Its over...

[confusedbloke]

Hi everyone - I'm back again... .

Ive done it.  Finally after such a long time of misery,  Ive finally had enough... .iam at the end of my tether... .in fact to quote some comedian... .the tether is no more... .

I'm the fool that thought it would work out, you may remember me... .  Well I'm sure weve all been there!  but after 36 months of sheer hell, I'm out.

Story so far:  Had to take a week off work due to intense stress, I'm on anti depressants, beta blockers, started smoking again, my really good job has been in jeopardy (I had to have 1 to 1 with my boss and tell him that I'm on medication because of all this... .that's embarrassing)  ... and for what?  my desperate misguided need for love?  Knickers to that.  Ive got 3 amazing kids that I adore and they adore me... .(and their mum is a good woman)  what have I been doing?  This is just crazy.  I'm annoyed with myself to have gotten swept away with this crazy exBPDgf... .  I mean, how little do I think of myself, to have allowed this... .?  Ive got a perforated eardrum that hasn't healed in a year after one of her rages... .I mean what the heck?  All the drinking through the day... .not working... .Wow Ive had enough... .

Just want to share my final, utter final texts I sent

I don't know if these are the right texts to send ur, whatever she was, but these are highly emotive "get the hell away from me texts".  And I abs mean it.
We'd been broken up a month, but it still keeps lingering... .  And I want it to end... .


Me: "<her name>.  Its just utterly draining being with you.  You play games and just do things to try and make me jealous.  Its just so draining... .You act like a teenager and always have done... .yes please get your things... .and stop this ridiculous holding on ... .ive moved on too... .so lets stop this silliness now"

Her: "Just asked for books - nowt else <my name>

Me: "You really are the oddest woman Ive met"

And 20 mins later I thought lets just do it... .I just needed to close this... .and make her know why... .not that she'll ever get it... .

Me: "And to finalise my thoughts about you, had you ever been arsed when I went out and not sulked for 4 days and actually given a ___ and said that you wanted me I would have been round like a shot.  But ya didn't.  Not <explitive-ing> once did you ever show any interest in me... .instead of garbled drunken nonsense... .And all that was because youre just completely mental and neurotic... .so yeah... .I have moved on... .And once all this utter ridiculousness is over, tbf I don't wanna be friends... .coz ur not the kinda friend I want.   I aint angry btw before you start crying to everyone how nasty I am... .I'm just glad this has finally come to an end, because I could not go another day with you.  That Monday we met at the "Mint" I knew I didn't want you but was upset.  I was upset that you made a complete <expletive> up of everything.  You did all this.  And if you don't see that, then youre a fool and you've lost a man that would have loved you forever.  And I want you to know that and live with it... .Because you <expletived> it big time.  Big time <her name>.

 - and my last text... .

And don't worry I don't expect any response.  I literally don't give 2 <explitives> whether you do or not... .I just want you to go away and no more texting after tonight... .I'm sure you can live without your books (Me: its 2 books on growing vegetables btw)... .stop holding on to this coz I'm not interested anymore now ive woken up and seen you for who you are ... .I do wish you well but I don't want you near me ... .  you need to let it go now... .and we both know you don't care about the books... .so please, that's enough now.  Its done... We are done.  Go live your life... .and have fun for once... .bye <her name> please just go now x

Its maybe the wrong way to do it, I don't know, but I need to rebuild stuff, and I cant with her on the scene... .She has to go... .


Anyway... .thanks for letting me vent... .

[Mutt]

Hi confusedbloke,

We'd been broken up a month, but it still keeps lingering... .  And I want it to end... .

I feel for you because just weeks after breaking up is the one of the most difficult parts, you're probably wishing that the pain that you feel for every minute of every day would end, I know that it doesn't help you know but I'll say it anyways, this pain will go away. One way to speed up your recovery is to not JADE, I noticed in your correspondence that there's a lot of JADE'ing.

If you're not familiar with JADE it stands for Justify Argue Defend or Explain. I'm just going to use my uBPDex for this example, if she's convince that the sky is red, we all know that it isn't, I can try to argue with her but it's not going to change what she thinks is fact to her, she's entitled to think what she wants to think but it doesn't mean that I have to embark in that, if you don't JADE it doesn't give your ex an opportunity to create conflict, if she doesn't have something that she can use then it doesn't escalate.

Don't "JADE" (justify, argue, defend, explain)

[In a bad way]

[quote 

 if she's convince that the sky is red, we all know that it isn't, I can try to argue with her but it's not going to change what she thinks is fact to her,
[/quote]

Sorry to butt in but that just reminded me of something.
One night we were watching TV in the bedroom and we were laughing when suddenly she pointed to the main light and said "that's why you can't effing sleep when I'm not here"
When I asked her what she meant she just got more aggressive trying to tell me that I leave the light on  when she's not there and no wonder I can't sleep.
This light she's pointing at wasn't even on.
Me trying to explain that I didn't and how would she know anyway if she's not there made her more angry and all she would say is "because I effing know".

Then she storms out of the house in the dark and freezing cold.
I catch up to her and she just stood still and refused to move until I left.
All the time just telling me to eff off and leave her there.
Around 30 minutes later I'd had enough, no amount of trying on my part (being nice) would get her to move, so I had to just leave her because we would have been there all night and she was shouting and screaming in the middle of the street.
10 minutes after I got home she did and just went to sleep leaving me with one of those What the heck just happened for no reason moments? Another nice night ruined.

Again sorry for butting in I've just been having some bad days and keep trying to start a post to get things off my chest.

[confusedbloke]

Hi Mutt... .

Thanks for the comments.  Yes you are right.  I have heard of JADEing... .  And damn it!  I did it again.  I just cant seem to help myself... .  It is just so frustrating that they cannot seem to understand the situation.  I just want to get my point across... .and have her acknowledge it... .but it never happens... .

I was doing absolutely fine.  Id had NC for 4 days, was settling in to single life and starting to get my head together... .Then out of the blue 2 days ago I get a text saying that she thinks shes left 2 books at mine.  As I stated earlier, one was a cookbook and the other was a book on growing veg.  So I responded saying that I would leave them in the same place so she can pick them up... .  But then after a few texts she tells me she cant because she is out of town... .  So why contact me for that?  Then she started getting funny with me and bam, before we know it, its WW III.  TBH I think this was just an excuse... .not sure what she was trying to achieve, but after a while I had a text along the lines of "well you've just reminded me why we shouldn't be together"... .  And all that has now been dragged into the forefront of my mind... .  She knows how to push every single button of mine... .why does she do it?  Why cant she just leave me alone?

I don't know how to move forward with this now... .

Hi Bad way - butt in as much as you want... .I guess the more we talk about it, the more crazy we realise the situation is


thanks

[Harley Quinn]

Hi confusedbloke,

If you wish to remain NC and give yourself distance and time away from the r/s to help yourself, perhaps you could post the books then this removes her excuse for contacting you again?  We can all relate to getting frustrated and wanting to reason with our ex's at times, so don't beat yourself up for rising to her.  It happens.  The main thing is to remember for the future how little success it gets us    On a plus, it does sound as though you got some stuff off your chest so that could be a good thing for you.  Do you have understanding friends/family/a therapist you can work through things with and talk to when you feel your buttons are being pushed, instead of responding?

Love and light x

[confusedbloke]

Youre right - there is no success to my reasoning.  I just end up sounding like a know-it-all parent to a child... .and i hate doing it... .  this woman makes you lose your mind... .as we all know!

I dont talk to anyone about it anymore.  My best friend has heard it now near enough since the beginning and I really dont want to bore him anymore... . 
And the responding thing... .yes i need to learn not to.  But I guess with the push / pull situation, actually getting a text throws you off balance, and its a weird way of connecting... .always waiting for scraps to be thrown at me from her... .

its draining to the extreme... .

Iam actually looking forward to a new life... .  But this old one keeps popping its head up and knocks me sideways... .

[Harley Quinn]

Iam actually looking forward to a new life... .  But this old one keeps popping its head up and knocks me sideways... .

When that happens, how about posting about it here and sharing what you'd instinctively like to say?  That way you can get it out of your system and we can help you to work through the emotions. 

We're here for you and will support you.

Love and light x

[confusedbloke]

Thanks Harley - that's a great idea... .thanks for the support