymore.
Rewind to October of 2012, his daughters psychologist made the statement to me that she thought he had BPD, she didn't elaborate, I didn't ask, and I never thought any more about it, that is until 12 days ago, the last time he went into a fit of rage over some tiny statement I must have made and hit me, yet again. That is when I decided to look into it, Wow my husband fits the BPD description to the letter! I began reading, I mentioned it to him and he brushed it off, I started sending him links to articles I had read and so on. Yesterday I asked him if he had had a chance to read any of them, he said "I don't have to,  I already know what that is because I was diagnosed with that when I was younger"! He said that at the time he was diagnosed with BPD, he was also diagnosed with a myriad of other things, such as bipolar, MPD, depression and others he didn't recall. He didn't believe any of them, he was a teenager and just escaping the physical and sexual abuse he was tortured with, at the hands down of his father, because his father finally went to prison for the abuse.
Anyway, after the last time he hit me, and the THOUSANDS of rage fits over the most minor things, jealousy, financial ruins and so on it told him that I was done, I had had enough and I wanted out of our marriage. He said that he refused to allow that, after hours/days of fighting he agreed to start marriage counseling, we're scheduledo to begin tomorrow.
While I am definitely happy he has agreed to counseling, I don't know that I can be in this marriage anymore. I am tired of having a timebomb tied around my neck all the time and constantly have to walk on eggshells. This marriage has become so exhausting,  all consuming, suffocating, depressing and I feel as though the life is literally being sacked out of me a little more each day. The hardest part for me is that I truly do love him, when things are good and we're doing non-adult things and having stress-free fun, he and I are GREAT together. But when we have to face day-to-day adult life and problems it is filled with emotional roller coasters, rage, violence and uncertainty. That's not even to mention the fact that I get ZERO help from him at home, he does NOTHING to contribute to the running of this household/ family.
I just don't know what to do. I know that he definitely does have BPD, I do not have a doubt in my mind, it's terrifying to think about what else he could have that I just haven't recognized yet!
That my new friends,  is the very abbreviated readers digest version of my marriage... .and NOW I have a few questions.
1. Can he change his BPD behaviors if he truly wants to?
2. Is there any hope for him to lead some semblance of a normal adult life?
3. Do I stay or do I go?
4. What about my kids?
5. I truly fear for my life at times, I think he could very possibly try to kill me if I left. Is he capable of that?
6. How can he curtail the extreme emotions he feels?
7. Is he really the monster that it feels like he is at times?
I'm sorry for such a long and rambling post. It's very hard typing this from a phone, with virtually no sleep in days!
I'm so glad to have found this group! It is slightly comforting knowing I am not the only person in the world who is, or has, dealt with this type of situation.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[hopeless_in_tx]

Also let me add that I have only ever told one person about him hitting me, and I only told her about one time. Other than that NO ONE,  not even my bff, mother, or anyone knows what I have been going through with him. Also, I have no where to go if I left on a whim, other than a shelter.

[Inneedofhelp]

I am so sorry to hear you have been going through all of this! I'm glad you found your way here because many of us do understand what you are going through. I too have a spouse with BPD (although undiagnosed) and his rage and abuse has also gotten more intense lately, maybe just because but probably related to the fact that I have finally said enough is enough. For the first time I have begun to set more healthy boundaries, which I am sure he is objecting to. He too contributed very little-hasn't held a job for more than a few months at a time over the last several years while I work 2 jobs. He is super sensitive like you described so that the smallest thing can set him off.
I don't have answers for all your questions, but I do know that physical abuse is NEVER justifiable and if you fear for your life then you should consider if it is safe to try and stay to work it out. I totally understand the isolating feeling because you don't want people to know. The best thing I did recently is starting to let some friends and family in to help me. You are not alone!

[formflier]

What do you do in law enforcement?  I'm a retired Naval Aviator.  Much of your post sounded like a female version of me... .back in the day.

I totally tracked with your thought process as you tried to "think" (rationalize) your way through this.

Newsflash... .STOP THAN NOW.  Take a pause... .deep breath.

For you:  Continue with your structured thinking, assemble the facts, logically follow them where they go.  Once you have your conclusions you need to hit the pause button and realize that you are actually dealing with someone that speaks a foreign language (to you).  Even worse... .it appears you speak the same language (English... .I'm assuming you are in USA).  That just confuses things. 

He can sometimes make you think he speaks your language... .trust me... he doesn't think and feel that way.  It will take a while for you to understand and speak this language, but it can be done. 

You've asked direct questions... I'll give you succinct answers.

1. Can he change his BPD behaviors if he truly wants to? Yes, with therapy for both of you
2. Is there any hope for him to lead some semblance of a normal adult life? Yes
3. Do I stay or do I go? bpdfamily does not condone people handing out direct advice like this.  You have to make your own decision.
4. What about my kids? That is a good question.  Education on this issue will take time
5. I truly fear for my life at times, I think he could very possibly try to kill me if I left. Is he capable of that?This is a dangerous situation, we can't know what he will or won't do
6. How can he curtail the extreme emotions he feels? With therapy and effort
7. Is he really the monster that it feels like he is at times? No
I'm sorry for such a long and rambling post. It's very hard typing this from a phone, with virtually no sleep in days!
I'm so glad to have found this group! It is slightly comforting knowing I am not the only person in the world who is, or has, dealt with this type of situation.

Look... .obviously you are in a stressful situation.  Can you contact local DV resources (privately) and get an understanding of what protecting yourself looks like?  Information is power and is likely to help you feel LESS anxious.

Take steps to protect yourself.  Download a recorder app for your phone.  Keep your phone private (locked).  Try not to "engage" in arguments and "proving" your point.

I'm concerned about you.  Please reach out to local resources to start a conversation.


FF

[flourdust]

Hello, and welcome! You've found a community here with a lot of similar experiences and some resources that can help you.

I'm very sorry to hear about what you've been going through. Many of us in these relationships look back at the time and wonder how it's been so bad for so long. Hopefully, you can get help here to figure out what steps you can take to improve your life.

The domestic violence you've described is alarming and not at all OK. I'm going to offer a couple of resources that might be helpful

Creating a Plan for Safety First

This tool is used widely for quick assessment of your current threat situation: MOSAIC Threat Assessment Tool Worth checking out!

I'm glad you found us.

[hopeless_in_tx]

Thank you both for responding. It is still very foreign to me that there are actually other people who live, or have lived, in a situation like this. I just knew he was one of a kind LOL
I work in law enforcement administration now, I started out working in the jail. I am perfectly capable of defending myself physically and have no problem doing so, but I also don't want to escalate the situation when it becomes violent and if I engage him physically, it most definitely will. I did advise him, after the last time he hit me with his cellphone phone, that I was done being his punching bag and if he did it one more time I would leave this relationship one way or another and whether he "allowed" me to or not. He knows I am not one to mess with, which is probably why he hasn't hit me more that he has, and like he did his ex's. We live in a very small down, I do have access to a lot of dv resources but we also have legal custody of our 3.5 yr old grandson and I wouldn't want anything that I did to affect that situation.
We have our first counseling session  this evening at 7pm, I anticipate that will go great until he and I leave there. I wrote many of my main concerns down on paper to give to the counselor. I know if I try to speak them he will cut me off and explain how I am wrong etc. So I figured I would try and avoid that as much as possible.
I have been documenting what bruises/marks he has left on me, as well as recording many of our arguments. He knows I have recorded them because he will claim one thing was said or done, I will try to play the conversation back to him to demonstrate what really happened, but he won't have it.
I will update after session this evening and let y'all know how it goes, this should definitely be interesting!

[Tattered Heart]

I'm so so sorry that you are going through this. I cannot imagine the stress and fear that you are going through. It's great that you guys have started marriage counseling, but just remember that isn't a fix. Your husband needs individual counseling to work through the abuse, trauma, and his rage.

Unfortunately with BPD there is no cure. If he is willing to do the work then he can make things better, but one of the problems with BPD is that they have difficulty sticking with things like counseling OR when the counselor tries to get them to look at their own issues they refuse to do so. Looking at those things causes them to feel rejected and worthless.

Ultimately the decision to stay or go is your decision. No one can tell you one way or the other what hte future holds, and you'll need to ask yourself some serious questions such as can things get better and do you want to continue staying in this situation. Physical and emotional abuse will affect your children not only now, but in their future relationships. Seeing a parent abused can cause them to allow that behavior into their own future relationships or cause them to perpetrate that in their relationships.

ONe of the frustrating things about living with someone with BPD is that you cannot change them. They have to choose to change. YOu can't stop his rages. You can't make it not get upset about little things. But you can change your behavior. Setting a safety plan for times he gets abusive is very important. For instance, when you see him getting upset, do not put yourself into a corner where he can trap you. Begin to move closer to an exit. It's important that if he gets to the point of rage, even before he gets violent that you remove yourself from the situation.

Keep some extra money or clothes in your car so that you are never left completely empty handed. For myself when my H is tense or overly emotional, I keep my purse & keys in the car so that if I need to I get away quickly. When he begins to yell I set a boundary. I tell him I don't want to be yelled at and then I leave the house and go for a walk or drive. I wait until he calms down before returning home. He can continue to rage all he wants, but I am not going to be there to be subject to it.

[hopeless_in_tx]

Formflier, when you mention speaking the language,  can you please elaborate on that?  Right now I've been trying not to speak to him at all LOL

[formflier]

Formflier, when you mention speaking the language,  can you please elaborate on that?  Right now I've been trying not to speak to him at all LOL

Imagine if you were in a relationship with a person that "naturally" spoke, thought and read a very different language than you (I'm assuming you are from USA and speak English).  Let's assume a different language would be one of the middle eastern languages.  My understanding is that they read and write in a different way than we do.

Nothing "wrong" with that... .it's just very different and drives a different mindset or way of approaching things, not to mention a very different "culture".

Now... .this person can also speak English and "at first glance" can pass himself off as a "normal" American.  Once you get to know them intimately, you realize a BIG difference.

Do you see the analogy? 

To be successful in the r/s, you are going to have to understand their language to eliminate needless conflict.

There is some conflict that is worth having (defending core values).

Thoughts?

FF

[formflier]

Can you post your list here... .the list for the counselor.

STOP playing him recordings to prove he is wrong.  YOU are invalidating him.  THAT is really really bad.

We can educate more on that later... .for now... .please trust me.

FF

[hopeless_in_tx]

Can you post your list here... .the list for the counselor.

STOP playing him recordings to prove he is wrong.  YOU are invalidating him.  THAT is really really bad.

We can educate more on that later... .for now... .please trust me.

FF

Sorry for going MIA today, a friend of mine came over to show me how to make homemade tamales and boy is that a lot of work!

I have picture of the paper I wrote the concerns on, how do I post it here?

We are in the waiting room waiting to see the therapist now, he's filling out paper, I'm doing this.

Had a big blow-up before we even left the house because he said he wanted to take a quick shower, they are never quick , but I didn't respond with the "proper tone" so that meanthat I was being ___ty, and it escalated from there because I just tried to ignore him. I don't know if he enjoys fighting and arguing but I sure the heck don't, so I try to just ignore him or give very minimal responses, but that still manages to escalate the situation somehow. He wants me to apologize, he will vocalize that to me, but if it's not the right tone or I don't have an acceptable demeanor then the argument continues.
I truly do feel sorry for him, I can't imagine what it must be like to live inside of his head, but I don't feel sorry enough for him that I am willing to continue sacrificing myself!

[formflier]

  but if it's not the right tone or I don't have an acceptable demeanor then the argument continues.
 

Don't engage on tone and demeanor.  It's an attempt to control. 

Apologize for things YOU feel you should and simply don't for other stuff.

"Let me give that some thought... ." is an honest response when a wacky request comes your way

I wish you the best in your session.  Please focus on understanding instead of "making points".

Relax as much as possible... this is a marathon.

FF

[hopeless_in_tx]

Don't engage on tone and demeanor.  It's an attempt to control. 

Apologize for things YOU feel you should and simply don't for other stuff.

"Let me give that some thought... ." is an honest response when a wacky request comes your way

I wish you the best in your session.  Please focus on understanding instead of "making points".

Relax as much as possible... this is a marathon.

FF

WOAH, the therapy session was bazaar... .that is the only way I even know how to describe it! I'm back at work today so it's much easier to type now I NEVER get on my PC at home so he would suspect something if I did and typing on my phone is quite tedious when it isn't brief replies.

So in the session my hubby initiated the "why are we here" response to the therapist and he also told the therapist that I believed his DX of BPD, from when he was in his late teens, was spot on. Most of the session was him ranting, that's the only way I know how to describe it, I hardly said anything other than I was tired of the physical abuse, to which the therapist said there was NEVER a good reason to be physically violent, he told my hubby that he needed to control his own emotions and reactions and not blame them on me etc. The therapist was barely able to speak either because my hubby was on a non-stop tangent. When the therapist asked me what my thoughts/concerns were, beyond verbalizing the physical violence, I handed him the list I had previously made and told him that I am accustom to being interrupted and cut off when I try to verbalize things that are concerning to me so I typed everything out as to avoid the back-and-forth between my husband and I when trying to explain my "reason" for being there.

After our couple session ended the therapist said he wanted to see us each separately for one session before having another couples session, hubby goes today and I go on Friday.

I also got a referral from a friend of mine who is an LCDC for a psychologist who specialized in BPD and DBT model therapy, so I am going to try and get him an appointment there soon as well.

Overall the weekend went well, since I have been talking to him about the BPD and his overreactions to the slightest things etc. he seems to be to be making an attempt to think before he speaks, and step away if he feels himself getting worked up. I guess those are all good things, he has a hard time following through with anything long-term, so I don't have a lot of faith that he will continue that behavior long term... .but maybe I'm just being negative. I would be perfectly happy with a separation but he said that he would never "allow" that to happen. Aside from his behavior I am tired of feeling like I am raising another child, a grown child who acts like a toddler at times and who is incapable of having any responsibilities or managing any adult type expectations, like being on time, remembering appointments, paying bills on time, cooking dinner, cleaning house etc. We are polar opposites with regards to that, I am very rigid, self-disciplined, organized, neat/tidy, etc. so it is VERY hard living with someone who is, not only the exact opposite, but someone that you can't vocalize frustrations too!

[hopeless_in_tx]

Can you post your list here... .the list for the counselor.

STOP playing him recordings to prove he is wrong.  YOU are invalidating him.  THAT is really really bad.

We can educate more on that later... .for now... .please trust me.

FF

Here is the list that I gave to the therapist, my husband has not seen the list. Thoughts?

1.   His anger and rage. We are fine when addressing a problem/issue that does not directly, or indirectly, relate to him (i.e. what to eat for dinner, discussing work etc.). However, when I bring attention to him about something he is doing that bothers/upsets me, regardless of my demeanor, he immediately gets defensive and argumentative with me and it usually escalates into a full-blown fight. It never seems to be okay to address problems with him; he becomes very upset when anything “bad” is said to him about something he has said/done.
2.   He is very verbally abusive and rude to me. When the above happens, as I am trying to talk to him, he will cover his ears and yell “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” to me if I try and explain why I feel a certain way or why I am upset. He repeatedly calls me names such as “stupid ___ing ___”, “stupid ___ing ___” and other things such as that.
3.   When I talk, he constantly interrupts me, shuts me down, tells me to “shut up” etc.
4.   In the past year he has hit me and thrown things at me more times than I can count. It began on January 1 2016 as we were driving home from a NYE party at a friends house, this friend is a male and he constantly accuses me of wanting to sleep with this guy and he is extremely jealous. These accusations have gone on for YEARS about this particular friend, we will discuss it and he will realize that he is being silly about the whole thing, then the next time that friends name gets brought up, or we are around that friend, it starts all over again. The argument began over this friend again, I told him he was being ridiculous, I was tired of being treated like this etc. and, as he was driving, slapped me in the face with his right hand. Since that night, he has hit or thrown things at me MANY times, I currently have a bruise on my left forearm where he threw his cell phone at me so hard I am STILL bruised, that was over a week ago (4/16/17). He has followed me into the bathroom, while we are arguing, I will be in the bathtub and he will begin knocking stuff of the side of the tub and throwing things at me while I am in the bathtub. Once we got into a disagreement where he threw his laptop at me and left a large bruise on my stomach, he has hit me in the face and left marks/swelling around my eye. There has been times where I have shoved him to try and get around him when he is trying to block me from leaving the room etc. and he has hit me, once he hit me and I went to the room and got my handgun because I fully intended on defending myself, but he went outside where we had company. There was one time about 5 years ago we got into a fight after having too much to drink, he shoved me and I pulled a knife on him. He said that he hits me now because I have done “all of those things to him”, he says that or he completely denies hitting me and will say he doesn’t know what I am talking about. I have spoken to his ex-girlfriend and he physically and sexually abused her as well, the entire length of their relationship. I am literally in fear of my life at times because of his verbal and physical aggression. When we have been fighting in the evening hours and it is time for me to go to bed, I lay there terrified that he is going to lose it one day and come in and bludgeon me to death because he refuses to control his anger.
5.   He says he loves me, but he treats me me more like a possession, or a pet/hobby. He is extremely possessive and jealous. When we have had company over he has gotten mad for me paying too much attention to them and “ignoring” him, that hasn’t happened in several years because I just stopped having people over. If I have a girlfriend and she invites me to do a “girls thing” he won’t allow it. Last weekend my mother and I went to L.A. Fitness to register for a gym membership, I also signed him up to go as well, but he got mad because I went with my mother to do the enrollment and not him. I am not really allowed to have any independence from him unless it is something that he is okay with. If I want to do something, like go shopping on a Saturday afternoon with my mom, then I have to make sure he is okay with it before I can go or he will make my life a living hell.
6.   He is extremely selfish and has NO self-discipline; he takes care of zero responsibilities around the house on any regular basis. When he gets home from work he sits in his truck, closes himself in our bedroom or sits on the front porch. He never sits or hangs out in the common areas of our house with everyone else and interacts, but then he gets bad and says he is the “outsider”. He works on his stuff, when he feels like it, other than that he is in those two places most of the time. There are times when he and I have had a fight about him not doing anything around the house that he will start doing things for a few days, a week etc. but for the majority of our 8+ yr marriage I have had no help whatsoever. He can’t be on time, he can’t remember to brush his teeth or put on deodorant. He tells me that, because he is a genius, his brain works differently than mine and he doesn’t see things the same way as everyone else so therefore he doesn’t think about cleaning the house, or taking out the trash, brushing his teeth etc. but he says all I have to do is ask him to do something and he will do it, but he has to be told.
7.   He sets a horrible example for my teenage boys and 3.5 yr old grandson. He rarely interacts with anyone in the house, other than me. His behaviors are much like their behaviors as far as having to be told to take out the trash, brush their teeth etc. but yet he is an adult and tried to be a disciplinarian to them at times, therefore they think he is a joke because he can’t do those things himself.
8.   He has no sense of time or time commitment.  For example, he will tell someone that he can paint their whole house in 2 hours, when really it would take him a week. When he begins working on a task, he will work on it until he has completed it, or he is satisfied with a stopping point, regardless of the fact that there may be other responsibilities that he needs to address. He has worked for more than 24 hours at a time on a task. This generally happens when he tells someone he will have something completed in a short amount of time; when in reality he needed MUCH more time to realistically complete it.
9.   I feel like I have to tip toe around every conversation we have as to not set him off. The slightest misstep of my words can send him into a rage. Once that happens, it is almost impossible to reverse his rage, often the only way to reverse it is to admit all the blame is mine, apologize, beg to move past it etc.
10.   He cannot tolerate being around people when they eat. The sound of someone eating or drinking will infuriate him. Often times he will try to look past the sound of someone eating/drinking, then when he can’t get his mind off the sounds he will storm out of the room or scream at them for making too much noise while they eat.

[formflier]

I think it would be a great idea for YOU to also see the psychologist (I'm hoping PhD type) as well. 

We can certainly support you on these boards, but some things are so nuanced that an in person T is really helpful.

I see a PhD psychologist on a weekly basis.  Very helpful in understanding the dynamics going on in my home and "My role" in those dynamics.  As I make changes to what I do, the entire family system shifts (regardless of whether they want to or not).

I'm very interested in building YOUR support system.  AS you have found out, you will need it.


FF

[hopeless_in_tx]

I think it would be a great idea for YOU to also see the psychologist (I'm hoping PhD type) as well. 

We can certainly support you on these boards, but some things are so nuanced that an in person T is really helpful.

I see a PhD psychologist on a weekly basis.  Very helpful in understanding the dynamics going on in my home and "My role" in those dynamics.  As I make changes to what I do, the entire family system shifts (regardless of whether they want to or not).

I'm very interested in building YOUR support system.  AS you have found out, you will need it.


FF

I would love to be able to find a psychologist to help me work through things, however that is easier said than done given that we live in a very rural area and most psychologists here don't take insurance either.

I called the one that was referred to me by my LCDC friend and they have a 10-15 weeks waitlist for new patients! I added him to the waitlist, so now we wait LOL

Is there a thread on these boards for healthcare professionals by location, or anything like that?

I am in the Houston area, NW side.

[flourdust]

Your description of the couples' counseling session is familiar to many of us. BPD behavior in these sessions tends to either fall into the raging/blaming or withdrawal/stonewalling categories.

I'm very glad to see that the therapist is meeting individually with each of you. Your husband is having his meeting today. I advise you to be VERY CAREFUL today and have a safety plan prepared for when you're together again. He might be extremely triggered by this session and based on his history of behavior, this could become a dangerous situation.

During your meeting on Friday, I predict that the therapist is going to provide some guidance around domestic violence & safety issues. The incidents you've described in your list are terrifying and sound very dangerous. Have you had a chance to look at the MOSAIC threat assessment and safety plan links I provided earlier in this thread? Please do so today -- you really do not have time to spare, and your situation is urgent. We want you to be safe above all else!

[formflier]

I would use your zip code on this

https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/state/TX/Houston.html

Good place to start.

Also you might ask your family physician.

FF

[BrianTx]

I would defiantly learn about invalidating.  I was doing it to my wife without even knowing and it will trigger her.