learning how to communicate effectively

[Elli64]

I'm the mum to a 28 year old who has been recently diagnosed with emotionally unstable BPD. Little professional help seems to be available locally and I struggle with constantly 'walking on eggshells'.  I need some help with setting boundaries and taking back some control of my life.  I love my son dearly, but am tired of the seemingly endless 'battles' over things that I just don't understand. I want to help him and am struggling with his perception of me as 'good mum' 'bad mum'.  He can be very critical and idealistic (which I know are part of the condition) and manipulative. He doesn't work and I support him financially (working 2 or even 3 jobs).  The latest issues are around 'our' financial situation and his perception that I should be able to save 'X' per month. I feel a lot of pressure to provide and like many people am noticing that bills etc are continually going up. When we discuss the issue he won't listen to reality and says I've always got an excuse.  I should probably say here that I am a single parent - dad passed away 14 years ago.  he was an alcoholic and I now think that he too was BPD (very controlling and possessive). I'm based in the UK but any help from fellow forum members would be very much appreciated

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hi Elli64

Welcome, you should be able to find lots of help and resources here, I know how emotionally draining it can be trying to do the best by our borderline offspring, never getting it right whatever we do. It can be so frustrating. It's good to read that you recognise the importance of setting boundaries and help for doing that can be found in Tools on the right.

You say that your son doesn't work and you support him financially by doing 2 or 3 jobs. Wow! What number of hours do you actually work?

Does your son claim benefits, and if so, does he contribute towards the finances?

How likely is it that your son could go out to work?

It seems to me that you are doing all you can but if as you say, you are putting yourself under pressure, you need to step back and take care of your needs as well as your son's. Your health is important too.

You say that your son has been diagnosed and little professional help is available. Is he receiving any help at all?
Sorry, I hope it doesn't seem as though I'm bombarding  you with a load of questions x