BPD Sibling conspiracy theory - should I tell the target?

[Yellowball]

My BPD sibling has constructed a grand paranoid delusion that certain members are evil and plotting against us. Sibling is not violent, but behaving is getting worse. Other family members are asking questions. BPD has not admitted diagnosis to me.

 Do I have a moral or legal responsibility to explain to the other family?  
Or, Is my concern for the "target" family members just part of me playing the "protector" role again? I'm worried my sibling will eventually cause real damage, and the target family will say, "why didn't you warn us?"

 I am working on establishing healthy boundaries after decades of dysfunction. I'm practicing JADE and detachment, and it's working well for me... .but this is so confusing.

Thanks for any advice.

[Notwendy]

In my own experience, discussing my BPD mother with other family members has backfired.

However, if they ask me directly, I feel it is important to be honest and not write it off , explain it or make up something about it. That is the way my FOO does it. "oh mother is just upset, it's normal, everyone gets upset". ( is it normal to rage all night and trash the house?) "oh that didn't happen".

For me personally, the other members either see it or they don't, and those that "don't" see it actually do and they are either so enmeshed or in denial, that telling them does no good.

My mother has relatives with advanced degrees and professional jobs. They know how to look anything up on the internet. If I could learn about BPD, they could too.

Looking back at when I tried to tell them, I was taking on rescuer position, and it just backfired.

If I do say something, I have to be willing to risk the relationship. Once a couple in my mother's FOO asked me about her behavior and I didn't want to pretend anymore that all was fine. I told them. He didn't speak to me for about a year after that, and his wife hasn't spoken to me since ( it has been several years).

BPD mother has painted me black to them and I think they are convinced I am the one with mental issues. As I said, they are intelligent people. If they can't acknowledge the difference between my behaviors and my mother's, nothing I say to them would change that.

[Notwendy]

I think I would tell someone if they were in danger of any sorts.

My mother has come up with bizarre theories about me. She isn't physically violent though. She has caused considerable harm to my relationships with members of her family.

Yet the idea of "defending myself" doesn't seem to be effective- after all, they are intelligent and if they choose to believe her, speaking up just makes me look crazy. Also it then becomes a her word vs my word situation.

If the "target" is willing to listen to you, then the target may appreciate the support. I know I appreciated the support of relatives who were willing to not believe the things my mother said about me but they did not address the situation with the relatives who chose to align with my mother.

My perspective is that of the "target" so maybe it is different. The best I felt I could do was let our behaviors stand for themselves and let people make up their own minds. I didn't have someone in my mother's FOO who would not believe her, so it just felt like a no win situation for me.

[strength_love]

If you can talk in any way rationally with your sibling I think your first responsibility is to try to understand where he/she is coming from and what they're capable of. If after that you're still alarmed by it all, I think the test here is to ask yourself the following questions:

1] Do you believe the targets are in any sort of danger?
2] How will the targets be likely to receive the information?

If the targets are open to what you say and you feel it's a serious enough situation that they should be notified, then yes, tell them. If you feel the targets are in danger but will be unlikely to take you seriously, consider notifying the police. You can make a report even if charges aren't being laid.

If the targets aren't in any credible danger but the situation is bad enough that you feel a moral responsibility to notify them (and if they are likely to be open to what you say) then it might be worthwhile to say something but you should consider the safety and well-being of your sibling in all of this. Regardless of how 'bad' your sibling is behaving, you wouldn't want to put him/her in any danger from the targets, and socially 'outing' him/her as disordered should probably be avoided unless it's absolutely necessary.

Also when considering disclosure you might want to throw a third question into the mix:

3] Will the disclosure lead to you getting more sucked into the drama?

If you do decide to speak up about it, make sure you take precautions and set internal limitations on how involved you're going to get. Drama can be like a riptide that pulls you under before you even know what's happening.