borderline stalking me

[gotoutsafe]

Need some help understanding what has/is happening to me. I broke up with a uBPD woman after a 5yr drama filled, abusive relationship. I left and moved out. Just couldn't take anymore. Now it is November and I haven't heard from her since August. From January to mid April she would text., I finally met her in April. From April till August it was a ROUGH road and I kept my boundaries and kept calling her out on her lies.She would get pissed. She would then disappear for 2 weeks and come back. This went on for months. I finally said let me go in August and go find that man I've bee hearing about. She would always tell me what kind of man she wanted and made threats and I always backed down and tried harder. EXHAUSTING! I told her I didn't want her in August after the emotional rollercoaster of coming in and out of my life and she raged, sent nasty Facebook messages to a friend of mine who was helping me thru this. She was a girl mind you who lives 5 hrs away and is married to a Pastor. My ex threatened my friend to tell her husband. My ex said horrible poisonous things to me, told me i will never touch her again, that im a piece of ___, and on and on. Hurtful words. So after talking with this friend on Facebook who advised me to change all passwords on my accounts, I find my ex was logging on my Facebook page and watching me. That is how and why my ex went after my friend. She read the whole concersation we had. She would watch me from home and work. IP addresses come back to her home and her work.25 times a day she would log on to my Facebook page. I could tell what time my ex got up, went to work, got to work, left work, got home from work and went to bed just by the detailed log in log off Facebook provided me with. Since March 1st. So the whole time we were "talking" since April, she was watching me. Kinda creepy. So 3 weeks after I told her to move on she has a new man. I've been left alone. I thought. Well, I find out she was hacking into my email accounts and reading my ___. Even tho she has a new man. Seriously, I can't make this crap up! All passwords has been changed. My ex cant log in and read anything. She is blocked on Facebook. Has anyone ever been thru this? She absolutely raged at the end, said horrible things to me and my friend, said I will never touch her again. She doesn't text, call, email or come over. Complete silence. BUT, stalks me covertly WHILE with a new man. Why would she do this? Does she want me? Does she want me to reach out? Is she trying to communicate with me? It's kinda like she is playing peek a boo. It's sick and disturbing. I sleep with a gun, I deactivated my Facebook page, told my neighbors to look for her car, filed a police report for the hacking, informed her work of her actions, mix up my schedule, don't tell many people what I'm doing, where I go for guys night out. Why, with another man in her life does she stalk me?

[Mutt]

Hi gotoutsafe,



I’d like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry that you went through a confusing and difficult breakup.

The core criterion for BPD is fear of abandonment, they fear abandonment imagined or real. A pwBPD expect that all of their partners are going to leave them.

Also, splitting is a big BPD behaviour, they see people in black and white and can’t see that middle ground the grey area. You’re either all good or all bad and from the sounds of it you’re split black, it’s a défense mechanism that protects her ego from anxiety and stress.

Lastly, she’s probably uncertain if the new r/s and if it’s going to last, she’ll put her feelers out to validate if there’s an emotional attachment from you. She wants to avoid abandonment at all cost, so you could be a potential person that she’s going to exit this r/s with.

[gotoutsafe]

Crazy. She stalked me since I left in January and even during the time we were talking and doing things together for months, then I finally say let me go and we are done, she raged, she then finds another man and still continues to stalk. She has stalked me for ten months. Even with a new man. So the whole time since i left she has stalked me. Seems like she hasnt let go and wants me to know she is around. She logs onto my accounts, not from her home IP address anymore but with her work IP address so when I bring up the IP address it shows her work. She obviously wants me to know it's her.

[lovenature]

Could be this new man isn't new but a previous attachment. It all depends on her emotion of the moment, her reality involving you and any other attachment depends on it.

I was worried for a time that my ex. might hurt my dogs after she damaged my car and wouldn't stop harassing me, the only way she stopped was by me going 100% NC; once a PWBPD sees that an attachment no longer exists they will move on to another one.

[gotoutsafe]

The guy she is with is a single father with 2 girls. I am a single father with 1 girl. my daughter and his daughter are in the same grade at the same school playing on the same sports teams. she is showing up to the girls games with him now instead of me. she is cheering on the same girls but with a different partner.  it is so freaking weird. all the girls on the team's have been to our house we used to share. She knows all the girls names. I'm trying not to think there is something behind it and just coincidence but... .um, c'mon. she hates the town and people the school district is in. she stalked the heck outta me and thought she was gone but now I get to see her at my daughter's games AGAIN but with another guy.

[DogMan75]

Whoa, dude.

I just caught myself literally typing “Why would she do that? Oh, yeah... .” Still, that seems like some particularly puzzling behavior even from a member of our favorite club.

I don’t know what to say except I feel for you. My daughter’s school stuff is already like the most socially awkward portion of my life. I can’t even imagine what that’s like for you.

What can you do but laugh it off, I guess. I mean, this is like bad citcom crazy material. Just try to appreciate the sheer absurdity of it. Pick your chin up, raise an eyebrow and walk it off. What other option is there? Reasoning with her?

[gotoutsafe]

I know right? I stated earlier that you cant make this stuff up. I saw her and thought you've got to be kidding me. All the guys out there and she chooses this guy? I'm going to enjoy the show and I'm gonna piss her off by being the confident happy positive guy I've become since I've left. I will still root for this man's daughter.

[crushedagain]

Sorry to hear it. When I read stories like this I realize that I could have it much worse. Here I am missing my BPD who pulled a disappearing act when you're dealing with these sorts of things. I should be happy she took off.

I really find their hypocritical behavior so annoying. They could be cheating but they're paranoid and stalking our lives to make sure we're not. Look in the freaking mirror. I can't stand these people. I really, really despise the disorder, even a lot about her, when I look back on my relationship.

Best of luck to you. Keep us posted on this bizarre situation.

[gotoutsafe]

I will keep you posted. I cannot begin to understand this behavior and her motive behind it. The few people I shared this with have all said this is without question a calculated move on her part and she isn't interested in this guy and is just using him to get to me. The why behind it is irelevant to me. I have stopped trying to figure her out. I dont care she is with him, i care that i cant seem to shake this woman. the stalking she did really freaked my out and now this. she just won't go away. I thought I had all bases covered but nope.

[gotoutsafe]

Update. The guy dumped her. No more of her attending games. His kid told my kid she messed up 2 times already and doesn't get a third chance and he gave her the key to her house back and the present she got him.

[DogMan75]

That was fast.

You know, they do some ___ty things, and it sucks to be on the wrong end of those things sometimes, but fundamentally the thing I feel most for them is pity. We get to walk away. They are stuck with themselves, and they each hate themselves way more than any but the worst of us feel for them. It’s such a sad, lonely existence.

[Confusedpe]

Update. The guy dumped her. No more of her attending games. His kid told my kid she messed up 2 times already and doesn't get a third chance and he gave her the key to her house back and the present she got him.

That should have made your day