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Author Topic: BPD "friend" disappeared again after I ignored her charms, is it really over?  (Read 131 times)
skittles3234
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 2


« on: February 04, 2024, 01:28:09 PM »

Hello. It's my first thread in here so I think it would be better if I told the whole story for better understanding and context. I'm 26M and the woman with whom I got romantically involved is 33. We met online in April last year when she participated on a livestream about people who are hikkikomori and shut-ins, on a very small community on Youtube. After she told her story, she left her Facebook there if in case any of the viewers wanted to talk to her. I got interested since she looks a bit like my first GF and we also shared a few things in common (for example I was a shut-in myself too when I was a teen). I sent her a message and we began to talk. From April to June was ok, during our talks she acted very cold and detached, but we got to know each other much more. She told me some things about her life and I shared some from mine. Interestingly enough, she said that she was trying to get in touch with an ex of her, a guy she dated 10 years ago, but he was running from her, ignoring her texts and calls... and also another dude who pumped and dumped her after 6 months of "dating", but of course, I ignored this redflag  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

At the end of June, I began to flirt with her, and I bluntly told her that I was interested in something much more than friendship. She dismissed this, since she thought I was joking. I said I wasn't. Then she told me she had BPD, and due to my immaturity and ingenuity, I said that I didn't care about that (despite knowing NOTHING about the disorder). Our conversation kinda "died" there and we didn't touched the subject at least two weeks later. During the first week of July, we began to flirt like hell. All that "coldness" of her was simply gone. She began to text me first almost every day, send me good morning/good night texts,  we shared pics, we did video calls on discord, she even introduced me her mother, it was great. During this time, she said it would be nice if we got to meet in person. Said she wanted to see me in person (she lives in another state). She invited me to spend the weekend at her apartment, since her mother would be away during that time. I accepted her invite and spent the weekend there (it was 15th AND 16th of July IIRC). We had sex and did all that lovey dovey stuff.

Next weekend, after I was already back, she asked me to do another video call with her. I refused because I was a bit stressed due to my job and other family problems, and told her that we could do one the next day. Then, all that idealization that I got from her, simply died there. It's ridiculous. We had a fight because of it and after that day, she began to treat me differently. All messages that I got from her was in a cold and detached manner, but it was worse as when I met her... it was like I was another stranger, even after all the things we did together.  I got split black because of a simply video call that I refused to do.

I tried to bring that person back, to no avail. She began distancing herself more and more from me. Until she discarded me in August. The 10th or 11th I think. I don't remember anymore. In the last text she sent me, she told me that I was forcing a friendship that didn't even existed (???) and that I was forcing her to open up to me, and that were things in her life that she wants no one else to know (this part I found weird as if she leads a double-life or something?) I never forced her to do anything. Anyway she blocked me on whatsapp after that and banned me from her discord server. But she didn't blocked me on Facebook, or on Instagram. Then she simply disappeared. I never saw her online on discord anymore (she was 24/7 online before that), her socials went dormant. She vanished.

I had a theory though that I might've been replaced, since she began mirroring another guy in her discord server too. And that began to happen during the same time she was devaluing and distancing herself from me. Whenever this guy was online, she would appear online too usually 5 or 10 minutes later. If he went offline, she would do the same seconds later. If he was offline for a whole day, she would be off too... not only on Discord, but on Steam also. This guy likes shooter games (like me), so she begins to play shooter games too.  I find it weird how this guy popped up in her server during the exact moment she was devaluing me, when he was nowhere to be found before... and after she discarded me and disappeared, this guy vanished too. I don't know if I was being paranoid, but there was too much coincidences. But I don't care anymore. It won't change anything.

During this time we've been no contact, I would be lying if I didn't checked her social media. I was still in love with her, despite the pain she caused me. In the beginning of November, she posted a photo on her Instagram. Where she was "studying" forensic science and other crime related stuff, and the thing is, during the time we had our fling, I was also studying for a exam to become a police officer. . Also, I like short haired women with bangs, and she changed her profile picture to an old photo of her where she had short hair with bangs. I don't know if she was mirroring me to bait me to contact her again or if it's something else.

On the 26th of December, she came back. Out of nowhere. There was another livestream on this day, on that small YT community that I told before. I was there interacting with other people on chat, and she starts to type and spam there too, as if to catch my attention. I ignored her. During the 3rd of January, she sent me a message on Discord. I ignored her, AT FIRST. Curiosity got the better of me and I opened her message 2 days later, but there was nothing. She deleted her message. I don't know if she sent me that and regretted later, or she deleted her message after realizing that I was ignoring her on purpose.

Now, on the 6th last month, there is a private group on Facebook for viewers from this community that I am part of. I noticed that she entered this group (I don't know how she got the link or from who) and the first thing she does is to check if I am in it, and then decides to do a (failed) smear campaign there against me. She made a post telling everyone that I was forcing something with her, that she rejected me and that there wasn't anything between us (despite her inviting me to her house and having sex, Jesus...) and that I was forcing her to keep in contact with me. I ignored that too. She was active on Discord until the 16th, then disappeared again... I haven't seen her online anymore. During this time I was online too but she didn't sent me another text, and I didn't went after her either.

Is it over? Did she gave up?

Sorry for the long text. And sorry if I made any mistakes. English isn't my first language and in my country Borderline women are becoming too common. I think even more than the US. Thanks if any of you read until here. I wish you all a great Sunday.
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2024, 08:59:44 AM »

Is it over? Did she gave up?

do you want her back, or do you want to be done with her?

it sounds like shes reached out (tentatively) a few times, and youve deliberately ignored her, right?

if she were pursuing you, its reasonable to assume she would give up.
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