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Author Topic: I am getting the silent treatment  (Read 742 times)
LoveLostHeart
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« on: September 14, 2017, 01:08:20 PM »

Hi all,

It is great to see so many recognizable stories here on this board. I am struggling with a similar situation myself. I have been in a year long relationship (so to say, so could actually never publicly admit to it) with a woman who probably (she is in treatment now, but I don't know the actual diagnose) is suffering from BPD, I feel personally destroyed.

It is hard for me to give a direction to this story since so many things have happened. I think we have broken up like 6 or 7 times during the past year, and most break-ups lasted about 2 weeks. Recently we have broken up 4 months ago, but in the meantime, we have "reconnected" a few times as well. Each time we have another set of arguments or issues that arose. The last time we reconnected was about a month ago during her birthday. There was little to no contact between us but I wanted to give her a small present for her bday so I did. She visited me that night and we kissed. After her visit, she began texting me she wanted to meet me again and still loved me etc. And so we did 2 times. Just shortly after that she started to ignore me more and more, and not meeting up to what she was saying at all. After I got upset and mad about this, she told me we could talk it through later that day.

I really wanted to talk to her about it and I was happy she suggested it herself, but the conversation never happened. She replied to some of my texts from time to time but never when I asked her about the talk. She started ignoring me more and more, and eventually just texted me "I think it's better if we go our separate ways". While the week before she said she was dying to meet me again and then she really loved me.

Her ignoring me completely and all my efforts to have her at least talk to me are making me really miserable. I have asked her if she could just explain why she was ignoring me all of a sudden and if she could at least give me the closure of saying she doesn't want to pursue us any longer, but no response. It is killing me that the woman I love is acting this way and is ignoring me now completely after all that we have been through and I have done for her.

Altogether I do think this relationship is never going to work because her behavior will not simply change. Even though I know this, and the past year got me into a deep depression together with 8 broken teeth from passing out and losing my job, there is still hope deep inside me that I can be happy with this woman. I am really lost in life at this point. I know this woman has caused me alot of misery, more then good times actually, but I still seem unable to rationalize this and act upon it. My heart is screaming to be with her again, to hold her in my arms. I'd just wish she was able to share her thoughts with me.

I don't know if I should accept the fact now that she decided to remove me from her life this abrupt. Maybe it's for the best. Any thoughts?
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« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2017, 01:49:07 PM »

hi Roy and Welcome

youve given us a lot to work with and a good picture of the conflict.

the first lesson here is to stop the bleeding. a lot of us do self defeating things that push our partner away. chasing her for answers and clarity is doing that. its having the opposite effect that youre hoping for.

are there any upcoming opportunities to see her?
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« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2017, 03:45:31 PM »

Hey man sorry to hear your going through this.

I agree with the other commenter you have to stop the bleeding and throwing fuel on the fire.

Take a step back and relax, a lot easier said than done I know.

Read what you can here. It can help prepare you for the future.
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LoveLostHeart
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« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2017, 06:04:48 PM »

Thank you for all the comments.
I am not sure if I ever want to get back with her. My heart screams yes, but I don't want to put up with all the behaviour I have put up with the last year. It was literally never enough.
I could spend all my time with her, and if I wanted to spent 1 day with friends we would get into a fight about me not caring for her, and being self-centred. While all I did was give. This and all the other familiar BPD traits.

Back in December her so called "best friend" killed himself (I am sorry to say this but I have reasons to believe this guy was completely drained by her). She was devastated about it, but later I learned that she was also having sex with this "best friend" before (If I have to believe her) me. And they didn't talked for 2 months after she and I got involved. I heard that this guy was madly in love with her, and I am started to think that she was lying to him in the beginning of "us". I heard from another guy she was having sex with before me that she kept on describing me as "just a friend" to them, which makes me feel like she was always keeping the doors open. She also never wanted to change relationship status on FB and never commented on any of my "loving" posts to her.

During the "relationship" there were actual moments where I believed her and that she actually loved me, but I think the disorder in her head was just to strong. I feel like she always gave me 5% and took away 20%. Always just enough to keep me around. Eventually I broke up with her because we "both (I ment mainly her) needed to work on ourselves first. I broke up with the ention and hope of getting back together later on, which kept us keep coming back together.

There are so many things I want to explain but they involve more detailed and particular situations. I am not sure if it's adding to the topic to describe all the things that happened. But maybe it will be good to vent?

Indeed I agree I really need to try and take my distance from her now. I am almost, if not, completely obsessed with her behavior and whereabouts. We removed each other from FB some time ago, and since last week she almost removed my number. Unfortunately, I know her number from the top of my head so in any weak moment I can add her number to send a message or just to share at her online status for hours. I am slowly completely losing myself and just getting up out of bed keeps getting harder.

I am already seeing a therapist. We are working on (probably) codependency issues from my part, and ofcourse of how I can try to keep myself together and prevent me from having this insane strong feelings after a break up ever again. I just get torn apart by this behavior. I feel so powerless, so little in control. All I ever wanted was to have a nice and functional relationship with this beautiful woman I know is inside there somewhere. Unfortunately, it doesn't come out this often and is overwhelmed by her jealousy and other issues, as well as suicidal thoughts. I really care and feel for her, but are also really upset by her doing. The solution seemed so simple if only she could be normal... .It seemed like no matter what I did, I could never convince her that I really loved her. Even no, after al this time already, and showing in her in so many ways that I was really serious about us, she just doesn't want to see it, and for example could get massively upset about me having a drink with a female co-worker after work.

Ok this is getting unconstructive. Sorry, was venting again. I will try to be strong and not contact her. Stupid thing is, I should be really wanting to get rid of her! I just don't... .
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LoveLostHeart
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« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2017, 11:46:08 AM »

I really feel like a mixed bag today
This morning and yesterday I felt strong about not wanting to continue this relationship. If even possible, since she is ignoring me right now. I blocked her on whatsapp and facebook to prevent her from contacting me, because I am afraid I will dive back in.
But right now I find myself looking for ways to "fix" this. I am fighting a major battle in trying to convince myself this is never going to work, but my mind keeps pushing me the other way. I am so unsure of what to...
Any thoughts?
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« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2017, 02:30:32 PM »

What does your therapist say?

It's normal to bounce around from knowing it will never work and remembering the fleeting moments of happiness. 
As far as fixing "this" I would begin by fixing what you can control which is yourself.  You'll die trying to fix her.

Remember this is the same woman who classified you as being just one of many "friends" fighting for her special kind of love. I was in the exact same situation.  We would bump into all kinds of random dudes.  She would call them friends   Later on when the end was near, she began admitting having slept with many of them.
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LoveLostHeart
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« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2017, 09:08:34 PM »

Rayban,

Thank you for your comment. You are right, this is the same woman who classified me as friens to others no matter what she said fo me. This helped alot for now. It doesn't matter in what way she meant to say that, it still is the truth.
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« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2017, 12:57:14 AM »

LoveLostHeart, I am sorry this is happening to you.

The silent treatment is a classic passive-aggressive abuse tactic used by pwBPD.

Above all, try to understand, as Rayban says, you cannot change her.  Her behaviour is not caused by you.  

I wish you well and peace in what you decide.
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LoveLostHeart
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« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2017, 05:22:36 AM »

LoveLostHeart, I am sorry this is happening to you.

The silent treatment is a classic passive-aggressive abuse tactic used by pwBPD.

Above all, try to understand, as Rayban says, you cannot change her.  Her behaviour is not caused by you.  

I wish you well and peace in what you decide.

So why are they doing a silent treatment? Is it because I was getting too close? Because I was triggering her emotions?
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« Reply #9 on: September 17, 2017, 09:14:52 AM »

Rayban,

Did you ever got/found any prove she was with someone else during these times that you got ignored? I do have my suspicions about this behavior yes, because she did the same to other guys she used to have sex with before me.

For some reason I keep believing I am different. She said to me 2 weeks ago she has no interest in having sex with someone else at this point. I believed her there for a brief second.

I am also struggling with the behavior of her mother. I was there last week to pick up stuff of mine, and me ex was upstairs sleeping. She is living back af het parents because she was being suicidal, I pointed her behavior out to her parents and they got her to do intensive therapy. Because of this I was hoping they would keep me in the loop of how things are going, but the opposite is true. When I was there to pick up my stuff she said she wanted to talk sometime when the time suited better.

I texted her somewhere during the last days asking if they came up with a diagnosis yet. But she is not responding to my texts. It's so weird how she knows how much I am struggling with this and how much I care for her daughter, but is not replying to my text while I sincerely care. I makes me feel not only abandoned by my ex but also by het family.

When I told then they should seek therapy for her and I pointed them in the direction of BPD they said they were so gratefull... and now they are dropping me the same way she does.
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« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2017, 02:03:09 PM »

 Bullet: contents of text or email (click to insert in post) everyone:

its really important that we be mindful here about over pathologizing, taking sides, triangulating, and otherwise inflaming the situation. our experiences arent LoveLostHearts. one of the tools we teach on this board is Listening With Empathy https://bpdfamily.com/content/listen-with-empathy.

when someone says "i think its best we both go our separate ways" and stops responding, is that the same thing as silent treatment? is it abusive? and when it comes to us, does pushing for answers in that situation usually help?

we didnt arrive at this place overnight. there have been six or seven breakups, each time with more conflict.

LoveLostHeart, if you want to give this your best shot, there is work to do, and the first step is not to make things worse. pushing for answers has done that, but blocking her (preventing any effort she makes to contact you) is doing the same.

as a side note, i dont think her mother is "dropping you" so much as staying out and not getting in the middle. this is natural for parents to do.

when is the last time you sent a message or otherwise reached out? i think it might be a good idea to send a different kind of message, but when to do it depends on that answer.
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« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2017, 07:57:11 AM »

Last contact was last wednesday. After I picked up my stuff I send her a message to thank her for having it ready. I did not see her when I picked it up. She replied no problem and ever I , again send her a message with that I love her en never wanted to things to go down south like they did, and that I hoped she would at some point clarify to me her sudden change of mind. After that there has been no contact.
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« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2017, 08:35:35 AM »

i would give it two more weeks.

i would then send a message that tells her you know you pushed her into a corner and you werent respectful of her boundaries, and youre sorry. zero mention of having "the talk" or getting answers, or love or feelings. just "i crossed a line and im sorry".

own it. right now she sees any contact as a threat and more pushing. you want to telegraph that youre back to baseline and her reconnecting with you is safe. that youre the confident and upbeat guy that she was attracted to in the first place.

additionally, in that message you need to open the door to reconnect in a way that sounds inviting to her. truthfully im not positive what that looks like. i think coffee is not a good idea... .coffee is a scenario where the two of you talk about the breakup maybe leave on "perhaps eventually we can be friends" and go your separate ways... .a closure conversation. thats not what you want here and she is likely to reject that scenario anyway. i dont think you want to end the message with "i hope we can be friends", if you dont simply want to be friends, but im not 100% on that one.

im hoping you might have some ideas here, and that others can chime in with ideas as well.
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« Reply #13 on: September 18, 2017, 11:14:53 AM »

Once removed thank you for your comment.

The hard thing is actually, these are actions in getting her back. I am not sure whether I am striving for this anymore. Like I said the situation was as follows: I broke up with her because I just couldn't cope with her behaviour any longer. We decided that we needed to work on ourselves before we could continue the relationship. We still did continue in seeing each other, but not really discussing what our intentions were. It was always clear we missed each other and wanted to be together. This went on and on and also did the fights.

Our situation got more and more unstable, and there rose trust issues, also from my part. Last time we slept together was a couple weeks back when her parents were on holiday. But during that time she said she wanted to see me so bad but wasn't really putting any effort in it. Ignoring my texts most of the time, and not  showing she really wanted to be with me. One time she got angry because I just texted her I wanted to see her. She said come on over, so I replied I could in an hour or 2 because I was watching a movie with somebody. She got extremely angry, while most of the time she was completely ignoring my texts. And now she got angry because I couldn't come over right away. So after her ignoring me more I got angry at her because it felt like all the same over and over again her not putting effort into the relationship. We had a fight, but it ended okay her saying let's talk about this later today. She never brought it up again and of course, I asked her to do so. No reply to it. And then she just dropped me, ignored me and said is better if we both go our separate ways. All I wanted was to enjoy each other and kept close during the time we would be working on ourselves.

I am really confused about her changing behaviour. Maybe I pushed too hard, too soon, too often. Maybe we tried enough for her to see this is never going to work. I don't know.

But at this point, I feel so bad and the depression is really doing its work on me. I am not able to maintain a relationship with her at this point because I will over-react myself to any fights or issues we would get into. I really DO love this woman, and I really want to be with her. But only if she will be able to put more in this relationship than she did. I just can't have another go where she says she really loves me and wants to be with me but where all she does is complaining about me and not putting in any effort herself.

So basically want I am trying to say, maybe in two weeks, I will feel a little bit better. Contacting her and re-engaging conversation with her will probably end up with me being disappointed in the end. I want HER to WANT to contact me. I want HER to show she really wants to be in/and work on this relationship. I can't just keep giving. I gave soo much... .I need her to do her part.
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« Reply #14 on: September 18, 2017, 11:33:54 AM »

Maybe we tried enough for her to see this is never going to work. I don't know.

maybe. its okay to explore that.

But at this point, I feel so bad and the depression is really doing its work on me. I am not able to maintain a relationship with her at this point because I will over-react myself to any fights or issues we would get into.

thats very helpful self awareness on your end. emotions are flared and trust, even satisfaction/fulfillment have broken down. its understandable.

So basically want I am trying to say, maybe in two weeks, I will feel a little bit better.

... .

I want HER to WANT to contact me.

this is why i think giving it two weeks will be good for both of you. as you mentioned, right now you wake up one day feeling one way, and the next day, another. thats okay. its a sign that you need some time and space to sort it out for yourself and see where things land. its also a reasonable amount of time for her to change her mind and contact you, if shes going to.
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« Reply #15 on: September 18, 2017, 11:37:11 AM »

Lovelost-

I like the two week strategy as well. A lot of times with the shifting of moods, it will change the way she may look at things. I am miserable with the lack of communication I have had with my ex this past month, that has given me 0 closure but left the door open to us moving forward. We were together 4 years (first breakup) and it made little to no sense.

She had a completely psychotic breakdown that got her diagnosis and while we were in commutation for a short time. She pulled back speaking to me again with no reasoning. She can't regulate her emotions right now.

My feeling is we can't fix things if we don't communicate, unfortunately I think your ex and my ex feels like they can't really fix things when we are communicating because of the triggers. So for them, effectively it's the opposite.

It's exhausting being in limbo all the time, wondering what the fate of this will be. we need to try and stay busy and positive. Hopefully in the timeline, you can think about what you really want.

While no two BPDs are the same, it is interesting to find that behaviors especially the ST is very common. It actually gives me some hope that this may be a recalibration of some sort.

Hang in there.
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« Reply #16 on: September 18, 2017, 12:00:59 PM »

I think that indeed I should give it time. For now, this is never going to work in a proper way and we proved that again and again.
I think you guys are right and maybe I should not even contact her in 2 weeks. I want to stay in contact because I am afraid she will go cold, but as long as we are in contact I won't be able to heal myself and truly let get of this. And I think for it ever to work, we need to let go of each other first. I will give it the minimum of the two weeks you said. See how I will feel about it then. It's not fair for me either to keep her close while I am not sure I can have a future with this woman. I was hoping for a change too soon.
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« Reply #17 on: September 18, 2017, 03:18:37 PM »

So I just passed her house on my way back home and it instantly makes me feel bad again. Maybe I should take a different route next time, I notice I take this one on purpose, I feel like I need to catch her being with someone else or something. I am having a hard time not contacting her. But unsure of what even to say. I already said so much. She knows I love her. She already knows I want to fight for this relationship at least in some way. She knows I'm having a hard time trying to let go. There is basically nothing I can say that hasn't been said already... .this urge is soo freaking huge. I have dealt with alcohol abuse before. That was 100 times easier then this is.

I don't understand why she can't just give me closure if she doesn't want to benwith me. Why she just can't say the words I'm done trying... let's call it quits forgood... sad atm
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« Reply #18 on: September 18, 2017, 03:33:57 PM »

this is an impulse. ride it out, and you will find that it passes. things are all over the place right now, and it may be that even within a couple of hours you are on the opposite end of the spectrum. expect some wild ups and downs. when they occur, they are the perfect opportunity to practice Wisemind (the number one tool taught here). getting into Wisemind kept me from doing a lot of self defeating stuff, and helped keep me centered when it was hardest.

LoveLostHeart, you dont want to take to driving past her house. for starters, youre torturing yourself. second, if youre caught, one or both of you could escalate this and pretty soon we are talking about restraining orders; we see it all the time here. third, what happens if you "catch" her?

try to resolve for putting this (any decision), mentally, emotionally, physically, on hold for the two weeks. the situation isnt going anywhere and you have more control over it and what happens next than you might think. there is something you can say, and do, but now is not the time to take action of any kind.

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« Reply #19 on: September 18, 2017, 05:09:41 PM »

I completely agree with once removed. Take a different route home. Don't make things worse. If you've said everything, there is no need to say it again. As you said, she already knows. Give it some time.

One thing that really helped me figure out what my next steps were when I was in your situation was to do a postmortem on the relationship and to take an honest look at my own actions. From reading your posts, you are starting to do that. You've acknowledged that you both have work to do on yourselves. That is a great first step.

For me, doing the work on myself gave me the opportunity to see positive movement in the direction of saving the relationship. Do you think that doing this will help you?
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« Reply #20 on: September 20, 2017, 06:59:57 AM »

I completely agree with once removed. Take a different route home. Don't make things worse. If you've said everything, there is no need to say it again. As you said, she already knows. Give it some time.

One thing that really helped me figure out what my next steps were when I was in your situation was to do a postmortem on the relationship and to take an honest look at my own actions. From reading your posts, you are starting to do that. You've acknowledged that you both have work to do on yourselves. That is a great first step.

For me, doing the work on myself gave me the opportunity to see positive movement in the direction of saving the relationship. Do you think that doing this will help you?

Yes I do. I think I need to try and clear my mind first. Let the fog clear and make myself a better person. I need to learn to love myself and my life without her again. Maybe, if I still want it over time, there will be a chance to get back together. Although I think there is a huuugee chance, the damage is already done. I think I will never be able to trust her fully again.
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« Reply #21 on: September 20, 2017, 09:04:31 AM »

I think I will never be able to trust her fully again.

why do you not trust her?
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« Reply #22 on: September 20, 2017, 09:43:06 AM »

Mainly, because a lot of her actions don't stroke with the things she said. Also, like I said, I had a conversation with a previous ex-bf of her and her sister. They told me all sort of things she did, but somethings were years ago and there was never any proof of it. She has been doing things behind my back during our time together, some of which she has admitted. Never on cheating though.
Recently she lied about something too (her mother affirmed), which makes me wonder why she shouldn't be lying about other stuff too.

During our time together I believed her every word, while now, I am not sure.
She was on holiday in December, and I was staying at her house during that 2 weeks. I used her computer as well and while I was looking for a website I had visited myself, going through the history I noticed she had been on dating sites. From 1 she said her and her mother used to be on that from time to time for fun. I haven't read much of the conversations but what I read, she was actually on there to meet some one. She was on another dating site too. And although she said it wasn't serious, it feels to me it does. Someway in the aftermath, this woman gives me the feeling that she always kept back doors open and was always looking for a new person to meet who would be more suitable.
She never wanted to publicly state that I was her boyfriend. FB relationship status always remained single. Even when we discussed it. Her excuse: I forgot it. She kept forgetting long enough till we got into another fight and then her arguments were: I don't want it anymore now. It's because YOU effed it up. Basically, to the most of the outside world, I was never her BF. It just doesn't add up. Or, if you look at it the other way, it perfectly adds up. I didn't really see it back then. She used to say she was terrified of relationships, that even the word made her sick to her stomach. I didn't have a problem with it in the beginning, figured we were still in the dating phase, but later I did obviously.
Her "ex" friends also said to me she is not to trust.
I think there could be truth in there. Maybe she already knew she was going to replace me sooner or later, or thinking that I would get fed up with her behaviour later on and making backup plans for this moment. I don't know. It's just really hard to trust someone who is doing this kind of behaviour, always sneaky about things and has a great track record of lying about stuff.
Another example, I have written it before. When she and I started dating she would kept saying to former sex partners that I was just a friend. Eventually, they got in a fight because they figured she was lying and ended the contact. This was after she got into a rage against them, saying they were sad and pathetic.
Her BFF who she used to have sex with before me didn't speak to her for the first 2 months after we "got together". I don't know if this was because she also lied to him, or that she actually said it needed to stop because of me. This is what she claims... .I am unsure. I do know the guy was crazy in love with her, and decided to take his own life. He called her just before he did it, but she was ignoring him and didn't answer his call.
This one time I had put a beer bottle on the bed board, and forgot about it. Later she told me she got into a fight with him because he found it. I asked her why he would got angry about it, and she said it was because he thought she was sleeping with some else. I thought it was weird, but I figured it was because he was still upset about me. This is how she explained it. Looking back at it now, she was probably still saying to him she and I were just friends.
While a couple of weeks ago we were talking again and I slept over 2 nights. 3 nights after that I found out one of her ex's (they both say they never had a relationship, but they have been "dating" for a year or so, slept over at her place. I confronted her. She said it was true (there was no other option), but hat nothing happened. It looks to me like she is recycling him now, and I think he is fine with it because he doesn't want to have a relationship. I think he would be fine with just enjoying sex with her. But ofcourse I know none of this for sure, could be they just found their friendship again.
Weird thing about it is, she didn't had contact with him during most of the time we were together. Just the last few months the contact started again. She even invited him to the bday of her sister (they were good back then) without asking her sister about it. So she went to this birthday with me, but also invited him over? Huhh? And this is the same woman who got reallly realllly reallyyy upset for me talking to ANY woman, let alone my ex. Back then I just told her I had some difficulties with her being back in contact with him, but I also told her I wasn't planning on making a fuzz about it. Just wanted to share my feelings with her. It so much feels like she was already prepping him for this moment. Back when we were in contact and I slept over, she also told me she was going on holiday together with him. She told me herself... .But untill now this holiday never happened until now, while I remember it was supped to be in the beginning of september. It just al so weird... .
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« Reply #23 on: September 20, 2017, 10:02:06 AM »

She never wanted to publicly state that I was her boyfriend.

it sounds like the two of you are not on the same page when it comes to the status of the relationship, and that may be where some of the trust issues are coming from.

She used to say she was terrified of relationships, that even the word made her sick to her stomach.

so shes commitment phobic. prefers to play the field and not get too attached to any one person.

you would prefer a higher level of commitment and transparency.

does this sound right?
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« Reply #24 on: September 20, 2017, 10:07:13 AM »

Yes I do want a higher level of commitment and transparency.
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« Reply #25 on: September 20, 2017, 10:15:53 AM »

Yes I do want a higher level of commitment and transparency.

okay.

from my perspective she has been pretty upfront about her approach to relationships and her limits. these examples sound less like reasons not to trust her generally, and more like signs that both of you want different things, and the clash there is making both of you uncomfortable with the other.

do you think these differences are alignable?

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« Reply #26 on: September 20, 2017, 10:55:18 AM »

okay.

from my perspective she has been pretty upfront about her approach to relationships and her limits. these examples sound less like reasons not to trust her generally, and more like signs that both of you want different things, and the clash there is making both of you uncomfortable with the other.

do you think these differences are alignable?



In this case her saying the word relationship terrifies her didn't mean in any way that we were having some form of open relationship in which she was allowed to have sex or date someone else.
So it wasn't really signs that we wanted different things. She said she was terrified because of what happened in past relationships.
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« Reply #27 on: September 20, 2017, 11:10:25 AM »

She never wanted to publicly state that I was her boyfriend. FB relationship status always remained single.

... .

Basically, to the most of the outside world, I was never her BF. It just doesn't add up. Or, if you look at it the other way, it perfectly adds up. I didn't really see it back then. She used to say she was terrified of relationships, that even the word made her sick to her stomach. I didn't have a problem with it in the beginning, figured we were still in the dating phase, but later I did obviously.

... .

Another example, I have written it before. When she and I started dating she would kept saying to former sex partners that I was just a friend.

you wanted a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship (commitment and transparency). it sounds like she wanted something lower key. when you pushed, she made excuses.

didn't mean in any way that we were having some form of open relationship in which she was allowed to have sex or date someone else.

that was your understanding but again, it sounds like the two of you were on a different page. were ground rules ever laid down or discussed between the two of you?
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« Reply #28 on: September 20, 2017, 11:20:48 AM »

Yes they were! Although the actual "relationship" status got more and more confusing over time, there was 1 thing clear. There was no dating others or anything alike. During the breakups ofc, there was this possibility but most of them only lasted max 7 days or so. After the "make-ups" it was back to not dating or seeing anyone else. There was no confusion about this. She would go crazy for me even talking to a female colleague. I know you are trying to make me see her that there might have been other reasons for her to behave that way, but in the end, I think you must admit that her behaviour was kind of strange. She did call me her boyfriend when she talked to her parents or sister, and 2 other close girlfriends. But just not to the "general public" where there were possibilities to find someone else.
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« Reply #29 on: September 20, 2017, 12:20:22 PM »

but in the end, I think you must admit that her behaviour was kind of strange.

i think there were mixed signals to be sure.

There was no dating others or anything alike.

do you have any reason to believe she dated or saw anyone else during the times this was clear?

Although the actual "relationship" status got more and more confusing over time

i think this is what i was speaking to. the lines got blurred over time.
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