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Author Topic: Black and white question and a bit of background  (Read 1154 times)
Whoad
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« Reply #30 on: August 10, 2017, 09:14:45 AM »

 Bullet: completed (click to insert in post) I'm having a bad morning... I'm still in silent treatment. Haven't heard from her.--no text, no call, no email...

 I few a memes she posted  in Pinterest about love the other day, and he's not follower, so I can't figure if they are  knifing me more (PA attack)or for me to see in attempt to make contact ( no win) to or her way of lettting me know she loves me- ( win win)

she changed that photo of them two kissing to one of just her and her weight loss... ( I see as positive) incidentally  as passive aggressive post of 1/2 pic her with ring on her finger, it was a weight loss picture. (+).

I know it nots over till I'm split white.

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Whoad
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« Reply #31 on: August 17, 2017, 11:36:56 PM »

 A email from her Monday, about Schwan account.  Not in my name... it was canceled then reinstated... she sent me an email telling me to change the email address... and the account was an email sent out by the company... .my friend got the same email... so BS.

Uhhh... not my account not my email and I never signed up... 1) I can't change it 2) no intention to change it. This was a clear h o o v e r /charm... I want her to make contact over things that matter, but at least the silent treatment sort of ended.  

She deleted an uncle off Facebook for whatever reason, Tuesday- he is not even sure why? She is having problems with her daughter, whom faking sick to not go to school. Do I blame her nope. Kids are suffering from depression and are miserable. The Uncle said the little girl looked like she wants to collapse in tears.

That would be the reason the charm happened... he also stated that all pictures he sees and comments she made to him, her boyfriend drinks his multiple beers and  cleans his guns every night.and has more than 5 guns--this a man with alcoholism and possible NPD, and PTSD, and convicted violence charge where as his domestic violence with weapon was dismissed for plea agreement... what the hell is wrong with courts...

So I sit in limbo... waiting for the next-charm or oncoming disaster.

 She is really burning bridges with family... no aunts or uncles on mom side, she has her dads side now. I'm sad for all this to be happening.


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Whoad
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« Reply #32 on: August 25, 2017, 01:27:43 AM »

 She changed her status on our Facebook pages now she's engaged to this guy.
 Which I believe is an attempt to get me to react to her- The situation down there which I don't think it's positive. She wants me I believe to contact her because she will not contact me for whatever reason i.e. because of shame or guilt or whatever-  but I'm having a big problem right now trying to figure out why somebody who is so afraid of being rejected or abandoned is doing everything in her possible power  to push me to the limit to Throw in  the towel and discard her for her life:  she can get engaged but she is still married to her first husband who she refuses to get divorced from I'm at a loss I've offered to pay for her divorce for six years and she refuses to do it. I believe that her doing this "engagement" right now is to get me to react so she can have a conversation with me for whatever reason. I have no idea what's going on in her  head --I am  so confused -  I don't know what to do, to react, block, ignore, call, email text... I am at loss... I know the disorder, she will split me white. She will want to come home. All I want is a positive text, a call, a positive charm, anything to get dialogue going.  I have not spoken to her, texted her, since the day she left, and wrote me a nasty text. I have done nothing. I have not rejected her nor abandoned her, I simply have not contacted her per her text.

I am truly hurting, but I believe I'm a right, this is a attack for reaction, to make contact... am I right or wrong. Somebody please help me come to some answers...
ughhh
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« Reply #33 on: August 29, 2017, 08:22:22 AM »

Ok so here is what's going on...

The engaged part... apparently 3-4 weeks ago she told her uncle she was engaged. Well he never told me, and she did not put on the web. Then she put the "in a relationship"  status up then "engaged", and sent the email... a charm .

 I refused to acknowledge it. She then dropped her uncle off of Facebook.

This last week, then when I did respond to her email by my friend prodding stating it was ok to process it out... .I simply stated the account is not mine and I'm unable to change. I am going to such and such funeral.

4 hrs go by, she responds in some what weirdness of concern, and then do or don't give the family my condolences.  (Really)

Then she adds the uncle back- weird.

The following day, I warned family to not call her and they did anyway, lasted five minutes. She was manic, stuttering, and stressed out. Her kids are not doing homework, they are lying, using cuss words at her,  at school, being physically defiant, refusing to go to school, to the point they resist  mom physically and create a huge scene. It is really bad I hear. The boy who loves school, reads all the time, has straight A, and a model student and model kid... is acting out... (wonder why) the daughter has been faking sick, and passively making attempt to avoid school. Neither are doing homework.  Well when the family member brought up they did this the last time ran off and went to TX they did the same thing. The family said don't you think they are scared and terrified about what has happened to them. Well the member was hung up on.

Then over about 3 pg text tirade several hours later and multiple f bombs delivered, the family member said enough. She blocked my PwBPD on the phone in mid text... blocked her from home phone... this member has always been there for Her... her uncle now is fed up... he refuses to be flying monkey.

Well Sunday, my PwBPD changed her Facebook again... she eliminated the location, and then status of her relationship in fact there is no status.  Just where she was born and what she did as a job... ( positive signs? Of a flip, )

I know from my conversations with my PwBPD that when she was in the throes her stress level in Tx reached all sorts of highs, she was stuttering, and not sleeping, diarrhea, etc... .high anxiety levels... etc... well I believe she is at this point.

I can't be certain, but I think the end is near. I have decided though if she follows through with marrying this person, I'm done. do I think it will happen, no. She is still married and her husband whom despite my, money, time, effort to get her divorce so we could move forward... what makes me think it will happen in two months... I may be wrong, but indications from her husband on what I see of his social media, shows the status qou.

I see it now and see it from the other perspective. I radically accept what I see, I understand the wounds she suffering from. It's sad, I'm not taking it personal, but I won't treat her with fragility. I hope this episode is a turning point. I hope it ends soon. The ebook also mentions in high stress and anxiety and the core wounding is when they act out or in... I hope this is over.  

She from my viewpoint has few options...

Money will be the issue--she has to have money to drive back--she get paid at end of the month... she can pawn off the engagement ring, she can do just about what ever she wants... she has no credit cards, bad credit,  and no job. Just disability it ain't much. So we shall see.

1) take a chance I will take her back, drive back, leaving him either angry or relieved- not letting me know --to confront me  head on like nothing happened (lovebomb) ( her mo usually is to leave without notice or fake a vacation or send the target away so she leave unmolested)
2) she will attempt to leave and if he is NPD with alcohol and control issues, it might get ugly... cops, cps, etc... .tragedy chaos etc... she will call or she will just call like last time .  
3) she leave then call halfway needing assistance. (Not likely no safety net)
4) or just keep torturing herself and the kids.


It is a disorder and i' ve been split black two months ago, I will be split white.
When I'm split white she will come back. Please pray for them regardless, those kids are in hell.  
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« Reply #34 on: September 03, 2017, 10:38:14 AM »

Well, yesterday I received another Charm, a request or question...

She wanted to know if I was open to sending her and the kids property to her, and she would repay for shipping- ( yeah right)  she tried that question last time and I simply told her I would keep her stuff as is, because I love her.  The first time she denied me and was nasty. I ignored it, and then several weeks later she asked again. I replied the same way and she flipped me white...

Well I sent the same reply this morning- not knowing the outcome. Her response was( I was being ridiculous and delusional. I am not coming back at all.) 

-- so I'm still in black... oh well.

Interesting word usage... ( I am not mentally ill, and she projects that at me, and negates a sentence of her returning, she has said that before as well. )

 I understand that I am still being punished and know technically it's not me. I did not do anything that I recognize.  I also understand she is reaching out to test me, to fulfill a supply not being met. All part of the disorder.

So I wait... the stress will increase, her children will be increasingly worse, it will come to head... she has been reaching out to people in Our area, adding them back, and lying about stuff. She is not ready but getting close... e
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« Reply #35 on: September 06, 2017, 01:02:46 PM »

Having a difficult day...     I was relieved when she pulled her photos of him and her off the social media, it was like yeah... She has since removed her engagement, her relationship status, and her location.

still in black but yeah...

She put a  selfie  up, and to be honest she doesn't look  that great... her outfit was yuck... I have looked at his exs photos and it is wierd... my BPd is dressing. And looking like his ex... it is not whom I have known for 7 years

 I have no idea what is up , other than few charms she has sent to fill her contact to me  need.

 Her last email response this weekend to my answering her question about me sending her property was interesting...

Question was if I would be open to sending her some property if she paid me back?  I told her I would  let things be  as they are because I love you.

 In her words -- I am delusional and ridiculous. i am not coming back at all.

Well there is "always/never " in that. Absolutes. -go figure... the delusional and ridiculous is likely her projection of feelings because why should anyone love her after what she has been doing.

I never asked her to come back-- she didn't tell me she didn't  love me.

She knew the answer to that property  question before she asked. She asked it in the last episode and received that same answer. Her charm was simply to gauge my feelings.

Today she tagged her "supply" in cutesy meme that our friend posted.  Her friend is definitely a flying monkey I think and  it hurt... but I know in the end I will be split white and she will look for her knight. I understand the wound of her inner child and missing identity of herself. I understand she does this to punish me.

 This episode is longer than the last, and the silent treatment was way longer than the past. I hope she returns to baseline soon... She is changing her social media to be about her, and she is changing her hair color, etc... that part is of her M.O. When she is seeking attention.

Picture of the kids have been rare... her son is all but invisible... no mention of him, other than when he is trouble... ( this poor kid is scapegoated all the time when this happens) her daughter looked horrible and distressed, and skinny beyond what I thought would be ok... she indeed looked like she was crying.

But since they are not my kids.i have no voice for them. I can only hope that the change comes soon. She still leaves every door open, whereas she hammers the rest of the family doors shut.

Pray for them... pray for the kids.




 


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« Reply #36 on: September 09, 2017, 03:06:26 PM »

Well another dry day... she has done some pictures changes. One actually looks likes she is saying she is sorry by looking up -like a puss in boots look... she told her father she was not coming to see him, hence "supply" won't be able to ask dad for approval, dad actually said it was not going to happen, he knows his daughter is playing a game.

Finally a picture of her son was posted, he was playing on iPhone, and seemed pretty angry  in facial expression at the moment, he is angry deep... he also look annoyed his mother took a pic of him... she was being nostalgic... so now I see only two pics of kids, and they are unhappy... BPD heartstrings being pulled, maybe.

He will be very good looking kid. Good for him.
Her daughter is beautiful, and has old soul, and I feel so sorry for her, I know she is deeply hurting.

I have no idea what her mom is up to with so many pic changes of herself, bragging about letting her grow to natural color, then she dyes it... the comments/likes are not numerically high as they used to be.  She was very active yesterday from freinds of freinds, and one is sharing memes, of suicide dry humor, being called pieces of crap and judgement... who knows whom they are meant for.

It has been a week since the last charm... she knows how I feel, she knows I won't send her or the kids property. This is home. This is our home and she knows if anything happens to me, it goes to her. I decided that years ago before all the crazy making. The kids say we want to go home, not my house -but home...

I'm a really good man, a gentle man, an educated man, filled with common sense, and the abilities to help others, and know when to say when.

Today when there is little or no activity I get concerned and wonder.  When will white come, when will I be idealized again, so we can work on the next chapter of our lives.

This episode -along with the job loss stress I suffered in April by two nPD alcoholic boss/managers, has made me realize that yes, I hate change when it's not my idea, but in order for me to grow to be a better person for me, her, and the kids, that job loss maybe a blessing. Her leaving as push/pull BPD has made me realize as well, that her issue last time was not med related. But that she is truly disordered and that I have to rethink to rebuild. I have to gauge emotions, be empathetic, talk neutral in time of crisis.

We have verbally fought , but usually short lived and I can count on my both my hands those times. I was ignorant of her issues, rejection and abandonment, child core identity damage... etc... .

I am here, for her and the kids. She must work on her, I will be there for support for her, I will and have been working on me. I hope it is for something better to stop the running, silent treatment, the devaluation. It make take awhile but I have faith based on her own willingness to seek help. She recognizes it in the past, I hope she will in the future.

The last episode was shorter than this, she was already back... this time I think the severity of her core wound was deep, and the family pushed her hard, and she dug her heals in.

IRma will effect her family in FL and its own travels will head directly her direction. Will this be BPD catastrophe? Who knows. Waiting. Just waiting.
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« Reply #37 on: September 14, 2017, 11:14:04 AM »

Well it was all quiet no attacks, and then Monday I did some volunteer work, posted pics of the activity, and bam... she opens her pinterest boards that were previously blocked, and created a board for weddings.

Last month, she was in relationship--then engaged, then it all disappeared off Facebook. She received a response to a charm.  Now she is IMO using the same tactic, to get me to communicate... ( note she and her "supply" are now attending the LDS church... I have some biases on that... but leave them out, as they were my experiences as a child)

I'm not going to react. 

" Never reward negative behaviors"

She was online a lot his weekend due to Irma and family, in fact we were on messenger. I started a group video, she didn't catch it and complained about "all day" Sunday church and it interfered...

She commented that she missed it and put up a emoticon wink... She then complained to her family about her children getting up early everyday and then posted elsewhere emotional pics of sad or angry kids-- where I will see them... then in messenger posted happy "posed photos" where her family sees them. Serious emotional manipulation. The little girl had bags under eyes the size of pea pods.

She then complained about her daughters behavior lately in the store and having tantrums at 9 yrs old. things that direct me to react emotionally.  I have not reacted at all. Again emotional manipulation.

She also posted an amber alert on her FB page that occurred a whole state away. She has claimed in her childhood past she was freinds with an abductee and feeds off the fear, and uses it on her kids. Again emotional manipulation at me, to broadcast it isn't safe... she did that last episode.

Today she was going pin happy on wedding stuff.  I believe because she was unhappy I was doing what I want, where I want. I posted a pic on Instagram and right after the pins were popping up... I unfollowed the boards... she used engagement to get me to react to a charm I ignored, I ended up answering it... ( so she believes it will work again.)

I think she reacted to my pics and pulled the wedding card to make me hurt... it was interesting that all her old pins are there, and the newer board about husbands and love have been deleted or hidden.

Her action on the phone calls with family, indicates high anxiety, stress, and manic behaviors.

I feel she amping up, she is stressed, angry, looking for contact, kids are are being terrible, etc... any thoughts...


oh and changed her Pinterest and IG profile photos to him and her,  Prevoiusly they were removed after a charm... now back...

I get she is wounded hardcore. I will sit back and wait to see... the marriage thing... there are a lot of factors for them to overcome... LDS rules, her having to be divorced and that includes kids custody thing, all these take time and the LDS will be a year at least with all the rules they will have to abide by... ''tis not going to happen"... especially when I offered to pay for the divorce on multiple occasions, over 7 years... oh. The supply does not have Instagram nor Pinterest so he is not readily seeing this.  This is going to go very badly... I feel it...
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« Reply #38 on: September 27, 2017, 05:00:33 AM »

Well, the attacks continue... I have stopped looking at her Pinterest, I unfollowed all of her boards except food... she really is an awesome cook, and we loves the same foods... in a humorous note, she is coffee and addict, and her being LDS follower now has to be the most interesting thing to watch.

She has people watching me. I went a female freinds  to help her, place quilt blocks( there is no way of a relationship)— this residence is within line of sight of her old workplace.i was there 15 min... two changes of pics on her Facebook.one of her and the a background pic, of him and the kids. While I am there.

 ( get this the pic is from the when they first got to together) I can tell from clothes the kids are wearing... and precious pics two months ago.  ( nice try)

I really didn’t like the people she worked with. I felt in so many ways my previous career, affected those folks lives so much... they didn’t like me, as I was the authority that effected their actions. Anyway... 5 people there are on her freinds list.

I am at point, I don’t care. I miss them, I do want them back. But i’m Hurt. My confidants  and I agree my ignoring her attempts to inspire jealousy reactions, is futile and it is frustrating likely to her, her lastest pic indicates weight gain in the face. Her attacks are amping up. But I haven’t checked her Facebook in two days now... Pinterest all weekend. 

I see that the 101st is leaving for Puerto Rico... I believe her supply is/may be part of this deployment. If so, there is all likely hood, she runs away... because that is what she has done to her soon to be ex husband.

Will I allow her back, not sure, I welcome the kiddo’s, open arms... her—not sure yet... today at this moment no, I’m done.
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« Reply #39 on: November 16, 2017, 05:43:42 PM »

Can you update us... .what has happened here. Did you two get divorced and she got married?
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« Reply #40 on: November 16, 2017, 05:59:20 PM »

Can you update us... .what has happened here. Did you two get divorced and then she got married?

This is a really tough situation.

This may sting a little, but I don't think you want to read everthing she is doing to be done to you. Don't read too much into her Facebook profile photo changes.

Then at some point a charm, and there  will sometimes be a circular argument etc... ( I bail on those, I don't involve my feelings, and use medium chill, I  will begin empathy next time ) then she split white and then a rescue happens  
it takes about 2 -3 months...

The problem with recycling is that we start to normalize it. That is a mistake a lot of us made... .we think it will alsways resolve. We don't realize that each cycle is a further erosion of the relationship.

she changed that photo of them two kissing to one of just her and her weight loss... ( I see as positive) incidentally  as passive aggressive post of 1/2 pic her with ring on her finger, it was a weight loss picture. (+).

I know it nots over till I'm split white.

Technically its over when she marries another guy.

That relationship may fail. You two might rediscover each other. But, the old relationship is gone and it will help to accept that and let go of all the battling and games of the old relationship.

Right now she is married and you are an ex. It's a new ballgame. Being the ex who is hoping to rekindle a relationship with a partner who has recently married another man, is a long term deal.

Are you up fir that?
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« Reply #41 on: November 16, 2017, 07:46:25 PM »

So,... she finally got divorced a process I helped start, from the last episode.

We had been tight for 6 years... She was married the entire time to a man whom she had kid with- neither was filing, nor talking. She hated him... but not divorce him, claimed she wanted alimony, and child support. 

Anyway I set the boundary last year, if we are too continue. She must be divorced. For the kids sake and ours...

She set the ball in motion, and then never let me know what was going on... so then he filed July 7 while she was with this guy. Shen declares her engagement to the guy, 14 days after she’s left here. Then the mind games, posts, etc... .she could not marry him unless the divorce  was final, not only that he is Mormon and declared, he would not marry her unless she converted,  so time passed with Pinterest pins, of wedding plans, to goad me... all of this was atttaxka, like the last episode... I decide to ignore her attacks, and then she recruited uncle, to be go between, then she used and aunt whom she has no regard for... to pass the info.

She then gave Date it passed without her being married, though she played it off made a big deal, about pic looking she was married. It was son baptism pic... a week later...

Still not married and not divorced... then she got the divorce last week, told the aunt she was going to get married on Monday. Gave a week to let me know.

I didn’t think she would do it. She did it anyway. We had intended on being married, after all this waiting, it was the best way to hurt me. We had plans on CO or Canadian Rockies. But we could not until she was divorced.

This hurt me... really bad... I have not felt this hurt ever...

Her behaviors of stalking me as much as she had, and me not paying mind to it... trying to be cool... her amping up talk of memory of home, and weather here... led me to believe she was on verge of snapping white. But I was either arrogant to see  or make contact for some innocent reason.  A charm on my end... but she made a clear point in the beginning if I acted texted. She would use it against me. 

I am up for it... she used this marriage to hurt me... she convinced him to marry her despite a boundary she would convert first. Again. I have seen him smile in other pictures, he is not smiling and looks sick... she is smiling like Cheshire Cat.  So the divorce done and married in 7 days total.   Sham and manipulation it was...

Combat PTSD male is med transition with Alcoholism,  a BPD, whom is high anxiety with NPD and HPD  traits... put together and mass of drama, with unhappy uprooted kids, and all the stuff with failing finances is going to be very messy... I state he attempted to kill his wife last year and it was plead down to a misd, so not to effect his army service... this is bad. Real bad... that is what has happened... her marriage was an attack on me, “look I married someone else” ... ughh

A divorce is easy... they will not have kids, maninly finances jointly... but that’s the extent...

When she eliminates you, it is permanent and she blocks, and never contacts you again.
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« Reply #42 on: November 16, 2017, 07:55:54 PM »

A divorce is easy... they will not have kids, maninly finances jointly... but that’s the extent...

When she eliminates you, it is permanent and she blocks, and never contacts you again.

OK, so last week she divorced her husband (from prior to your relationship) and married a new guy... .and you're thinking she married the new guy mostly to hurt you AND that she is not done with your relationship because she has contacted you twice since June 19th with you regarding the return of some of her personal property and to resolve something on a financial account. These contacts were "hoovers" (to use your word).

Is this about right?

What is a "hoover"?  I saw this in urban dictionary. Does this definition fit with your situation?
https://goo.gl/ryUd2E

Was there ongoing conflict in your relationship? What did you guys fight about most of the time.
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« Reply #43 on: November 16, 2017, 08:43:03 PM »

Yes, that is what I found a charm to be... maybe I’m wrong, but she used all the same tactics before...

And there was no fights, none. I never left the house mad. She never yells at me till the day before she left, when I asked her if I could go with on her vacation... she blew a gasket I had never seen the likes of. Likely fearful her plans of leaving were threatened.

We got along so well for the last 6 yrs... that’s what blew me into wierdville.

My 1st silent treatment then all the nasty passive aggressive attacks. Then questions about her property twice  then she returned.

This time a silent treatment then questionto for me to change an email address, that didn belong to me, then a email to aske for property like last time and then again property question. Just like this time... except this time she got married. 

Last time she threatened to renew her vows with her husband. She left before she did it.

Again we didn’t fight- that’s the crazy part...

She states she left last time because I did not take her on vacation with me. She stated she was pissed that I would go without her. So she lied and left me to hurt me. She stated she was stupid for that...

I have no idea this time as I can only surmise, I lost my job, she had to work, and her security and comfort were now affected... she stated nothing to this effect... I just assume due to anxiety triggers and stress.

Again we didn’t fight. 
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« Reply #44 on: November 16, 2017, 09:04:51 PM »

1. My 1st silent treatment then all the nasty passive aggressive attacks. Then questions about her property twice  then she returned.

2. This time a silent treatment then questionto for me to change an email address, that didn belong to me, then a email to aske for property like last time and then again property question. Just like this time... except this time she got married. 

You are thinking it might play out again and she will return.

Curious to hear others thoughts/experinces on this.
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« Reply #45 on: November 16, 2017, 11:17:03 PM »

Ughh all that typing gone. I repost tomorrow to answer those questions.
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« Reply #46 on: November 17, 2017, 01:34:28 AM »

Ughh all that typing gone. I repost tomorrow to answer those questions.

Yes, I hope that it plays out again.

Last year, she left on lie, and then she claimed to making a (X) go with her husband and renew the vows- she split white and when she returned my boundary to be together was her to be divorce and thearpay for all of us. I did not want to string him, along to punish him... It was reinforced repeatedly he was bad, neglectful, and poor money management... he was also mean, verbally abusive, and neglectful of his son.

  I wanted her and knew of this only episode. She had never shown any convincing traits till then, and I concluded it was  drug she was given by dr. that caused her spin out. ( she later admitted it was I rejected her for Vac issue)

Well no drug this time... my life changed-loss of job

-I was rock steady, financially set, and doing great... all was calm till I lost my job... she was then went to work, after not working for 6 yrs... then within a month a smear campaign at her employment, me devaluation and lie to leave... now I sit here...

Dealing with same, trying to not do a few things I did wrong last time, be nonchalant, ignored her threats of engagement. I forgot to add... the first news/threat of engagement came upon Facebook a month later... I ignored, then she told her uncle, whom she made sure told me. A email about email that I was allegedly owner of, ignored. And another announcement and she then attacked the uncle... I then responded to the email, explain it was not mine to change a mistake by the company... the threat of engagement disappeared. She then brought the uncle back into her fold.

Then another email a few weeks later about property, I told her the response I posted earlier in thread above... she was projecting her thoughts at me.  Engagement went back up.

She then told uncle she was getting divorced. She would marry on certain date... I called the bluff, didn’t respond or react. Date came and went she posted a pic of family at church all suited and dressed out... no name change etc...

Two weeks later, she then told that family pic was church event. She then told an aunt she would be married this Monday. I didn’t believe it...

In each of the last two episodes, she uses 1) renewing vows 2) getting engagement// and when ignored married to her as weapon of choice... I’m not sure but wonder if she used the same tactics on her now ex husband over a few episodes, I have the letter she wrote him and she took off then as well. Twice I know based her story, the letter indicate upto 4-5... some months and other weeks, and the  last episode years.

 I remember that she when moved in with her daughters father, there was an engagement announcement (she was still married)on Facebook back then, and when I picked them up after their eviction and his arrest -the ring was on table. So if she did this to her ex... this is a  MO. I wish  he and I could get to an equal spot and talk about what happened and compare notes... I think this is trend... that disappeared and dormant till her anxiety/ rejection/abandonment triggers.

I’m having some clarity now that I sent her that email, and have accepted the consequences of what may come good or bad.  there is a pattern. I really have to concentrate on my tools and help me... she can fix herself, I have read the tools here, did the quizzes, and etc... including books by majahri(sp). I understand the punishment and feeling it... knowing full well it wasn’t not me, I did not cause her issues... she is hurting me to inner child issues...

So I will sit back now. Use the tools, and wait for her next email... I think that last response may have set a validation, and affirmation, and revalue of me... in her eyes...

We shall see...
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« Reply #47 on: November 17, 2017, 11:55:20 AM »

I made a mistake... 3 episodes... one I forgotten because, she was not,living with me but we were communicating on regular basis, then one day- she told me to not contact ever again. After 3months of trying to establish contact, and her moving with her 3 kids, to her youngest babies daughter... ( 3 kids, 3 father) claiming in Facebook she was engaged to him, despite being already married to sons father. So she was attacking him or I... but when the disaster took place baby dad commit a felony, they were evicted and they came to live with me, as her family would not take her in. 

In each of the last two 3  episodes, she used 1)*getting engaged despite being married (then 6yr hiatus)
 2) renewing vows
 3) getting engaged despite already being married —and when a divorce finally occured she was then ignored by me, and got married as another weapon of choice. Then passive aggressive attacks... it seems a lot of her emphasis is “you lose me if_____” add hurt me by rejection, abandon, or make stress about security, poverty... .( last two I think are trigger per her diagnosis, that I have reread.)

In last year episode, when she came back, she asked me why didn’t comment or pay attention to picture changes. I said why should I figured you were bored, and decided not pay attention to it... I asked her what did you want me to do stalk you. ( she smiled and shook her head no)

... I’m not sure but wonder if she used the same tactics on her now ex husband over a few episodes, I have the letter she wrote him and she took off then as well. Twice I know based her story, the letter indicate up to 4-5x some months long and other weeks, and the  last episode years.

So I hope clear picture is emerging of her MO and yes, I do realize what I read... but my heart remains steadfast... .I believe in the disorder and what she does while in it. there is a pattern.  She was fiscally secure, safe, and stress free, her own home and stuff and managed for 6yrs... still left and then returned ( I know now as well, she is hiding huges sums of Debt) but it never harmed me.

my stress load increased the last 1.5 years due to new boss, whom threw our whole life in spin, and then culminated in loss of employment due to a internal political fracas, and then a  infidelity they were hiding, they wanted not discovered. ( latter came to light yesterday) my attorney will love that... what was her trigger this time I have no idea...
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« Reply #48 on: November 17, 2017, 12:09:39 PM »

 Thought Thought her threats of getting engaged and increasing to getting married are her rage aka For hurting her...   Thought

I never hear this threat when she is calm and stable with me over so many years... she does it after she splits, lies, runs away... .WOW.
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« Reply #49 on: November 17, 2017, 12:19:40 PM »

What do you think is the best strategy for you right now?
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« Reply #50 on: November 17, 2017, 01:16:56 PM »

What do you think is the best strategy for you right now?

Sit back wait for further contact just on the property issue itself, and continue to work on my stuff to keep forward momentum for me and not stand in limbo waiting for her to split white. I can make decision about us then. Not be holding to it now until then... that is unhealthy.
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« Reply #51 on: November 19, 2017, 06:44:00 PM »

What do you think is the best strategy for you right now?

Must clear up... The infidelity mentioned above— had nothing to do with my loved ones. They were not involved- it was my boss, his boss, and a client, a risk, that Includes, drugs, cheating, and child neglect. Regular Peyton place... I was eliminated due to my exposing the whole dirty thing going on...
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