Therapist question—did she break confidentiality?

[ninjacat]

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to go to therapy.  My first appointment was last week and it went great... .my second appointment was today and I’m not sure what to think about what happened.  For context, my mother is uBPD- I’ve been NC with her for some time and in the process, lost my enmeshed sister and stepdad.  About halfway through our session, my therapist asks where my sister lives and I tell her (it’s a few towns away) and she then blurted out that she thinks that she’s worked with my sister before.  She says that she put some of the names together... .says your niece, X, she has ADHD, right?  

I immediately became very uncomfortable but continued the session- later on, I say something like, I’m not really sure how to process what you said earlier.  She said something to the effect of, I want to tell you something but I have to think about how/what I can say... .I guess to not break confidentiality.  Relatively quickly though, she reveals that my mother is also in therapy.  I laughed and said just because she’s telling my sister that, doesn’t make it true and she said no, I know that she’s going- I’m not seeing her but she is working with someone else in that office.  She also made mention that my sister wanted to do a joint session with my mother and that she refused.

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting here but does this seem wrong to anyone else?  I’m sure that she was trying to be helpful but regardless of us being related, how can she share that she’s seen my sister in the past, let alone so much additional information?  As I was leaving, I specifically asked her not to share with my sister, my mother or anyone else that I was in therapy and she said, oh, of course, I won’t say a word but I feel like my trust has been shaken a bit.  What do you all think?  What would you do?

[JNChell]

Sounds a little sketchy. My ex and I were in couples counseling before the breakup. I really liked our therapist. After the split, my ex continued to see her. Being as I liked the therapist so much I pondered continuing to see her and she agreed. I soon got a bad gut feeling about it. I wasn’t really thinking straight so soon after the breakup. My sister is a psychologist, so I bounced it off of her. She told me to trust my gut, and that she thought it was pretty unethical and a big conflict of interest. Anyway, that’s just my two cents. If you’re not comfortable with your therapist, it kind of defeats the purpose of seeing her. There’s plenty out there. Find one that fits your needs.

[Notwendy]

HIPPA laws don't allow speaking about any client without permission. Unless she had consent from these family members to discuss them with you, she isn't able to.

It would make me uncomfortable- as I would question her professionalism and also, I wonder if she would talk about me to other people. I wouldn't want her speaking to other family members about me.

[No-One]

It sounds like a tricky situation for the therapist.  Although she may have a vow to hold things in confidence, I'm thinking she, also, has a duty to inform you of a possible conflict of interest.  In sharing the information about your family, she should have framed it in that context (possible conflict of interest for her).  I'd even want to know if someone in the mix is seeing someone else in the office, as I'd not want to have a surprise encounter in the office.

I agree with others, time to get a new therapist in a different office. 

[sweetheart]

Yes she breached confidentiality.
None of the information she disclosed to you should have been done so without consent to do so.
The only caveat is risk to self or others and that was not indicated here.

[Fie]

I am pretty certain this is considered breaking confidentiality.

This was only your first appointment. One of the most important things in the relationship with your T is trust. She already has shown you that this might be a problem for her.

If I were you, I would opt for another T. Better now than after investing a lot of time.

[Pilpel]

Yeah, I think it's a little weird that she shared so much information.  I really think it's a challenge to find a really good therapist/counselor.  A friend of mine recently had problems with a couples therapist who was seeing her and her ex separately and together.  This therapist would share validating negative opinions and things that the other said during separate sessions.  Years ago I sought a therapist.  Maybe one of the 6 that I saw was actually good. 

[Turkish]

Trust your gut.  A therapist relationship works best if you trust.  My mother went through seven therapists until she found one she could trust, but then she's BPD... .

My ex and I saw a couples counselor for one joint session.  She abandoned it after two single sessions with him.  I continued and spent an embarrassing amount of money for the next 2 years (and after for other issues).

I'm not sure if he broke confidentially,  and he hesitated on what he could tell me, but he said something like, "I asked [ex] is she trusted men.  She said 'no.'"

When I brought her back in Year 2 in order to get help dealing with D's likely molestation,  he asked her simply,  "were you molested?" She replied instantly,  "yes.  By my grandfather." That put a lot of things in perspective.  I had always suspected it,  but she denied it the one time I asked her (after she flipped out when then S3 went through a phase of kissing me on the mouth). I think that she was relived to tell someone,  and it was interesting that she did so in a room alone with two men.  She felt safe.

His sharing was selfishly helpful to me.  I continued the therapy. I got the feeling he might not of said that if he were still seeing her. 

In your case, this sounds like it makes you uncomfortable. No one here should tell you what to do,  but rather provide perspective to help you make the right decision for you. 

T

[CollectedChaos]

While I do agree with the others that this is definitely an issue with confidentiality, what I think is this:  If you are uncomfortable enough about it that you had to even ask this question here, it likely won't be a productive relationship with this particular T, regardless of whether it is truly a confidentiality breach or not.  If you don't trust your T, it will be near impossible to make positive progress in that setting.  If you're going to be worried about what other information she may give you inappropriately, or what she may share with others inappropriately, it's going to be really hard to open up.

Best of luck!

[ninjacat]

Thanks to everyone for the responses.  Before posting, I was already debating looking for another therapist because of this- my husband understood my concern and supported me but he just didn't seem as bothered by her sharing what she did.  I guess I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't overreacting.

It seems like it may be more of a process than I thought to find a good T. 

[Fie]

Well good on you to stick up to your values and draw boundaries.
That is already a big step in the process of looking for a T

[Pilpel]

I recently talked to a friend of mine.  A couple years ago she and her ex were in marriage counseling, couples and individual, with one therapist.  The therapist was sharing conversations and personal opinions during individual counseling sessions with my friend.  But then she discovered that she was also sharing conversations and personal opinions about her to the ex.  So keep that in mind.  If your therapist is wiling to share personal information about  your sister to you, she may be willing to share information about you to your sister.