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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: He is getting married again...  (Read 380 times)
Herodias
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: June 11, 2017, 01:51:11 PM »

I am handling it better than I thought, but I am angry he is actually getting married 11 days from our anniversary date... .what is up with that? My Mom said maybe it will help him remember it,  This is yet another dig in that he must be using the alimony money he is not paying me to pay for this wedding now. That just makes me so mad. He has cost me so much money... .She has registered them for lots of wine glasses, wine racks and a wine refrigerator. Wine is not cheap! Obviously he has not quit drinking... .nothing has changed. She has to see the behavior by now, we just ignored it, didn't we?  I guess she will soon be his wife and she will begin to see him drop the mask. Not my problem any more. Getting all of the money he has cost me returned is my problem. It is unbelievable how someone can manipulate the court system. I hope the courts finally have mercy on me when we go back. I am just glad not to deal with him on a daily basis anymore. Unfortunately he is still playing games with me. I know he hasn't gone off into the sunset, but why am I crying? I can't seem to get a break from him. It never ends.
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Herodias
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« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2017, 02:09:01 PM »

I am sitting here thinking, who would want to go the wedding of him and his mistress he had a baby with anyway?
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joeramabeme
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Relationship status: In process of divorcing
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« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2017, 02:29:52 PM »

Herodias - Sorry to hear about this, I understand it must be hard.  I have found that my detaching has, thankfully, come in stages - as I was ready to handle it.  Not sure how long it has been for you and I don't say this lightly, but this is another one of those points that you are going to be forced into detaching a little more. 

Recently for me, I have had to make plans to move from my marital home.  Prior to this, I had been under the impression that I was 90% detached.  After learning this, I realized my detachment level was a lot less than I realized.  Unfortunately, for some of us, it does take quite a while to let go.

I am sure this is real hard and will bring up more unresolved feelings, I hope that you will find a way that you can release another part of the past.  As tempting as it is to say you are better off, I will refrain and restate that perhaps this is the path that will somehow lead to an outcome that only later will show you that it is ultimately to your benefit.

Hang In!
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Herodias
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« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2017, 02:59:05 PM »

Thanks Joe, we were divorced a year ago next week on the 17th. I know I am better off! I can't stress that enough. What is upsetting me is all of the money he is making me spend in court, when in fact he lied about not having any assets to begin with. It is really long and a mess and sounds unbelievable. I am still being tormented by him as he pretends to go off happily ever after. I know what she is on for the minute she marries him- as I bet you do too. Sorry you are going through what you have been. These people are so greedy and selfish. I am finally happy to be out- wish it was what I thought it was of course, but knowing what I know now, I am safer. This girl is paying a huge price for what she has done and isn't paying attention. She will know soon enough. I can't believe he is doing it, but he must be getting something out of it- even if it's a bigger disability check due to being married. I know what he is up to. He did it all with me- he is a con artist.  It is not good, but I am tired of being screwed over financially. When he is doing what he is supposed to, then I can have some peace... .sounds like an oxymoron. Having a wedding when he is pretending to be broke I hope will not look good to the judge.
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heartandwhole
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« Reply #4 on: June 11, 2017, 03:09:35 PM »

Herodias,

I can understand your anger. Losing money and fighting in court takes so much energy and is so frustrating!  I'm sorry that you are going through this. 

Are you working toward getting some of that money back?

heartandwhole
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When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
Herodias
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« Reply #5 on: June 11, 2017, 05:41:46 PM »

Yes, HeartandWhole, I am trying really hard... .you have no idea. I just keep getting screwed over. It's really awful. My lawyer messed up the last time we went to court and we have to start over again on contempt charges... .but when his lawyer screwed up they gave them another chance. It's unbelievable. I just feel like everyone believes he is the poor guy who moved on to a happy life with a baby  and his girlfriend and I am the evil ex. It's infuriating. I have been to court with him 4 times now and filing again. He has manipulated me for money over the past 10 years and I was stupid enough to fall for all of this. You can't take a con artist to court unfortunately. I am trying to get what I can, because I am now the one who is now financially in the hole. Really awful that someone would continue to destroy you after all you do for them. They don't even care, cause is all about them. My ex called himself an Evil Devil. I wonder if they really believe in hell or if they just think we are crazy to believe it?
  On another note... .my girlfriends ex narcissist, sent her his final alimony payment and cancelled the check this weekend! He moved her down to his hometown to get married, took her away from her job and she sold her home. After years of bad behavior she found out he was sleeping with men! She is financially screwed over now, because she will never get back what she had. It's just not right that people can do this. Then they talk about getting rid of alimony. Sometimes thats the only chance you get to make up for what you lose. It is sad to think that people now think that adultery is so common, it should just be accepted and not have to pay if you get caught. If that's how young people want to see it, it's really a sad state for marriage. Why bother... .Sorry, just venting about allot on my mind... .
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happendtome
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« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2017, 08:30:19 AM »

It looks like everyone is getting married.
But in my case im not really sure how i feel. I was afraid of major setback, however... .i may even be relieved, not sure yet, but it could be closure for me.
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