Happy? Mother's Day

[Peace41]

I just saw a couple of posts from mom's who won't be seeing their child for Mother's Day so makes me feel guilty that I have the opportunity to have a "special" outing with my daughter and I have said no. Several us will be together to go and eat on Sunday including my BPD adult child (sorry don't know if I am supposed to write that a special way - still don't know all the lingo), so we will be together - just not alone today for her planned outing.

She lives in our home and the tension, aggression, and conflict is just too much. Yesterday I spoiled one of her surprises by saying I accidentally tore my nail back into my flesh while gardening - that was a delightful scene of blame.

Then the screaming occurred as to her dad blowing pollen in her direction - my God I thought she was bleeding to death. When she confronted me about my pollen problems with a tone of utter disgust I  just lost it and said I would not be going with her anywhere today. I have tried to decline her mother's day outing all week - it did not work. When I finally had enough she charged at me like a bear you see on TV - with such aggression - I know it took all the strength she had not to rip my head off - you could see it in her eyes.

We are getting close to filing a formal eviction with the Sherrif's department. We have had her removed from her home in with the past but it was much quicker because of her addictive addiction and police involvement - now, well she is trying to do the right thing with Suboxone and it's not so easy (never was "easy" or pain free) to have her removed. Apparently, she has established residency - based on my understanding of the law.

How long does the parenting responsibility last? I know people whose kids have died from addiction and again I feel guilty that I want my child out of my home and lord help me out of my life. She is the meanest person I know. I would not choose to have a relationship with a person like her. I would not allow them to get close to me or invite them into my home. I would protect myself from the injury I know they would cause me yet here I am with this person in my house, again!

I appreciate knowing that you folks are here. I did not know so many other people felt so much pain in their daily lives. I am sorry for us all.

I wish you moments of peace... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Moonshiney]

Wow, I feel your pain and grew teary-eyed just trying to figure out what to say to you that could possibly help.   I wish there was a secret to fixing the moods of people with BPD.   The emotions of guilt and shame, pity and sadness are overwhelming .  I'm sure you will do the right thing for your daughter.  Enjoy your Mother's Day - whatever you do and whoever you share it with.

[Gorges]

Hi,
I just recently decided to take a break from my daughter as well.  I might see her tomorrow with my mom.  But I have come to realize that I am a trigger for her.  With me, she can become dangerous and abusive.  If we are together, trauma seems to happen.  Most recently, she drove recklessly in a car in order to scare me.  I will not be driven by her again.  I will not see her alone until she has made major changes in her life to recover and is emotionally prepared to have a relationship.   She does not live with us (age 19) and I now know that if she did she could slip back into her old ways.  She can change so quickly-pleasant and healthy to deeply disturbing. 

I guess I can say I have gratitude that we made it to age 18 without a divorce (we came close) and permanent criminal record for anyone.  I survived.  My husband is at peace with letting her be independent of us and having to figure it out on her own.  I still had hopes of helping her.  I realize now I can't be that person.  So, I am in the same space that he is at.   He is able to have contact with her more than me.  I just have to give up the trying to help and rescue...

[Yepanotherone]

Gorges I flit and float between all sorts of emotions and fears and I can envisage I will be exactly where you are with your daughter in a couple of years . My DD is 17 and right now I just can't see the wood for the trees right now and while I try to hold onto hope for her future, if she carries on the way she's going with poor choices, I can't see us having a good relationship .i simply can't condone some of the crazy stuff she does and it goes so far against my grain . We don't have a good relationship at all right now and it hurts me to the core  I'm a good person and she comes from a loving supportive family , yet I can see her tossing us all aside in time, as her focus is all on "friends" and men and generally getting up to no good , with no future plans . I can see how this is all going to pan out  
I sent her a wee video she had made of us all on our family holiday just a couple of years ago , she used to love making videos. It brought tears to my eyes as we had such a lovely time . I send her videos of her wee nephews in Scotland who were adopted by my brother a few years ago and they came from a horrific abusive, negligent mother and were living in squalor before my brother adopted them. My BPD DD used to adore those two wee boys and they adore her. she seems so closed off now to anything remotely related to family life and our values .I keep trying different things to bring her back to me and to her family . I'm losing hope though and can see that as heartbroken as I will be , I will need to accept the loss at some point .
My saving grace is my other daughter who is a beautiful soul inside and out. She's my rock and we are close , she actually likes me and likes spending time with me ! My BPD DD just gets irritated with every single thing I do, I can't open my mouth or even breathe without it annoying her in some way !
Anyway, as I prepare to pick my BPD DD up from her community service this afternoon, my other DD is buying movie tickets for us to go see the new Amy schemer movie tomorrow for Mother's Day ,so tomorrow might not be so bad