Black and white question and a bit of background

[Depression = 72% of members]

Thank you for such a great forum... I am currently in a relationship with uBPD dHPD woman. In the last 6 years I have been on the recieving end of the split. Each time I am returned to white.

However, her split is pretty drastic, she has her trigger, rejection or abandonment. She then plots a move to another man in another state and she then gathers the kids regardless of their needs and moves.  All in secret. Lots of subterfuge, elaborate lies.

Then after she arrives she makes excuse for her move, or projects, the bad of whom it is... me , or that she is making a grand new start. Blasting a fantasy that she is great mom to make thing work with her ex husband, or now to try a new man... Usually in fantasy mode people who don't know her see as positive and support, we the family see it as trouble for her, kids, and the disaster the will unfold... she has been so stable here, says her family, the most stable she has ever been.

The first time she did this to me - it ended in tragedy for her oldest. Black Lasted 62 days from onset of silent treatment. I was unaware she had something wrong with her emotions... I became the rescuer...

 6 yrs went by no issues--the second time she made a go with an ex she says... .that was a huge move and huge deceptions, and lots of lies. Ended when I was split white by unknown reason. Black for 79 days from Silent treatment.

This time split black, in less than week and preplanning was a week to run to guy she had met on the internet and texted a total of 25 times before I realized what was happening. She distanced me emotionally, called me cling, needy, and I was far from it, I had unfortunately denied a special moment time for us. --that day she texted this guy... I researched him once I saw my phone bill and he was never mentioned in the six years I have known her, and no one else knew him... I recognize the signs now... 3rd time charm.

So I'm currently in Black... my family asked if he was placed in White even though she had no idea who he is or was. They asked me if more than one person can be black at any time? And will he do something to trigger him to black and me back to white?

I think it just happens , snap... .doesn't matter how many or who they are placed in black... what is the usual seen in your lives. 

Thanks for your time to read and respond

Ps... all the moves and passive agressive tactics are centered at hurting me... .because she knows where to hurt me...

[Whoad]

Thank you for such a great forum... I am currently in a relationship with uBPD dHPD woman. In the last 6 years I have been on the recieving end of the split. Each time I am returned to white.

However, her split is pretty drastic, she has her trigger, rejection or abandonment. She then plots a move to another man in another state and she then gathers the kids regardless of their needs and moves.  All in secret. Lots of subterfuge, elaborate lies.

Then after she arrives she makes excuse for her move, or projects, the bad of whom it is... me , or that she is making a grand new start. Blasting a fantasy that she is great mom to make thing work with her ex husband, or now to try a new man... Usually in fantasy mode people who don't know her see as positive and support, we the family see it as trouble for her, kids, and the disaster the will unfold... she has been so stable here, says her family, the most stable she has ever been.

The first time she did this to me - it ended in tragedy for her oldest. Black Lasted 62 days from onset of silent treatment. I was unaware she had something wrong with her emotions... I became the rescuer...

 6 yrs went by no issues--the second time she made a go with an ex she says... .that was a huge move and huge deceptions, and lots of lies. Ended when I was split white by unknown reason. Black for 79 days from Silent treatment.

This time split black, in less than week and preplanning was a week to run to guy she had met on the internet and texted a total of 25 times before I realized what was happening. She distanced me emotionally, called me cling, needy, and I was far from it, I had unfortunately denied a special moment time for us. --that day she texted this guy... I researched him once I saw my phone bill and he was never mentioned in the six years I have known her, and no one else knew him... I recognize the signs now... 3rd time charm.

So I'm currently in Black... my family asked if he was placed in White even though she had no idea who he is or was. They asked me if more than one person can be black at any time? And will he do something to trigger him to black and me back to white?

I think it just happens , snap... .doesn't matter how many or who they are placed in black... what is the usual seen in your lives. 

Thanks for your time to read and respond

Ps... all the moves and passive agressive tactics are centered at hurting me... .because she knows where to hurt me...

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Whoad,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're split black, I can relate with that, I've been split black far longer than a couple of months. The last time was a couple of years. You know a lot about splitting, you probably already know that it helps to read as much as you can about the disorder, it will help with normalizing it and depersonalizing the behaviours, it's something that a pwBPD are going through, it's not personal. If you think about it, a pwBPD split the people that they care about most.

You'll find the lessons on the right side of the board  I'm glad that you d cider to join us, many of us can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. You're not alone.

[Whoad]

Hi Whoad,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily... .it will help with normalizing it and depersonalizing the behaviours, it's something that a pwBPD are going through, it's not personal. If you think about it, a pwBPD split the people that they care about most.

You'll find the lessons on the right side of the board

Thank you, and yes. I will utilize that... it's good to know that they split the people they care the most about... I'm trying to take all personalizing away from it, and be non reactive... just learn and be prepared for me... hope they will be safe during this episode. It strikes me odd that they endanger themselves when they are afraid of the world and rejection and abandonment. 

[Whoad]

Well, I have spent the weekend reading, watching videos, re reading, and scouring everything I can from this site...

I need to work on empathy, and reflective listening skills, and at this point patience.

I am confused about her actions so far... I don't want to go into the details of all that has happened... but when she left, she lied about her trip, she lied to her kids... she left to punish me... she threatened me if I contacted her.

She is making wierder decisions, 

1) she tells her dad what state she is in. Wednesday
2) she then tells Aunt- Wednesday what state ---whom admonished her severely whom later ask where to send gifts --she wants to know where she went. (Unfriended aunt) now black
 
3) she posts on site the town and state location of where she is (only I can see it )

4 ) then she emails the other. Aunt ( whom is usually split black. Bad blood  between her ) gives her new phone number and the mailing address
 4a . This aunt and I talk a lot. She knows that we talk...
        We are well grounded and get along. But we only talk when she does this split and run thing...

5) today she tells her dad what town she is in...

I mean this is weird stuff. 

Classic stuff-- slighted by rejection, makes an elaborate plan to leave, lies and lies, to execute plan, runs/leaves to another man, this time a complete stranger, whom moved her in with him... they talked about 3 days total... he has two boys likely not in his custody.  She then isolates me by silence, tells family lies and projection, and all to get agreement what she has done... no one ever agrees with her...

She then uses social media, Facebook to garner support... and other passive aggressive methods to hurt me with pics of him and her... all fake photos...
 (children have become invisible)
( we have not seen the activity we have on past episodes it has been very quiet with her almost like she is ashamed to let the world  know what she has done to us and her kids... )

Then at some point a charm, and there  will sometimes be a circular argument etc... ( I bail on those, I don't involve my feelings, and use medium chill, I  will begin empathy next time ) then she split white and then a rescue happens 
it takes about 2 -3 months...  

I hate it... just be mad at home... I wish the kids were here...   I never get silent treatment at home... .it's always when she takes off into her new fantasy world we call it...

Sorry for jumping off a bit...

[Mutt]

Hi Whoad,

It's your discussion, you can talk about whatever you feel like. I couldn't help but notice a theme impulsitivity. She's been more impulsive lately?

[Whoad]

Yes, seems to be a standard. Her life has signs of impulsive actions all over... I cannot believe she has never been in jail, in the past, however when she is highly stresssed like this last time... I think was combination of very very bad day at work, my lack of inattentive intimacy she needed... (I was withdrawn for totally unrelated reasons and blew her off) she contacted this new guy that afternoon and within 8 days she had planned, plotted , and executed this stupid move to punish me... I'm glad it's not drugs or alcohol...

Perfect storm. I guess... stupid reasons but with emotional reactions like this and no way to work it out. I am here in black... but it's my time, I can go ride,  go fishing,  do what I want. A vacation of sorts.though I'm utilizing a lot of it, to help me and the family... I love them so much...  

[Whoad]

Having a bit of confusion with all I am learning.

I will give an examples of behavior I know... is it deregulation or disassociation.

From the time then person makes decision and becoming emotionally and physically distance... Cold shoulder

The nasty I can't deal with this blah blah blah lies and justifications. text or email

The ideation that leaving your loved ones for a man you met on the internet within 11 days and moving your kids and think it will work?

Telling dad where your at- state only
Then tellin another family member- state only
Several days later. --Then placing information on your social info where only  I can see it... city and state.
A few more days later--Then telling another family member your address and phone number
Then telling your father only the town and state you are in... ( all combined)

I have difficulty figuring out what is what by definition... because in my opinion this is all disassociation of reality to a fantasy life on impulse emotional driven fear of rejection or  mask or bury the hurt of a rejection or abdonment trigger.   

Actions include: Which will include silent treatment ( why) , moving away, then passive agressive attacks, from social media, isolation of family and kids from me... then  charming then charming then split to white... need of me rescuer.

anyone ? I need clarification for my own thoughts...

[Whoad]

Her aunt called her yesterday. She spoke to the daughter and the daughter could not talk openly... but she is  distressed.  Auntie then had daughter leave the room, and then she laid hardcore into my BPDso... she had her crying on the phone, things discussed where her decision making, right v wrong, teaching lying, deceit, etc... she didn't let up. I didn't  intend this to happen to her, but that's the choice of the aunt. It make sense why I was attacked passive aggressively on a app.

My BPDso apparently called her grandmother tonight, she messaged me she was contacted by her and asked me if I was ok... I will speak to her guarded -- I believe she is on my side, as she was the last time... but I'm not sure... I believe my BPDso is looking for validation of her actions--though deeply she knows she was wrong... (if you weren't wrong why hide it... but it is what it is... )

I hope family on her side is not making it worse... the two aunts believe she is spiraling down, coming to terms... I don't know... pray for us.

[Whoad]

I'm 23 days into the Silent treatment, no contact by her, either, text, email, phone call, anything... also being split, "black" - hate this... I have not let my feelings be known, by any social media things she will surely monitor, as they do...

It sucks, I miss them all so very much. I know the kids are unhappy, via Aunts speaking with the kids. I don't dare make contact... I know she is miserable that's the disorder... I wish I knew what triggered this, but I cannot change it. I hope that my freinds and family are seeing the escalation as moving quicker to resolving her dynamic fight. I want them home... to begin the healing, to be empathetic, to be family.

Uggghh...

[Whoad]

So... I was thinking... uhhoohh

The lack of knowledge of what is happening down there, as opposed to changes she was doing last time she went to her other runaway location... is another form of passive aggressiveness.


 I hate this disorder.  I >~^}^~> hate it... it's not fair to have people have this...

She shared videos to her aunt... of the kids... still unhappy kids but having to put on a show nonetheless. But one Aunt can seem the videos but not the other.

I'm struggling now... I want to react, I want to talk, but it would be fruitless... it would do me more harm. 

Grrrr

[Whoad]

  I'm a bit concerned-- I was looking at her pictures she posted in the last few weeks, those she purposefully places. She looks sick... like my question is this "normal" that they become to look deIsheveled, thin, hair looks flat, she does look so off, crazy eyed...  

I have seen my fair share of mental illness due to my old job... this is not like last time... last time she gained weight...

Not sure what to think...

[Auspicious]

You really can't know what's going on, without being there. it's hard, because you care about her

[Whoad]

Well, her uncle and I spoke... he called me...

He has full access to her FB and tons of projection about how happy her kids are etc... so sad... he called it "fake news". He was worried about the kids.

He doesn't understand the full gamut of her disordered thinking. I tried my best to explain, he said she has talked to him, and projected " told"  to him. This and that and bunch of garbage... some of it smear and some of it just outright lies... she was justifying everything she did.

It's hard to hear him say what he says.  But he stated she has always been a liar even when she was little...

He is a different duck, I love him... but it was like talking through a mask, he's scattered brain... he has some PTSD and cannabis issue...

[Whoad]

 Well today I took time for myself and I went out and did some exercise and I posted it on my app and I went and check my app a little while ago to check and make sure the calorie count was correct. It was not... I adjusted it...   and then I rechecked. I then checked my BPD  diary while I was there to see what she's up to and lo and behold she put down that she had sex --eggplant emoticon... I know it's an attack against me and it really pisses me off and it's I'm thinking it's projection - or and or truth...

 What's funny --odd is in the last 25 days there's never been an emoticon for sex on there for excercise at all until today-after I posted my exercise. So it makes me wonder if this is an pain attack because I'm out doing my life and enjoying my life she's not around to enjoy it with me so she has to do something to make me hurt.   

The last time she ran off to her ex/husband. There was none of that emoticon stuff before nor mention of sex...

what are your thoughts . Please help me... I can do:

1) react and fall into her trap, contact her and argue and JADE ( she doesn't know I know her number and I can email)  Not a smart move

2) react and drop her off my freinds list for the app.  ( reaction shows I saw it and she gets a reaction ) ohh she hurt me

3) nothing as if it never was seen and enter my stuff only.

[Whoad]

So while I was attending to my needs... on Tuesday --my pwBPD contacted the freind she lied to and is my freind... he is pissed off at her... I didn't see him till today... she told him Tuesday, that her and the kids are ok and and not to worry about them. She hope that his family is ok and doing well.

He could give two flying monkeys that she contacted him... at the same day she attacks aunts... about her kids happiness. We don't understand why she would contact him... .he has no idea either... ideas.

Temperature testing for return, flying monkey message delivery?  I am supposed to ascertain and contact  her  "why would you say your safe and ok?"   

Today she loses another aunt and cousin off Facebook... we are waiting to hear what that was about, as they are pretty neutral and let her slide on most everything... confused ...

[Whoad]

Today she loses another aunt and cousin off Facebook... we are waiting to hear what that was about, as they are pretty neutral and let her slide on most everything... confused

Well they contacted me, and go what is going on, we see she pulled her crap... I said yeah... I asked if they had any contact with her. They said nope. They haven't commented, called, spoke to her, IM --nothing... So we assume she is having a fit, her aunts have blocked her, and so she attacks other family... (not me)

We think the IM to my friend was a charming attempt... There is no reason to tell people you are ok and fine, and act nothing like was going on... when they didn't ask for it...

   that was a bait. For me to call and ask why she would say things like that if they were ok... ( I'm not supposed to contact her... remember she would call the authorities) I have not  done a dang thing...

I'm not supposed to know where you are, have your number or know the address where your staying... so why give it out... to those will talk to me

 Sorry girl, he's done with you... burned bridge...

What's on your mind... dear.

[Whoad]

Well-- my PD person only had a hissy fit... shes mad at the mother side of the family as they don't care about her needs and wants... blah blah blah--they have all blocked her so now she unfriended more family... that's what that was about...

Her dad, saw the posts and tried to correct her projections of her rage... I don't know how that turned out but... we can assume not good...

 The family is done, dad is done, uncle is done, though they will watch for dangerous activity.

No one but me will take her in- ever.☹️.

 The females in the family are done completely... my side of family not even involved-- I don't talk to anyone but once a while... they have their lives I have mine... been that way for years. Visit when we can or passing through towns... but that's it...

Her dad is not well... he's back taking his med for bipolar... He knows where the entire family stands... Also where I stand with her and the kids. So we all wait and see... she has burned her bridges...

[Whoad]

Update... nothing... no contact, no texts, no emails, nada... it's quiet, I even went through her photos on Facebook that are visible... no changes... all social media, no changes directed at me... not wanting them but at the same time... ughh

I know I will eventually be split white... it's the disorder, I'm in ST and I hate it... if I use the information that she provided to the Aunt to contact , that she purposely gave.  It would just enrage her.

I'm reading "Loving Someone with BPD" by manning phd... it has some great insight, but if she is choosing this no contact thing, I see no way to validate till she makes first contact again., I'm frustrated -- 38 days ST. This is bull...

I read about them having slow return to baseline but come on...

[WhataLife]

Update... nothing... no contact, no texts, no emails, nada... it's quiet, I even went through her photos on Facebook that are visible... no changes... all social media, no changes directed at me... not wanting them but at the same time... ughh

I know I will eventually be split white... it's the disorder, I'm in ST and I hate it... if I use the information that she provided to the Aunt to contact , that she purposely gave.  It would just enrage her.

I'm reading "Loving Someone with BPD" by manning phd... it has some great insight, but if she is choosing this no contact thing, I see no way to validate till she makes first contact again., I'm frustrated -- 38 days ST. This is bull...

I read about them having slow return to baseline but come on...

I am new here, and don't mean to interject, but isn't there some legal custody you could bring in to the picture to ensure you get to see the kids?  How is she allowed to just take your kids and go? 

Sorry if I missed something.  Keep working out and do what makes you feel good in the meantime. 

Silent Treatment is for the birds! 

[Whoad]

I am new here, and don't mean to interject, but isn't there some legal custody you could bring in to the picture to ensure you get to see the kids?  How is she allowed to just take your kids and go? 

Sorry if I missed something.  Keep working out and do what makes you feel good in the meantime. 

Silent Treatment is for the birds! 

Yes, it is for the craps... not my kids... as with Her life she had three kids with three different men,  hmmm sexual impulsivity... one child her oldest, was removed from my home and she went to her father. The reason. She was d reactive attachment disorder.  She was nightmare and scared us all...

I wonder how she got that-- with a BPD mother... I wish saw that coming...

As for legal remedies, we are seeking solutions so she can't abruptly take them... the Aunts are documenting it all as well as me... I will seek educational and medical guardianship... that's the most I can hope for... none of the other father are involved... one says he wants but actions are better than words...

[Whoad]

Weirdness... I was dealing with a phone call from a friend, nothing to do with my BPDso and I had feeling something was up... I checked her Instagram and she had removed the photo of him and her and about 30 min later she placed it back, but had deleted a number of her posts.about 30.  I do not know which... but she also unfollowed 5 people... I had weird feelings -(gut butterflies)  last evening as well.

When she begins to do this at least I have recognized that she hiding or deleting activities, freinds, etc...

tomorrow she receives her pay from the govt... she has a car, it would be opportunity to head back home- has gas/food money. do I think it will happen --don't know... her dad stated the last post on Facebook as of yesterday was her stating on Monday  they had a pool to themselves... no knew posts that he can see.

Her MO, is to up and leave.  I'm  Confused.

[WhataLife]

Weirdness... I was dealing with a phone call from a friend, nothing to do with my BPDso and I had feeling something was up... I checked her Instagram and she had removed the photo of him and her and about 30 min later she placed it back, but had deleted a number of her posts.about 30.  I do not know which... but she also unfollowed 5 people... I had weird feelings -(gut butterflies)  last evening as well.

When she begins to do this at least I have recognized that she hiding or deleting activities, freinds, etc...

tomorrow she receives her pay from the govt... she has a car, it would be opportunity to head back home- has gas/food money. do I think it will happen --don't know... her dad stated the last post on Facebook as of yesterday was her stating on Monday  they had a pool to themselves... no knew posts that he can see.

Her MO, is to up and leave.  I'm  Confused.

Whoad,

You are probably completely out of energy due to the "pins and needles" she keeps you on.

My unprofessional advise, is to completely forget about her daily activities.  Get into some new physical hobbies, take up martial arts or boxing training.  Something, anything, to keep your mind occupied 100%.  Get a second job. 

You are going to kill yourself with the constant wonderings.

i know when my first ex was cheating on me, I would monitor her Myspace page and messenger etc etc.  It was brutal.  I would see that she was with her BF and then my heart would tumble.  It was impossible to even breathe at times.  I remember falling on my face in my room, weeping uncontrollably and begging for it to stop at one point.  After that, I made a choice to not let her get to me, and we eventually divorced rightfully so.  I've always kept myself busy with other tasks when running into difficulties in relationships since then.  Right or wrong, keep your mind occupied and busy to stay sane!

Keep up the good fight!

[Whoad]

No, not out of energy. Taking care of myself and dealing with it... as it is what is... .a disorder...

It was a fluke, and I have plenty on my plate... I do have outside activities to burn those times out... I appreacite the concern... I learned my lesson last ime it happened... I too watched and watched... I learned though that is her MO her go to... indirect attacks, passive agressive, she admitted the last time was to make me pay attention to her, and I asked why, you won't let me contact you, does that make any sense at all. She said no... I said what do you want me to do stalk you? She smile and shook her head no. Crazy talk there...

I am also keeping busy. I have a dozen other projects working, double checking other work... etc... .I'm good --though the ST sucks...

[Whoad]

Yesterday was a very difficult day. I was hoping that my pwBPD would be tired of living with a strange guy, and dealing with all the stresses that are present down there.  She would have been paid by the govt. her finances would allow her to drive home... alas. No such luck.

It was quiet ... no attacks all week, no posts that anybody who could see were new. A massive shakeup on her Instagram account on Thursday. 20 some posts deleted, what I don't know... but I felt it was not attack at me... as I'm not following... refuse to give her the forum...

So when I saw a post on her other social media platform that I'm active on, about "church food ideas" I was crushed... I was like
1) you never have gone to church here. You find reasons not to go
2) episode TX - you went to church twice and was uncomfortable and refused to go afterwards.
3) I think your church thing is just a passive aggressive attack, not only that based on your history of acquisitions ( you use the church to further your needs- not anyone else's) you play the victim.
4) you hate groups of people because people see thru your stuff...

So she is digging in her heels. Why? Because I don't respond to passive aggressive attacks,  what would I respond to  and how... ?  You told me you would call authorities, so with that threat you get what you want. Zilch

You give all the info to contact you to the aunt you know I talk to, but you hate... catch 22 ... you know I know your new number and your address... you wait a whole month to change the forwarding... what the heck...

I know you are leaving me as the out. Every possession you own except the clothes in your suitcase is here... if you were finished you would cancel me out of your life, but your PD ... so despite projections, and lies to others, and to him, and to your kids you play this dangerous game. The minute you get rejected you attack those people.

I'm angry with you with every right... angry that you have disorder that takes you away from having a real life. A disorder that has taken one of your children from you with RAD. I wish I saw that earlier. The state was right your unfit. You bull___ted them...  

I'm angry because I did nothing to you that I think back, just as you project your crap my direction stating you felt smothered, trapped, etc... .you had so many opportunities to do as much as you want or little as you want... no one tells you what to do with your life-I never did... I was happy as we were...

You don't talk about your feelings --you run from the very person whom will listen.   I hate that the most...

I have been patient these so many days of silent treatment without a text, call, a charm. Just passive aggressive crap on media... your flying monkey are now limited... but you effectively separated me from a colleague due to your smear and recruitment. 

 I screamed and yelled and cried for 1/2 hr last nite because I'm frustrated. I had to vent.

I have been told if I don't know what to do, do nothing... if I act out of anger, I know that the results will be not productive... reacting from an emotional level is why you are doing what you do...

Going NC or Blocking you out of my life, i.e. Facebook Instagram, etc... --you unfollowed me... my settings keep you from looking... so blocking you would do nothing but exclaim "I'm done I reject you."   ( I don't reject you, as I know how that feels. --I love you) I want you... I have wanted you all my life with all of your faults and greatness... because when you are normal... your my 1/2. 

When your like this- I hate to say it... your a. $&/. Selfish, one minded, mean, hateful, cruel, all directed at me... for what ? Just once I wish you could feel what you do to me... at your emotional level it would crush you... that's the angry me.

I can't practice anything I learn because you are not here.

I want to talk to your ex... and compare notes. I want him to take your son, and raise him in a loving environment because what you have done is not loving. You threaten him with abandonment to his father, to get compliance because he is unhappy with what you have done. Your a monster. No better than your mother.
 
I'm sad that I cannot practice or work on us, because you leave... i can work on me. But you... .what is your expectation.

This letter/ slash post is for my benefit as I need place to do this... I'm sure it will be helpful to others whom may have feelings/ thought similar to mine... I'm sure would never say this directly to her face.


 

[Auspicious]

Whoad-

She's going to do whatever she's going to do. You can't make her do anything different. You can wish she did things differently, and I don't blame you, but you have no control over what she does at all.

What you do have control over is yourself. Assume for a moment that she is never coming back (it's possible, right?). As painful as the fact may be, you have no way of knowing if she will or not.

So - what can you do to make things better for you?

You can't make anything worse by figuring out how to steer your own ship, right?  

[Whoad]

Exactly... she will do as she wishes...

My ship is sailing like last time, doing things I want, getting life's chores done... I keep track of her online weirdness, it gives me a bit of knowledge in her wierd crazy...

Currently her "church" deal is now including pinning dresses for church... at 3 am...

1) she won't go to church unless it's part of her chameleonism to blend in with him... ( did it with her husband as well last time)
2) hmm what money... she pinned stuff last episode that was very nice clothes, and skinny figure women... uhh she gained weight due to depression
3) 3 am -- that's  the clue! that means no sleep, anxiety, mind running fast, $$$, all the stressors,  and why am I not responding to her attacks. Does he care, does he not care, what is he doing etc...

Still in silent treatment --

[Whoad]

Well changes occurred in some ways passive aggressive and others a more positive note...

She changed a profile photo... to mirror selfie, put diamond ring (grandmothers) on her right hand looks really small ... and then presented a smile... uh. Wrong finger hand... 1.  Then the look... such a sad smile, no life in it. Eyes look sad, redness in face cheeks, and chin, no dimples or wrinkle where they usually are when she smiles. My friend says she stressed, so does another, and the aunt says she is sad very sad.

On the positive side. Sort of... she had new friend a local on her Facebook, a person whom I confided secretly to about the last time... she started working in the same business and they got to know each other, the concern lies with whether what was talked about remained quiet with her. I have no reason to believe it didn't... but we know how charming PD can be. I didn't spend as much time talking to her this time around as she works at the business, and I'm certain a smear campaign was made... the way they treat me is like crap... small group clique rumors... etc... she also became more distant...

So I'm not sure. Getting locals back in her fold and work freinds is a good sign since she cut everyone out... I checked the freinds Facebook several times throughput this and she was not freinds that I knew of... her freinds list was open... awhile back...

So wait and see. Still in ST

[Whoad]

Wow... a lot to take in today...

Learned from aunt why she was so upset my PwPD and they wrote her off and blocked her.

The aunt learned from her grandniece, that PwPD told her daughter the reason they left me. Paraphrase' being with me puts them all at risk of losing the family unit, They will be taken away." It was way worse ...

I'm sick... so hurt... that she would use me as weapon to get compliance for them to do what she wants while she is down there, and not cause waves, but then interjects when they are unhappy they maybe they will come back here to get their toys...

I'm hurt... I'm shaking my head... .I just can't believe it...

She will have to justify with her kids a reason to come home, and eliminate that fear, she will have to justify whatever smear tactic where she's worked to try to work... if she even does that.  What did she tell this guy in order for him to take her in? My head is spinning. It's all justification and reacting to emotions because her daughter called her out. Ughhh...

God this hurts so much. it's no wonder I have not received any contact,  that lie was powerful... so psychologically damaging. It also goes counter productive to what they know, have felt and seen.

Wow over the top...  

[Whoad]

Well she replaced her photo IG... I wasn't looking as I was talking on the phone, but my sense kicked in that something was up. So I looked at her account, yup-- she attacked again, a photo of her and him in posed kiss selfie...

I'm not even mad... it's comical. I realize that in order to convince a man to move her and her kids in, she had to compromise herself. Sex, had to happen. She lies and manipulate him... she lied to her kids... she lied to everyone.

So. Who cares... it's just another attack, another attempt to hurt me or make me apologize for what slight she sees I  committed against  her. She chooses to make me hurt... I get it. But I'm not angry at her.  I'm sad, for her, and what she does to herself, and what she does to her kids. This is just much more of the same attacks, hate, blackness... it is what it is-- her acting out based on her feelings and emotions that are not normal to us... I hope for her sake it ends peacefully and not in a domestic...

[Whoad]

Within 20 hrs she removed the photo of him and her kissing. She replaced with the 1st picture of her and him...

I wonder if she thought she took it too far... yeah you did.

I wonder when my first h o o v e r will happen.

I miss them, I worry about them, and the same time I'm so pissed at her. I love her and I love the kids. Gaaawwd...

My life sucks...   I know, yes I feel depressed, and it's hard... my therapist saw it too. I'm trying to focus on my stuff, but days it's hard on certain days.